I'm fat, ugly, uninteresting and women hate me

LegacyUser

Pretty much what the titles says... I'm 20 stone and I don't have good looks to make up for it. I have friends, but prefer to be myself and read/watch TV. In short I'm not an interesting person, I've plenty of things to say but I hate the whole 'social scene' and the gossip nonsense that everyone else my age seems to love doing. And I've never had a girlfriend.

I feel like I'm missing out on life in some way. I'm in college and I like books... But dammit, I'm hardly exceptionally intelligent or anything like it, just curious about a lot of things.

So in short, I'm dull, fat, ugly, a virgin, and I hate myself. I have no special talents or anything that distinguishes me; I feel like God started me off on a lower footing than everyone else and give me nothing to compensate for it (I don't actually believe in God by the way) And I don't know why I'm posting here, just seemed like a good idea or if anyone knows of or is in a similar boat to myself.

And PLEASE don't say go on a diet/whatever. I've been trying to loose weight all of my life and I've never been able to shift it. I watch what I eat but it just creeps up on me for some reason.

Karen09

you'd be surprised wat women go for. Its not all about looks, there are many more aspects to men that interest women. to build your confidence why not join a dating site, there are many categories that women look for on these, skinny, bigger, bald etc. give it ago you may be surprised, if nothing else you may meet a few interesting people and make some new friends. Its worth a try, and better than putting yourself down, which doesn't help anyone.

cowzerp

Unregistered wrote: »

So in short, I'm dull, fat, ugly, a virgin, and I hate myself. I have no special talents or anything that distinguishes me;

And PLEASE don't say go on a diet/whatever. I've been trying to loose weight all of my life and I've never been able to shift it. I watch what I eat but it just creeps up on me for some reason.

1st you need to build up your confidence,

now i know you asked us not to say go on a diet because you tried and failed before but simply put you did not do it right-go on the fitness forum and ask for advise on losing fat and keeping it off, lifestyle change and not just a temporary diet.

LegacyUser

Dude, don't worry about it. I'm what my friends call "a fatboy" but I get my fair share, more than some of them. Some women like big guys. It's a major cliche and perhaps completely unhelpful but just bee yourself. Be normal, outgoing and chat to people about normal things. Your problem is you think too much about your appearance, forget about it, have a good time and let people see you having a good time and things will happen.

Best of lucl.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Fat - can be sorted, but not essential.
Ugly - all in the eye of the behonder.
Uninteresting - this is a strange self-accusation to make and it begs the question: are you interested in other people?
Women hate me - hate is a bit of a strong word. I'm of the opinion that YOU dislike YOURSELF and assume women do as well. Have you ever been told this my women?

RedXIV

As above, My OH told me looks don't really matter to her, she'd rate personality and sense of humour far over looks. And she's a very good looking girl.

You don't need to change your shape to be happy, you just need to change you're outlook. If you do want to lose the weight, get in sport. we had a guy who was 22 stone doing american football with us in college, his first time playing sports and he was amazing. Similarly, when i was teaching martial arts in my colleg, i had a guy who was 19 Stone who was probably the most popular guy in the class (after me of course )

People need to interact with others, human interaction provides us with a chance to get the "feel good" factor by enjoying yourself socially. One thing is for certain, you are the only one thats going to fix this, no one is going to come rescue you. You have to decide to go out and take your life in your own hands. Waiting for someone to do it for you will only result in you being disappointed

Karen09

u say u hate the whole social scene, by this wat exactly do u mean?? pubs, cinema, social networking sites or just hanging out with others??

quirkster

No point bitching and complaining and looking for similar stories. Thats not going to help. You recgonise the problems...do something about it.

Unless you've a genetic disorder, you arent meant to be fat. Humans arent meant to be fat. Get off your arse, take up new hobbys, go to places where youll have to interact with people. Try and get a new outlook on life. There are plenty of books on social dynamics, positive outlooks, anti negative thoughts, invest in these.

There is no point in just complaining and saying 'oh well Im just meant to be overweight, people just arent meant to like me, Im just not meant to meet someone'. I think by realising the situation you're in (there are millions in your position) you're half way there. All that is required is setting a few short term, medium term and long term goals.
Work towards each one. If you're talking to people that get you down or doing things that make you feel inferior, stop. Be man enough to take hold of your life and change it. It requires nothing more than a pair of balls and some dedication.

