Not popular in work anymore...

LegacyUser

Ok, well this is a bit complicated but i'll try explain.

I work in quite a specialised industry and i've been in my current job for 6 years.

One of my colleagues who has worked for this company almost 10 years was also in my class in college, we had a on/off relationship - very physical, i mean, i was 18 or 19 when it started but i only found out when i was crazy about him that he already had a girlfriend. I know i should have stopped seeing him but i was so young and i thought i was in love and he used to tell me he was afraid she would kill herself if he broke up with her. So, i got a job where i am now and our steamy relationship continued. Until a new girl started working here, he feel for her, broke up with his then girlfriend, pretended i never existed and started going out with this new girl.

I was so devastated for at least 6 months but quickly heard about how he was also cheating on her so i met someone else and everything was fine, i was popular in work and all was fine. 3 years later my relationship ended, i was hit really hard, devastated infact. The actual day i announced that things were over this guy sent me a dirty email. I was so vulnerable and insecure...I suppose i got some kick out of knowing that time when he broke my heart for this perfect girl from work (who had since left the company) meant nothing. I felt like i was having the last laugh and it stopped me thinking about my own heart break.

Anyway, our sneaky sex based relationship kicked off again, when i got my head together i tried to end it, i wasn't even that in to him but he was so persistent and it was just the excitement.

I knew he was cheating with at least 3 other girls so i didn't feel too bad. Anyway, it all came out the same week that his girlfriend came back to work here. They've now broken up, he won't barely speak to me and everyone seems to think i'm the bitch from hell. I keep seeing photos of work nights out on facebook where i always would have been invited before. No one seems to get how much i was hurting when he got with this girl to beghn with. I feel so alone and i have such a good job i just woudln't get anywhere else. Help

star-pants

Ok,
so you guys went out before you worked there and when you started there, but he was cheating on his gf so assumidly your relationship was on the QT?
Then ye go yer separate ways (again unknown to work collegues). You move on, meet a guy and thus happier in yourself and establish yourself in the workplace and things are going well in work.
The second this relationship is over, you get back with creepy guy... it turns out his gf comes back, cards are laid on the table and now you're the bad person (as probably he is too).

All your collegues have probably seen is you being heartbroken over the 3yr guy, and next second hopping into bed with creepy guy even though he's with others. The gf comes back, naturally not happy about all of this and you're expecting your collegues to remember back when *you* were hurt ? not her fresh hurt?

Maybe I'm picking this up the wrong way but it's very 'poor me' (Even though you kinda made your own bed).
I suggest ignoring this creepy guy and getting on with your life and work. Invite collegues out with you, organise things, and find your way again.

Right, let me get this straight. You were sleeping with a guy you KNEW had a girlfriend, then you were 'devastated' when he ditched you for the new girl. You found out he was cheating on her, and you were happy, especially because you were 'popular in work' again. You started sleeping with him AGAIN while he's with the new girl, it all comes out and now you're upset because you're not 'popular' anymore? So basically, at no point did you stop to consider those two girls' feelings, it was all me, me, me. And now all you're concerned about it that nobody likes you at work. Well, to be honest, from the picture you've just painted of yourself, I wouldn't, either. What do you expect? Do you honestly expect sympathy from anyone? You've made your bed, IMO and you seem to be getting exactly what you deserve.

t-ha

Arethra put it best... "R.E.S.P.E.C.T... sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me"

Wibbs

t-ha unhelpful posts are not welcome on this forum and anyone posting like that won't be welcome either.

CDfm

OP - its really unhealthy to get involved work sex relationships. By the way I agree it was sneaky and its only natural that workmates are loyal to their friend. What would you two talk about.

You did it and you really need to just let the job kick in as a job.

I dont think it will have any lasting affects people at work will be distracted by other stuff.

Tough it out as there is a recession on.

t-ha

Wibbs wrote: »

t-ha unhelpful posts are not welcome on this forum and anyone posting like that won't be welcome either.

Sorry, what I meant was get some respect for yourself OP, or don't expect anyone else to have any for you.

tolteq

Wibbs wrote: »

t-ha unhelpful posts are not welcome on this forum and anyone posting like that won't be welcome either.

Of course a small dog naturally has to hold onto their small bit of territory.

Wibbs

tolteq take a week off.

Abi

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok, well this is a bit complicated but i'll try explain.

I work in quite a specialised industry and i've been in my current job for 6 years.

One of my colleagues who has worked for this company almost 10 years was also in my class in college, we had a on/off relationship - very physical, i mean, i was 18 or 19 when it started but i only found out when i was crazy about him that he already had a girlfriend. I know i should have stopped seeing him but i was so young and i thought i was in love and he used to tell me he was afraid she would kill herself if he broke up with her. So, i got a job where i am now and our steamy relationship continued. Until a new girl started working here, he feel for her, broke up with his then girlfriend, pretended i never existed and started going out with this new girl.

I was so devastated for at least 6 months but quickly heard about how he was also cheating on her so i met someone else and everything was fine, i was popular in work and all was fine. 3 years later my relationship ended, i was hit really hard, devastated infact. The actual day i announced that things were over this guy sent me a dirty email. I was so vulnerable and insecure...I suppose i got some kick out of knowing that time when he broke my heart for this perfect girl from work (who had since left the company) meant nothing. I felt like i was having the last laugh and it stopped me thinking about my own heart break.

Anyway, our sneaky sex based relationship kicked off again, when i got my head together i tried to end it, i wasn't even that in to him but he was so persistent and it was just the excitement.

I knew he was cheating with at least 3 other girls so i didn't feel too bad. Anyway, it all came out the same week that his girlfriend came back to work here. They've now broken up, he won't barely speak to me and everyone seems to think i'm the bitch from hell. I keep seeing photos of work nights out on facebook where i always would have been invited before. No one seems to get how much i was hurting when he got with this girl to beghn with. I feel so alone and i have such a good job i just woudln't get anywhere else. Help

The whole thing is pretty messy tbh. I would just stay well clear of this guy. If sex is all that you want, then hes not the only guy on the planet. When you started to feel like you were falling for this guy, and found out he had a girlfriend - thats when it all should have ended. When he joined the company, he may have moved on but you still trusted him. That was a very naive choice, tbh.

All you can do now is soak it up and get on with your life. I don't see why you would want to go out with work mates that havent got the cop on to know there are two sides to a story anyway. You didnt really handle the whole thing very well, but whats done is done.