Finding out your ex has a new fella

Otis Driftwood

Not arsed going unregged for this and I know its a very minor thing compared to what some people are going through but I just wanted a little vent.

Found out yesterday that my ex(she ended it about 5 months ago) has a new boyfriend and I have to say my initial reaction was that I felt totally gutted and Im not really sure why.We happened to meet on the street by chance and went for a coffee,it was the first time we had seen eachother or had contact since the split so it was great to catch up.Of course it was initially very awkward but after 15 minutes it was like we had never been apart.We were just talking about what we were at with ourselves etc and she happened to mention she has been seeing someone for a few weeks.Now it wasnt that she was rubbing it in my face because she was embarrassed having said it - she very visibly flushed etc - so thats not the issue.

I just said good for you,I hope he treats you well etc but on the inside I was reeling.

Of course I had thought about her in the previous months but I genuinely thought I was totally over her(I probably am but that old spark was still there)so how I felt kind of shocked me.

I know its probably a common reaction but right at this moment I feel like I did in the immediate aftermath of the break up,the scab has well and truly been picked.I was just wondering if many/any boardsies have had a similar experience and how did you deal with it?

Cheers,
A very confused Neddy.

Cupcake_Crisis

I think everyone feels that way when they find out an ex has someone new, especially when its someone you really cared about. The way i look at it is that i knew it was gonna happen eventually so now i can stop waiting and just get on it with. Shes probably gonna go through the same emotions when you get together with someone new.

LegacyUser

Hi op
Bumping into your ex and reacting the way you did is completely normal! Imo it's always hard to hear your ex has moved on and is with someone new! You said that you split up several months and you thought you were over her, more than likely you are. You would've tried to make contact before if you thought you should be together and don't know the circumstances but you must've split up for a reason.Just because you both enjoyed a coffee and it felt like old times, doesn't mean that the old problems aren't there anymore (like I said before, don't know the circumstances). Don't know if you've dated since the split and maybe this has made you romanticise the past....! Hope this helps

Nervous Wreck

nedtheshed wrote: »

I genuinely thought I was totally over her(I probably am but that old spark was still there)so how I felt kind of shocked me.

IME, you're never fully over someone until you've dealt with them being with someone else. Keep your head up and go back to no contact. Have your fun too and soon this feeling'll blow over. Time and space, buddy.

thee glitz

Ye, it's a very common feeling. It's worse as well that you only met her by chance, she wasnt trying to rub your face in it. I've had enough PI's myself and the only thing that's really worked for me is time and space. That and a good night out with the lads, meeting new people. As is often said around here, try taking up night courses, a new sport... It seems that you were fine though until you met her. You're a decent lad to be able to wish her well and there's someone else for you probably not too far away. Then you'll be able to go for all the coffees you want with her (or the oh of of course).

LegacyUser

ah this little clanger......

this is good. no really it is. it can be a kick in the goolies but sometimes it means that ur not just letting go of her, you're reclaiming yourself.

the period between when u split with someone and u or they move on is a comfort zone. when u hear they have moved on you kinda focus again. the reason your pissed off is prob more the fact you aint been chasing skirt coz u hadnt realised the whistle had blown.

It was kind of you to wish her well. now give yourself a pat on the back and push out the door.

with love,
el