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Why am I so untidy?

  • 26-05-2009 11:29AM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Can someone PLEASE point me in the right direction on this one...

    I am THE most untidy person I know - not necessarily dirty (I hate that word) but untidy. I create mess, on purpose. For instance, I have a beautiful home and I spend the whole week PURPOSELY leaving stuff lying around, only to spend ALL day saturday cleaning. If I eat something at the couch, I leave the plate on the coffee table even though I may be walking back into the kitchen many times. I just think 'hey, I'll bring that in later'. But later never seems to come.
    I'm an avid reader. I read about 2 books a week but rather than put them back on the bookshelf when I'm finished, I PURPOSELY leave them somewhere so the house looks untidy. If I'm having a shower, I purposely leave the bathroom in a mess. I know I could clean it when I'm finished, but I leave the used towel there with the intention of putting it in the washbasket 'later'. But later tends to be a long time coming.

    This side of me is really getting me down and there is alot of emotion attached to it. I feel guilty constantly, because of the mess I'm creating around me. I am a woman in my 30s and I have a child & husband (he's worse!) and we seem to live in a constant mess. Even when I do a 'big-clean' it inevitably gets back to its messy state.
    Help???


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You said there's alot of emotion attached to it.

    Plenty of people are untidy but it doesn't bother them.

    Was you childhood home 'messy'? Perhaps you're just repeating what you saw as a child?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,814 ✭✭✭Gone Drinking


    You suffer from a well known disease called Laziness. It affects quite a few people across the country.

    Just think about putting your plate in the sink when you're finished, or the towel in the basket. It'll be less work for you later and it'll keep the place reasonably tidy.

    I used to be a little like yourself till i moved in with my girlfriend and she started kicking my ass over it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Seriously, am I JUST LAZY?? I relly feel there's some underlying emotional issue attached to this, I'm not joking.

    I've seen other peoples houses and on occassion, they'd be as untidy as mine but they genuinely don't seem to notice or care about letting other people see it.

    I'd be devestated if a friend saw how untidy I am. I tend not to invite people around...except for Saturdays when I do the cleaning.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 109 ✭✭Communicator


    I'm a bit like this so I have to disagree with the previous poster. It's not 'just' laziness.

    I got to the bottom of it in my case (through counselling - not for my untidyness specifically you understand!).

    When I was a kid, the main attention I got was when I was creating a mess in my bedroom or anywhere in the house. It was negative attention of course, my parents screaming at me to clean up etc, but as a kid, attention is attention, be it negative or positive. So I continued the pattern.

    Needless to say, my parents stopped screaming at me a long time ago but for a long while after I moved out of home, I continued to 'create' mess around me. But once I discovered WHY I did it and that I wouldn't get attention from it anymore, it all changed. I'm now the tidiest person you'll ever meet ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 103 ✭✭cufroige


    I would imagine if you were just being lazy that you would not feel guilty and you would not spend your saturdays cleaning!

    Sounds to me like you are a procrastinator. I have read somewhere that procrastination is linked to perfectionism.

    What else is going on in your life? What do you fear is not perfect? And as you know well, nothing & nobody will ever be perfect.

    As for changing this there is a website called 'flylady' or something and it's philosophy is very simple & surprisingly effective. It advises that you do some sort of housework for 15 minutes every day. No more no less, it keeps things from becoming unmanageable. It really works!! Even if it's just putting on a wash, folding the dried clothes & putting them away. Or cleaning up after dinner. It means your washing machine/ dishwasher is always free to load up!! A quick hoover / wash the floor...whatever it is, it's done. Always have an EMPTY laundry basket in or near your bathroom etc..

    For those of us ladies who are the ones who are usually left to do ALL the housework, spending hours a day cleaning up after everyone including ourselves, it is very useful to have a daily 15 min routine to keep on top of it all. You will probably spend SOME of Saturday cleaning anyway..but if you preceed saturday with 15 mins daily you will have 90mins LESS work to do!

    But you are procrastinating so maybe that'll be easier said than done.

    Examine why you are procrastinating.:eek:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 103 ✭✭cufroige


    You suffer from a well known disease called Laziness. It affects quite a few people across the country.

    Just think about putting your plate in the sink when you're finished, or the towel in the basket. It'll be less work for you later and it'll keep the place reasonably tidy.

