How can I be happy with being single again?

LegacyUser

I'm just having a little self-pitying moan here so excuse me for a moment.

I've been single for a while now and until I came back from travelling a few months ago, it didn't bother me at all. It seems like everyone I know is getting married or settling down...I'm at that age I suppose.

I know this topic has been done to death but I'm starting to get resentful of friends in relationships and I don't want to turn into one of those bitter women who resent their friends' bits of happiness. It wasn't always like this. I am single out of choice, have been seeing a few men since I became single but nothing serious. I don't want to just settle and am still on the hunt for the right fella and I was happy being single as I'm happy in my own skin, like my own company and I'm independent but I know Wibbs has commented on this before but it's soo much harder for a girl to be single than a man. I feel that pressure to settle down even though I don't actually want that yet. Or do I?

It seems that single women are considered to be in a state of limbo and their lives aren't complete unless they're in a relationship, which I've always thought was complete bull so why do I suddenly feel like this and how do I deal with it? Is it all in my head or am I really considered as someone to be pitied by others? Could people remind me again what the advantages are of being single in your late twenties are again? Is this just in Ireland? It seems like everybody in their late twenties is in a relationship all of a sudden...where are all the single, independent fun-lovin' chicks gone? How do I rise above what society expects of me and become the person I was when I was travelling (i.e. happy to be single and enjoying the feeling of freedom and a hassle-free life)

This is driving me mental. Thanks in advance for advice.

Sonderval

How do I rise above what society expects of me and become the person I was when I was travelling (i.e. happy to be single and enjoying the feeling of freedom and a hassle-free life)

Simple - stop paying attention to what society is telling you to do Life is not a race to the aisle, mortgage and 2.5 children as is sooo often portrayed. You found something that made you complete (traveling, doing new stuff) so keep doing it as much as you can. Ignore the naysayers - more often then not, they are deeply envious of your unfettered lifestyle.

Its not easy to live a different life from the one your peers seem to be following, but the rewards are all the sweeter because of it.

For what its worth, I'm a late twenties guy and have zero intentions of ever 'settling down' and popping sprogs. Travel the world? Sign me up. Relationship? Cool, but you'd want to be on the same page as me with regards the above. Otherwise, I'd be doing all that single.

Consider yourself lucky, frankly.

Otis Driftwood

I think you are going the right way about it OP - going on dates etc.

Its just a matter of getting yourself back into the midset that it is actually ok to be single.

When you are off travelling you are constantly meeting new people,having new adventures etc but when you get back to the hum-drum its a bit of a shock to the system.

I do agree that there is more pressure on women of a certain age group to "settle down" but you already know yourself that relationships are not the be all and end all.

Maybe try joining some clubs or societies etc to meet new people and get yourself out of the current funk you are in.

Best of luck anyway.

LegacyUser

Sonderval wrote: »

Simple - stop paying attention to what society is telling you to do Life is not a race to the aisle, mortgage and 2.5 children as is sooo often portrayed. You found something that made you complete (traveling, doing new stuff) so keep doing it as much as you can. Ignore the naysayers - more often then not, they are deeply envious of your unfettered lifestyle.

Its not easy to live a different life from the one your peers seem to be following, but the rewards are all the sweeter because of it.

For what its worth, I'm a late twenties guy and have zero intentions of ever 'settling down' and popping sprogs. Travel the world? Sign me up. Relationship? Cool, but you'd want to be on the same page as me with regards the above. Otherwise, I'd be doing all that single.

Consider yourself lucky, frankly.

I hear that people in relationships are jealous of us singles but are they really? Can anyone in a good relationship confirm that? Honestly, as a woman, I get the impression that other women pity us. This is hard for men to understand, I think. I've spent the last hour on my lunch break talking to two of my work colleagues about their up and coming weddings and I've nothing to contribute and I'm finding the whole "awww i'm so happy for you" speech is grating on me. Don't get me wrong, I AM happy for them but I'm getting this with my friends outside work as well and it seems like there's no getting away from it at the moment. I feel like I have to keep justifying my single status to them. I know this is probably down to my own insecurities at the moment about being single but it's still difficult when everyone I'm meeting recently has met the love of their lives and those who are single are complaining as well. It's tedious beyond belief.

