Why am I so untidy?

LegacyUser

Can someone PLEASE point me in the right direction on this one...

I am THE most untidy person I know - not necessarily dirty (I hate that word) but untidy. I create mess, on purpose. For instance, I have a beautiful home and I spend the whole week PURPOSELY leaving stuff lying around, only to spend ALL day saturday cleaning. If I eat something at the couch, I leave the plate on the coffee table even though I may be walking back into the kitchen many times. I just think 'hey, I'll bring that in later'. But later never seems to come.
I'm an avid reader. I read about 2 books a week but rather than put them back on the bookshelf when I'm finished, I PURPOSELY leave them somewhere so the house looks untidy. If I'm having a shower, I purposely leave the bathroom in a mess. I know I could clean it when I'm finished, but I leave the used towel there with the intention of putting it in the washbasket 'later'. But later tends to be a long time coming.

This side of me is really getting me down and there is alot of emotion attached to it. I feel guilty constantly, because of the mess I'm creating around me. I am a woman in my 30s and I have a child & husband (he's worse!) and we seem to live in a constant mess. Even when I do a 'big-clean' it inevitably gets back to its messy state.
Help???

LegacyUser

You said there's alot of emotion attached to it.

Plenty of people are untidy but it doesn't bother them.

Was you childhood home 'messy'? Perhaps you're just repeating what you saw as a child?

Gone Drinking

You suffer from a well known disease called Laziness. It affects quite a few people across the country.

Just think about putting your plate in the sink when you're finished, or the towel in the basket. It'll be less work for you later and it'll keep the place reasonably tidy.

I used to be a little like yourself till i moved in with my girlfriend and she started kicking my ass over it.

LegacyUser

Seriously, am I JUST LAZY?? I relly feel there's some underlying emotional issue attached to this, I'm not joking.

I've seen other peoples houses and on occassion, they'd be as untidy as mine but they genuinely don't seem to notice or care about letting other people see it.

I'd be devestated if a friend saw how untidy I am. I tend not to invite people around...except for Saturdays when I do the cleaning.

Communicator

I'm a bit like this so I have to disagree with the previous poster. It's not 'just' laziness.

I got to the bottom of it in my case (through counselling - not for my untidyness specifically you understand!).

When I was a kid, the main attention I got was when I was creating a mess in my bedroom or anywhere in the house. It was negative attention of course, my parents screaming at me to clean up etc, but as a kid, attention is attention, be it negative or positive. So I continued the pattern.

Needless to say, my parents stopped screaming at me a long time ago but for a long while after I moved out of home, I continued to 'create' mess around me. But once I discovered WHY I did it and that I wouldn't get attention from it anymore, it all changed. I'm now the tidiest person you'll ever meet

cufroige

I would imagine if you were just being lazy that you would not feel guilty and you would not spend your saturdays cleaning!

Sounds to me like you are a procrastinator. I have read somewhere that procrastination is linked to perfectionism.

What else is going on in your life? What do you fear is not perfect? And as you know well, nothing & nobody will ever be perfect.

As for changing this there is a website called 'flylady' or something and it's philosophy is very simple & surprisingly effective. It advises that you do some sort of housework for 15 minutes every day. No more no less, it keeps things from becoming unmanageable. It really works!! Even if it's just putting on a wash, folding the dried clothes & putting them away. Or cleaning up after dinner. It means your washing machine/ dishwasher is always free to load up!! A quick hoover / wash the floor...whatever it is, it's done. Always have an EMPTY laundry basket in or near your bathroom etc..

For those of us ladies who are the ones who are usually left to do ALL the housework, spending hours a day cleaning up after everyone including ourselves, it is very useful to have a daily 15 min routine to keep on top of it all. You will probably spend SOME of Saturday cleaning anyway..but if you preceed saturday with 15 mins daily you will have 90mins LESS work to do!

But you are procrastinating so maybe that'll be easier said than done.

Examine why you are procrastinating.:eek:

cufroige

Gone Drinking wrote: »

You suffer from a well known disease called Laziness. It affects quite a few people across the country.

