Asked a girl out 10 years younger...whoops

LegacyUser

I'm 30, shes 20. I thought she was older. She comes accross as being very mature. She's very attractive and I get along with her. However I get waves of 'go for it' and the flipside 'cradle snatcher' where I think how ridiculous it is... Is it ridiculous? How the hell am I gonna look at her 21st birthday party?!!

kaimera

who cares what yer gonna look like?

you like her, she likes you...the maths aren't that hard.

ffs, go for it.

LegacyUser

cradle snatcher...sorry, but how are you gonna cope a few years down teh line and you want to settle/she wants the round the world trip to australia...or kids etc...or how do u think u'll be seen by her mates/how she'll be treated by family etc.....why are u going for someone so young anyways? regardless of what u say, she hasnt the same life experience of someone ur age...is that what attracts u to her? she's still young and innocent and easily led..cos from someone in their mid 20's...thats exactly what i was at 20, and i would hate to think you'd take advantage, and that's really what it is....age differences dont matter once u've had experience, and are a bit older, but at 20, ur just a girl with alot to learn.......leave her be and find someone ur age

adamski8

how old do you look?
if she looks old and you look young......:cool:

Liam Byrne

Add 3 or 4 to both ages and you have a very successful couple that I know.....

994

As Alan Partridge might say, "Back of the net!"

Just have fun!

Otis Driftwood

The age difference isnt massive mate.Dont think too much about it,go on some dates,have a laugh and see what happens.Its not like she is 17 or you are old enough to be her father or anything.Go for it.

myusernameis

seriously, just ask her for a drink, why does it have to be complicated these days? will u look back 10 years later and think "gol if i just had to ask that nice girl for a drink", so you ask her, and she agrees..happy days...if not..its all experience, just pick urself and shake urself and move on....

seriously..go for it..its not like a marriage proposal and at least she will be flattered if she says no...just go for it..............

Permabear

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pikachucheeks

Hey OP,

I say go for it - I'm twenty and I was recently seeing a guy who was thirty-one (He moved to Canada for a year today, so it's over )

Once you both like each other and you get along, then what's the issue?

Age is just a number.


I used to think I'd never go for someone more than five years older, but then I met him and it changed my feelings.

He's an amazing person, we got on great, had such a laugh in each other's company, and neither of us noticed the age difference.

If you like this girl, go for it! It could turn out to be something great.

Unregistered wrote: »

cradle snatcher...sorry, but how are you gonna cope a few years down teh line and you want to settle/she wants the round the world trip to australia...or kids etc...

Not everyone wants the same stereotypical life! Everyone's at different stages in their lives at completely different times.

adamski8

myusernameis wrote: »

seriously, just ask her for a drink, why does it have to be complicated these days? will u look back 10 years later and think "gol if i just had to ask that nice girl for a drink", so you ask her, and she agrees..happy days...if not..its all experience, just pick urself and shake urself and move on....

seriously..go for it..its not like a marriage proposal and at least she will be flattered if she says no...just go for it..............

eh i think the op has already asked her to quote the title "asked a girl out..."
thats not his problem!

Brimmy

Think about it this way.. When you're 70 you'll still have the memory of banging a 20 year old :pac:

But besides that age doesn't matter if you both like one another. Go for it

MrVestek

I'm 22 going out with a 27 year old. Wasn't much of a big thing for us although at the start she was worried what her friends would think.

Once you get over the initial slaggings and join in the banter yourself (playfully slagging eachother over the age difference... me calling her a pedophile for instance etc) everything will be fine.

Stop worrying about what others will think and just go with what feels right. If they are her friends then they will just be happy that she's happy.

CathyMoran

A man I know is 41 and dating a woman 12 years his junior - they get on very well and both meet at the middle as regards to any age gap - I am sure that they got the initial slagging (I know that I was a bit suprised) but they make the cutest couple...she is legal, why should age be an issue as long as you like her?

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

she's still young and innocent and easily led..cos from someone in their mid 20's...thats exactly what i was at 20, and i would hate to think you'd take advantage, a

just cause you were immature at 20, doesn't mean everyone was. I'm 35 and I know 20-year olds that are more mature than me.