This post is intended as tough love so take it that way. Stop complaining, look for help and advice (there are so many people on boards.ie alone that will help you) and get off your arse and do something about it.

I wish you the best and good luck.

Quirkster

frag420

look i hear ya bro

I was the fat ugly kid with the glasses too. Never had any luck with the ladies in school. What i will say to you is that it is all about confidence. If you can get the idea that your fat and ugly out of your head then its a start. If you think your fat and ugly then thats what everyone else will think too. You have to change from within bro. Join a club or society. Have the balls to go up and talk to people. Took me a while to figure that one out when it came to the wimmin but believe me it is worth it.

Look at the other posts here and there all the same.............................change must start with you

from tomorow you are no longer the fat ugly virgin..........................now of you go and have a smile.

muppetkiller

"I'm 20 stone and I don't have good looks to make up for it" firstly you probably are not half as unattractive as you think but the weight isn't helping your looks.

I think you really should focus on your weight and even with slight weight weight loss you'll begin to feel better about yourself.
I know you said don't tell me to lose weight but obviously whatever you did in the past simply didn't work and you need help to sort it out..

Focus for the next 6 months on joining a gym (even if you hate the thoughts of it , this is for your health not just for loosing weight) and get a fitness program for yourself. It's the first few steps that are the hardest but stick with it. You may also be eating healthy but just make sure you're not eating huge portions at the wrong times.

As for feeling that you're not an interesting person..I think as you get older you'll find that you rarely meet interesting people while getting hammered in pubs and clubs. So join groups , clubs etc..

As my mother always says if God gives you ten talents make twenty more.
You seem to think god has left you without any well so be it ...but that doesn't mean you can't get up off your a$$ and make a few of your own.

Quandary

Hi OP,

The hobbies you mentioned above (Tv & reading) are perfectly normal hobbies that 90% of people have but it seems they might be causing you to become a bit isolated/reclusive? Like a few others have said, take something new up - which might kill 2 birds with one stone. You've said you werent able to lose weight? Just go for a brisk walk every evening for about 40 mins & as long as you eat sensibly you WILL lose weight.This will also get you out and about around other people walking/running - it will definitely help and who knows, if you keep it up you might start jogging or cycling. After you lose some weight you will find it much easier to get into other sporting activities too!

best of luck m8:)

RossFixxxed

If you really don't like yourself then how can you expect others to like you? You need to work on yourself first. You will realise that the whole 'social scene' isn't that bad or as limited as you think. Walking around a crowded night club full of drunks can be a lot of fun if you are happy in yourself. I've gotten up on an empty dancefloor by myself, sober, and thrown some shapes and gotten a great laugh out of it, cos I'm happy with myself and I don't really think anyone cares if I'm leppin around. When I was very down I used to be jealous and angry at everyone out like that having fun.

Look to improving yourself entirely and everything else will look better. Go out for a walk, cycle, swim etc, gradually improve the diet, and start getting out there. Wallowing is very easy but ultimately will tear you down. Don't wait. Get off the chair, turn off the PC and take step one dude, trust me on this, in time you will realise the difference.

Good luck!
R

sunnyside

OP do you drink? Maybe not if you aren't into the "social scene" but I'm mentioning it because alcohol contains a lot of calories. Some people aren't aware of this.

I know you said "no diets" but I want to ask have you had any help with your attempts to loose weight? Weight watchers, motivation clinic...as you know there are millions of people offering weight loss programmes but for some people they help because of the support they provide. We all know the basics, eat less, exercise more but a support network can be invaluable.

My boyfriend is overweight but he dresses really well and as a result he looks better than a lot of other people. So I'm advising you to buy some clothes that will improve your confidence.

You like books. Maybe a book club would be a good social outlet for you.

You go to college. Do you enjoy your course? That's something interesting about you.

Posting here helps. There might be something in one of the replies that will inspire you. Asking for help is good. I've learned that to get out of a bad situation people should take all the help they can get.

dblennon

Yes it is all about Confidence!!

But you need the tools to get to the point where you know who you are.

A women shouldn't be a defining characteristic but it does help you figure out who you are really, and give a huge boost to your self confidence.

i Had the same problems as yourself (minus the socialising part) but I do like my space and that is really important to me.