Just think about putting your plate in the sink when you're finished, or the towel in the basket. It'll be less work for you later and it'll keep the place reasonably tidy.

I used to be a little like yourself till i moved in with my girlfriend and she started kicking my ass over it.

this HAS to be posted by a man!!!! They always put the plate in the 'magic sink' & the towel in the 'magic' basket, somehow they end up washed & back where they belong!!! AMAZING!!!!!
Talk about lazy!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad:

3greenrizla's

Gone Drinking wrote: »

You suffer from a well known disease called Laziness. It affects quite a few people across the country.

I think I am also afflicted with this terrible illness, which also includes putitoffitis. my major affliction is creating piles, not the piles on your bottom (although this is a side affect of extreme cases) but piles of stuff that I will sort out later and piles of washing that are clean and dry but just need to be put away.

I think the only way to cure this terrible illness is to follow the "do it now programme" it's tough, and I am just starting the programme now but I have seen the effects already. with the get it done programme you do things as soon as you think of them unless there is something else more important you should be doing.

For example when I was reading your post I remembered that the clothes needed to be hung out and the dishes from last night needed to be put away, their both done now, and I am about to tackle the pile of crap on the coffee table.

a possible cause of laziness/putitoffitis is smoking to much.

Gone Drinking

cufroige wrote: »

this HAS to be posted by a man!!!! They always put the plate in the 'magic sink' & the towel in the 'magic' basket, somehow they end up washed & back where they belong!!! AMAZING!!!!!
Talk about lazy!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad:

Sounds like you have some issues at home, maybe you should take it up with your boyfriend/husband (that isn't me by the way). I don't know were you're getting off commenting on my situation, when you clearly know nothing about me.

Gone Drinking

Unregistered wrote: »

Seriously, am I JUST LAZY?? I relly feel there's some underlying emotional issue attached to this, I'm not joking.

I've seen other peoples houses and on occassion, they'd be as untidy as mine but they genuinely don't seem to notice or care about letting other people see it.

I'd be devestated if a friend saw how untidy I am. I tend not to invite people around...except for Saturdays when I do the cleaning.

I'm sorry, but thinking that there's an underlying problem to as why you won't pick up after yourself just doesn't do it for me.

Why not speak to your husband/bf about trying to make more of an effort TOGETHER. You said he's worse than you.

Will you sit down and read two books a week when your house is in a mess?

r3nu4l

Original Poster, there could be any number of reasons for your doing this. As has already been mentioned, perhaps it's an 'attention-seeking' thing from childhood.

It may also be that when you are doing a 'big tidy', your husband is helping you and you feel emotionally more attached to him when you are both working together as a team.

Another issue may be that you get a huge feeling of satisfaction when you turn that mess into tidiness, perhaps it fulfills a need for recognition of a job well done?

There could be any number of reasons. When you think 'I'll do that later' ask yourself why you are thinking that. Ask why it isn't better to do it now. Then just do it and see how you feel. If you do let the mess build up, examine your emotions when you are tidying. Are you happy to be the one sorting out the mess, are you happy to be cleaning it together with your husband?

If it really is more than just general 'putting it on the long finger' procrastination then you need to look at what's causing the behaviour and change it.

3greenrizla's

cufroige wrote: »

Sounds to me like you are a procrastinator. I have read somewhere that procrastination is linked to perfectionism.

yes I am also the worlds greatest procrastinator, laziness is just probably a lazy way of saying it.

OP do you also put off things in other parts of your life, have you done your taxes for last year? have you called that person you have been meaning to call for the last 2 weeks (In both cases I have not:o)

LegacyUser

I think I read two books a week BECAUSE my house is in a mess. It's like 'I'll just read a couple of pages and tackle the house after' but I end up reading the whole book and the house never gets sorted.

I'm not even talking about clutter here - I'm not a hoarder and I don't have any rooms or cupboards full of old junk.

I just create ways to avoid 'putting the plate back in the sink'. I know that sounds ridiculous. I'm an (intelligent) woman with a good, well paid job etc etc - so on the surface, my house should at least be tidy. I KNOW that I'm avoiding putting the plate away or putting the washing into the washbasket and actually creating other things to do (like reading a book) and I'm trying to figure out why I'm avoiding it...rather than just bloody doing it.