    I used to be a little like yourself till i moved in with my girlfriend and she started kicking my ass over it.

    this HAS to be posted by a man!!!! They always put the plate in the 'magic sink' & the towel in the 'magic' basket, somehow they end up washed & back where they belong!!! AMAZING!!!!!
    Talk about lazy!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 720 ✭✭✭3greenrizla's


    You suffer from a well known disease called Laziness. It affects quite a few people across the country.

    I think I am also afflicted with this terrible illness, which also includes putitoffitis. my major affliction is creating piles, not the piles on your bottom (although this is a side affect of extreme cases) but piles of stuff that I will sort out later and piles of washing that are clean and dry but just need to be put away.

    I think the only way to cure this terrible illness is to follow the "do it now programme" it's tough, and I am just starting the programme now but I have seen the effects already. with the get it done programme you do things as soon as you think of them unless there is something else more important you should be doing.

    For example when I was reading your post I remembered that the clothes needed to be hung out and the dishes from last night needed to be put away, their both done now, and I am about to tackle the pile of crap on the coffee table.

    a possible cause of laziness/putitoffitis is smoking to much.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,814 ✭✭✭Gone Drinking


    cufroige wrote: »
    this HAS to be posted by a man!!!! They always put the plate in the 'magic sink' & the towel in the 'magic' basket, somehow they end up washed & back where they belong!!! AMAZING!!!!!
    Talk about lazy!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad:

    Sounds like you have some issues at home, maybe you should take it up with your boyfriend/husband (that isn't me by the way). I don't know were you're getting off commenting on my situation, when you clearly know nothing about me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,814 ✭✭✭Gone Drinking


    Seriously, am I JUST LAZY?? I relly feel there's some underlying emotional issue attached to this, I'm not joking.

    I've seen other peoples houses and on occassion, they'd be as untidy as mine but they genuinely don't seem to notice or care about letting other people see it.

    I'd be devestated if a friend saw how untidy I am. I tend not to invite people around...except for Saturdays when I do the cleaning.

    I'm sorry, but thinking that there's an underlying problem to as why you won't pick up after yourself just doesn't do it for me.

    Why not speak to your husband/bf about trying to make more of an effort TOGETHER. You said he's worse than you.

    Will you sit down and read two books a week when your house is in a mess?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,388 ✭✭✭✭r3nu4l


    Original Poster, there could be any number of reasons for your doing this. As has already been mentioned, perhaps it's an 'attention-seeking' thing from childhood.

    It may also be that when you are doing a 'big tidy', your husband is helping you and you feel emotionally more attached to him when you are both working together as a team.

    Another issue may be that you get a huge feeling of satisfaction when you turn that mess into tidiness, perhaps it fulfills a need for recognition of a job well done?

    There could be any number of reasons. When you think 'I'll do that later' ask yourself why you are thinking that. Ask why it isn't better to do it now. Then just do it and see how you feel. If you do let the mess build up, examine your emotions when you are tidying. Are you happy to be the one sorting out the mess, are you happy to be cleaning it together with your husband?

    If it really is more than just general 'putting it on the long finger' procrastination then you need to look at what's causing the behaviour and change it.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 720 ✭✭✭3greenrizla's


    cufroige wrote: »
    Sounds to me like you are a procrastinator. I have read somewhere that procrastination is linked to perfectionism.

    yes I am also the worlds greatest procrastinator, laziness is just probably a lazy way of saying it.

    OP do you also put off things in other parts of your life, have you done your taxes for last year? have you called that person you have been meaning to call for the last 2 weeks (In both cases I have not:o)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I think I read two books a week BECAUSE my house is in a mess. It's like 'I'll just read a couple of pages and tackle the house after' but I end up reading the whole book and the house never gets sorted.

    I'm not even talking about clutter here - I'm not a hoarder and I don't have any rooms or cupboards full of old junk.

    I just create ways to avoid 'putting the plate back in the sink'. I know that sounds ridiculous. I'm an (intelligent) woman with a good, well paid job etc etc - so on the surface, my house should at least be tidy. I KNOW that I'm avoiding putting the plate away or putting the washing into the washbasket and actually creating other things to do (like reading a book) and I'm trying to figure out why I'm avoiding it...rather than just bloody doing it.

    Why don't I just put the used towel in the washbasket? It can't be laziness (only) because I actually have to pass by the washbasket on my way out of the bathroom. So I could have the towel in my hand, but rather than just carry it with me to the washbasket, I leave it in the bathroom and spend the next few hours thinking 'I must put that towel in the washbasket'. God as I'm writing this, I'm sure I sound insane.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yes, I put other stuff off in my life too and then I get a huge surge of energy and do it all at the same time. I would perhaps make 10 phonecalls in one day, to all those people I kept meaning to call.

