Why do men do this???

LegacyUser

I've know a guy for the last ten years ago. Close family friend. Bit older than me but always having the craic. I've always liked him a bit more than I should but he's been involved with someone for quite a while. They aren't married or living together but are together. Recently he's started to become extra attentive. If I meet him out in the pub I feel his eyes contantly on me. Also whenever he is around (which recently has been alot more than usual) he's always playfully touching me plus there is all this tension that has to be coming from somewhere.
I do like him but getting involved with someone who is already involved with someone else is not my style. I'd love for something to happen but not going down the road of hurting someone else. Am I reading to much into this?
He's the greatest guy in the world so I'm not sure that coming onto another girl would be his style.
Any advice would be appreciated. Its driving me mad! Thanks in advance!!

cowzerp

He just likes the attention from a younger girl, same happens with women too so its not unique to men

LegacyUser

You think that it's just an attention thing?? If I turned around and said that I'd like to go for drink sometime, he'd freak and ask what I was talking about???? Or would he actually want something to happen?????

cowzerp

it depends on his relationship and his commitment, assuming things are good with his relationship i'd say he'd gently let you down and the flirting would be over..

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

He's the greatest guy in the world

Maybe he's picked up on the adulation, I certainly have. What guy (or girl) wouldn't be flattered and enjoy being on the receiving end of admiring looks/attention?

Prolly best to back off for a bit and get your head around the idea that he's a mere mortal, just like the rest of us, albeit a nice one. Best look elsewhere for an OH, for now at least.
The pedestal thing just doesn't have a good history. Sorry.

finbarrk

He obviously fancies you. But he would like to have you as a bit on the side, so it's up to you if you want to go down that road.

Abi

Unregistered wrote: »

I've know a guy for the last ten years ago. Close family friend. Bit older than me but always having the craic. I've always liked him a bit more than I should but he's been involved with someone for quite a while. They aren't married or living together but are together. Recently he's started to become extra attentive. If I meet him out in the pub I feel his eyes contantly on me. Also whenever he is around (which recently has been alot more than usual) he's always playfully touching me plus there is all this tension that has to be coming from somewhere.
I do like him but getting involved with someone who is already involved with someone else is not my style. I'd love for something to happen but not going down the road of hurting someone else. Am I reading to much into this?
He's the greatest guy in the world so I'm not sure that coming onto another girl would be his style.
Any advice would be appreciated. Its driving me mad! Thanks in advance!!

If you really feel that this guy is giving you signals, address the matter. Tell him you do like him, but he has a girlfriend and cheating is not your thing.

Tbh. How would you know that he wouldn't do the same on you?

LegacyUser

Happened again this evening. We were completely alone and all this tension. I thought he was going to kiss me. Was tempted to say something but his phone rang and moment was gone. Feel silly. This is beginning to sound line a bad story line from a soap but it's my life at the moment

CDfm

Some people do that and try to hook up with someone else before a relationship ends and its not just men who do it. It wouldnt be my thing either.

zeslim

Don't be the other woman. If you think you might want to have a relationship with him in the future, beginning it with a betrayal of some kind doesn't seem like the best option.

As for your question, I say 'Why do women let them?'

Joey the lips

I dont understand what he has done! I just think that you might be giving out confusing signals or are a little confused.

Hope I am not offending I dont mean to.

Put you neck out and say someting like " Any chance you'd take me to see star trk (:rolleyes:) friday I am dying to see it"

lehcar

Abigayle wrote: »

If you really feel that this guy is giving you signals, address the matter. Tell him you do like him, but he has a girlfriend and cheating is not your thing.

Tbh. How would you know that he wouldn't do the same on you?

+1

OP, I'm assuming you're mid-late 20s. Sounds to me like he's interested.

You should ask "How are things with Mary?" If things are great, then it was a friendly inquiry, you're happy for him, and you can move on.

If things aren't great with Mary, then you can choose the "If it doesn't work out, give me a shout" approach. You're confirming your interest, and also letting him know he has to sort out his current situation before you'll get involved. That's very important for all three of you, and for you especially--setting a marker re your boundaries for the future.

The Sweeper

OP here again wrote: »

Happened again this evening. We were completely alone and all this tension. I thought he was going to kiss me. Was tempted to say something but his phone rang and moment was gone. Feel silly. This is beginning to sound line a bad story line from a soap but it's my life at the moment

If you don't want to hurt anybody, and getting involved with someone who's already involved isn't your style, why are you laying yourself out there like the deli counter?

If you think that man is going to kiss you, and you don't want to hurt anybody, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, calm down, call a friend as a chaperone or send yourself home.

You didn't interrupt that moment. His phone did.

Actions, not words - think a few moves forwards. If you're not happy to weather the hate-storm from his missus and what will probably be the hurt surprise (at best) from your own family, then don't put yourself in a position where you're alone with him.

Everyone goes through times when they're a bit low, a bit bored, a bit over their other half (though they can still love them very much), a bit tired of life. Most people get over it. However, if someone waltzes in and turns the big spotlight of attention on you when you're feeling like that, you're far more responsive to those advances than you would be if you were feeling good and you and your partner were going through a good stretch.

You're the gal with the spotlight. He's the bloke who's a bit bored.

If bloke is a decent bloke, and likes you, he'd ditch his other half, spend some time on his own, figure out what he wants from life, and then ask the few-years-his-junior daughter of the family he's friends with out on a date.

Put a higher price on yourself than a quick fumble in the corner with a guy you've had a long-term crush on.

And I don't mean to be cruel, but if you have a fantastic bout of slap n tickle with him, you'll probably walk away starry eyed and filled with adoration, but he could turn on you with a degree of obnoxiousness you've never experienced in your life - especially if he regrets it, he's scratched an itch and now he stands to lose his long-term partner.

Be very, very careful. You're the one who could get badly hurt here.

kittenkiller

Some guys will make passes on other girls/women when they have someone waiting for them at home, no matter what the circumstances are.
There's no win in this situation unless you want a rushed drunken fumble never to be spoken about again.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but this guy is no good for anyone at the moment.
Give him another 10 years and see if he grows up at all.

Best of luck.

da_shivsta

I wouldn't say 10 years now exactly, maybe back off for a while.
If he's still with his partner in a year or two, you know that he was just a bit bored or restless.
If they break up, you know he's free and you can make your move.
If you don't want to wait that long, then it's obvious that it was just a kind of crush that had no real basis on anything concrete.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice. I don't want to hurt anyone or get hurt. I think I'm just going to ignore it and hope it blows over. I'm not too got at the whole confrontation thing especially when it comes to matters of the heart.