Men's opinion, again for post-breakup!

SunInDublin

SO,

Im wondering what is the deal about "sex with an ex"

It was mind blowing to me that a guy who breaks up with someone he so call "love so much", can try to have sex !!

I know that sex is different for guys, god knows you guys can have sex with someone you dont care about but can you really have sex with an ex you really loved and think its not gonna affect you!???

We are broken up 4 months now, trying to do the no contact, im not contacting him, he is contacting me, i heard the whole 2still not over us", miss you etc...i know he doesnt want to get back together, im still gonna be older than him it wont change with time obviously! he still obviously have that massive attraction for me, we had it all good if it wasnt for age difference, told me i was "it" for him, perfect in everyway but the age gap was..etc how he hates to have met me now in his life.... ANYWAY, im not stupid, its the typical case of not getting any elsewhere, i understand that, he hasnt been with anyone since or maybe he did and it wasnt good who knows, dont know and dont care BUT it makes me question everything we had, how can he imagine that we would have sex and feelings would not count!!!??

I told him that, i told why are you keep trying, find someone else for that!!
i said i dont think it would be good idea to get into this cos at the ned of the day the next morning we will still be broken up and it would feel awful to have great sex but then reality would come in...told him it would not help the getting over each other!

his answer, "i dont know, dont know til we try but i dont know"

Could you seriously have sex with an ex you loved deeply and not think it would be worst, can you really difference it all in your male mind!!;)

Now im starting to think maybe he never honestly loved me in the first place!

Opinion please!!!!

Wagon

SunInDublin wrote: »

Could you seriously have sex with an ex you loved deeply and not think it would be worst, can you really difference it all in your male mind!!;)

Couldn't do it myself, I'd never sleep with an ex. The feelings and memories are still there. then again, maybe im weird cos i can't do the emotionless sex thing either. bit strange for a man

from what ive seen, women are also quite good at what you are describing This lad seems the exact same. Wants sex but with no strings. He's coming for you because you're his ex and he feels that he has a good chance with getting a shag out of you because you've done it before. It's easier for him. The next day you can expect the excuses of why you still can't be a couple and possibly not hearing from him for a while.

So just ignore him. Pretty shallow and annoying thing to do and i can understand your frustration but don't worry. there's still some good men out there, they're just harder to find

SunInDublin

Thanks Wagon!!

you are a rare breed!!

Thank god i have senses, probably told him a thousand times now it wont happen and even encouraging him to find someone else with who he will have a chance but hes not getting it through his head!
cos he knows sex was good for both of us i will get back in......
no way jose!!!

Anyway, nice to know at least ONE guy in Dublin is a good one!!

you're golden Wagon!

Slow Motion

What Wagon said! He sounds pretty shallow and immature, particularly if he has a hang up over an age difference, tell him not to contact you and move on, there are plenty of decent guys out there look for one of them!

seanybiker

Wouldnt be able to do that meself either. It would be way to weird to have sex with me ex. Was never one for the 'wham bam, see ya later sex' meself.
Dont give in to your ex. He sounds like a bit of a gob****e to be honest.

lehcar

Wagon wrote: »

maybe im weird cos i can't do the emotionless sex thing either. bit strange for a man

You're not weird, I can't do that either. Found out via two occasions, felt bad after both, so no one nighters here.

Sun, agree with the others. He may not be nasty, but immature--and disrespectful at the very least, by not accepting your refusal.

Wibbs

I have found in very broad terms that while some women who dump a guy, will often want to keep him around as a "friend" to keep the emotional support in play until someone else takes over, some men will try and keep the sexual bit in play in the same situation. Both can be confusing to the dumped one. The guys think because the ex is still talking to them and sharing emotionally that they may have a chance with her. Nope. Unless she starts sleeping with you again on top of that, forget about it. Same with ex sex for a woman. She'll think that if theyre having sex he'll want to rekindle the relationship, but unless he's making an emotional commitment then again forget about it.

Wibbs

I would add that for me personally, I couldn't have ex sex with someone I was in love with. Well I could but I know I would regret it, if it wasn't a definite step in being with her again as a couple. Indeed if I was hoping for that I would hold off on the sex, until that was decided.

