How to avoid being trapped by life?

um7y1h83ge06nx

Hi guys,

Just thought I'd look for advice and opinions here. I'm 26 and recently have been in a poor mood for a while. As my girlfriend puts it I have lost the 'buzz' and 'energy' I once had.

Anyway, I had a think about things to try and find the root cause for me being so p*ssed off with things and I narrowed it down to me feeling trapped.

I feel trapped by the fact that I'm 26 and my life seems to be going down a fairly boring path. I feel trapped by my job (although I'm lucky to have one these day and most of the time I like it) as in this climate there really aren't much options to just change job or change career if I want to.
I feel trapped by my house as it is a depreciating asset and so cannot just decide to sell it and run off to a foreign country.
Because of the first two, sometimes I feel trapped by my location as I have been here since I started college at 18.
Finally, although in many ways its a good thing but because of the other things above, it seems another example of being trapped, my girlfriend and I are considering moving in together.

I feel envious of people liek my brother, who finished his final exams recently and is starting a job in October. Until then, he is free to do whatever he fancies.

Maybe I seem like a real moaning b*astard but I find it hard to shake off this attitude and reckon it's becoming more and more apparent to those around me. Maybe I just need a kick up the arse!

Kevster

Hi,

I'm also 26 and have been 'battling' depression and other crap for my whole life. So, it's good to see that you're reaching out for help/advice, because that is what everyone in a difficult situation should do. Firstly, don't let everything cloud your judgement. Sometimes, taking on too much can overwhelm us. Instead, focus on one problem at a time and let the others take their natural course until you have time to deal with them.

So, if you want to tackle the job situation first, then simply start looking elsewhere. Are you qualified for anything? Simply looking around to see what else is out there is enough to bring us out of a bad mood. If you managed to find and get a new job, that would then change mnany other parts of your life.

What you must not do is just sit there and accept that your life is the way it is, because that is simply not the case. Be active and thoughtful about your future, and enlist the help of your partner, parents, and siblings.

You are not - and will not be - alone on your journey.

Kevin

um7y1h83ge06nx

Thanks kevster for such a good post.

I don't really know is it certain things in my life that are getting to me or is it my perception of things like my job that are at fault.

I feel sometimes that maybe I just don't want to grow up and face up to certain things in life.

I guess as long as I identify the problem and work on it, I'll come up with an appropriate solution.

Kevster

I understand. i mean, growing up means taking on responsibilities, but I feel that you are only tied down in your own mind. Okay, you do have the house, but you can make the best of this 'bad' situation. As you think about how to get out of this, make sure you consult others, like I've already said. I naturally tend to do things by myself but it isn't helpful. Consult advice and learn as much as you can.

TAke care dude,
Kevin

lehcar

Aitana Abundant Bather wrote: »

I feel trapped
... by ... a fairly boring path
... by my job
... by my house
... by my location
... my girlfriend and I are considering moving in together.

Something's bugging you, you need to dig further. Chances are, it's in the list above, but it's unlikely to be all of them--the real culprit is coloring the others grey.

You've ticked a good few boxes on the standard path of life. Degree, job, own house, steady girl. Next might be starting a family. Maybe it's that 'next' that's freaking you? Or maybe it's that you've spent eight years doing what you're supposed to [ticking boxes], but aren't seeing the payback you thought would be there.

House sucks, but that's probably not a biggie. You could maybe rent it, and rent yourself elsewhere, if you want to change location--that shouldn't hit your pocket too hard. Changing location won't change anything else that's 'wrong'--you'll bring your baggage with you.

Job is a problem only for a couple of years, until the turnaround starts--or you move to a place less affected or recovering quicker. A lot depends on the demand for your skills & qualifications, of course. But maybe you just don't like the field you're in?

Girl [and maybe 'soon' family] might be it. Young folks get severe pressure to be in a relationship and settle down--to the extent that having/doing them is more important than the person you're with. Have a long think if your girl is the right one for you, before you commit to move in--or worse, start a family.

Imagine your life without each of the items on your list in turn. Note how you feel about each one. Your gut should give you some clue re which is/are the 'real' problems.

Adults hit their first major life change around 30, maybe this is the start of yours since you've accomplished a lot already. Good luck!

um7y1h83ge06nx

lehcar wrote: »

Something's bugging you....

That's a brilliant post, thank you.

I think you've hit the nail on the head with many things.

Sometimes, I feel bad I'm so p*ssed off, in the grand scheme of things I have been very fortunate, I just don't feel happy.

I'm going to sit down, follow your advice and have a long think about each piece of my life. I'll try and get advice from my girlfriend and brother as well as Kevster has suggested.

Whatever I decide to do, I want it to be the right solution for the right problem and not just doing things for the sake of doing something.

Thanks for the advice lads.

Amazotheamazing

I think there's a lot of "facebook envy" out there at the minute. People see guys on year long holidays in Oz and Asia and obviously feel a little stuck in a rut back in Ireland. We've had no summer for the last two years, it's ok to feel bad about things.

You're coming to the point where you have to ask "is this it?" Is this the girl you want to marry, is this where you want to live and raise kids etc.

LegacyUser

Amazotheamazing: Really good point about the 'facebook envy'.
I feel that myself when I see people my age or that I know who are off doing great things in Oz or Europe or US and I feel as though my feet are stuck in cement.
It's an awful feeling because you have so much to be appreciative for yet you bemoan your situation.

To OP: I'd definitely make sure the girl you are with is right for you and you see a future together. My ex and I moved in together (to his house) and we lasted 3 years but the last 1 - 1 1/2 years was the reason we broke up. Seeing each other too much, too young to probably be living together, doing the same thing together every day, it really wore us down. So my advice is if you're not content with something in your life, don't jump in to living with someone til you sort yourself out!

Good luck with everything, remember you're not alone!

LegacyUser

Some great posts above.

If you are comfortable doing so, can I suggest you write your thoughts down in some form of a diary.

Get a refil pad, a note book or whatever. Write anything down to start off with to get you going. And then write whatever it is that comes to your mind. Go off on a tangent and don't hold back. You will be amazed what will come from it.

Throw it away after by all means. Or keep it somewhere safe to read back over it.


Good luck, you are certainly not alone.