Honest or unrealistic

I answered a tread early about Internet dating and then i remembered something.

when i started internet dating i couldn't think what to write so i looked at few profiles to see what others write. This always stuck in my mind so i was wondering what would ye all make of this.

If you were a man and you saw a woman's profile and it said

I'm in my 30Th's and i want too meet a man in his 30Th's who is over 6 foot tall is dark, has all his hair , educated to at least bachelor level, has a good career, has never been married and doesn't have children, is looking for long term commitment.

Then she added please don't get in touch if this is not you as i don't want too wast anyone time.

what struck me at the time was how there was nothing about kindness or manners or a good heart thing id want in someone

so as i said is it honest or unrealistic?

CoachBoone

Not being a snob but man, I find some of those profiles so grim.

"has all his own hair, educated to bachelor level". Is that the reality of online dating?

I'd imagine though if I was into the whole online dating thing, a profile that made me laugh would instantly pique my interest.

Earthhorse

mariaalice wrote: »

so as i said is it honest or unrealistic?

Both.

Piste

Seeems to be more honest than unrealistic. Perhaps this woman is well used to internet dating and has come across people who describe themselves in glowing terms but turn out to be pretty uggo. If you don't want a man who is bald, uneducated or has kids then you might as well be honest about it from the start.

Piste

Piste wrote: »

Seeems to be more honest than unrealistic. Perhaps this woman is well used to internet dating and has come across people who describe themselves in glowing terms but turn out to be pretty uggo. If you don't want a man who is bald, uneducated or has kids then you might as well be honest about it from the start.

I don't think someone who has such a fixed idea about they want, is doing themselves any favours though.

CoachBoone

Being honest is all well and good, but its the structured, list ticking style of the profile that makes it pretty grim.

Where is the creativity? Or does that leave to much room for ambiguity? I don't know really.

Piste

I'd say most women don't want a bald, short, old, uneducated man. She probably could have phrased it a bit better if she wanted positive responses though.


Kinda like most men who internet-date probably wont want to be contacted by fat women, but few would have the balls to put "no fat chicks" on their profile.

CoachBoone

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't think someone who has such a fixed idea about they want, is doing themselves any favours though.

Agree 100%. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

So she wants someone who ticks all these boxes, meets all the criteria, which in fairness are pretty stringent so that wipes off a whole host of potential partners already and then she hopes they/her are able to fall in love which is also a pretty unlikely thing to happen.

Deluded much? It reeks of "settling".

Earthhorse

Piste wrote: »

I'd say most women don't want a bald, short, old, uneducated man.

What if he's bald, tall, young and educated? When you set up a list of prerequisites like that all it takes is one miss for someone to not get in touch.

Piste

I dunno, maybe she'd like him then, I can't speak for her!



I always got he impression that internet dating was a sort of last resort, like people try college, then work, then clubs, then they join some sort of night course (you know your typical PI post "no-one likes me, I've tried college, work, clubs and courses now I'm thinking of internet dating". So maybe she should lower her standards a bit. Can't blame her for at least trying though!

I'lllearnye

The woman who posted that obviously knows what she wants, unfortunately she probably won't get what she wants because she's looking for it in a business-like manner.
I joined a dating website. There's no point in saying 'I want'. You have to put yourself out there and say 'This is what I can give'. Same in a pub or a bar.

Piste, I joined a dating website because I got tired of chatting up men in bars only to find out (after asking them, they never volunteered the info!) that they had a girlfriend or were married. Another hour of baby making with the right man wasted! ; )

Earthhorse

Piste wrote: »

I dunno, maybe she'd like him then, I can't speak for her!

I know yeah, what I'm saying is that her approach to finding what she wants is more than likely counter-productive.

metaoblivia

I agree with I'lllearnye. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want, but when it comes to Internet dating, it's more about showing what you have to offer. Simply put, there's not too many ways to make a list of "don't wants" without it coming across as cold/arrogant/not open to meeting new people. You may even risk scaring off a guy who fits your criteria.
I would focus your profile more on who you are, instead of what specifically you're looking for. Sure, you'll get solicitations from men you have absolutely no interest in. But that's life. You ignore them or let them down gently and focus your attention on the ones that do interest you.

