Help with Access Agreement

caffeinecrazie

I have been seperated from my ex for over two years now, we were never married. We have one daughter together and when we first split up we made an agreement that he would see our daughter every weekend. This only lasted a short while as he would often change the days agreed to suit his lifestyle and refuse to see our daughter if he thought I had plans to try and ruin them (even though it never did as I would rather be with my daughter than not).

He then asked to change the agreement to every other weekend so he would time for himself. I agreed and still the constant changing of days to suit him happened, and if ever I disagreed with changing the days, as he often did it last minute leaving our daughter wondering what was happening, he would claim I was refusing to allow him access to HIS child and start making me out to be the bad one.

Anyway he has been away for quite sometime and not seen our daughter at all (because of his job). During this time I have moved 300km away from where I used to live as I have been offered a great job and the area is a million times better than where we lived before and certainly a better place to rear my daughter.

He has now come back and wants to arrange access but now he is saying we do it properly by either going to court or getting a proper agreement through a solicitor, which I am all for, however I wanted to find out if he is right regarding travelling.

He has said that he may agree to seeing her every other week but I am responsible for all the travelling and have to bring our daughter to him as I drive and he doesn't. He is insisting that if I dont agree to everything he wants, he will go to court and ask for every week and I will have to bring her up to him and will get it all his own way as he has spoken to other men in the same situation and that is what they got and I'm the one who decided to move so it is my responsibility.


My question is, has anyone had any experience with access when there is such a big travelling distance involved? Who is responsible for the travelling? I am quite willing to share the responsibility and do half of it but not all, I cannot afford it and a 6 hour round trip for my daughter every week isnt fair either. Plus if he asks for her to stay over I will be expected to do the drive twice, to drop her off and collect her.

Any advice?

nesf

You really should talk to a legal professional about this, I'll leave the thread open so people can share any common experiences with you but I'd strongly recommend speaking to a professional.

caffeinecrazie

I am seeing a solicitor that is next week, I dont want definate legal advice just thought someone would of had experience regarding access over such a distance between parents and what to expect etc.

Dfens

caffeinecrazie wrote: »

He has said that he may agree to seeing her every other week but I am responsible for all the travelling and have to bring our daughter to him as I drive and he doesn't. He is insisting that if I dont agree to everything he wants, he will go to court and ask for every week and I will have to bring her up to him and will get it all his own way as he has spoken to other men in the same situation and that is what they got and I'm the one who decided to move so it is my responsibility.

I agree with above poster, you should talk to a solicitor or maybe Citizens Information might be helpful.
From reading your post I wouldn't worry too much about his court threats for visitation rights. I mean in one instance the guy is saying 'he may agree to seeing her every other week' and in another that 'he will go to court and ask for every week' - doesn't quite add up in my book. Added to that, the fact that he hasn't really taken his existing access rights all that seriously & seems to be using it as a means to get back at you.
If someone really wants to do something they will find a way....even if it is to learn how to drive, there are also other means of transport too - bus, train.

What age is your daughter? How will weekly or fortnightly trips of 6 hours duration shunting her around the country between parents impact her, surely this is something you and your Ex must take into account. As for who is responsible for the travelling, I would say both unless there is a very valid reason (disability etc.) - it took 2 to bring your daughter into this world, so responsibilities to that child should be split. You could always say to him that if it goes to court & that you are to be doing all the travel that you will be asking for costs to cover this.

Redbhoy

Hello,

I know of a chap who is in a similar situation. The ex lives approx 200 miles away with the child. He gets the child every 2nd weekend. And they have to alternate the travel arrangements. i.e He collects one time and the next time she drops the child up.