Made a new friend...

LegacyUser

I know a girl, lets call her Y, through a group of friends I've known for a few years now. Up untill recently Y has been very much an aquaintance, nothing more, I barely said two words to her the whole time I'd known her. Nothing personal we just had very little in common, no shared interests, live miles away from each other, I'm in college, she works, I'm quite quiet and bookish, she prefers going out six nights a week. Basically the only thing we share is friends.

Now about six months ago my bf of five years left me. It was something I'd seen coming and it was honestly for the best. Very shortly after the break up I was out with this group of friends and ended up chatting to my ex. I was a bit upset after as it was the first time I'd been out with him since the break up. Y saw me and was very nice about the whole thing, promised to send me a text tomorrow to ask how I was. She took my number but never actually texted me.

Now just a month ago I get a message from Y telling me she's also single, her bf of two years has just ended it out of the blue. So I text her telling her I know how it feels etc, she can text me anytime and we should meet up for drinks soon. All well and good I think, no harm in getting to know her a bit better, or so I thought.

Since then the texts have been never ending, if I don't reply to one I'll get three or four more asking me where i've gone. She's consistantly asking me to come out for drinks, or to head out to her because she's bored. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with this, but I'm in the middle of exams and don't have a spare day untill they're over. I've told her this many many times but she still seems so put out and upset when I can't. If she was a very close friend I'd be willing to make the time but these exams are important and I couldn't even tell you what this girl's sir name is!

I've been trying my hardest to be nice to Y, to listen to her and offer any advice I have but she just wont take it. She refuses to stop seeing her ex, saying that all her friends are his friends, unfortunately they really are and she seems to have nobody else, which is why I'm hesistant to tell her to pfo. She constantly stays in his house, always hangs around him when they're out. The conversation constantly revolves around her and how hard she's finding it, how upset she is and how nobody is talking to her anymore. One girl in paticular has a lot going on at the moment, her parents are very unwell and Y just kept going about how hard things are after the break up. To top it off she keeps saying how amazing it'd be if I got back with my ex and she got back with hers... No matter how often I tell her I've no intrest in getting back with my ex.

Recently she's started asking me what I'm doing to celebrate end of exams, I've told her I'm not sure as of yet but whatever I'm doing she wants to come... I really don't know what to do. I'm trying to be nice to her but I really don't enjoy her company at all but I'm at a loss as two what to do...

unreggd

Tell her

If you let it go on it'll eventually come out anyways, most likely in a more harsh way, and it will hurt her more

You're not doing anything wrong

Just say you like your space

LegacyUser

dude ignore that guy who just posted, it would kill her for you to say that to her. i have very little ammount of friends and if i ever got the confidence to text or ring any of my old school friends and try to build a frienship back with one of them, i would prob kill myself if they said 'i dont think your an interesting person' maby if shes popular and stuff but if shes like me kinda shy then it will kill her.e think twice ok? maby shes a fun person u just need to see this

af_thefragile

Well, whatever you do, just don't get pressurised by this new friend of yours.
Remember its your life and live it your way. You don't have to go out with her or invite her anywhere if you aren't feeling too comfortable about it.

And well, if she's disturbing you with your exams you should just tell her you've got to study for your exams and so you really can't speak right now. Not being rude... just understanding...

LegacyUser

Sounds to me like the girl's a bit lonely. Probably used to having her bf around to talk to and confide in and now feels like she has no one. She probably really needs you at this time and I know it's hard for you but if you walk away then she could be left with no one. Could you suggest ways for her to get out there and meet new people?

unreggd

Unregistered wrote: »

*Up untill recently Y has been very much an aquaintance, nothing more
*Basically the only thing we share is friends.

Since then the texts have been never ending

if I don't reply to one I'll get three or four more asking me where i've gone

She's consistantly asking me to come out for drinks, or to head out to her because she's bored

Normally I wouldn't have a problem with this, but I'm in the middle of exams and don't have a spare day untill they're over. I've told her this many many times but she still seems so put out and upset when I can't.

If she was a very close friend I'd be willing to make the time but these exams are important and I couldn't even tell you what this girl's sir name is!