Why don't I just put the used towel in the washbasket? It can't be laziness (only) because I actually have to pass by the washbasket on my way out of the bathroom. So I could have the towel in my hand, but rather than just carry it with me to the washbasket, I leave it in the bathroom and spend the next few hours thinking 'I must put that towel in the washbasket'. God as I'm writing this, I'm sure I sound insane.

LegacyUser

Yes, I put other stuff off in my life too and then I get a huge surge of energy and do it all at the same time. I would perhaps make 10 phonecalls in one day, to all those people I kept meaning to call.

Do you see, that's exactly what I'm talking about r3nu4l - it's the emotion attached to my reasons for not doing stuff that I need to get to the bottom off.

My hubby knows I have self-esteem issues - I'd often use the expression 'My life is a mess' not in a depressed way, but just there are so many things going on in my head at once.

He thinks I create a mess to reflect how my head is...?? Does that make sense?

cufroige

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Sounds like you have some issues at home, maybe you should take it up with your boyfriend/husband (that isn't me by the way). I don't know were you're getting off commenting on my situation, when you clearly know nothing about me.

:D

I know nothing about you, only that you have a magic sink & a magic laundry basket!! (I'm joking)

I'm sorry you're offended, but did you not comment on the OP's situation by telling her she is just lazy? Do you clearly know something we don't?

This has nothing to do with laziness.

OP, if it's driving you mad, there's more to it. You are damaging your self esteem by berating yourself. Try to get in touch with the deeper issue. Do you have a 'gut feeling' about it?

nyarlothothep

It could be that you just have your mind set on higher pursuits. I'm untidy aswell and one of the reasons is that I have more interesting things to do so I tolerate untidiness as long as it doesn't affect whatever I'm doing.

LegacyUser

Thats not it unfortunately! I haven't got more important things to do...the mess I create around me is constantly on my mind.

My 'gut' feeling is that I create the mess so that I can constantly think about it and say I must clean that, or put that there...in order not to think about other stuff.

God, Was that an epiphany????????

Sugar Drunk

to be honest I think its one of those situations where you are burying yourself in 'should' you know how it is 'I should put that away', 'I should be cleaning', I shouldn't leave things in a mess or go out instead of tidying the house etc etc
the problem with 'should' is that you feel guilty about what you should be doing so even though you have created the mess you cant relax about it either its a vicious circle.

So instead of deciding what you should be doing or what your house should look like decide what you want to be doing and what you want your house to look like!

I am a bit of a messy hoarder and for years would beat myself up about it. Took a while to realise it all stemmed from years of living with my clean obsessed mother. Took even longer to realise that its okay to have dust on the mantlepiece or under the bed and ironing waiting to be done or a dishwasher waiting to be emptied. Life is too short to be stressing yourself out about these things especially if its not important to you.

so write down what you want to do and then do it!

LouOB

Try changing your vocab, it recently helped me
Rather than 'I must' or 'I have to'
Change it to 'I will' or 'I am going to'

Make a constructive effort. I get a great feeling after completing a task i.e. cleaning kitchen floor, washed all dirty clothes, fridge with weekly shopping etc. Small steps.
Maybe also, keep lists and tick them off as you go i.e. 1. collect kids 2. wash kids 3. feed kids 4. buy food to feed kids etc

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Thats not it unfortunately! I haven't got more important things to do...the mess I create around me is constantly on my mind.

My 'gut' feeling is that I create the mess so that I can constantly think about it and say I must clean that, or put that there...in order not to think about other stuff.

God, Was that an epiphany????????

I was just about to say that.

I put stuff off so it's at the forefront of my mind and then by concentrating on one thing, the other is put on the backburner.

My room has been in a heap for weeks. Clothes every where - and also bank statements, fines, credit card bill and things to file. The clothes and mess are masking what I have to do.

banquo

Gone Drinking wrote: »

I used to be a little like yourself till i moved in with my girlfriend and she started kicking my ass over it.

