Clingy or not??? (run or not!!)

caeter

just wondering. if you met someone recently on a night and they constantly text from dawn til dusk (even though leave it a good hour or so to wb) and start getting wary of your friends of the opposite sex straight away would you go on a date with them or kinda be a bit wary!! sometimes things hard to tell over text but if someone seems obsessed after an hour in a night club would you agree to meet or run run run!!!! (keep in mind has good references from a mutual friend only reason not running!!)

sceptre

The Help Desk is where people post when they're having a problem with the site or a decision taken by a mod on the site.

Moving to Personal Issues->Relationship Issues.

LegacyUser

I think you know the answer to your own question mate. Run before you come home and find Bugs in the pot bubbling away.

"good references". I presume you mean friend of a friend. I have heaps of friends who I think are fantastic people but they act very very different with dates/relationships.

As someone who has been on both the sending and receiving ends of this situation I might be able to share a few pointers.

"Clinginess" (is that even a word?) is often a sign of need, desperation or lack of self confidence. It doesn't necessarily mean the person is a psycho but you'd need to be more tolerant - it's very possible that the person is depressed and this could be where the clingy feelings are coming from.

In my case, I often found myself acting clingy towards women when I was depressed. I'd bluntly say that I think I just wanted some love and attention from the opposite sex as I felt insecure in myself and inferior to other men (which caused me to be suspicious of her male friends, whoever "her" may be). Then, a few years ago a girl I wasn't one bit attracted to started texting me every day for hours on end. If I didn't reply she'd send the same message again until I did. And sometimes when I was out and about I'd get a text saying "saw ya walking down the road, god you looked hot" ... almost felt like I was being spied on or something. :eek: And after being on the receiving end of it I realised "what the hell was I doing?" She still occasionally tries to text me but I don't reply anymore.

In your case, I'm sure this person means well but probably doesn't realise what he/she is doing. Still, if you think they'll wreck your head then give it a miss as it can be hard work.

Monkey61

Some people are just really into texting and can get a bit carried away with it. It's a bit unfair to run a mile from them just because of that! And people can act awfully stupidly when they are nervous.

If you like them then go on a date with them. Then you can see how you feel. If you like them and want to see them again there is no harm in saying "Look, I like you and want to see where this goes, but I'm really just not into the constant texting" - you can explain that it ruins the magic and mystery of getting to know someone and that you would prefer to save the getting to know them for when you actually see them.

As for the getting wary of friends of the opposite sex, well as you said it is difficult in a text to tell whether someone is making jokes or whatever their tone might be. If this is something that comes up in person you can tell them not to be so stupid and tell them that they will mess it up entirely if they make an issue out of nothing. So many silly relationship problems and annoyances could be averted if the person being irritated would just bring it up straight away and say that it's not on.

tolteq

caeter wrote: »

just wondering. if you met someone recently on a night and they constantly text from dawn til dusk (even though leave it a good hour or so to wb) and start getting wary of your friends of the opposite sex straight away would you go on a date with them or kinda be a bit wary!! sometimes things hard to tell over text but if someone seems obsessed after an hour in a night club would you agree to meet or run run run!!!! (keep in mind has good references from a mutual friend only reason not running!!)

A friend of mine used to look at me with dreadful eyes for checking out other women when I was with her. I felt like she was a jealous child. So that was that. I didnt want to be told what to do by a woman, so we're no longer talking.

I think you should run.

Katgurl

je$u$ christ, you met this person once in a nightclub & they are texting incessantly & 'wary' of your male friends.

Run & don't look back!

trilo

In agreement with all the above. Woah! is that way to intensive and smothering.

star-pants

caeter wrote: »

just wondering. if you met someone recently on a night and they constantly text from dawn til dusk (even though leave it a good hour or so to wb) and start getting wary of your friends of the opposite sex straight away would you go on a date with them or kinda be a bit wary!! sometimes things hard to tell over text but if someone seems obsessed after an hour in a night club would you agree to meet or run run run!!!! (keep in mind has good references from a mutual friend only reason not running!!)

Well.... in general I know some people are big into texting.
But if I met a guy (known to friends or not) and they were texting non stop and being wary of my male friends I'd be a little put off tbh. Yes I'm sure women do like to be chased, but this seems a lot of intensity very quickly?

trilo

star-pants wrote: »

Well.... in general I know some people are big into texting.
But if I met a guy (known to friends or not) and they were texting non stop and being wary of my male friends I'd be a little put off tbh. Yes I'm sure women do like to be chased, but this seems a lot of intensity very quickly?

The texting non stop isn't too bad. There is distance in between texts and i think nowadays this is what people do.
It's the been wary of male friends that is worrying.

Madame Razz

It sounds like boiling bunnies may be this womans favourite hobby OP.

On the other hand your mutual friend may have talked you up to her, so maybe she is just keen, or trying to make a good impression, or isn't used to this sort of thing and is awkward about it. Soem people are just gauche in situations like this.

Do you actually like her?? Are you actually interested in this person??

If so, why not try a date; if not, there really isn't any point and you should set the girl straight.

StormWarrior

If you're still interested in her, why not meet up once and see how it goes. Tell her she doesn't need to text so often. If in person she's clingy and jealous of your friends then definitely run!

MissyN

Madame Razz wrote: »

It sounds like boiling bunnies may be this womans favourite hobby OP.

On the other hand your mutual friend may have talked you up to her, so maybe she is just keen, or trying to make a good impression, or isn't used to this sort of thing and is awkward about it. Soem people are just gauche in situations like this.

Do you actually like her?? Are you actually interested in this person??

If so, why not try a date; if not, there really isn't any point and you should set the girl straight.

You're assuming its a woman who's doing all the crazy texting..........

Madame Razz

MissyN wrote: »

You're assuming its a woman who's doing all the crazy texting..........

Usually it is...

Firetrap

I think run very fast in the opposite direction would be the best course of action here and you know it. Your friend only knows this person in a certain context - you're the object of their desire and they're no doubt behaving differently.