Brimmy wrote: »

Think about it this way.. When you're 70 you'll still have the memory of banging a 20 year old :pac:

He'll probably have that anyway, I assume he was having sex when HE was 20 too

In short OP, why are you looking for trouble when you haven't even been out with this girl yet? She may be too young for you, she may also be dumb, or lazy or racist. But you won't know until you go out with her. Legally and morally, she's an adult, and is trusted by the state to make her own decisions
about life. She can vote, drink and serve in the army.

LegacyUser

CathyMoran wrote: »

she is legal

What a vile way to state such an irrelevance. If she was 16, and hence still "legal" as you put it, would you be saying the same?

CathyMoran

.... wrote: »

What a vile way to state such an irrelevance. If she was 16, and hence still "legal" as you put it, would you be saying the same?

Well going out with someone underage would be wrong if you are a good bit older - in any case the legal age is 17 if I am not mistaken.

tbh

.... wrote: »

What a vile way to state such an irrelevance. If she was 16, and hence still "legal" as you put it, would you be saying the same?

Why did you put "legal" in quotes? This is not subjective, and it's unimportant what your views are. The government state that the legal age for having sex in this country is 16, and everything else is just a matter of opinion.

It might be distasteful to you, but that doesn't matter. It's distasteful to me that alcohol companies can run ads encouraging people to drink in social situations, but that's just me.

LegacyUser

My point was actually that the fact that someone of 20 years of age is "legal" is an irrelevance. The OP was asking if it was ridiculous that someone of 30 would ask someone of 20 out, in my opinion no. So in this context my views are important, since the OP was asking for advice.

As for why you're going on about alcohol companies, I have no idea...

CathyMoran

.... wrote: »

My point was actually that the fact that someone of 20 years of age is "legal" is an irrelevance. The OP was asking if it was ridiculous that someone of 30 would ask someone of 20 out, in my opinion no. So in this context my views are important, since the OP was asking for advice.

As for why you're going on about alcohol companies, I have no idea...

My point was that if a person is a child then they should not be going out with a fully grown adult - there is a certain line that has to be made in the sand and 17 is that age I feel. Age matters less as you get older and in an ideal world the girl would be a bit older but these age gaps can be breached, I would just be more concerned about them having enough in common over the long run. Also, them being legal is of relevance if they wanted to be with them in a certain way.

tbh

.... wrote: »

My point was actually that the fact that someone of 20 years of age is "legal" is an irrelevance.

In fact, it's the ONLY relevant fact. Everything else is just opinion.

I thought, given the way you wrote your post, that you thought 20 was too young.

As for why you're going on about alcohol companies, I have no idea...

What I was saying was that it doesn't matter whether you find something distasteful or not, all that matters if that it's legal.

edit:

.... wrote: »

What a vile way to state such an irrelevance. If she was 16, and hence still "legal" as you put it, would you be saying the same?

Yes - again, the only thing that matters is that she is legally allowed to have sex. If she's 16 and the guy is 86, it's still legal. And that's all that counts, everything else.....as I say.....is just opinion.

LegacyUser

What do you think about a 29 year old girl with a 26 year old guy? My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me recently in a tough break-up where we still love eachother but he doesnt want the responsibility right now. He is hanging around with alot of girls now around 21-24, it makes me feel really old!

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

What do you think about a 29 year old girl with a 26 year old guy?

nothing, to be honest.

Sinall

Maturity definitely depends on the person - you certainly can't assume someone is mature or immature due to their age!

When I was 26 I was going out with a guy 10 years older than me. We both found it funny that I was the more mature one!

Whether someone is a good person, fun to be around etc and their personality is more important than age.

I can understand why the OP is worried, but I would suggest getting to know each other better and see how you feel then!

Work to live

Older guy younger girl generally not an issue and ten years is nothing - Is there really a problem with a 30 year old woman dating a 40 year old guy??? Granted at 20 you still have a lot of living to do n chances are its not goin to work out long term but hey 99.999999999% of relationships don’t.

Younger guy and older girl (not that Im calling you old:o) – Bad idea unless that guy is a real one of a kind gem.

irishbigfoot

Can understand why you would be hesitant since I was in the same situation twice last year. As some have said though it is really down to maturity.

In both situations I was not looking for a younger woman but we clicked on all levels so it could work out for you OP. There can be pitfalls when age is mentioned but if you can laugh through them then there shouldn't be any problems.