I hear that.

cufroige

Unregistered wrote: »

Thats not it unfortunately! I haven't got more important things to do...the mess I create around me is constantly on my mind.

My 'gut' feeling is that I create the mess so that I can constantly think about it and say I must clean that, or put that there...in order not to think about other stuff.

God, Was that an epiphany????????

We nearly always have the answers to our own questions!!!

"the truth will set you free".....Deal with the 'other stuff' OP

Latchy

Nobodys house or apartment has to look perfect but once you go below a certain standard you lose the will to ' keep on top ' . It's the clutter that smothering you OP .You need to do a bit of Feng Sui and perhaps train your minda bit ie, that plate goes out now , not later

prinz

Perhaps it's a form of OCD, having to mess the place up, only later to feel compelled to tidy on a Saturday? Try being messy on Saturday and tidy during the week just to see how that works.

LegacyUser

So............by default...........my house is a mess because I didn't get on with my mother.

And if I deal with the fact that I didn't have a good relationship with my mother and that she died without speaking to me for four years, and there is no way of 'fixing' that issue, my house will be clean. What I'm doing is not accepting that I can't fix that issue and so, I create mess around me to distract me from that emotion.

Even writing that down is theraputic.

LegacyUser

something just occured to me...both my childrens bedrooms are neat & tidy. I keep them that way all the time and have the kids 'trained' in their chores to keep their bedroom tidy...My bedroom on the other hand, is quite untidy.

I'm begining to think this is actually about me, and the opinion I have of myself i.e. I believe my kids deserve tidiness and order around them but I don't believe I deserve it....

Physician heal thysef eh?

Latchy

I am one of these persons who actually finds house cleaning theraputic as much as a necessity.We clean every day but once a week we have the' Deep clean ' were everything not tied down, get's pulled out and every corner blitzed. The same with tackling the garden .The mental and physical satisfaction afterwards is worth it .

LegacyUser

Op you sound just like me! god it's reassuring to see someone is similar... i constantly avoid housework but its always on back of my mind i have to do it, also things like paper work builds up and I avoid doing it till last minute. usually have all the paper work i need mixed up everywhere, im a disaster keep saying ive to do it but will avoid it at all costs if i can, i hate tidying or organising things

SwampThing

Jaysus - I thought I'd been sleep-posting!

Did someone nag the bejeezus out of you to be tidy or something and now you're 'rebelling'?

Unregistered wrote: »

Can someone PLEASE point me in the right direction on this one...

I am THE most untidy person I know - not necessarily dirty (I hate that word) but untidy. I create mess, on purpose. For instance, I have a beautiful home and I spend the whole week PURPOSELY leaving stuff lying around, only to spend ALL day saturday cleaning. If I eat something at the couch, I leave the plate on the coffee table even though I may be walking back into the kitchen many times. I just think 'hey, I'll bring that in later'. But later never seems to come.
I'm an avid reader. I read about 2 books a week but rather than put them back on the bookshelf when I'm finished, I PURPOSELY leave them somewhere so the house looks untidy. If I'm having a shower, I purposely leave the bathroom in a mess. I know I could clean it when I'm finished, but I leave the used towel there with the intention of putting it in the washbasket 'later'. But later tends to be a long time coming.

This side of me is really getting me down and there is alot of emotion attached to it. I feel guilty constantly, because of the mess I'm creating around me. I am a woman in my 30s and I have a child & husband (he's worse!) and we seem to live in a constant mess. Even when I do a 'big-clean' it inevitably gets back to its messy state.
Help???

da_shivsta

I'm the complete opposite! I'm obsessive about cleaning. I hoard things but they're all put away all tidy and in their place. EVERYTHING has it's place. If my bf is messy we have arguments over it. I enjoy cleaning but I hate when it's not appreciated and just gets messy after a short while unnecessarily. Just because I like doing it, doesn't mean I always should have to right?

Anyway, point is, anyone have any ideas on why I'm so obsessive?

LegacyUser

bashillasta...you should come over to my place coz NOTHING has a place at my place!

And to answer your question, nobody nagged me about being tidy as a kid. My mam was about average - small house, 9 kids so she wasn't obsessively clean but wasn't as bad as me either. Our home had that 'lived-in' look.