You need to kick yourself in the hole and realise that your living a life of negativity "it's your life live how ever you want to"

I've read alot of books about the art of attracting women trust me it works!!!!

do the processes it'll do 2 things
1. you will have to force yourself to get out and socialise.
2. You will start to feel better about who you are.

poindexter

as long as you continue to tell yourself this is how you are, then that is how you will continue to be... as i think, i am. you can stay as you are if you want, maybe that is what you want, or you can start looking forward to how you want it to be.

what would you like to be like?? you never said what you want out of life.

what are you studying in college?? this is an area you could work on and build the rest of your goals and dreams around.

if you can, try not to say what you HAVE to do or NEED to do or SHOULD do, lets hear you say what you WANT to do

Sleepy

OP - on the weight thing, get over to the fitness forum. Trust me, I've worked out with some of those guys and there's one in particular who showed some of us a photo of him at his biggest - easily around your weight and I wouldn't be exagerating to say that guy now has the physique of a Men's Health cover model...

With the right approach - basically lift heavy things, move lots and eat clean - anyone (aside from less than 1% of the population who have medical issues) can have an incredible body. And those in that 1% can get themselves to a point where they're simply carrying a few pounds extra rather than obese.

I'm not now, nor have I ever been, in particularly good shape but I have personal experience of what 6 months of working out properly can do. Just need to get back into it myself!

Munster Gal

OP, I doubt very much that you're uninteresting - your post was well written and articulate so I imagine that in the right circumstances you'd be quite good company. I feel it's a confidence and self-esteem issue that you need to address. I struggle with my own weight and have realised over time that I self-sabotage and gain weight if my confidence is at a low ebb. I'm slowly working through it but it takes a bit of effort.
As others have said beauty is in the eye of the beholder and personality does count.
You must have some interests so take a night class or join a club where you'll meet people with a common interest. If you enjoy a particular sport join a supporters club and you'll meet people there who'll introduce you to a wider circle of friends.
You sound like a lovely person who just hasn't met the right girl yet, I wish you all the best.

minidazzler

Unregistered wrote: »

So in short, I'm dull, fat, ugly, a virgin, and I hate myself. I have no special talents or anything that distinguishes me; I feel like God started me off on a lower footing than everyone else and give me nothing to compensate for it (I don't actually believe in God by the way) And I don't know why I'm posting here, just seemed like a good idea or if anyone knows of or is in a similar boat to myself.

And PLEASE don't say go on a diet/whatever. I've been trying to loose weight all of my life and I've never been able to shift it. I watch what I eat but it just creeps up on me for some reason.

WTF man, OK you may be overweight and all those other things. You haven't found a talent, that doesn't mean you don't have one.

I won't tell you go on a diet, but I will tell you get off your ass and go for a run. Even if you can't run far or fast. Just do it. You have resigned yourself to failure which will cause you to fail.

Watching what you eat isn't enough, you have to work the fat off.

Ugly is a matter of perogative, if you lost some weight you would most likely feel better about yourself. You don't need any special talents to stand out.

Sure your a virgin, so what. What age are yoU? I am betting younger than 50, in which case who cares.


In short, get off your arse and go for a jog. It can only do you good. And it is likely to improve the other area's you don't like about yourself.

LegacyUser

I was a virgin until I was 22, never really had a girlfriend until I left college.....
Many of your issues can be a symptom of college, it's a place where you have to make new friends very quickly after the stability of secondary school, and you have to work very hard at establishing a social scene. As other posters suggested you're in the best place at the moment to get involved in clubs and socities. I'd suggest checking out some outdoor socities such as hillwalking or cycling.
Oh, I was 19 stone, gave up white bread and ate the ****ty wholemeal brown loaf (not the sliced stuff which is similar to brown), quit sugar drinks and switch to water only, no more pringles and crisps and eat fruit instead. Rice (brown if possible) instead of spuds, and avoid fatty foods like chips and burgers - fish is ideal. Walk places whenever you can - easy to do if you pre-plan it and give yourself the time. After first 3 months you'll notice zero weight loss, then it all begins to happen....within 6 months you'll be down to 15 stone and after 12 the world is your oyster!!! I promise, you'll be the most interesting guy in college because everyone will want to find out how you did it!!!!
Keep the faith and remember there's plenty of guys and girls out there not in a relationship and still virgins.....but many of them will not be open about it as they think it's something to be embarassed about, don't panic, it's normal.

ps, my advice about losing weight is genuine because as much as you asked everyone not to mention it, it appears to be the major issue you have with yourself.

