Worth Waiting for???

LegacyUser

I'll try to be brief, basically ive met a girl and fallen hard for her, we get on really well have a laugh etc. and all is good. The thing is that about 6 months ago she came out of a long 5 yr relationship and said from the start that she wasn't ready for anything serious. I've asked her a couple of times whether I was wasting my time and she said no.
That was fine I really dig her so was willing to give her the space she needed.
Now the thing is that nothing really happens when we're sober it's only after a few drinks that we ever get close, she has said that she likes me, and im not wasting my time!!
We have spent time together without alcohol also gone for walks etc. and we still get on really well, what worries me is that we never even kiss on these occasions.
Now i am still willing to give her time and space for as long as she needs but the thing is i've tried to back off recently and even though we are still in more or less daily contact, i notice no that she takes longer to answer txts etc.
What i really wanna know now is should i give up the fight or keep plugging away hoping that something happens...she has told me to be with other people and that we shuld be mates, Im trying to figure out has she lost interest in me that way or is it a case that she is still scared or whatever.
On an aside i have been a bit pushy a few times when we were out together and can understand that i may have freaked her out given her state of mind.
THis has been going on now for nearly 4 months and im worried i ve blown it (if it was ever there to blow)
Keep in mind also that we've never slpet together, didn't wanna push that on her if she was still hurting!(maybe i should have)
Advice would be appreciated, especially from the girls, is this a lost cause or should i keep fighting for her......it kills me to think i've ruined this cos i think it could be something really special!

dblennon

Basically your doing all the work!!!!!

I'm afraid you will have to make her want the relationship, your giving her what she thinks she wants "A nice guy who is willing to give her space",

What she really wants is a decisive guy who knows his boundries and will stand up for them.

If you want this girl don't give her the ultimatum that won't work!!!!
just reduce the contact to about 5% of what it is now be polite and nice as always but do not initiate texts, calls etc. don't be available to her every need THATS NOT YOUR JOB.

Also you are currently suffering from Oneitis, this is when you become obviously interested, and stop looking for the other fish in the sea, you need to be an active single, and as hard as it will be do not drunkenly score her again.

Monkey61

Now I could be completely wrong on this, as this is just my opinion based on what you have said...BUT..

Is it possible that this girl has absolutely no interest in you and is just using you for comfort and to have around to fill the gaps left by her relationship break up?

You haven't given her space for a start. You are in constant contact, but you are not in a relationship. You are friends (if even that, because she obviously knows how much you like her and is not being fair to you) who kiss when you are drunk. If you are in daily contact then you haven't tried to back off very hard. She is taking longer to answer texts....yet you are still texting her everyday.

"Freaked her out given her state of mind"?? She has been out of a long term relationship for 6 months...she hasn't suffered a serious bereavement or been the victim of some kind of abuse. I don't think you being forceful would have freaked her out so much as perhaps annoyed her because she doesn't seem into you.

I think you need to back off. Yes everybody needs time to get over a break up but to be honest I think that if she genuinely liked you she would not be messing you around like this. If she liked you, she would be with you. Generally when people say that they aren't looking for anything serious it means that they are not looking for anything serious with you!

There is always a slight possibility that she might like you a bit, though it is unlikely, but if that is the case the worst thing you can do is be in such constant contact. She knows that you like her and you constantly running after her and wanting more is not going to make you more attractive in her eyes.

Honestly though, you need to move on. This could drag on for four more months that you could be spending meeting other girls, who will want to be with you. As the situation stands, you will keep being her comfort blanket until she meets a new guy that she really likes and then you will be discarded.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

she has told me to be with other people and that we shuld be mates

There's your answer.

Tuesday_Girl

She's not interested - kissing only after a few drinks, slow to answer texts, says she isn't ready for anything serious, suggests you meet other people.

It's all there, I've been in that situation. You're best moving on, it'll either prove you were right about her or else (teen teeny chance here) it will bring her running.


Good luck!