This issue really reared it's ugly head with me very recently when I dropped into an old friends house and I have to say that her house was a million times worse than mine. I mean there was stuff everywhere...you could hardly see her kitchen counter for dishes etc. But she welcomed me in with open arms and didn't even comment on the mess. Not once did she even say 'Don't mind the mess...'

And it started me really thinking again about WHY I obsess so much over my mess and she can't even see her mess???

Maybe I think people will judge me by my cleaning standards and if I do, why do I feel that way...

I'd just love to get to the bottom of it and fix it. I'd love for it to just come automatically to me. Eat my dinner and put my plate in the sink. Automatic. Not eat my dinner, look at the empty plate and choose to ignore it and then let it annoy me for hours before I finally put it in the sink, having wasted 4 hours letting it annoy me !! Arrrrrrghhhh!

Latchy

da_shivsta wrote: »

Anyway, point is, anyone have any ideas on why I'm so obsessive?

Might be a way of being in control .For instances if there are other areas of your life , either in the past or present you had little or no control over ,then the cleaning is your way of having control .In my case as a young person, it was just that .I wasn't allowed have any say in any area of my life due to a controlling parent who wasn't the tidiest herself and if anybody such as my sisters or brothers tried to rectify her sloppyness, she would undo all that hard work by being messy all over again .It was her way of saying '' I'm in control here '' ( not at all ) the perfect example of a control freak .

.

A slobby partner, wife or husband wont object to much if their OCD , OH is tidying up after them .;)

Thankfully all my housework/ paperwork is equally shared

superLeetive

cufroige wrote: »

Sounds to me like you are a procrastinator. I have read somewhere that procrastination is linked to perfectionism.

http://www.stopprocrastinatinginfo.com/causes-of-procrastination.htm

Sounds a lot like me!

3greenrizla's

I would like to thank the OP for starting this thread, it has inspired me to get a few things out of the way today. And I will get a few more done tomorrow. Following the "just do it" technique

LouOB wrote: »

Try changing your vocab, it recently helped me
Rather than 'I must' or 'I have to'
Change it to 'I will' or 'I am going to'

this makes so much sense, thanks for passing it on.

Latchy wrote: »

I am one of these persons who actually finds house cleaning theraputic .... .

That is not very helpful:(

Latchy

3greenrizla's wrote: »

That is not very helpful:(

Do you mean as in what's good for one person, isin't for another, or you just dont like / cant do / wont do household chores ?

irishgrover

maybe you really are just lazy? and are so lazy that not only could you not be arsed tidying up after yourself, but you are so lazy that you are unwilling to take any personal responsibility for your actions, and are therefor looking so some other lame assed excuse to remove any responsibility for your own actions?


I know that sounds really mean, and I don't mean it to, but I don't know how else to say it?

Overheal

Nobody cleans because its boring.


....


I still have trouble putting my laundry away. Why? Its boring. It doesnt take that long. 5 minutes? Its still just a braindead chore though. Blah. Something I dont mind doing? Cleaning the kitchen/living space. 3:00 every afternoon. Switch on the same channel, watch the same news program, and clean dishes and countertops. And I dont mind watering or nursing the plants, because theyre cool. Never minded mowing the lawn once I discovered the joys of MP3 and noise cancelling headphones. Ultimately you just need to find ways to make chores engaging and a bit fun. You need to make them a positive experience. I'm still working on the laundry..

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Can someone PLEASE point me in the right direction on this one...

I am THE most untidy person I know - not necessarily dirty (I hate that word) but untidy. I create mess, on purpose. For instance, I have a beautiful home and I spend the whole week PURPOSELY leaving stuff lying around, only to spend ALL day saturday cleaning. If I eat something at the couch, I leave the plate on the coffee table even though I may be walking back into the kitchen many times. I just think 'hey, I'll bring that in later'. But later never seems to come.
I'm an avid reader. I read about 2 books a week but rather than put them back on the bookshelf when I'm finished, I PURPOSELY leave them somewhere so the house looks untidy. If I'm having a shower, I purposely leave the bathroom in a mess. I know I could clean it when I'm finished, but I leave the used towel there with the intention of putting it in the washbasket 'later'. But later tends to be a long time coming.