One girl in paticular has a lot going on at the moment, her parents are very unwell and Y just kept going about how hard things are after the break up.

To top it off she keeps saying how amazing it'd be if I got back with my ex and she got back with hers... No matter how often I tell her I've no intrest in getting back with my ex.

I'm trying to be nice to her but I really don't enjoy her company at all but I'm at a loss as two what to do...

anidea wrote: »

i would prob kill myself if they said 'i dont think your an interesting person'

Are you takin the piss?

Regarding the above posts:

The OP clearly doesnt enjoy this girl's company

She sounds like a needy drama queen who thinks about noone but herself
And she only hears/does what she wants [re: the OP giving advice]

It's not the OP's responsibility to entertain this girl, esp when she's in the middle of exams, and she doesnt enjoy her company

King of Kings

she's prob a bit lonely after the break up - you don't mention the relationship status of the others in the group. Perhaps you are the only single person and therefore seen as the most available

It happened to me when I split with my wife I realised I had time on my hands and most of my friends were married with kids and hadn't much time for socialising so i spent more time at my hobbies and added to my circle of friends. It quite natural thing.

You seem upset about her hanging out with her ex...she's not the 1st person to do that mistake.

you should be polite and let her know that you are studying for exams, under stress want 1st class degree etc....and you'll have plenty of time afterwards for heading out.

billysbones

Unregistered wrote: »

I know a girl, lets call her Y, through a group of friends I've known for a few years now. Up untill recently Y has been very much an aquaintance, nothing more, I barely said two words to her the whole time I'd known her. Nothing personal we just had very little in common, no shared interests, live miles away from each other, I'm in college, she works, I'm quite quiet and bookish, she prefers going out six nights a week. Basically the only thing we share is friends.

Now about six months ago my bf of five years left me. It was something I'd seen coming and it was honestly for the best. Very shortly after the break up I was out with this group of friends and ended up chatting to my ex. I was a bit upset after as it was the first time I'd been out with him since the break up. Y saw me and was very nice about the whole thing, promised to send me a text tomorrow to ask how I was. She took my number but never actually texted me.

Now just a month ago I get a message from Y telling me she's also single, her bf of two years has just ended it out of the blue. So I text her telling her I know how it feels etc, she can text me anytime and we should meet up for drinks soon. All well and good I think, no harm in getting to know her a bit better, or so I thought.

Since then the texts have been never ending, if I don't reply to one I'll get three or four more asking me where i've gone. She's consistantly asking me to come out for drinks, or to head out to her because she's bored. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with this, but I'm in the middle of exams and don't have a spare day untill they're over. I've told her this many many times but she still seems so put out and upset when I can't. If she was a very close friend I'd be willing to make the time but these exams are important and I couldn't even tell you what this girl's sir name is!

I've been trying my hardest to be nice to Y, to listen to her and offer any advice I have but she just wont take it. She refuses to stop seeing her ex, saying that all her friends are his friends, unfortunately they really are and she seems to have nobody else, which is why I'm hesistant to tell her to pfo. She constantly stays in his house, always hangs around him when they're out. The conversation constantly revolves around her and how hard she's finding it, how upset she is and how nobody is talking to her anymore. One girl in paticular has a lot going on at the moment, her parents are very unwell and Y just kept going about how hard things are after the break up. To top it off she keeps saying how amazing it'd be if I got back with my ex and she got back with hers... No matter how often I tell her I've no intrest in getting back with my ex.

Recently she's started asking me what I'm doing to celebrate end of exams, I've told her I'm not sure as of yet but whatever I'm doing she wants to come... I really don't know what to do. I'm trying to be nice to her but I really don't enjoy her company at all but I'm at a loss as two what to do...

My advice is to tell that neurotic drama queen to leave you alone. There is no point in wasting your time humouring a self centred, selfish pest who does not understand that the world does not soley revolve around herself.
Do yourself a favour and get tough, you dont need people like that in your life when clearly you have enough constructive pursuits to deal with yourself. Believe me, nothing good comes of feeding attention to an attention seeker.