LegacyUser

Hi. I'm 30 and still struggling with being ugly and actually underweight. I have tried to gain weight, but my body doesn't allow me to keep it on. During my entire childhood and adolescence, my peers TORTURED me for being too skinny and having an ugly face. The entire cafeteria would be filled with dozens of kids shouting hurtful names directed at me and laughing. Even the kids who seemed to be my friends sitting next to me would laugh right in my face.

The same thing happened on the bus ride home. Every day at school. These were long moments of pure dread, embarassment and hurt when I got the message very clearly that I was seen as worthless and less than everyone else. I had no one to tell me that any of this was untrue, so I spent all of my time outside of school crying and longing to be attractive so the kids wouldn't behave so cruelly to me and I could have the happy life that everyone deserves. After all, I was born this way and couldn't help how I looked. Why should I be targeted for cruelty or deserve to be forced to suffer for it?

This continued through junior high school and I longed to be pretty like girls in magazines or the girls who were seen as attractive around me. I still carry that pain with me everyday today. I think it's useful to recognize how strongly the culture in the US values physical beauty and how casually people can label and judge others as pretty, hot or ugly without being aware that those statements are a type of violence and it's especially used against females.

If you're a female and you're "pretty" and "hot" you're perceived as being more worthy or valuable as a person and a lot of people believe it makes sense to treat "pretty" people as if they are more special and worthy. To be someone that others consider "ugly" or "too fat" or "too skinny" and to still consider yourself worthy is to be able to accept the hurtful ways that many people think and judge and to have compassion for them still.

It's hard, I know, because the concept that there is such a thing as the ideal way for a person to look is sooo widespread across people and it's hard to interact with people in pursuing romantic relationships, careers, networks, etc. without having to come up against negative judgment for how you look if people consider you to be ugly. So I'm not going to tell you to lose weight or put on make-up, fix your hair a certain way, etc., because I've tried to change myself, too, but the pain still persists, especially when I wake up in the morning each day, look in the mirror and feel crushed by the reality that the person in the reflection just does not resemble a person considered as pretty.

This is the situation we're in; it may seem unfair, but it's the same for any group of people whom others have chosen to segregate and put down: people of different religious faiths, race, sexual orientation....the list goes on and on. I think we have to find a way to remember the larger picture if we can, even in the midst of a society that tells us that we have to have the characteristics seen to be fitting of someone who is "attractive", "interesting" or "worthy". I think this will allow us to be open to appreciating those people who don't subscribe to the myth that you have to look like a model or be quick to offer superficial conversation to be worthy. There actually are some people in the world who honor the truth that everyone is equally worthy no matter what they do or how they look.


When I was 20, I was unaware of this, but I hope in time you'll find this truth in yourself and in other people as well. It may feel very hard to be optimistic, but I hope it will help to remember that sometimes what our minds believe to be true isn't really the actual truth, just a story, and most of the pain and struggle is because we're so caught up in believing that we're the wrong weight and we're not good enough for other reasons, that we fail to recognize none of that has to be true, even if it seems true based on what our past experiences or what we observe around. I hope this helps; as you've helped me to come back to a more healthy truth by thinking this through. You are sooo worthy! I don't need to know you to know that.
Love and Peace to you.

Handsome Bob

Unregistered wrote: »

Pretty much what the titles says... I'm 20 stone and I don't have good looks to make up for it. I have friends, but prefer to be myself and read/watch TV. In short I'm not an interesting person, I've plenty of things to say but I hate the whole 'social scene' and the gossip nonsense that everyone else my age seems to love doing. And I've never had a girlfriend.

I feel like I'm missing out on life in some way. I'm in college and I like books... But dammit, I'm hardly exceptionally intelligent or anything like it, just curious about a lot of things.

So in short, I'm dull, fat, ugly, a virgin, and I hate myself. I have no special talents or anything that distinguishes me; I feel like God started me off on a lower footing than everyone else and give me nothing to compensate for it (I don't actually believe in God by the way) And I don't know why I'm posting here, just seemed like a good idea or if anyone knows of or is in a similar boat to myself.