LightningBolt

In fairness to the woman who posted it up she's probably posted ads up before and has a ton of messages from guys that are only out for the one thing. She knows what she wants, granted she comes off very authorative in how she describes what type of guy she wants. Who knows, some bloke may actually like that.

SeekUp

To me, the whole situation is kind of like saying,

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Well, I'd really like a warm goat cheese salad, followed by wild salmon with a maple glaze served with rice pilaf and sauteed spring vegetables, followed by a triple chocolate mousse cake, with just a drizzle of raspberry syrup."

"How about we order pizza?"

"Sounds good."

If you have nothing in front of you, you can go on and on about what you really want; but when you're presented with specific options, sometimes you'd be just as happy. It's hard to present yourself that way when filling out an online dating profile though -- what do you say? Tall but not educated okay, but overweight with a higher degree not acceptable?

I guess I find it honest . . . and unrealistic at the same time . . . but it's more an issue caused by the medium. I mean, I've no problem with online dating (I did it in college!), but it seems that you often find someone "suitable" more by trial and error than filling out a form in 10 minutes and having the right fit come to you.

994

mariaalice wrote: »

I'm in my 30Th's and i want too meet a man in his 30Th's who is over 6 foot tall is dark, has all his hair , educated to at least bachelor level, has a good career, has never been married and doesn't have children, is looking for long term commitment.

Pretty high standards. I ain't saying she's a gold-digga, but she ain't messin' with no college dropouts without "good careers".



"Sorry Mr. Darcy, you're more like 5'10. And 'landowner' isn't exactly a career. And I think your hairline's receding a bit on the sides."

Gyalist

mariaalice wrote: »

If you were a man and you saw a woman's profile and it said

I'm in my 30Th's and i want too meet a man in his 30Th's who is over 6 foot tall is dark, has all his hair , educated to at least bachelor level, has a good career, has never been married and doesn't have children, is looking for long term commitment.

Then she added please don't get in touch if this is not you as i don't want too wast anyone time.

so as i said is it honest or unrealistic?

I'd say that she's American.

gosh, mr darcy is so *swoon* :o

*cough*
ahem yeah anyway, maybe she's one of those "I need a man and a baby quick, not fecking around with my time anymore" people
I think she could have gone about it a better way but no harm in honesty

Khannie

The first thing I thought was "who in their right mind (and who fits all of those ridiculous pre-requisites) is gonna read that ad and think 'you sound like the kind of woman I want' ".

Not a soul alive.

dianababyddori

Piste wrote: »

Seeems to be more honest than unrealistic. Perhaps this woman is well used to internet dating and has come across people who describe themselves in glowing terms but turn out to be pretty uggo. If you don't want a man who is bald, uneducated or has kids then you might as well be honest about it from the start.

i think yeah maybe shes used to online dating like he says

but also if shes in her 30s... she probably doesnt want to waste anytime on stupid men when she can find someone whos nice, suits her needs and threats her well.

PK2008

.................bald, unemployed/uneducated men with at least 9 inches will also be considered

phic

Doesn't really seem that unrealistic to me? And some people find brutal honesty refreshing....I hope!

zoology lady

Hmm, I totally understand where's she coming from! I mean we all have certain limits/standards a set criteria. For instance I won't date a guy who's shorter than 6'. I know it sounds shallow I know, I've tried dating men under that height and it made me physically uncomfortable.
However I think she could have said it in nicer way or with humour. Or possibly waited until she got replies and then weed through them.

CoachBoone

Khannie wrote: »

The first thing I thought was "who in their right mind (and who fits all of those ridiculous pre-requisites) is gonna read that ad and think 'you sound like the kind of woman I want' ".

Not a soul alive.

I'd imagine he'd see it and think:

" 'you sound like the kind of woman. I want!!' "

~nop~

Sure god loves a tryer.
And if it doesn't work out for her, it's only the internet. She possibly has many different profiles with different profiles. Maximise her potential possibilities and all that.

GirlInterrupted

mariaalice wrote: »

Then she added please don't get in touch if this is not you as i don't want too wast anyone time.

I wonder if anyone out there actually fits her requirements.

And if they do, I wonder if they'll be interested in replying to a woman who offers nothing in return for meeting her extensive shopping list of demands.