How to stop giving a sh*t what people think!

LegacyUser

How do you do this?

How do you divorce yourself from caring what other people think about you? This has to be the key to happiness for me.

Im out tonight and I start thinking everything I do, the way I dress, the way I walk into the room, the way I order a drink, go to the toilet or talk to a girl, everything I do is geared towards making others like me or think Im cool or at least not think Im a total idiot!


I imagine it maybe stems from insecurity or low self esteem but what positive steps can you take to really just behave in the way you feel is right and not care what way others perceive you?

lisajane

I used to be like that. I dont know how i got over it though. If someone else has a problem with you, that's their problem. Tell them where to go.

brian ireland

I think you change as you get older. Possibly when you experience some really ****ty things in your life friends and family getting really sick or death arrives. After you kinda move on and only care about the important things and people in your life.

Its really important if you change and don't care what people think that you don't loose respect for people.

This might sound a bit corny but its true. Learn to love yourself and everything will fall into place.

Jet Black

Its confidence in yourself you need, Ive seen quite unattractive in a bar and a little bit of confidence in themselfs made them really likeable.

Failing that you could do what I do and think 'I will never see these people again' and act whatever way I feel comfortable. <this one works for me anyway...

Thoushaltnot

Most people are pretty much preoccupiued by themselves and their own deals, most of the time. It's human nature.

So, when you walk ito a bar, it'll register with others for a millisecond (unless you fall in drunk, violent, etc. and they have to get away from you/make a grand entrance) and they'll get right back to whatever they were thinking about.

It also seems to be more of a younger persons problem. Was there myself.
Now I just get on with it. I don't have the energy for all this worrying anymore, only for being myself.

lehcar

As the others said, it does get better with age--provided you learn and grow as you move thru life. You meet serious situations over time, and they change your perspective.

If you're young [teen/20s] and suffering this, that's probably not much consolation right now. Nor is the likelihood that most others your age have the same problem.

Talk it over with your really close friends--those you know will be honest with you. At least, finding you're all in the same boat should help you realize there isn't something 'wrong' with you.

Learn to love yourself and everything will fall into place.

Yep, you show/train people how to treat you. Present yourself as a doormat, some will walk on you. Show you like yourself, and more will like you too.

It's not easy. But you're not alone, and it does get better.

legend365

Be happy in yourself and you'll forget about other's perspective.

Im still at a similiar stage myself but if im out enjoying myself i tend to forget about things that dont matter and smile

Mrmoe

I think the key aspect to realize is that people generally do not care about what other people do. As a result you should be free to do whatever you want. I find in general people do not care so never mind what they say or do that might make yourself feel insecure.

omlette

I've been feeling in a similar way just recently. Accept I don't worry about what strangers think of me. It's being in a big group of friends. Someone said to me recently that I wasn't fun and it has really made me want to hide and not be out in a group. My confidence in large groups - whether friends or not - was never the highest, but now it has been knocked for six.
However, I am sick of it, and am making a decision to get over it and be myself again! Like some of the responses here have said, I think some amount of training yourself has to go into it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If you improve yourself - like workout in a gym and do a bit of training you'll get more positive attention which will make you more confident and help with the caring thing.

Kinetic^

How old are you OP? I found it to be one of those things that generally went away with age.

kmick

Unregistered wrote: »

How do you do this?
How do you divorce yourself from caring what other people think about you? This has to be the key to happiness for me.
Im out tonight and I start thinking everything I do, the way I dress, the way I walk into the room, the way I order a drink, go to the toilet or talk to a girl, everything I do is geared towards making others like me or think Im cool or at least not think Im a total idiot!
I imagine it maybe stems from insecurity or low self esteem but what positive steps can you take to really just behave in the way you feel is right and not care what way others perceive you?

You talk of "the key to happiness". You seem to tie this to some notion that of you were able to walk into a bar and confidently order a drink this would make you happy.