And PLEASE don't say go on a diet/whatever. I've been trying to loose weight all of my life and I've never been able to shift it. I watch what I eat but it just creeps up on me for some reason.

I don't know you OP, but if you're anything like me, you know that the source of your lack of self worth is your physical condition. I know how hard it is to commit to a diet so I understand your reluctance in wanting to go on one. It is difficult to get yourself into the right mentality for losing weight but bluntly put, it must be done. You can't continue on with this lack of self worth as it will eat away out you mentally speaking.

shu

First of all you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, you may feel like you were last in the queue when the personality, body, good looks etc were being given out but I know for a fact that that isn't true. What you lack in certain areas is made up for in other areas, you just may not have found out what these areas are yet! It's very easy to get into a negative cycle, saying to yourself that you can't do things and can't be things and obviously if you don't believe you can do it it won't happen, simple as that. As far as your looks are concerned, a lot of women aren't that bothered by looks and maybe if you made more of an effort to meet people and interact socially theres no reason why you would not meet somebody. As other people have said, join a club, take up a new sport etc in college there are so many places to meet new people. You may be a naturally introverted type of person, so it might just take a bit of extra effort to talk to people, and to push yourself into social situations but it is definitely worth it. Sounds like you just need a bit of kick up the ass, yes you may be carrying a few extra pounds but thats nothing unusual. Push yourself into situations where you may not be 100% comfortable, make the effort to talk to people and reap the rewards

entropi

muppetkiller wrote: »

"I'm 20 stone and I don't have good looks to make up for it" firstly you probably are not half as unattractive as you think but the weight isn't helping your looks.

I think you really should focus on your weight and even with slight weight weight loss you'll begin to feel better about yourself.
I know you said don't tell me to lose weight but obviously whatever you did in the past simply didn't work and you need help to sort it out..

I'm gonna add to this that today (23rd) i read an article in The Sun...yes i know its a rag but the guy in it was about 20st at age25, was virgin and wanted to join the navy as a chef...well he got off his ass and hit the gym, changed his diet and lost around a stone in the first week, soon he changed so much his own mother didnt recognise him. He gained so much confidence from that alone he ended up meeting girls and is soon training with the navy in his dream career. It CAN be done, if the effort is put in to achieve the result.

So much can be read here on Boards about similar people with their version of similar events and all that advice given can be called upon and used to massive benefit. I really do hope you give yourself the proverbial "kick up the ar$e" and make this thing happen:)

b12mearse

Unregistered wrote: »

Pretty much what the titles says... I'm 20 stone and I don't have good looks to make up for it. I have friends, but prefer to be myself and read/watch TV. In short I'm not an interesting person, I've plenty of things to say but I hate the whole 'social scene' and the gossip nonsense that everyone else my age seems to love doing. And I've never had a girlfriend.

I feel like I'm missing out on life in some way. I'm in college and I like books... But dammit, I'm hardly exceptionally intelligent or anything like it, just curious about a lot of things.

So in short, I'm dull, fat, ugly, a virgin, and I hate myself. I have no special talents or anything that distinguishes me; I feel like God started me off on a lower footing than everyone else and give me nothing to compensate for it (I don't actually believe in God by the way) And I don't know why I'm posting here, just seemed like a good idea or if anyone knows of or is in a similar boat to myself.

And PLEASE don't say go on a diet/whatever. I've been trying to loose weight all of my life and I've never been able to shift it. I watch what I eat but it just creeps up on me for some reason.

lol I'm the exact same just without the virgin part

Overheal

A role model for anyone with a gut, tbh. Its all about confidence.

Dumbledore

Most dangerous advice you have heard so far......."just be yourself". This may sound harsh but I am honestly trying to help you. "Just being yourself" has got you nowhere so far.

This is by far the most important single article I have ever read in terms of personal issues. Attractiveness can be artificially created, you just need to understand what women want. Seeing you claim women hate you, I would guess that you don't understand them very well, I would recommend reading a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. He was in a similar position to you, but is now a pick-up artist.
The most worrying thing I read is that you hate yourself, how can you expect somebody else to love you if you don't love yourself?