Permabear

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Fresh Pots

I'd say just get to know her, you will probably know whether you want to continue it any further pretty quickly. The age difference isn't much of an issue imo.

Oh The Humanity

Only jokin......just enjoy!

snowy2008

no its not ridiculous, plenty of girls go out with older guys,i went out with a guy 15 yrs older than me but then again he was loaded but thats not the point, the point is, life is too short, go for it!

greeneyedspirit

Age is just a number. It's maturity, and where you're at in your lives that matters in the end.
My OH is 10 years my senior, too, and it's working perfectly. I'm 25.
Go for it

Dudess

OP, just give it a try - worrying about what others think is ridiculous. At 30 you should be over all that. You could regret it if you don't go for it - especially when there's no real reason.

Unregistered wrote: »

cradle snatcher...sorry, but how are you gonna cope a few years down teh line and you want to settle/she wants the round the world trip to australia...or kids etc...or how do u think u'll be seen by her mates/how she'll be treated by family etc

It's only you who's jumping forward a few years.

why are u going for someone so young anyways?

Well he thought she was a lot older.

regardless of what u say, she hasnt the same life experience of someone ur age...is that what attracts u to her?

What reason do you have to put words in his mouth like that? Maybe he just... likes her?

she's still young and innocent and easily led

Not necessarily innocent and easily led. And could be mature well beyond her years - the OP has even indicated that. I was going out with a 29-year-old when I was 19. He simply liked me - we got on brilliantly, had lots in common, the same sense of humour.

cos from someone in their mid 20's...thats exactly what i was at 20

So you, one person, speak for all 20-year-olds?

and i would hate to think you'd take advantage, and that's really what it is

How is it? That's only the spin YOU'RE putting on it. You really come across as trying to depict the OP as some sort of predator, and the girl as some sort of innocent prey. Very judgemental IMO.

Unregistered wrote: »

What do you think about a 29 year old girl with a 26 year old guy?

Ah for crying out loud - so you're willing to just cave in to the ludicrous notion that it's weird for a woman to be going out with a younger man, even when there's barely an age gap?

Work to live wrote: »

Younger guy and older girl (not that Im calling you old:o) – Bad idea unless that guy is a real one of a kind gem.

Eh... why? Because that's "what people say"? FFS...

Jonathan

I wouldn't worry about it.

You'll pass the half your age plus seven rule in 4 years anyway so you're fine

34/2=17+7=24

emigrant36

I love that rule!!

Seriously though, OP, my OH is 12 years older than me and it's grand. Initially his mates gave him a serious slagging cos I look like my 17yo sister but he got over that and here we are, happy as larry!

As for the life experience comments of earlier posts... blah blah!! I have done way more stuff than my other half, some things are just individual, so give her a chance.

Go for it man!!

seanybiker

Go for it. 10 years isnt that much anyways. Well it would be if you where 20 lol. You like her, she likes you. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Talk about mixed signals. Listen to this.
So I kinda asked her on a days outing as the 'date'. Then she texts me to arrange last night and asks can I collect her but is it a 'date'. I texted back taking the piss, and then she texts saying shes not looking to get into anything with anyone but can be friends. So I just texted her that theres no pressure and to text if she wanted to still go on the outing this morning. No text. I took the day off work today and I'm a bit pissed off, I feel very foolish.
Like seriously who agrees to do something with someone on a weekday and thinks its for the good of my health what the hell did she skip school or am I getting it all wrong? No excuse, no courtesy text, nothing. I feel like an idiota!

Permabear

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dublinpd

unless people get wrong points of view and society wouldn't be too concerned about some past concepts.
Besides, if you get on well, I mean, what do you want of her is in the same way as she wants of you it's fine.

The question is: is it the same? Can you measure that?

Victor

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Only jokin......just enjoy!

