Father refuses access of child to mother...

LegacyUser

Ok I brought this up a few weeks ago so some may remember but situation has altered.

7 year says he doesn't want to come back to me, his mum, after access with his dad (50:50 no court order, never marreid) for various reasons but I think mostly when he meet a new bf for second time & things just kicked off. Dad goes along with this. His real motives are hard to figure out.
Child's behaviour has been very difficult, hard to cope, begged father to help, that child needed help. I slapped him once and shouted the odd time and child feel down stairs while throwing a tantrum (not good parenting I know but very stressed with behaviour). I knew I needed help parenting him and with his behaviour. Example kicking, hitting mother and walls, doors, banging head of wall once. Calling mother ****er, stupid, I hate you, I want another mother, you're trying to kill me. Tells father that he wants to be in heavan rather than be here apparently. Bit withdrawn, sometimes not wanting to go out with his friends, general sullen, difficult behaviour, sarcastic back talk. Hard to believe he was only 7 at times but he is very clever.

I got him in to Rainbows back in March before things got difficult so perhaps it has brought things up in his mind - especially if we do find out he has a mental health issue. I have bi-polar disorder and as this is hereditary there is always a possibility of this. They found his behaviour a bit difficult too, another person was needed to control things in his group but all was well at school. When I told his dad, very distressed, that things were wrong all he said was he was fine in his house and implied I couldn't look after him etc etc. He only became concerned with the morbid thoughts which he suddenly mentioned a couple of weeks ago and at this stage I had gone to GP for a phychiatric evaluation and seeked legal advice over access.

We have 2 issues here. Problems with child which need addressing asap and a father who decides to take law in to his hands and, in his own words, make himself the child's 'social worker and protector' (he said this in front of a GP).

He would not agree to the phychiatric evaluation (doctor spoke to him/us for a long time but would not agree) but my solicitor spoke to his solicitor and he has apparently said he will bring back form to GP by Tuesday. (2 weeks of time wasting at this stage). GP told us she will call in social care if he does not agree - which is great as then at least I know something is being done. He has also brought child to a phychologist but did not inform me of time as I asked etc. so that I could go too. At the end of the day we have a child who does not want to come, needs help as I do (and his dad) and is being aliented at this stage and my main concern is getting him help.

My ex texted me on Wednesday to say my ds did not want to come. News to me as son came back fine the week before and I thought thank God we were making progress even if things were difficult. We even had some fun and I saw my son giggling and playing games with me. I told him I was picking him up from school as normal and we couldn't let this happen,son is just calling the shots - if son does not want to brush his teeth his dad doesn't make him so as not to uspet him. He turned up at the school to take son. He asked our son outside the school gate did he 'want to go to mammy or daddy...' made him chose, I could see my son was a bit taken confused. How could he do that to a child? I had to walk away as I did not want to upset my child further on the street. Going to court now is the only option. What he did was unforgivable and also makes one wonder what state his mind is in. He did threaten to sue for sole custody couple years ago via solicitor.

Basically he is calling the shots as he has our son. I don't want to do anything to make me look agressive and I don't want my son to witness or hear anymore things. So I have to wait until Tuesday to try and get some time with him. I also think his father needs help too and as much as my son needs help his relationship with his father must be destroyed either.

Has anybody, man or woman, being in similar situation? As you can imagine my heart is broken but I must be strong and be logical and do what will have the right outcome for my son.

LegacyUser

To OP..that's awful for you, as a parent myself I hope you are ok.
Your ex is very manipulative(sp?) and that little child must be so confused by it all. No wonder he had a tantrum.
Have you thought about collecting child early from school...for the dentist perhaps..and say nothing til you arrive cos you got fitted in because of a cancellation at the dentist?
My kids can have toothache after the dentist....might need to stay home couple days after.
I would try anything to keep shared custody (divorced,50:50 custody)..and my ex knows it.