I firmly belive that everybody is a winner on the inside, but you need to work towards becoming the person you want to be. Just being lazy and saying you were dealt a bad hand is not going to get you anywhere and will probably lead into a downward spiral of depression, but there is hope, thre is always hope. The crucial thing is that you start improving yourself, NLP is a great way to start and it completely changed my life. If you keep procrastinating becoming who you WANT to be, you will never get there.

Best of luck buddy PM me for any help you may need.

t-ha

Dumbledore wrote: »

I would recommend reading a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. He was in a similar position to you, but is now a pick-up artist.

Yes let's all become 'pick-up artists'??? We can look at women like targets/objects and try to trick them into sleeping with us by misusing psychology and councelling techniques. Yay!
I'm pretty sure that guy wrote that book in order to sell books - he was in a serious relationship since but was dumped. Living the dream.

Also, NLP is straight creepy.

Dumbledore

t-ha wrote: »

Yes let's all become 'pick-up artists'??? We can look at women like targets/objects and try to trick them into sleeping with us by misusing psychology and councelling techniques. Yay!
I'm pretty sure that guy wrote that book in order to sell books - he was in a serious relationship since but was dumped. Living the dream.

Also, NLP is straight creepy.

You see the irony of your post is that in the article I linked to,

Yet — get this — when they tell their friends about the site, about all the cool information there, and how it changed their lives... their friends are not the least bit interested.
Or their friends may even think the whole idea of "learning" how to act around women is ridiculous and try to make them feel bad for even suggesting such a thing.
The friends will then preach JBY to the person, and try to convince the person that he doesn't need "tricks and gimmicks" to do well with women.

Another piece of advice OP, being a hater gets you nowhere, in fact being negative about anything never really gets you anywhere.

As for your comments on NLP, you obviously know little or nothing about it. NLP is absolutely unbelievable, the art of communicating with others is the most sought-after skill on earth, and NLP will improve your social skills but more importantly, how you feel about yourself.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi. I'm 30 and still struggling with being ugly and actually underweight. I have tried to gain weight, but my body doesn't allow me to keep it on. During my entire childhood and adolescence, my peers TORTURED me for being too skinny and having an ugly face........

This is a beautiful post! It truly goes to the heart of so many issues...our vain society, our ignorance in understanding there are many types of beautiful, and our ignorance in understanding just how damaging words can be.

I really find it disgusting that this man asked specifically NOT to be told to lose weight and yet many of the posts did just that -- as if being overweight makes one a pariah! An outcast. A social misfit. There are deeper issues here. Did you not read the rest of his post about having no interests? No ability to converse socially? THESE are the bigger issues here.

OP don't mind those people who tell you to lose weight. The trick is being happy in your own skin. There are people big, small, tall, short who are happy with who they are and similarly unhappy with who they are. You are in a place where you are self-loathing. That's not good and it will get you nowhere. I recommend you see a counsellor first and foremost to talk about your issues. And try and give a good think about things you might like to do. Photography? Writing? Book clubs etc.
There's a great site called meetup and they have loads of dublin based groups. Take a look at their webpage and see if something takes your fancy.
In the meantime, don't mind the sizist bigots. Even though it might seem like that, they're not in the majority (you know the old addage, empty barrells most noise and all that).

Work on you as a person - figure out your identity....then everything else will fall into place.
Good luck.

t-ha

Dumbledore wrote: »

You see the irony of your post is that in the article I linked to,

Yet — get this — when they tell their friends about the site, about all the cool information there, and how it changed their lives... their friends are not the least bit interested.
Or their friends may even think the whole idea of "learning" how to act around women is ridiculous and try to make them feel bad for even suggesting such a thing.
The friends will then preach JBY to the person, and try to convince the person that he doesn't need "tricks and gimmicks" to do well with women.

I'm bowled over by the irony. It's amazing to think that a guy who writes an article might have anticipated some of the most common/obvious detractions and tried to deal with that! Simply amazing. Pretty much proves beyond doubt that I'm wrong. It was probably just my brain being fogged up by all that irony.

Dumbledore wrote: »

As for your comments on NLP, you obviously know little or nothing about it. NLP is absolutely unbelievable, the art of communicating with others is the most sought-after skill on earth, and NLP will improve your social skills but more importantly, how you feel about yourself.

