Lost

LegacyUser

im just out of a 4 year relationship. not my choice his. 2 say it was a shock is an understatement. i havent slept for more than a few hours at odd night since it happened 2 weeks ago the only time i do sleep is when um drinking but what comes with that is serious depression wat 2 do i'm lost

Overheal

Stop drinking for a start, and talk about it. Here, if you like.

snowy2008

firstly...step away from the bottle..alcohol is a depressant

secondly, what made him end it? did he give a reason?

Taltos

Yup - the drink always seems like a good idea - but it really is a depressant and in the long run you will feel worse for it, not just physically and emotionally but mentally too - while you are drinking you will not be dealing with how you are feeling properly.

As per the 1st reply - use the Boards to vent; or reach out to friends. After 4 yrs it is a bit of an uphill trek - just keep focussed on each day; and try to do things that you used to like doing before you got together - even something small - just to again find that you can be happy.

It will get better though - just keep focussed on that. Some days you might feel really down and other days really angry but when you find yourself getting like that do something fast to distract yourself - talk about why you are having those feelings so you can accept them and learn to deal with them.

There are loads here just willing to listen(read) without judgement so you are not alone.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
My ex ended our relationship of 4 years a few weeks ago and the feeling and shock and hurt is unbearable. I cried for a week and a half. But I'm starting to feel a bit better than I was, not totally ok but hopefully on the road to it.

Did your ex say why he wanted to call it quits? Sometimes it doesn't matter what the reason, the sudden absence of the other person is awful.

Is there anyone you can talk to? Drinking is not the answer, like the other posters said. I felt so down the first week I was about to go out drinking alone.

You should write down how you feel here because there are loads of other posters who have words of advice for you. Or if you feel like it write it down on a piece of paper or a book. The release of writing down your feelings is one I can recommend.

Cormb

Hello OP

Definitely talking to someone you trust or to anyone, might be a good start.

Try to be careful of drinking too much or doing so in a dangerous pattern - it might create difficulties later on down the line.
Regards
C

LegacyUser

Same position..out of a 3.5 year relationship that was rocky for past year..hard to get used to being alone again but get the support of friends and family..keep busy at work and join gym and walk etc..theres loads of living to be done...

LegacyUser

I got out of a 3 year relationship last year, his choice too, and completely out of the blue. It's very hard, there's no doubting that, but you need to do things that make you feel good. Go to the hairdressers, get a new look, go to the beautician, go shopping. Get to the gym or start a sport (eg. tag rugby, lots of guys at that to keep your mind off the ex). Sport will get the happy hormones flowing. Go on long walks to tire yourself out/get those happy hormones flowing. The vitamin B complex is supposed to be good for stress, I started taking it (not medical advice) when I was going through the breakup to help calm me down. I also took valerium (health food shop) to help me sleep. It's a natural herb. Talk to your friends. A year down the road, I'm much happier, and I realise that the breakup was good for me, even if I really really really didn't think so at the time. Try to lay off the booze as other posters said, it's a depressant, and it'll just mess your head up even more.

maidie

Hi Op

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and you will be fine, it just takes time and it could be a long time. Keep as busy as you can , catch up with friends, Whatever you do don't go putting him on a pedestal because in a while when you are over the break up you will be sorry. Its very true about sports, running etc, makes you feel more positive about yourself too;)