I thought things would have changed in 2009 but not from where I'm standing.

Saying that, I know that some of my friends are jealous of aspects of my life like my travelling (saving again to leave as soon as I can) and the fact that I can chat up any man I please etc. but when it comes to the crunch, I feel that they think they're luckier than me even with all my freedom.

I think it's different for men...men can be players and women are still expected to get that out of their system early on and settle down. Easier said then done to go against the grain.

I'm turning into the type of woman I always dreaded becoming. Ergggg....

LegacyUser

Find some new friends.

Seriously.

You met loads of cool interesting people while you were away who didn't care about your age or whether you were married or not. There are lots of people like that in Ireland - you just need to broaden your social circle.

I'm 38 - most of my friends are married - some for about 10 years.

When I was 30 and just back from travelling, I couldn't believe how my friends had settled into a lifestyle of work for 5 days and then drink on Saturday night, generally with their partners. I was so bored. I needed a bit more than that socially - just hanging out with people midweek and chatting about life.

So, I joined some clubs and since then have met the coolest of people, some of whom are married but the majority single.

I have no issue with any woman of any age being single.... I don't think that most guys do.

In fact, your independence is an attractive quality.

The independent fun loving chicks are away at weekends surfing/sailing/mountain biking etc etc.....

LegacyUser

jubjubjoob wrote: »

Find some new friends.

Seriously.

You met loads of cool interesting people while you were away who didn't care about your age or whether you were married or not. There are lots of people like that in Ireland - you just need to broaden your social circle.

I'm 38 - most of my friends are married - some for about 10 years.

When I was 30 and just back from travelling, I couldn't believe how my friends had settled into a lifestyle of work for 5 days and then drink on Saturday night, generally with their partners. I was so bored. I needed a bit more than that socially - just hanging out with people midweek and chatting about life.

So, I joined some clubs and since then have met the coolest of people, some of whom are married but the majority single.

I have no issue with any woman of any age being single.... I don't think that most guys do.

In fact, your independence is an attractive quality.

The independent fun loving chicks are away at weekends surfing/sailing/mountain biking etc etc.....

This is good advice. Reassurring to know you felt the same way at my age...must just some with the territory. Can I ask you what types of clubs you joined? I wouldn't be the sportiest person in the world...I jog and I enjoy hiking (have joined a ramblers clubs recently and am in training for the marathon) but those extreme sports are not my cup of tea...I'm open to suggestions but not sure what's out there. Thanks.

SueWho

Singledom wrote: »

I hear that people in relationships are jealous of us singles but are they really? Can anyone in a good relationship confirm that? Honestly, as a woman, I get the impression that other women pity us.

I am a woman and I'm in a great relationship and I am neither jealous of, nor do I pity single women. As for feeling left out of those wedding conversations etc, that's totally normal. I wouldn't even be interested in all that yapping about flowers and dresses even if I was getting married myself.

Sounds to me like you're actually happy enough if you could just ignore what you think other people think of you. You know the chances are no one is looking down on you, pitying you etc because you're single.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I think the grass is always greener on the other side. I am 37, not married but in a very long term relationship with one grown up daughter. I love the idea of not having to worry about cooking/cleaning/ worrying about others. I often feel like I would just love to take myself off for a year for myself, to do everything that I want to do on my own clock. I love my own company and wouldn't have any interest in any of that wedding stuff either. I think live everyday like its your last, do whatever you like, and I really do not think that people are feeling sorry for you, they might be envious but I think thats about the height of it. I wouldn['t mind been in your shoes for a while.. Good Luck