Advice needed

LegacyUser

Hi Guys
I went out with this girl two years ago and she finished it with me. Then two years on i.e. last September she broke up with her boyfriend of a year and a half cos he cheated on her. Then in October i was out in a night club and she came up to me and started kissing me so we started txting and up to now we have neen in constant contact everyday by txt and we see each other a few times a week. Right heres where the problem is for me anyway! I ve asked here out twice in the last eight months and she said shes not ready for a relationship after whats happened to her but she wants to keep seeing me.

So we have gone away on weekends away done things together like going to the cinema etc. I really like hanging out with her and i think she does too. The thing is we dont kiss that often we usually do when were drunk but when were sober we rarely kiss. I have slept with her three times and its ok . Shes the first girl ive ever done it with and she has slept with someone before and i feel under pressure with her. I feel like i do all the work when we do sleep together and find it hard to keep it up and she just rolls over and says its fine and i feel like **** then.

She blows hot and cold with me when were out in public together sometimes holding my hand othertimes not.Ive caught her checking my phone a few times as well to see if im txting any other girls yet she acts like she doesnt care and gets mad on nites out if girls who i went to school with etc who she doesnt know come up and talk to me. Im mad about her and love her but im all confused as to what her feelings are to me.

She told me she cheated on her old boyfriend once ie she kissed another fella and this has being wrecking my head cos im afraid when shes on nites out with the girls she could be kissing other fellas. Her old boyfriend is also emailing her since december looking to get back with her and shes being ignoring him but he wont go away he keeps sending emails. I love her but i dont know what to do.

All advice greatly appreciated at this stage cos my heads wrecked every day for the past few months

bronte

Honestly? Tell her to cop on or drop her.
I think she knows what she's doing, and she's dragging you along because she knows she can.
She has NO right to check your phone OR go mad when other girls approach you.
SHE'S the one who won't commit.

Ask her once and for all where you stand with her.

If it's not what you want, move on.

I Hate seeing people going through this.

Good luck op.

seanybiker

Seems to me she wants her cake and eat it to.

She wont commit to you but will get jealous when other girls talk to you.
I presume you pay for the weekends away and the cinema etc? Sounds like she is taking ya for a ride to be honest. I could be wrong though, just my opinion.

Brimmy

bronte wrote: »

Honestly? Tell her to cop on or drop her.
I think she knows what she's doing, and she's dragging you along because she knows she can.
She has NO right to check your phone OR go mad when other girls approach you.
SHE'S the one who won't commit.

Ask her once and for all where you stand with her.

If it's not what you want, move on.

I Hate seeing people going through this.

Good luck op.

This is the best advice you will recieve.

Drumpot

bronte wrote: »

Honestly? Tell her to cop on or drop her.
I think she knows what she's doing, and she's dragging you along because she knows she can.
She has NO right to check your phone OR go mad when other girls approach you.
SHE'S the one who won't commit.

Ask her once and for all where you stand with her.

If it's not what you want, move on.

I Hate seeing people going through this.

Good luck op.

Double agreed . . Just posting to back this up . . Mate you are better then this . . Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the obvious thing . .

All your comments are about what "she" wants or says . . .

Tell her what you want and see what "she" says . .

Unfortunatly love is blind buddy so dont expect to find the answers you wished you would hear ! !

Flyboy!!!

Is this for real...? Can one guy be so used and walked all over yet not know it...? If she doesn't want a relationship with you but still wants to see you, sure that's fine, just tell her she can keep seeing you til you find someone else who does want a relationship. Dude, respect yourself coz she never will untill you do. Best learn that soon or you'll regret it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys. The thing is i know what ye are saying is right but im mad about her and its hard.I dont think shes fully over her old boyfriend to be honest im only twenty four and shes twenty one and they were engaged for six months before they split up. The thing is my confidence is low now and i dont think i will find anyone as good looking as her again. Girls come up to me on nights out with the lads and i wont kiss them etc cos i feel im in a relationship at this stage. I just cant figure her out she acts like she doesnt care but if she hears about me even talking to another girl she goes all moody on me. Shes gone and booked a hotel away for my Birthday now as well in july and im really confused cos i thought she was getting fed up of me. Ive tried to talk to her about whats happening and she gets all defensive and says she doesnt want a fight says im putting pressure on her or tries to change the subject. Her friend says all shes doing is trying to keep me on my toes but after eight months im getting tired. She flirts with my friends sometimes when we are on nights out together to try make me jealous and i dont like it. But i still love her!

bronte

She's stringing you along!
Offering little temptations like booking hotels for your b-day, then blowing hot and cold and wrecking your head.
Listen, NOBODY who cares about you will mess with your emotions and mind, disrespect you openly (flirting with your friends??) and treat you like a plaything. You posted here because you know it's not fair!
I realize you have feelings for this girl op, but she will only respect you when you respect yourself.

Tell her it's all or nothing.
If you walked away from her now, you'd be amazed at how quickly she'll come running after you.
I've seen too many male friends and my poor brother subjected to this kind of behaviour time and time again, and I just don't understand why girls do it. I am a girl by the way!
You will end up being very angry about this if you don't get it sorted soon.
Save yourself the heartache. If her feelings for you are genuine, you'll find out soon enough.

Wurly

And you're putting up with all this why??

You have to know you're being treated like sh1t here.

Cut contact and find someone who'll treat you properly.

You know deep down this isn't right. You wouldn't have posted here otherwise.

You know what you have to do.

I know you love her. But you have to love yourself more and not put up with this.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

This reached a finale the other night. We went out for my Birthday in a group. She had been off with me for the two days up to it.I met her and her friends in the nightclub she hardly said happy birthday to me. I went up to her later on in the nite and said what was wrong she started crying and said she wasnt ready for a relationship and thought she was with me and just wants to be on her own for a while.Im in bits