Keep it constructive.

tbh

unreg00002 wrote: »

Talk about mixed signals. Listen to this.
So I kinda asked her on a days outing as the 'date'. Then she texts me to arrange last night and asks can I collect her but is it a 'date'. I texted back taking the piss, and then she texts saying shes not looking to get into anything with anyone but can be friends. So I just texted her that theres no pressure and to text if she wanted to still go on the outing this morning. No text. I took the day off work today and I'm a bit pissed off, I feel very foolish.
Like seriously who agrees to do something with someone on a weekday and thinks its for the good of my health what the hell did she skip school or am I getting it all wrong? No excuse, no courtesy text, nothing. I feel like an idiota!

you took a day off work to go on a first date with a girl who told you she didn't want to get into anything?
Sounds to me like you've kinda gotten ahead of yourself (I figured ye were already a couple) and potentially scared her off?

But it's obvious you're looking for more from her than she is from you, so my advice would be just to move on.

Victor

unreg00002 wrote: »

no courtesy text

Maybe she ran out of credit.

LegacyUser

Well just to tell what happened. On the day she texted later that night just saying 'sorry'.
We all know what that means. Only thing I can take heart in is her friend told me she brokeup with her ex of 3 years a few weeks ago. So maybe that was the problem. Anyway it's not happening. Oh well.

tolteq

unreg00002 wrote: »

Talk about mixed signals. Listen to this.
So I kinda asked her on a days outing as the 'date'. Then she texts me to arrange last night and asks can I collect her but is it a 'date'. I texted back taking the piss, and then she texts saying shes not looking to get into anything with anyone but can be friends. So I just texted her that theres no pressure and to text if she wanted to still go on the outing this morning. No text. I took the day off work today and I'm a bit pissed off, I feel very foolish.
Like seriously who agrees to do something with someone on a weekday and thinks its for the good of my health what the hell did she skip school or am I getting it all wrong? No excuse, no courtesy text, nothing. I feel like an idiota!

hmmm.............i think u shouldnt over analyse everything.

SarahSassy

So maybe she wasnt as mature as you thought she was. If you had asked her out properly then you would have known whether or not to take the day off. Lesson learned.

CDfm

maybe she was out of phone credit. it happens at that age.

LegacyUser

Can I just ask this - do you think thats it or should I try again in a few weeks or should I completely leave it. I know from personal exp it takes ages to get over a long relationship so is it the waiting game...any ideas..?

G86

unreg00002 wrote: »

Talk about mixed signals. Listen to this.
So I kinda asked her on a days outing as the 'date'. Then she texts me to arrange last night and asks can I collect her but is it a 'date'. I texted back taking the piss, and then she texts saying shes not looking to get into anything with anyone but can be friends. So I just texted her that theres no pressure and to text if she wanted to still go on the outing this morning. No text. I took the day off work today and I'm a bit pissed off, I feel very foolish.
Like seriously who agrees to do something with someone on a weekday and thinks its for the good of my health what the hell did she skip school or am I getting it all wrong? No excuse, no courtesy text, nothing. I feel like an idiota!

Too many texts and too much confusion - a phonecall would have sorted it out. She HAS said she doesn't want anything serious though so I don't think you have any reason to be annoyed at her to be honest. Leave it be.

CDfm

G86 wrote: »

Too many texts and too much confusion - a phonecall would have sorted it out. She HAS said she doesn't want anything serious though so I don't think you have any reason to be annoyed at her to be honest. Leave it be.

That seems sensible -call her and ask her out for a drink and use the opportunity to check her ID card.

Young girls are professional at acting and looking mature:rolleyes:

That doesnt mean they are not jailbait and if not are mature despite appearences.

Your definition of serious and hers will be diferent. Hanging out with a 30 year old even if you are 20 is a huge deal.

tbh

unreg00002 wrote: »

Can I just ask this - do you think thats it or should I try again in a few weeks or should I completely leave it. I know from personal exp it takes ages to get over a long relationship so is it the waiting game...any ideas..?

you're free to wait as long as you want but to be honest, I wouldn't say that you should not try to meet other girls in the meantime. I know she said she wasn't looking for anything, but dude, you know what that means? She's not looking for anything with you. Do you think that if Brad Pitt asked her out, she'd tell him she wasn't ready? I'm sure you're a nice guy, and it's nothing personal, but she's told you she's not interested. Just one of those things, man.

LegacyUser

age doesnt matter at all!!! when I was 17 I started going out with a lad 7 years older than me!at first it freaked us both out but we just couldnt keep apart!We got a bit of slagging but eventually every1 accepted us and now 5 years on were still going strong!my advice is if you like each other who cares what people say!