This side of me is really getting me down and there is alot of emotion attached to it. I feel guilty constantly, because of the mess I'm creating around me. I am a woman in my 30s and I have a child & husband (he's worse!) and we seem to live in a constant mess. Even when I do a 'big-clean' it inevitably gets back to its messy state.
Help???

Maybe you purposely leave all those things out to make the place feel lived in, that there are people there, that you feel warmer, and not alone?

Otherwise it could be what a country doctor might diagnose as the Lasy Arse Syndrome. I'm inclined to go with that rather than intellectualise the mess.

LegacyUser

Op again & thanks for all the posts.

Right so maybe it is a touch of laziness..but it's not JUST laziness because I'm not lazy in other parts of my life. I really think there's an underlying issue - like I said, I PURPOSELY do these things. If I was just lazy, I wouldn't even be aware that I was doing them and it wouldn't bother me.

I purposely leave stuff lying around and then spend hours thinking 'I must pick that up'. I'll have a look at that porcrastinating site...thanks again

cufroige

Unregistered wrote: »

And it started me really thinking again about WHY I obsess so much over my mess and she can't even see her mess???

Maybe I think people will judge me by my cleaning standards and if I do, why do I feel that way...

I I'd love for it to just come automatically to me. Eat my dinner and put my plate in the sink. Automatic. Not eat my dinner, look at the empty plate and choose to ignore it and then let it annoy me for hours before I finally put it in the sink, having wasted 4 hours letting it annoy me !! Arrrrrrghhhh!

Yes, most likely you have set some sort of standard to which the organization of a persons house says something about them. There are a lot of people who do this. They are OCD about cleaning & tidiness because people who visit will see an organized person, in control. That person may be masking an out of control issue. That person may feel like a failure in another area of his/her life, but at least nobody could accuse them of being a failure in the housework department.

What did you see when you visited your messy friend? Just a mess, and a friend who was happy to see you. That's all, nothing else. She didn't feel the need to "hide" anything from you. If she visited you & you hadn't a chance to clean, would she be greeted the same way? No she would be greeted by an anxious friend who's own issues are foremost in your mind worrying about how you'll be percieved. You'd be ripping both of you off by not being YOU. You only feel the need to make excuses for yourself when you feel you are wrong to be who are/ do what you're doing.

Why do you feel it's "wrong" to create a mess/ live like you do?

LegacyUser

emmmmmmmmmm......that's a tough one......I think because (on the outside) everything looks ok in my life, I'm told I'm intelligent, clever, witty (not throwing flowers etc) attractive...I have some very good friends who I know genuinely love me for who I am...however, I think I'll be 'found out' one day and that they'll all realise that I'm actually NOT that clever, witty, intelligent etc....
I recently got a new job and I've spent the last few months just waiting..waiting..to be 'found out' that I'm not really the person from my interview...I've had my first performance appraisal and it went fantastically, couldn't have gone better in fact. But still...I'm waiting for the next one because THEN they'll cop on that I'm not that good at this job afterall....
Jeez...I'm an awful mess aren't I?????? What a horrible way to think of yourself .....

cufroige

Jeez...

Ok, you've moved on now from issues with your mother to the feeling that you're somehow inadequate & have 'oversold' yourself? The fact is that you ARE fulfilling your job criteria in the eyes of those who sign your paychecks. why second guess them? Do you feel guilty for having a good job? A good life? (Do you enjoy your job?)

Why do you feel inadequate? Are you living too much in fear of what the future may hold?
The future only exists in your mind. The future will never exist, There is only now, can you bring your head back to the here & now?

You are worrying about & reacting to something that has not happened!

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

Op again & thanks for all the posts.

Right so maybe it is a touch of laziness..but it's not JUST laziness because I'm not lazy in other parts of my life. I really think there's an underlying issue - like I said, I PURPOSELY do these things. If I was just lazy, I wouldn't even be aware that I was doing them and it wouldn't bother me.

