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What would you do ?

  • 22-05-2009 04:44PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Ive been friends with this girl for 20 years. We raised our kids together and helped each other through all the hassles and tears that came along. We went out regularly and away on holidays with the kids and as couples as well.

    The past few years I feel she is freezing me out. I tackled her a couple of years ago and she said that I was wrong and nothing had changed. She was delighted to have me as a friend.

    However, nothing has changed. I cant remember the last time she asked us out. They go out with another couple now and we are never asked. I used to say to let us know when their going out and we could make a night of it. but we have never been asked... not once. We did arrange to go out last October weekend. I txt her when we were leaving the house and she phoned me back saying she had forgotten we were going out and they were staying in.

    She has told me shes not too fond the the girl they go out with so im just really confused as to what has happened.

    Im a bit nervous about approaching her about this in case she just says im being jealous. I know ive been a good friend to her and im always there if she needs some support. But im more confused than anything else.

    Also im not sure if these 2 couples are talking about us. We were at a party a couple of weeks ago. Myself and my boyfriend didnt even sit in their company as there was no room. But we were stared at all night by this other couple.

    I dont know... what would you do ?

    By the way... were all in our 40s. so this carry on is ridiculous. Its like something you would discuss in the school yard.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 193 ✭✭wicklowgal


    Personally, I would drop her.If she doesn't want to ever go out with you or ask you out, there's no reason for you to be friends.

    If you want you could ask her for coffee or something, so that the 2 of u could be alone and ask her what's going on. If she comes out with the 'you're just jealous' remark, just tell her you thought u were friends and leave it. Don't waste time with people like her, she's not a real friend. I'm sure u can find other people to go out with who won't backstab u.

    Good Luck whatever u choose.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi Op,

    You sound like a good friend, she doesn't. I would drop her as hard as it may be after 20 years, you deserveto be treated better than that. She could be jealous of you, or maybe she thinks her partner fancies you. (Men can be very clever at getting a reaction in this dept.) You just don't know what is going on in her head but after 20 years of friendship an explanation is the least you should expect. For now I think the friendship is over.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 36 lehcar


    Agree with others, she's given you a clear signal for years now--her actions are worth 10 times her words. Time to acknowledge it and move on.

    Who knows what the reason is, so don't burn yourself up about it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm sorry but she sounds like a useless cnut.

    I have little time for people who don't explain themselves and expect us to pick up on hints and figure out what they are thinking ourselves. We are not telepathic.

    Your friend is rude as well as selfish.

    My best friend of 20+ years got married and pretty much distanced herself from me slowly but surely wanting to do her own thing. It was really really hurtful and like you I had no explanation.

    Now every so often I go the extra mile to be successful and to do something I know she is too lazy to do, because it will drive her crazy to see me succeed without her in my life.

    I sound vengeful! But it's something that I secretly get pleasure out of doing :)

    Good luck.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here


    Thanks for all the replies. Ive taken your advice and finally closed the door on the friendship.

    Ive stopped contacting her and ill wait and see if she asks me whats up and ill have a chat with her then. I know it wont do much good though. So now im going to concentrate on people who appreciate me and vice versa.

    Thanks again :)


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