How to allow myself to enjoy intimacy without the guilt

LegacyUser

Might be a strange one but said i'd put it out here and see if anyone has found themselves in a similar situation.

Four years ago I found myself pregnant after a one night stand and it has honestly taken me until now to get over the shock of it all, have not gone on a date or even kissed anyone in that time not talking about having sex. I now feel I'm ready to get back out on the dating scene or even just back out enjoying myself. What I really would like is some intimacy without any strings attached as a starting point, the problem is that I have never been a woman to put things out there and have always had the need to feel comfortable with someone before sleeping with them, the one night stand was completely the opposite of my personality back then.

However i've decided to head back out and try with a bit of luck find friendship with possible relationship etc. My problem is that I can't let go of the idea of the need to be in a relationship with someone before having sex but realistically i'm aware the dating scene has changed and it is more the norm than the exception to have sex in the early weeks of a relationship. Ideally I would like to be able to go out and have no strings attached sex but i'm not sure I can deal with it, iykwim as it's going totally against my thinking.

Anyone any tips on how to maybe allow myself to go out enjoy a sexual experience without feeling guilty or dirty about it the following morning if it goes no further, thanks for reading?

MariMel

Hi.....

Found myself in an almost identical situation.......and didnt have sex for almost four and a half years after my child was born!
I was so digusted that at 27 I had been stupid enough to get 'caught'.

OP please pm me if you feel like it.
Took me a while to get myself into the swing of things again....but I did.
I reclaimed a part of me that had been long missing.

good luck x x

Magic8

Unregistered wrote: »

My problem is that I can't let go of the idea of the need to be in a relationship with someone before having sex but realistically i'm aware the dating scene has changed and it is more the norm than the exception to have sex in the early weeks of a relationship.

You're under no obligation whatsoever to have casual sex or to have it early on in the relationship - and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you need to be in a relationship to enjoy sex, then don't compromise yourself. Take it as slowly as you need to take it, you don't have to sacrifice your self respect. Any guy who doesn't accept or understand that isn't worth having.

Soul Stretcher

Don't worry about what everyone else is doing !!

Listen to your gut instinct and do what you are comfortable with.... from the sound of your post, I don't think you are emotionally in the right place to go bed-hopping at the moment with strangers.... Your confidence in the area needs to be rebuilt first... what about exploring the Friends with Benefits route.... more emotional stability and could help you get back in the swing of things....

As a single man, I'm always available to help out single ladies in distress with meaningless wanton one-night stands ! (Joking...kinda...emmm.. ok ...pm me... hehe).

Seriuosly, believe me, there is a strong demand for women like you who want to reawaken their sexual side.... I'm guess I'm saying don't undervalue yourself and let it go too cheaply.... especially if you tend to feel gullty afterwards - could do more emotional harm than good...

But, hey, what do I know ? Being a man ? :pac:

Good Luck & stay safe

LegacyUser

Sorry only getting to check the replies, thank you all for your kindness. Since posting it's made me think a good bit and I'm not willing to compromise on my principles (for the moment...) and will take the whole dating scene at my pace and see what happens, it was good to get positive replies I don't feel so weird about my antics or lack of them, thank you all again.