However it strikes me that you are uncomfortable with yourself in a general sense. Do you know why this is? Sit down and make a list of things you like about yourself. Ask your friends what they think your good points are. Build on these. Inch your confidence up. Dont let others tear it down. If someone says something nasty to you examine their motives, analyse what you know about the person - having perspective on others helps you to have perspective on yourself. Be fair to people and people will be fair to you. You need to go inside yourself and rebuild. Good luck

matchthis

Why don't you forget what others think(easier said than done i know). The benefit of this will be, you will attract people who will like you when you're being yourself. These people will be friends, rather than people you know.
It wil make things alot easier as you will eventually forget all about this sence of paranoia and life will become alot better

Porkpie

Unregistered wrote: »

How do you divorce yourself from caring what other people think about you?

It's okay to think like this sometimes, but when it becomes all-consuming you have a problem. I think in reality most people care at least a little what others think about them. Those people that seem to not care at all in fact do. It's like those that appear super confident, I guarantee you that deep down they have their own little insecurities like all of us. Don't worry about it too much, try to improve your true confidence and keep your mind busy enough not to be troubled by all these thoughts.

buckieburd

When you feel uncomfortable in the pub ie thinking what will people think of what I'm wearing etc, take a moment and ask yourself, am I looking at everyone else and judging what they are wearing/how they look? The answer will be no, and 99.9% of the rest of the people there will be too busy worrying about themselves to be judging you. The 0.01% that do are a**holes any way!

LegacyUser

Op, im the same as you but getting much much better , and despite what people here think, i dont think its just a matter of growing out of it, i had gotten worse.

It all stems from a lack of confidence in yourself, analyzing everything you do, wanting to be perfect in the way you dress, in what you say to someone, in how you walk, etc, but recently I started alot of hypnosis for confidence online, on the likes of youtube and some uncommon knowledge mp3s (a psychology website and forum) etc.
Its starting to work wonders , im gonna keep at it though because I know Ill fade back to the way I was if I dont embed it into me. Recently Ive found myself saying or doing something normal and genuinely not caring what the other person thinks

Basically hypnosis is like being put into deep concentration , where nothing is distracting you and while your deeply concentrating thats when the hypnotist 'embeds' words into you, just stuff like, "you are relaxed", "you are really confident", "you dont care what people think". Theyre called affirmations. At the moment your probably telling yourself negative stuff without even realising it, this breaks down your confidence, hypnosis fights that.

Its working so well now that im considering actually going to pay for a hypnotist as its supposed to be far far better.

Heres a few to start, but remember you need patience, and you have to listen to what they are saying when they describe telling you how to relax.
And dont make the common mistake by expecting to fall asleep or go unconscious , you dont , its quite the opposite you become deeply concentrated and highly aware of what your listening to.

SNIP no youtube links in PI

It really works and its obvious why it works, if you tell yourself something enough times you WILL believe it

good luck

strongbluebell

It seems to me that striking the balance is the thing. Not caring at all about what others think can be a problem too. We all need a certain amount of approval from others to normalise ourselves and to feed our self esteem.

But caring too much to the extent that it inhibits you from leading a full life is not good. If you spend so much time thinking about yourself and what others think of you remember that the chances are a lot of other people are doing the same to varying degrees. They might give you a glance and then get back to their main preoccupation of thinking about themselves and their worries.

Believe in yourself, sometimes you'll get it wrong but lots of times you'll get it right too.

We just seem to be programmed to notice the things we get wrong. Think for a while of the times you get it right, the people who love you just the way you are.

LegacyUser

OP here,


Thanks for all the replies fellas. I was a bit down on Saturday night .


I just want to say it comes across in my op that I just want to do whatever I want and disrespect others etc. but thats not what I meant at all, even if I could not give one solitary crap what others thought I would still have manners and respect for people and thats something I value very highly.

Its basically just about getting a bit more self confidence I think. Im very athletc/good at sports and have a very good education and job, I have a huge array of interests and have a good sense of humour (can always take a joke) but there is just one aspect of my appearance that has always held me back and Im very self concious about

Not much I can do about it, I just have to learn to live with it but it can be tough.