I purposely leave stuff lying around and then spend hours thinking 'I must pick that up'. I'll have a look at that porcrastinating site...thanks again

youre confusing laziness with ignorance and absent mindedness. i know exactly what im doing when i shove a pile of clean clothes off to the side: its called being lazy.

Gone Drinking

This thread is getting messy

Procasinator

You have the answer. Just do it.

I suffer from what you are doing too. It's called making excuses and being over analytical. It will eat you up if you are not careful.

There might be reasons why you do these things, other than procasination and laziness. But instead of stewing in your thoughts to figure out this, confront it.

Stop thinking about it, and just do it. Don't think I'll do it later, intentionally make yourself think "I'll do it now". If you forget, and later on you find yourself still thinking "I have to do that" force yourself out of it and say "No, I will do that now".

By doing this not only will you tackle the superficial reason why you can be messy, but it also may help you confront and realise the deeper underpinnings of this behaviour (if there is any).

Good luck OP.

(P.S. As I say this there is a mess all around me. Gonna take my own advice now!)

hblock21

Unregistered123 wrote: »

Was you childhood home 'messy'? Perhaps you're just repeating what you saw as a child?

I like that thought.

Im currently living in a really tidy owner occupied house, its kept like a hotel, the previous house I shared, one of the tenants was always cleaning up so the place was in some way like a hotel too.

I grew up in a 'messy' home i.e. there were 5 male children, so there was always things around. But not dirty!

I like to live in a house where theres things on tables, beside the couch etc etc so I can pick them up and read something or look at something when im bored.

i.e. a house that seams 'lived' in!!

LegacyUser

Look, thanks for all the input - it's been great. I really didn't mean this thread to become all 'deep & meaningful' but it appears, by asking a simple question I've kinda figured out a few reasons why I'm messy. And you're all so right - I need to get out of the 'I'll do that later' talk in my head and just do it! Had a look at some of the websites recommended here which were great & thanks again....must put that plate in the sink now :-)

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

Look, thanks for all the input - it's been great. I really didn't mean this thread to become all 'deep & meaningful'

Yes you did. You just didnt like the answer. And then you went fishing for more deep and meaningful responses. Methinks probably, so that you could discover "Oh I have XYZ syndrome so I dont REALLY need to tidy, because Im broken."

You're simply procrastinating and trying to avoid responsibility for your actions. As an avid procrastinator myself, I know the symptoms.

Unregistered wrote: »

Seriously, am I JUST LAZY?? I relly feel there's some underlying emotional issue attached to this, I'm not joking.

bandraoi

I am the exact same as what the OP describes.

The one strategy I've found that does help is to "put ten things away".
That's it. Just every so often, once a day, more if you feel like it, put ten things away.

Ten dishes, ten socks, ten shoes, whatever, just pick ten things and put them away. Makes a huge difference to the overall level of tidiness.

LouOB

OP you are perfect as you are
Learn to forgive yourself re past mistakes and issues
We are all human

re messy stuff, glad you have come to terms with that

kelle

I grew up in a very messy house. it was a bit of a nightmare as we could never find anything and I never invited friends around. Most of the rows my mother and I had revolved around tidying the house (i was the only daughter with 4 v.messy brothers so that didn't help), you wouldn't know where to start as you'd be throwing about 50 items into each bedroom before you started mucking out.

As a result my house is nowehere near as untidy. But I have a lot of clutter, and sometimes stuff gathers on tables, driving my neat freak husband batty! Problem is that's the way I was brought up and it's very hard to be of the same standard as somebody who's been tidy all their lives!

You say you do a big clean-up every Saturday. I bet you feel really good when you stand back and look at your immaculate home afterwards. My psychological theory behind this is that you wouldn't feel so good if your home was like this 100% of the time ; you wouldn't have the same satisfaction as you get from seeing your untidy home tidy. Can you understand what I'm trying to say?

And I believe I'm right as I read about a neat freak housewife years ago who is always cleaning and tidying, if she has everything done she finds more to do! She looked like a woman full of tension. That's when my mother (RIP) and I formed the theory that you need to have an untidy home in order to appreciate it when it's tidy.