Guilt after sex/masturbation

nxblues

Hi there,

I was in the gay/bi/lesbian thread earlier on and saw something that was rather interesting and i wanted to know if it occurs with hetrosexual men like it does for homosexuals.

After masturbation or sex does anyone feel a sense of guilt? Like they feel almost pathetic and ashamed of what they have done?

I am a gay man and still feel like scum after i do it. I admit i have a very low libido and have suffered from mental depression and therefore do not masturbate or have sex a lot. I just wanted to know if this is an overall male problem or one that solely rests in gay men.

It could be religious guilt, sexual confusion, mental illness or something else. I'm open to hearing anyone who might experience this. Cheers.

bringitdown

When I was younger and more 'impressionable' (read still had unreasonable doubt from my catholic upbringing) I did.

Now generally I have a smiley / happy feeling - before, during and after!

So I guess my point is religious guilt could have something to do with it ... but its nothing to be ashamed of.

Taltos

Snap when I was younger and was still stained by the Catholic ethos.

Much better and happier now as a proclaimed Agnostic.

Cannot speak to what is triggering you, could be anything even some small comment when you were a kid that stuck in the back of your mind.
Next time you feel that washing over you try to laugh and move your thoughts to something else - like depression - guilt is it's own friend - ie it will feed itself if you allow it to.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Sometimes feel a bit guilty that I could have put the time to better use.

Galvasean

There is nothing to be ashamed of in giving yourself a bit of sexual gratification. It's not harming anyone. It's your own business and no one elses. If it feels good do it.

Nevyn

Do you have issues and guilt about your sexuality?

PeakOutput

it dosnt affect me personally or any male friends i know i have heard females talk about it though and refer to it as 'the catholic shame'

Flyboy!!!

nxblues wrote: »

I am a gay man and still feel like scum after i do it. I admit i have a very low libido and have suffered from mental depression and therefore do not masturbate or have sex a lot. I just wanted to know if this is an overall male problem or one that solely rests in gay men.

I think it's Religious guilt. I started reading the Bible a few years ago and the amount of passages that vilify nudity, sex and sexuality is sickening. We've been a staunchly Catholic country for years and personally I think problems like your's stem from Religious doctrine and teachings. The Bible outdated and if read with a modern perspective, a lot of the material is reprehensible and sickening. You should not feel guilt or any ill feelings for any solitary actions or actions between consenting partners, multiple or otherwise so long as they are detrimental or harmfull to anyone else.

You know in your heart of hearts what's bad for your soul, give the Bible a read with this in mind and see if you agree with any of my points. If you're leaning towards agreeing with the Bible, you've got issues and would be better seeking professional advice. We're talking a book where God condones incest between Lott and his Daughters but murders a man for pulling out of his dead Brother's Wife and spilling his seed on the ground. You should go enjoy yourself, be who you are and not be ashamed about it.

Food for thought:

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/

topper75

Flyboy!!! wrote: »

If you're leaning towards agreeing with the Bible, you've got issues and would be better seeking professional advice.

If you are insisting that everyone comply with your take on religion, you've got issues and would be better seeking professional advice.

The Bible has a been a huge source of help for people but that is inconvenient to your drive to get everyone to view religion as you do. Evangelical atheism is laughable.

Flyboy!!!

topper75 wrote: »

If you are insisting that everyone comply with your take on religion, you've got issues and would be better seeking professional advice.

The Bible has a been a huge source of help for people but that is inconvenient to your drive to get everyone to view religion as you do. Evangelical atheism is laughable.

No I don't insist but it is obvious, IMHO. By it's very nature as a Religious doctrine, you can only agree or disagree with the Bible. You cannot be a 25%, 50% or 75% Catholic, Jew, Muslim and I'm sure there are plenty of other Religions that fall into that analysis too. If you think otherwise, you're in for a big shock when you get to your pearly gates or version of.

In saying that, there are many passages in there that stand on their own as solid moral advice. As whole, like many legal systems, when one part falls, the rest comes tumbling down. The Bible is just jam packed with such instances. Murder, infanticide, incest, gambling, mind control, they're all in there condoned by the Lord our Father at one point or another along with many more such nasty practices.