NLP can be great, applied properly and for the right reasons. But 'picking up' a larger quantity of women is not a very noble aim, no matter how much it makes you feel better about yourself. Sooner or later in any relationship you're both going to see each other as you really are, no fronts and no gimmicks, and if you haven't JBY'd yourself that far you might find you've just wasted a lot of time.

Plus it's creepy.

Iwasfrozen

You shouldn't say things like that about yourself OP. I would suggest building up your confidence by joining your Uni's book society it would be a great place to meet people that also like books and discuss your favourite generas. You never know you might meet a special somebody.:D

Handsome Bob

Unregistered wrote: »

This is a beautiful post! It truly goes to the heart of so many issues...our vain society, our ignorance in understanding there are many types of beautiful, and our ignorance in understanding just how damaging words can be.

I really find it disgusting that this man asked specifically NOT to be told to lose weight and yet many of the posts did just that -- as if being overweight makes one a pariah! An outcast. A social misfit. There are deeper issues here. Did you not read the rest of his post about having no interests? No ability to converse socially? THESE are the bigger issues here.

OP don't mind those people who tell you to lose weight. The trick is being happy in your own skin. There are people big, small, tall, short who are happy with who they are and similarly unhappy with who they are. You are in a place where you are self-loathing. That's not good and it will get you nowhere. I recommend you see a counsellor first and foremost to talk about your issues. And try and give a good think about things you might like to do. Photography? Writing? Book clubs etc.
There's a great site called meetup and they have loads of dublin based groups. Take a look at their webpage and see if something takes your fancy.
In the meantime, don't mind the sizist bigots. Even though it might seem like that, they're not in the majority (you know the old addage, empty barrells most noise and all that).

Work on you as a person - figure out your identity....then everything else will fall into place.
Good luck.

Calm down. We weren't judging the chap and I certainly wasn't being a sizist bigot. I've literally been in the OP's shoes and I know what the root of his unhappyness and lack of self worth is; his weight. I think the OP knows that's the problem too, he just hasn't hit that moment yet that will give him the will and belief to shift the weight. If he can shift the weight he'll get his confidence and belief back, and all of a sudden his other issues such his self perceived unattractiveness will become non-issues.

grizzly

t-ha wrote: »

Plus it's creepy.

It's not creepy,

it's very creepy.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

This is a beautiful post! It truly goes to the heart of so many issues...our vain society, our ignorance in understanding there are many types of beautiful, and our ignorance in understanding just how damaging words can be.

I really find it disgusting that this man asked specifically NOT to be told to lose weight and yet many of the posts did just that -- as if being overweight makes one a pariah! An outcast. A social misfit. There are deeper issues here. Did you not read the rest of his post about having no interests? No ability to converse socially? THESE are the bigger issues here.

OP don't mind those people who tell you to lose weight. The trick is being happy in your own skin. There are people big, small, tall, short who are happy with who they are and similarly unhappy with who they are. You are in a place where you are self-loathing. That's not good and it will get you nowhere. I recommend you see a counsellor first and foremost to talk about your issues. And try and give a good think about things you might like to do. Photography? Writing? Book clubs etc.
There's a great site called meetup and they have loads of dublin based groups. Take a look at their webpage and see if something takes your fancy.
In the meantime, don't mind the sizist bigots. Even though it might seem like that, they're not in the majority (you know the old addage, empty barrells most noise and all that).

Work on you as a person - figure out your identity....then everything else will fall into place.
Good luck.

+ 1

High five sister! I have felt like this about a lot of advice on here too, that it is counter productive, changing a deep rooted problem like this takes a lot more than someone just saying whats right for them, a person needs to be understood and acknowledged in their experience before they can feel motivated to tackle a problem,

OP it is possible to turn your life around, i did, but i needed help and support, you start small, go at your own pace, learning to love yourself is hard, A therapist told me that when she did mirror work with clients it was the worst thing for people to look in a mirror and say to themselves i love you, people threw the mirror across the floor, couldnt bare to look! This is an indication of how much work we need to do on ourselves-

I like to think of it this way : There is nothing more attractive than a strong confident person, weight, size, shape has nothing to do with that,

OP you have many gifts and talents, start focusing on everything you have that is beautiful, it is a battle of good thought versus bad thoughts, if you let the good ones in then the bad ones fade away, that does not even need a diet or exercise, if you start with your mind the motivation will then come because you feel better about yourself.