Should I tell?

LegacyUser

In a relationship at the moment and the girl I'm with is certainly more experienced in the bedroom than myself. But the 'problem' is that I'm still a virgin (not by any romantic choice or anything, just hasn't happened) and I'm not sure whether to tell her or not, kinda worried that it might scare her a bit since she's been through it all before. Should I just come out with it and say it to her?

RedXIV

OK well it's not going to "scare" her anyway, shock maybe, but not scare. I'd tell her, simply because if someone knows it's your first time, it'll probably be easier to gloss over any potential mistakes (not that you're definitely going to make any but you never know). Also, if the girl likes you, she'll have no problem with this. Some girls even get a kick out of it

tolteq

Unregistered wrote: »

In a relationship at the moment and the girl I'm with is certainly more experienced in the bedroom than myself. But the 'problem' is that I'm still a virgin (not by any romantic choice or anything, just hasn't happened) and I'm not sure whether to tell her or not, kinda worried that it might scare her a bit since she's been through it all before. Should I just come out with it and say it to her?

Yep she will admire your honesty. And laugh at you. lol. but maybe your honesty will turn her on. ever thought of that?

LegacyUser

Thanks.

Wouldn't particularly look forward to the laughing bit to be honest!

McGinty

I agree with the other posters, she will feel a certain specialness as well because she is your first. It happened to me that the guy I was with many years ago was a virgin, I didn't know because he was bloody brilliant and when he eventually told me I felt really honoured plus amazed because he was great (plus a really nice person)

Nervous Wreck

I think if I was in a good relationship with someone who then told me they were a virgin but wanted to sleep with me, I'd feel really honoured... Tell her and get to it!

tolteq

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks.

Wouldn't particularly look forward to the laughing bit to be honest!

if she make an issure out of it. tell her to get a life.

at least ur not whoring urself about town like some women.

Wibbs

tolteq ease up on the moral judgements re "whoring" and the lol's they're not helpful. If you have nothing to add to a post, refrain from posting. Understand the spirit of this forum and read the charter.

shellyboo

tolteq wrote: »

if she make an issure out of it. tell her to get a life.

at least ur not whoring urself about town like some women.

The OP is a man. Did you mean out whoring himself about town like some MEN? You must have done, because women being whores has nothing to do with this thread, so you wouldn't just come in spouting misogynistic claptrap for no reason. Would you?

OP, I was in a position similar to your partner's - I had experience, my boyfriend-to-be did not. He didn't say anything about it until we'd been together a few months and I thought it was awesome, especially since I'd never suspected a thing!

Personally, I liked the way he did it - kept it to himself then told me after. There was no pressure that way, and I did feel really special when he got around to telling me.

LegacyUser

Hmm, not sure whether to say it now or wait until 'after'...won't really make much of a difference though, will it? Thanks for the replies so far.

geuro

definitely say it. there is nothing to be ashamed of op. She will be delighted to be your first. It will be more enjoyable for both of you. She will respect your honesty.

LegacyUser

tell her and dont be worrying about it. Girls are self consious most of the time to so it will prob relax her. i think its very sweet

LegacyUser

I left a similar post on here a while back asking should I tell the girl or not that I was a virgin. She had about 5 years of regular sex experience on me so I was worried I was gonna be awful or she would'nt want to be with me if she knew I was a virgin. In the end I never told her, just went with the flow and she never suspected. I vaguly remember saying something along the lines of "its been a while" when I was putting on the condom but that was about it. OP if it makes you more comfortable telling her beforehand then do otherwise id just suggest going with the flow and then maybe mention it after.....I still havent told the girl I was with that she was my first and I may never do so!

star-pants

Well it's up to you OP, if you feel it'll take some pressure off you then do.
If she likes you she's not going to mind you saying you've not got any experience.
You could always say like others said, that you've not got much experience.

Either way do what makes you feel most comfortable.

LegacyUser

I've met two guys in the past who were virgins, the first was religious and was waiting until he got married, mid 20s, that ended after 2 months for other reasons but I'm glad in hindsight. The 2nd guy like you wanted to do it, but because he was shy it hadn't happened yet, he was late 20s, we didn't end up doing it as he couldn't get it up probably coz he was nervous and drinking didn't help but it did put me off and we finished up afew weeks later, if your seeing this girl awhile and ye get on, it should be fine though, I wasn't seeing the 2nd guy for that long and I wasn't looking for anything longterm just a fling to be honest as I was out of a longterm relationship, so I didn't really want to be his first, and have him falling for me, in fairness the first time can be pretty crap anyway, well based on my first time!

I've since met another guy (I know a third one) and I suspect he is a virgin, but its annoying he hasn't admitted it, we've ended up in bed afew times and not much has happened and I did jokily ask him and he said he had done it, but then he makes an excuses like forgot to buy condoms, and I think I've scared him off when I joked about it, but he was honest with me I would have helped him. If your seeing this girl and you think she wants something longterm tell her, she'll be cool with it.

CDfm

Its one of those things.

I do think there is nothing wrong in discussing it with her without just blurting it out. Why not go for a nice romantic walk in the country or by the beach and just kind of bring it up.

I cant see that it would bother her as she is dating you for you and your experience or lack of it doesnt come into it.

Call me Socket

My first told me he was exerienced, which made me worry that I'd be crap in comparison to his exes so I was upfront and told him beforehand in the hope that it would explain why I was so crap!!.... But about 6 months later he told me that he'd lied- as it turned out it was his first time too and we'd lost our virginity together. It didn't bother me that he lied, I understood when he explained that it was a macho thing for him...he told me he wasn't a virgin cos he presumed I wasn't. But it would have been more special to me at the time if I'd known....like another poster said, it's flattering to be the person your partner chooses/wants to lose virginity with.
OP- only you can decide what feels right at the time. I would wait until a few minutes from this special event to make the decision on what feels right to you. Some people tell beforehand, some tell after the sex, some never tell at all, and that's because we're all different- what worked for others may not work for you. Just saying- don't base your decision on what the majority advise...you decide. It will be clearer to you on the night.

LivingDeadGirl

I think you should definitely tell her, she'll probably feel really special that you want your first time to be with her.

Abi

tolteq wrote: »

Yep she will admire your honesty. And laugh at you. lol. but maybe your honesty will turn her on. ever thought of that?

Not particularly helpful tbh. And she would want to be pretty evil to just laugh it him. No, it doesnt work like that.


OP, she may be surprised by the fact, but I doubt anything would really change for her. Shes more than likely to ask you often if something feels good, to get a better idea of what you like. Win / win if you ask me.

Go for it.

Naos

Tell her OP.

If a girl told me she was a virgin there's not a chance I'd laugh at her, couldn't imagine who would?

Maybe a little laugh afterwards but more along the lines of "Haha, you aren't really a virgin you were awesome" type thing.

StormWarrior

Definitely tell her. If a man told me that I would think it was special but if he didn't tell me and I found out later I would think he was very weird for not telling me and would wonder what else he was hiding.

LegacyUser

Of course you should tell her, but not as a means to initiate sex, just when the moment is right tell her. But one word of warning, don't use it to make any moral judgements about her and certainly don't let the honesty in telling her fall into a discussion about how many partners she may or may not have had.....it may ruin the moment for you. I think tell her as you're about to sleep together like 'this is going to be very special for me because it's my first time!'

LegacyUser

OP here

Why do you think getting into a discussion like that would ruin the moment?

For what it's worth, I think I will reveal all! Thanks.