Who is should step in?

dollydrops

On Saturday night my little sisters best friends Mam died suddenly.
I won't go into the details of what happened to the poor woman but she had a bit of a drink problem and it was a very sudden death.
Anyway I was down in my Mams last night and my sister came in very upset she was after been down with the friend in the house. She explained that the father was in the pub since yesterday morning, that the two older brothers where in the kitchen (they are in their early 20's) drinking with about 15 of their friends and her friend was in the sitting room with her friends. She said that she was very upset and just sitting staring into space and that all she was talking about was that she had a fight with her mother and that her mother said something nasty to her that was the last thing she said to her. She had also found her mother dead. My sister said that some of the friends where trying to clean the house and put away clothes in the mothers bedroom where she was found and apparently the bed had not been changed and there was needles and gloves and masks from the paramedics when they were called.
When my mother heard this she nearly had a stroke and rang the friend and asked her would she like to come up and stay with my sister and she said she would so we collected her and all the teenagers left the house but the brothers friends where still there. My Mam rang the father to tell him that she was taking his daughter to stay and she said he didn't seem that bothered and just said he would let her know about the funeral arrangements.
I was talking to my Mam this morning she had to call in sick to work today because she couldn't leave her on her own.
This poor child is only 15 and has to do her junior cert in two weeks time she has just lost her mother and nobody else in the family seem to give a **** about her.
My Mam doesn't know what to do.
She said she is going to bring her down to her house to get a change of clothes and to speak to the father but she doesn't know what to say. I know the man has only lost his wife but he still has a very vulnerable teenage daughter that he is responsible for.
My Mam doesn't mind the friend staying as she is a really nice kid and she wants to make sure she is ok but at the end of the day what if the father continues like this what will become of the kid. There doesn't seem to be any other family.

Abi

dollydrops wrote: »

On Saturday night my little sisters best friends Mam died suddenly.
I won't go into the details of what happened to the poor woman but she had a bit of a drink problem and it was a very sudden death.
Anyway I was down in my Mams last night and my sister came in very upset she was after been down with the friend in the house. She explained that the father was in the pub since yesterday morning, that the two older brothers where in the kitchen (they are in their early 20's) drinking with about 15 of their friends and her friend was in the sitting room with her friends. She said that she was very upset and just sitting staring into space and that all she was talking about was that she had a fight with her mother and that her mother said something nasty to her that was the last thing she said to her. She had also found her mother dead. My sister said that some of the friends where trying to clean the house and put away clothes in the mothers bedroom where she was found and apparently the bed had not been changed and there was needles and gloves and masks from the paramedics when they were called.
When my mother heard this she nearly had a stroke and rang the friend and asked her would she like to come up and stay with my sister and she said she would so we collected her and all the teenagers left the house but the brothers friends where still there. My Mam rang the father to tell him that she was taking his daughter to stay and she said he didn't seem that bothered and just said he would let her know about the funeral arrangements.
I was talking to my Mam this morning she had to call in sick to work today because she couldn't leave her on her own.
This poor child is only 15 and has to do her junior cert in two weeks time she has just lost her mother and nobody else in the family seem to give a **** about her.
My Mam doesn't know what to do.
She said she is going to bring her down to her house to get a change of clothes and to speak to the father but she doesn't know what to say. I know the man has only lost his wife but he still has a very vulnerable teenage daughter that he is responsible for.
My Mam doesn't mind the friend staying as she is a really nice kid and she wants to make sure she is ok but at the end of the day what if the father continues like this what will become of the kid. There doesn't seem to be any other family.

Thats a tough one. Was the father much of a drinker previous to this? Would he have been in the pub a lot, or is this his way of numbing the pain? It sounds like the family is falling assunder. Im not sure what the right answer is here. The Dad doesnt seem to be in a fit state to get a handle on all of this.

If it were me, I would get in touch with social services, not to get the dad in trouble or anything. But they could be able to help the family. I dont think your mam alone will be able to handle this situation. Everyone seems to want to numb their grief with drink, so its going to need a firm hand

dollydrops

TBH yes I think he was a heavy drinker before this.
I think the kid really had to fend for herself alot of the time.

I said it to my Mam about social services but she really doesn't want to make the situation worse for the family at the moment.

LegacyUser

i wouldn't call social services like the other poster said. Perhaps at some stage the girl herself may have to go to the authorities to seek supports, but at this vulnerable moment it could stir up all sorts of trouble for her if an outsider did it.

Are there any strong relatives? grandparents, uncles or aunts that the girl trusts?

You and your mother are doing a nice thing and should continue to be there for her at this moment in time, give her advice on how to talk to the school, comfort her.

It sounds like she is well used to looking out for herself in life and tragic as it seems she will have to continue in this, but if you continue to be a good friend it will help her no end.

lynnsback

Ala-teen could offer great support to this girl. It is a group that helps teenagers dealing with alcoholism in the family.

username123

lynnsback wrote: »

Ala-teen could offer great support to this girl. It is a group that helps teenagers dealing with alcoholism in the family.

+1

I would also get your mother to gently ask the father is there any family the young girl could stay with at the moment, and frame it as though its to make his life easier whereas really its to put the girl into a stable environment.