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Family issues - don't get on with brother

  • 21-05-2009 03:03PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    When my older brother reached his teens he got really moody and any argument would always end up in him punching me. He also said really horrible things to me, which made me quite insecure about myself - it still does.In the end i decided to just ignore him completely, cos no arguments meant me not getting hit. I really really hated him at the time.

    Anyway we're all grown up now, and he isnt the same anymore. But i still dont feel at all close to him. I dont really have much to say to him, but im civil to him. But the rest of my family think im being childish and i should get on with him cos he is my brother. I dont think they realise how horrible it was living with him when i was younger. He's never ever apologised for the way he was. And he doesnt make much effort to talk to me either...but it always gets laid at my door that im the cause of the awkwardness cos i was the one who stopped talking to him when i was younger.

    Im just looking for other peoples opinions on this. I know a lot of other people will say they hated their siblings growing up but now have moved on and get on great. I dont seem able to do that and to be honest id be fine the way things are if my family didnt get on my back about it.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    1. He probably doesn't realise the impact that he made on you back then.... he was a couple of years older than you (?) so he was only a kid/teenager himself.

    My brother was a bit like that.... I never realised it at the time but he was being unmercilously bullied at school and had been for years. He was extremely unhappy with himself and that led him to be a bit of a prick towards the rest of us.

    He's turned out alright now although as a person, he's not quite my cup of tea - that's families for you.

    Would you like to resolve it?

    If so, you could ask him if he knew how much of a prick he was to you when younger.

    Regardless of what has happened, some siblings just don't get on. Maybe you are two very different people.

    Might be an idea though to talk to him and clear the air.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 77 ✭✭Cormb


    Hi OP,

    While what happened between you as kids/teenagers would certainly put strain on any relationship, I wonder if now that you're both older ye could make a go of it? Even to be able to have a chat the odd time you meet (family functions etc)? While what he did to you was horrible, maybe he now regrets and would like to make amends but doesn't know how or is afraid to.

    bloooooopo makes an interesting point - he may not even realise or have realised how terrible he was at the time.

    regards
    Cormb


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 8,537 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    hmmm i can kinda relate to ya on this OP.

    for some reason, unknown to me, and i am ashamed of it, I just couldn't stand my younger sister. since she was about 8 till about a year ago (she's 18) and for the most part, it was completely unjustified. But something about her company pissed me off. Now i'd be the first to make sure she's ok and i'd stand up for her but i wouldn't interact with her. About a year ago i realised this wasn't really fair on her and i've been trying to get involved in her life again. Now it's nowhere near as good as the relationship me and my brother have but it has improved. Things do change as you get older and you start to mature and your family is your family.

    So i recommend giving it a shot with your current outlook on life. you're both adults, your both equal, the best way to establish a relationship


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