Gyalist

SunInDublin wrote: »

Thanks Wagon!!

you are a rare breed!!

Thank god i have senses, probably told him a thousand times now it wont happen and even encouraging him to find someone else with who he will have a chance but hes not getting it through his head!
cos he knows sex was good for both of us i will get back in......
no way jose!!!

Anyway, nice to know at least ONE guy in Dublin is a good one!!

you're golden Wagon!

Being unable to have emotionless sex does not necessarily make someone a "good" person. All that it means is that the person has a preference for sex with someone that they have an emotional connection with.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Would be able to have sex with an ex I had no interest in getting back with.

If I still had real feelings for her it would be too complicated/difficult.

Otis Driftwood

Wibbs wrote: »

I couldn't have ex sex with someone I was in love with. Well I could but I know I would regret it, if it wasn't a definite step in being with her again as a couple. Indeed if I was hoping for that I would hold off on the sex, until that was decided.

100% agree with this.

OP,not all blokes are emotionless sex fiends.

Wagon

SunInDublin wrote: »

Thanks Wagon!!

you are a rare breed!!

I'm not really but glad i could help.

lehcar wrote: »

You're not weird, I can't do that either. Found out via two occasions, felt bad after both, so no one nighters here.

Glad to know im not alone!:)

SunInDublin

ok so what im getting so far is , if a guy still have some kind of sentimental connection, feelings for his ex that he borke up with than he wouldnt have sex or want sex with her and if he was over the feelings than he would have no problems having sex with her.
Im generalising here i know but ball park it seems that way...

I know it can be the same for woman although Wibbs as usual have a very good view about it.

For my ex so far in his speech it has been..if it was good for both of us then why not try to see if it would be weird or not....im thinking....mmmm yes it would be !!!!!!!!!!

Im sticking to my guns on this, told him a million times now, "i dont sleep with guys I dont date", the fact hes an ex falls in that category, even more so.
cant have his cake and eat it too, doesnt love me enough to stay with me but sure horny enough to sleep with me.
I feel so disrespected little by little...hes clearly over me even tho he prentends not to be!

Oh well, as said earlier in a post, i used to think of him being so mature but now im starting to see how imature he is and yes, shallow.

How wrong i was bout him its ridiculous.

Wagon

SunInDublin wrote: »

How wrong i was bout him its ridiculous.

Look on the bright side. you found this out now rather than way down the line when things would have been much harder to get over.

One of the rules i have is that i dont go for girls below a certiain age barrier. One of my mates has the same theory, i got it from him. If there's a "teen" in the age (ie. nineteen, eighteen, seventeen) dont go near her. It's just a good way to save yourself the hassle of having to deal with the immaturity that inevatably goes with it. 99% of times this is a pretty accurate filter too! It saves headaches and getting hurt too. I learned this the hard way.

By matter of interest, how old is he?

SunInDublin

Ah well no way i would close to that "een" thingy, hell no! already my ex was a strech for me, he is a very stubborn person and it took me a long time to finaly go out with him..
for the record hes 24, and im way .. 35 looking much younger ence why he was interested in the first place!! at times you would of think he was the mature one, well by going out with him in the first place i obviously didnt show much maturity didnt i !;) daa!
But i got with the fact that age is just a number, if things are good and you are getting along then what the hell...i didnt think far in the future, its not the way i am.

Anyway, you have good point little Wagon, good way to think!

Darr3nG

OK, I'll throw in with my experience here...

I've had sex with a few ex's now and my experience is that sometimes one of the people has more feelings than the other and is open to being hurt. Doesn't always happen, most of the time, for me, it was a rewarding experience - maybe I was the one with less feeling!

As to how and why it happened, I've never fallen out with any of the girls I've been with. A few are still great friends, one's the mother of my kids! Definately the comfort factor. Attraction is a given in this situation, you were with this person for a time and obviously fancied them. If the sex was good when you were together, there's no reason for it to be any different, physically at least.

OP, if you still have feelings for the guy and want something more, I'd suggest not sleeping with him, but if you wanna have a bit of fun - and leave it at fun - sure, go ahead, you're both adults.