    Do you see, that's exactly what I'm talking about r3nu4l - it's the emotion attached to my reasons for not doing stuff that I need to get to the bottom off.

    My hubby knows I have self-esteem issues - I'd often use the expression 'My life is a mess' not in a depressed way, but just there are so many things going on in my head at once.

    He thinks I create a mess to reflect how my head is...?? Does that make sense?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 103 ✭✭cufroige


    Sounds like you have some issues at home, maybe you should take it up with your boyfriend/husband (that isn't me by the way). I don't know were you're getting off commenting on my situation, when you clearly know nothing about me.
    :D:D

    I know nothing about you, only that you have a magic sink & a magic laundry basket!! :D (I'm joking)

    I'm sorry you're offended, but did you not comment on the OP's situation by telling her she is just lazy? Do you clearly know something we don't?

    This has nothing to do with laziness.

    OP, if it's driving you mad, there's more to it. You are damaging your self esteem by berating yourself. Try to get in touch with the deeper issue. Do you have a 'gut feeling' about it?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,184 ✭✭✭nyarlothothep


    It could be that you just have your mind set on higher pursuits. I'm untidy aswell and one of the reasons is that I have more interesting things to do so I tolerate untidiness as long as it doesn't affect whatever I'm doing.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thats not it unfortunately! I haven't got more important things to do...the mess I create around me is constantly on my mind.

    My 'gut' feeling is that I create the mess so that I can constantly think about it and say I must clean that, or put that there...in order not to think about other stuff.

    God, Was that an epiphany????????


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 522 ✭✭✭Sugar Drunk


    to be honest I think its one of those situations where you are burying yourself in 'should' you know how it is 'I should put that away', 'I should be cleaning', I shouldn't leave things in a mess or go out instead of tidying the house etc etc
    the problem with 'should' is that you feel guilty about what you should be doing so even though you have created the mess you cant relax about it either its a vicious circle.

    So instead of deciding what you should be doing or what your house should look like decide what you want to be doing and what you want your house to look like!

    I am a bit of a messy hoarder and for years would beat myself up about it. Took a while to realise it all stemmed from years of living with my clean obsessed mother. Took even longer to realise that its okay to have dust on the mantlepiece or under the bed and ironing waiting to be done or a dishwasher waiting to be emptied. Life is too short to be stressing yourself out about these things especially if its not important to you.

    so write down what you want to do and then do it!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭LouOB


    Try changing your vocab, it recently helped me
    Rather than 'I must' or 'I have to'
    Change it to 'I will' or 'I am going to'

    Make a constructive effort. I get a great feeling after completing a task i.e. cleaning kitchen floor, washed all dirty clothes, fridge with weekly shopping etc. Small steps.
    Maybe also, keep lists and tick them off as you go i.e. 1. collect kids 2. wash kids 3. feed kids 4. buy food to feed kids etc


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thats not it unfortunately! I haven't got more important things to do...the mess I create around me is constantly on my mind.

    My 'gut' feeling is that I create the mess so that I can constantly think about it and say I must clean that, or put that there...in order not to think about other stuff.

    God, Was that an epiphany????????

    I was just about to say that.

    I put stuff off so it's at the forefront of my mind and then by concentrating on one thing, the other is put on the backburner.

    My room has been in a heap for weeks. Clothes every where - and also bank statements, fines, credit card bill and things to file. The clothes and mess are masking what I have to do.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,487 ✭✭✭banquo


    I used to be a little like yourself till i moved in with my girlfriend and she started kicking my ass over it.

    I hear that.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 103 ✭✭cufroige


    Thats not it unfortunately! I haven't got more important things to do...the mess I create around me is constantly on my mind.

    My 'gut' feeling is that I create the mess so that I can constantly think about it and say I must clean that, or put that there...in order not to think about other stuff.

    God, Was that an epiphany????????

    We nearly always have the answers to our own questions!!!

