Odd Situation

LegacyUser

Ok, so I have decided I want to break up with my girlfriend. Its not a rash desicion as they though first came into my mind 2/3 weeks ago. It has been my longest relationship and if I could keep it going I would. She has just changed to put it simply. more distant, starting fights, too busy, always moaning and complaining.
But for those rare moments that go right they go very right! I love that, I loved the start of our relationship and how we used to be. I tried my best recently to get things back on track but it doesn't seem like she is on the same level. A simple change of attitude on her behalf would flip this situation around. We even talked about it and agreed to do something about it but the next day it was back to square one. She is in my class in college so I want to stay friends(easier said than done I know).
The thing is tho I still want to be with her. It sounds silly but my head says go but my heart says stay. Anybody been in a similar situation? Thanks, Im just looking for advice and peoples experiences.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel, as I was in a similar situation myself. It was a 2 year relationship and everything was perfect until he just seemed to suddenly change he became more distant and not his usual happy fun self. The situation got me really down and I jus could not handle it anymore so we ended up breaking up. The thing is I think now that it was a big mistake as I miss him and still am in love with him. The thing is people do change and it can be hard to accept, however maybe there is still a chance there. Fair play for trying to get things back to the way they were before instead of giving up. Maybe instead of ending it completely give yourselves a bit of a break from each other, you will soon see if it is worth hanging on to.

I hope it all works out for you!

LegacyUser

Hey op here,

Yeah a break might not be a bad idea. I'll probably give it a try

Thanks

Futurecrook

OP, I was in a similar relationship to you in my last relationship. Everything just turned sour and as you said, when it was good it was still very good but mostly we were fighting and couldnt get things back on track. We tried to fix our relationship but unfortunately we had both changed so much that we weren't the same people we had been when we first got together. It wasn't for lack of trying but we really just could not get back to how things had been before and had to go our seperate ways. It hurt like hell at the time because we both so desperately wanted things to go back to the way they had been, and neither of us wanted it to end, but it was best for both of us.

There's only so much you can do to save a relationship. If she's not pulling her weight and you're the only one trying to change then I'm sorry but it's not going to work.

Have you talked to her and made it clear that if things don't change that you want to end it? Could she be going through a hard time at the moment? Is there anything bothering her at home or anything like that? If you do have to walk away at least do it knowing you have tried your best to resolve everything.

LegacyUser

Op again,

She does have a few things on her mind yeah. I might wait till they blow over. I dont wanna go into details here,

Thanks guys the advice is helping

LegacyUser

Well if shes got things going on that could well be it, When people have things on their mind or are stressed out it does tend to affect their behaviour especially towards the people they are closest to.So I wreckin maybe just give her a bit of time and space and things may sort themselves out. Sometimes you have to just listen to your heart!
I am starting to think that I should have come here for advice when I needed it but now its a little too late for me.

LegacyUser

Futurecrook wrote: »

OP, I was in a similar relationship to you in my last relationship. Everything just turned sour and as you said, when it was good it was still very good but mostly we were fighting and couldnt get things back on track. We tried to fix our relationship but unfortunately we had both changed so much that we weren't the same people we had been when we first got together. It wasn't for lack of trying but we really just could not get back to how things had been before and had to go our seperate ways. It hurt like hell at the time because we both so desperately wanted things to go back to the way they had been, and neither of us wanted it to end, but it was best for both of us.

I'm going through something similar myself at the moment and my god it hurts Unfortunately it's dragging out our break up for weeks now and it's utterly horrendous. I'd love to just run away

Futurecrook

Unregistered wrote: »

Op again,

She does have a few things on her mind yeah. I might wait till they blow over. I dont wanna go into details here,

Thanks guys the advice is helping

Well, speaking from experience of being the person with other issues going on, I'd say give her a bit more time. I suffered a bereavement and understandably enough, wasn't in the right state of mind to try to fix my own relationship. You could be amazed at how things might turn around if you give her a chance to work through her own issues first.

But again, you will know yourself if it's too much for you or you feel thing's just aren't going to change and only you can decide when/if you want to walk. It's tough on both your parts, I know that. I hope it works out for you one way or another.

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm going through something similar myself at the moment and my god it hurts Unfortunately it's dragging out our break up for weeks now and it's utterly horrendous. I'd love to just run away

I'm sorry to hear that and I know taht feeling all too well. As I've said to the OP, only you yourself will know when/if you should walk. In my own experience though a clean break is easier on both parties involved. I got tangled up in that whole breakup/back together/break up/back together/state of limbo experience and it does not leave you in a healthy state afterwards.

LegacyUser

Futurecrook wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear that and I know taht feeling all too well. As I've said to the OP, only you yourself will know when/if you should walk. In my own experience though a clean break is easier on both parties involved. I got tangled up in that whole breakup/back together/break up/back together/state of limbo experience and it does not leave you in a healthy state afterwards.

Thanks. Yeah it's absolutely gutting. We "amicably" broke up but then stayed in contact, flirted with the idea of getting back together but he has decided that it would be a bad idea. Unfortunately that means our breakup has dragged out for weeks and I never really started the healing process. Reality only hit yesterday and I'm gutted coz I'm still in love with him. It's gona be a tough few weeks.

I guess it's slightly comforting to know I'm certainly not the first to go through this but it's still heart wrenching.


OP, think honestly what you want to do and then as futurecrook says, I think a clean break is best