Help I need your thoughts,advice

lostandlonely

Hi Folks I need your thoughts, advice or whatever you have to say about the matter no matter or cruel or kind it is.

I started going out with a girl last year who finished with her ex a few months previously after being with him for six years. Her ex from what I was told has an alcohol problem, and he abused her mentally and physically. Alcohol and substance abuse seemed to be rife in her area and was also a problem with some members of her family which as you know brings other problems. Living at home exposed her to this on a daily basis and added to her stress and worry. I never had to deal with situatios like that.

She told me this before we started dating just to warn me of the difficulties that may arise. When I met her her self esteem was down in her boots and to use her words she was "messed up in the head" over the lot of it. I really liked the girl and decided even with her difficulties to date her.

We dated and soon it turned into a full blown relationship. I treated her like a queen, showed her respect, love, affection and was there for her if she ever had any problems she wanted to talk about. She was in collage so as you know money does be tight so if she seen for example a nice dress in town I'd tell her to try it and if she really liked it and the fit was right I'd buy it for her. I seriously thought this was it and this was the one for me as I was madly in love with her and she was madly in love with me and made it obvious she was. It was like we were on the same wavelenght we were getting on like a house on fire It was unreal how well we were getting on.

Probably like every couple we did have the odd argument but often they were often started by her. She'd fly into a rage at me over something small and possibly not my fault but I got the brunt. I knew these were because of issiues from her previous relationship that would trigger them so I just let her have her rant and 15 minutes later she'd apoligize and everything would be hunky dory.

Things were going great until she bumped into a male "friend" that she said a few years earlier had a one night stand and she regretted it, it was a bad mistake because since all he wanted is to get in her underwear. She started texting and e-mailing him like there was no tomorrow and in my presence. What got me worried is when he rang and she was in the car with me, and she didn't want to tell him who she was with. I queired this and she said he was a bit unstable and if she told him he might commit self harm and she didn't want that on her head. Fair enough

I happened to see some of the e-mails and she was using langague that she used use with me, but I felt she had become withdrawn from me and basically seemed she gave more of a monkeys about him than me. Anyway It came to a head when she said she wanted a break, thinks she got involved in a relationship too soon and never got the chance to be single. Also the contact between her and the male friend stopped a week later for a reason

After the shock of this I contacted some members of her family in confidance to see did anything happen to her as I was concerened about her mental health, and they agreed that there was a depression issue that needed to be tackled but just give her time. From what I could see the family were taking a backseat and not giving her support. Time passed and we said we'd meet up to discuss things. The day we were suppost to meet she rang to say one of her siblings asked her to go out with her that night so I said fine we'll meet the day after.

The day after came and her sibling had spilled the beans to her about me contacting them so I got told to lump it. I contacted her a few days later to explain my case but was informed she was seeing someone else and reacently I've seen her on a dating site This is the same girl that preached about loyalty

Sorry for it being so long but nothing is straight forward with me. I know I should have walked out when the e-mailing of the male"friend" started But I think there was jelousy too on the siblings behalf of our relationship.

I'm in a mess over it I know its finished but I'm hurt I'm trying to move on. Should I sent her a ranting e- mail thinking what I think of what she has done and the way I see things? I seriosly think its becomeing a problem for me and that I need professional help with. I think I might be slipping into depression over it What do I do????? If you have any thoughts, suggestions, advice or further questions. I just want to get my head around it Why??? It's driving me insane

seanybiker

Why where you on the dating site yourself?


Give her time. I suffer from depression and go through some "mad stages" meself.
Maybe she got so much abuse in the past that she doesnt think she deserves you treating her so well.

Also, why where you looking at her emails? Maybe you came on a bit strong and pushed her away from you?
I could be wrong. Hope you sort it all out anyways. Best of luck whatever way it turns out.

LegacyUser

Hi, Im going through a similar situation myself, not the same but was seeing a girl for a few months that had similar problems re. last relationship
Like yourself we got on like a house on fire and were on the same wavelength(words she actually used)
Only thing is she was a bit more up front with me than your situation in that she told me straight up she was confused and mixed up and not ready for anything serious.....like a fool i kept pushing and i now fear i have pushed to far and she has more or less called the whole thing to a halt.
We still see eachother once a week or so but she says we should just be mates as she doesn't wanna lead me on....
Im mad about her and have told her as much so this hurts like hell, i know the only hope now is to give her time and space and hopefully something will change, i find it hard though as i wanna see her all the time and often crumble trying to contact her...
S can't really offer any advice but thought id empathise as alot of what you were saying sounded so familiar to me!

lostandlonely

Just to answer the questions Seaniebiker The reason I was on the dating site is I knew she was registered on it. I had a look on it few nights ago out of curiosity But I see she has a pic added. The way I was looking at her e-mails is often She'd ask me to check hers if she was away and expecting something important and even I know it sounds sad we checked our e-mails together when we were sitting at the computer. I was thinking about the "not deserving being treated well" thing but my arument is why doesn't see deserve to be traeted well Maybe some one might explain Thanks for your good wishes.

To the unregestered user my advice would be to give her space and dont contact her. Now that might not work but I'd say it might be your best shot If I knew then what I knew now thats what I would have done and it might have worked out But I think there might have beeen external influences in my situation Hope it works out for you I know it hurts like hell

happyoutscan

Don't do anything drastic like mad texts or emails, you are as well to maintain your composure as these won't get you anywhere. Breaking up is hard dude, all the best.