    "the truth will set you free".....Deal with the 'other stuff' OP


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Nobodys house or apartment has to look perfect but once you go below a certain standard you lose the will to ' keep on top ' . It's the clutter that smothering you OP .You need to do a bit of Feng Sui and perhaps train your minda bit ie, that plate goes out now , not later


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    Perhaps it's a form of OCD, having to mess the place up, only later to feel compelled to tidy on a Saturday? Try being messy on Saturday and tidy during the week just to see how that works.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    So............by default...........my house is a mess because I didn't get on with my mother.

    And if I deal with the fact that I didn't have a good relationship with my mother and that she died without speaking to me for four years, and there is no way of 'fixing' that issue, my house will be clean. What I'm doing is not accepting that I can't fix that issue and so, I create mess around me to distract me from that emotion.

    Even writing that down is theraputic.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    something just occured to me...both my childrens bedrooms are neat & tidy. I keep them that way all the time and have the kids 'trained' in their chores to keep their bedroom tidy...My bedroom on the other hand, is quite untidy.

    I'm begining to think this is actually about me, and the opinion I have of myself i.e. I believe my kids deserve tidiness and order around them but I don't believe I deserve it....

    Physician heal thysef eh?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    I am one of these persons who actually finds house cleaning theraputic as much as a necessity.We clean every day but once a week we have the' Deep clean ' were everything not tied down, get's pulled out and every corner blitzed. The same with tackling the garden .The mental and physical satisfaction afterwards is worth it .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Op you sound just like me! god it's reassuring to see someone is similar... i constantly avoid housework but its always on back of my mind i have to do it, also things like paper work builds up and I avoid doing it till last minute. usually have all the paper work i need mixed up everywhere, im a disaster keep saying ive to do it but will avoid it at all costs if i can, i hate tidying or organising things


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 944 ✭✭✭SwampThing


    Jaysus - I thought I'd been sleep-posting!

    Did someone nag the bejeezus out of you to be tidy or something and now you're 'rebelling'?


    Can someone PLEASE point me in the right direction on this one...

    I am THE most untidy person I know - not necessarily dirty (I hate that word) but untidy. I create mess, on purpose. For instance, I have a beautiful home and I spend the whole week PURPOSELY leaving stuff lying around, only to spend ALL day saturday cleaning. If I eat something at the couch, I leave the plate on the coffee table even though I may be walking back into the kitchen many times. I just think 'hey, I'll bring that in later'. But later never seems to come.
    I'm an avid reader. I read about 2 books a week but rather than put them back on the bookshelf when I'm finished, I PURPOSELY leave them somewhere so the house looks untidy. If I'm having a shower, I purposely leave the bathroom in a mess. I know I could clean it when I'm finished, but I leave the used towel there with the intention of putting it in the washbasket 'later'. But later tends to be a long time coming.

    This side of me is really getting me down and there is alot of emotion attached to it. I feel guilty constantly, because of the mess I'm creating around me. I am a woman in my 30s and I have a child & husband (he's worse!) and we seem to live in a constant mess. Even when I do a 'big-clean' it inevitably gets back to its messy state.
    Help???


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 197 ✭✭da_shivsta


    I'm the complete opposite! I'm obsessive about cleaning. I hoard things but they're all put away all tidy and in their place. EVERYTHING has it's place. If my bf is messy we have arguments over it. I enjoy cleaning but I hate when it's not appreciated and just gets messy after a short while unnecessarily. Just because I like doing it, doesn't mean I always should have to right?

    Anyway, point is, anyone have any ideas on why I'm so obsessive?:confused:


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    bashillasta...you should come over to my place coz NOTHING has a place at my place!

    And to answer your question, nobody nagged me about being tidy as a kid. My mam was about average - small house, 9 kids so she wasn't obsessively clean but wasn't as bad as me either. Our home had that 'lived-in' look.

    This issue really reared it's ugly head with me very recently when I dropped into an old friends house and I have to say that her house was a million times worse than mine. I mean there was stuff everywhere...you could hardly see her kitchen counter for dishes etc. But she welcomed me in with open arms and didn't even comment on the mess. Not once did she even say 'Don't mind the mess...'

    And it started me really thinking again about WHY I obsess so much over my mess and she can't even see her mess???

    Maybe I think people will judge me by my cleaning standards and if I do, why do I feel that way...

    I'd just love to get to the bottom of it and fix it. I'd love for it to just come automatically to me. Eat my dinner and put my plate in the sink. Automatic. Not eat my dinner, look at the empty plate and choose to ignore it and then let it annoy me for hours before I finally put it in the sink, having wasted 4 hours letting it annoy me !! Arrrrrrghhhh!


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