Yes I admit it's been a huge help to many in justifying genocide, sectarianism, rascism and of course discrimination against homosexuals, even their murder. I dunno about others but I don't need a book with a jealous Deity telling me the difference between right and wrong, I manage that well enough on my own. The problem with God is that he plays God and really, what the hell gives him the right to make a misery of people's lives such as our OP...?

Just to clarify, I don't believe in a Bible God. If he ever existed, he's probably long dead now.

Dardania

I agree with bringitdown and Taltos, and add that I also feel melancholy after an orgasm for physiological reasons...I'm sure it has something to do with all the chemicals swimming in the brain.

OP I hope you feel good in your own skin!

Abi

PeakOutput wrote: »

i have heard females talk about it though and refer to it as 'the catholic shame'

I had to pick up on this.. "Catholic shame".


Oh the ironing :rolleyes:

prinz

Flyboy!!! wrote: »

I started reading the Bible a few years ago and the amount of passages that vilify nudity, sex and sexuality is sickening. We've been a staunchly Catholic country for years and personally I think problems like your's stem from Religious doctrine and teachings. The Bible outdated and if read with a modern perspective, a lot of the material is reprehensible and sickening. You should not feel guilt or any ill feelings for any solitary actions or actions between consenting partners, multiple or otherwise so long as they are detrimental or harmfull to anyone else.

You know in your heart of hearts what's bad for your soul, give the Bible a read with this in mind and see if you agree with any of my points. If you're leaning towards agreeing with the Bible, you've got issues and would be better seeking professional advice.

What a load of rubbish. Save it for the A&A Forum buddy.

This issue is way too individual and personal for anyone to proffer a guess. We need more info.

Flyboy!!!

prinz wrote: »

What a load of rubbish. Save it for the A&A Forum buddy.

Go read the Bible.

KieranKennedy

I realise this may sound stupid but all I want after sex is more sex! I never feel guilty or anything after anything sexual, I usually just feel as if I need more sex as soon as possible!

randylonghorn

nxblues wrote: »

After masturbation or sex does anyone feel a sense of guilt? Like they feel almost pathetic and ashamed of what they have done?

No, I can honestly say that I have never felt the slightest guilt about masturbation at any age.

When I was a young nipper of about 7 or 8 I remember asking my mother what was this thing "sin"? Though I didn't realise it at the time, she wasn't the most religious person, at least in the traditional church-y sense, though she had her own faith, but she explained it like this to me: "If you're not hurting anyone else, and you're not hurting yourself, you're unlikely to be doing anything too wrong."

A good definition for a child, and do you know, I have found over the years that it still stands up to most occasions when I am trying to define for myself what is the "wrong" action in certain circumstances.

Looking at that very simple and straightforward definition, how is masturbation "wrong"?

On the other hand, it is enjoyable; certainly I find it good for my mental health, in that it relaxes and calms me; there is even research out there that suggests it is good for our physical health, and especially for the health of the prostate (re: males obviously!); etc., etc.

By the way, a few years after that my mother more or less encouraged me (indirectly and discreetly) to take up masturbation as a hobby. Ok, I'd more or less made that decision for myself anyway, but ... :pac:

I'm not sure to this day if her reasoning was that it was a normal part of an adolescent's development, and she didn't want me feeling guilty or paranoid, or was it simply because she was tired doing laundry as a result of my body taking care of the problem overnight anyway, and presumed I would be a bit tidier if awake!

Knowing my mother's ability to combine a strong ideological stance with a very practical approach to life, it was probably a combination of both factors!

While I don't feel guilt or see why anyone should, I am aware that some people do. I don't think it has anything to do with being straight or bi or gay tbh, though if you haven't come to the stage where you're comfortable with your sexuality, then it's likely that any sexual activity or even daydreaming you do will leave you feeling more or less uncomfortable.

I think for some people it does have to do with outmoded, almost Victorian, religious ideas. I don't remember masturbation being mentioned anywhere in the new testament, do you?

Even the old testament "sin of Onan" is widely misinterpreted, and many modern scholars would suggest the "sin" involved was not about masturbation at all, but about a refusal to obey his father and to follow established marriage practices.

Wow ... long answer!!

Short version: No, no guilt. No reason for guilt. Go, enjoy. Tidy up after yourself.

t-ha

^^^ plus your name is randylonghorn! You'ld be feeling guilty every time you introduced yourself.

Nevyn

t-ah banned for a week.
ok I am locking this thread at this point, if the op wants it re opened they can pm one of the PI mods.