Just having a laugh..or sexual harrassment?

LegacyUser

hi, am ashamed as anything..work in a sports related job last three years..nothing important, it pays the bills and hours suit as im a seperated mum two with no contact/maintenance from ex.tealling you this as i really need this job!
my co worker, who is my boss in a way,-same age as me, late 30s was always good for a joke , popular and the life and soul type-im the only female in the midst of around 20 guys and can take a joke and zone out when they talk about blow jobs/sex etc..that goes with the territory, and they are not 'new men'by a long shot..generally we get along really well and there are no problems,.im delaying typing this bcos i cant believe it happened.
there was always a bit of messing from this particular fella, bear hugs at the xmas party, or when i would go to the loo or something there would be a vulgar remark but as his wife was there i thought it was no biggie..two weeks ago, he was asking me questions about my sex life, and was i gagging for it etc, and me thinking i was being buddie to buddie told him about a fling i had had a year befor, and he asked me di8d i know what atm or rimming was=which i didnt-but he was hapoy to explain..i played it cool as i didnt want to seem easily shocked or naive or something==god i dont know..
anyway, monday morning i was in his office leaving in post and he stood in front of the door, and asked could he have a hug as he had a bad weekend..i am soooo thick and gave him a hug as you would a pal,and im a huggy kind of person, always touching them..dont know why.
next thing, his trousers are down and had my hand in a grip and the more i tried to pull away the tighter he grabbed my wrist..i said in a nice and embarrassed for HIM way, to stop, there could be people on the way in etc..it only took seconds but ..well..he came in my hand and handed me a tissue..i just left his office and avoided him taking tues/wed off sick..i dont get sick pay and must go back in the morning..
no,i have nobody to copmplain to-his brother owns the place
no,i cant leave, spent the last two days searching the net for jobs-nada
i cant hyelp thinking i must have given him a green light somewhere-a man just wouldnt do this if he felt she wasnt gamey..god im sick with thev whole thing, i feel like a terrible whore of a mother.feel dirty and cheap and have scrubbed the skin off myself..what can i do??sorry for the long post..i cant talk to anyone. not in the real world.
xx

Enemy Of Fate

Jesus, thats not just sexual harassment, its borderline sexual assault!You should report him to your boss (and the police!!!) right away!

LegacyUser

Somewhere in his sick mind your friendliness was interpreted as "she wants me!!".

You need to tell someone, never mind the fact that his brother is the owner. What about the other female in the place? Could you talk to her about it?

ManOfMystery

Agreed, it sounds to me as if he was on the verge of forcing himself on you. If you go back there, he will think he has got away with it and has a green light to do whatever he wants. What will he do next, to you or some other female?? Go to the police asap.

smiler26

First things first...

You did ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong.

This guy took total advantage of you and needs to be reported. My advice is to talk to a friend/sister/mother or someone about it. They'll have more knowledge about the situation and will be able to give you the best advice.

I've seen instances like this ruin lives and it's not fair. Men like this need to be reported.

Best of luck OP, will be thinking of you.

Zaph

OK, first off, you are not to blame for his actions. What happened has no bearing on your ability as a mother, nor should your feel cheapened by the experience. Even leaving out the morality of a married man behaving like that, what he did was wrong and bordering on sexual assault, never mind harrassment. I would suggest you contact your local Rape Crisis Centre and ask them for advice on how you should proceed and, depending on what they say, it may even be a case for the Gardaí. Either way, don't let the fact that his brother owns the company enable him to get away with such a despicable act. Who knows what he'll try the next time?

Overheal

Enemy Of Fate wrote: »

Jesus, thats not just sexual harassment, its borderline sexual assault!You should report him to your boss (and the police!!!) right away!

No, that is sexual assault.

LegacyUser

YOU DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THAT!!

Having said that i think you would have a long hard struggle ahead to get him done for it.. it really is a shame about the jobs situation, 'cos normally i'd say get out of there right now..

I'd go straight to a solicitor anyway to see what he says before you go back near work.. a solicitors letter to the firm might just see them pay you off for fear of it getting back to his wife.

ACTUALLY.. just thinking about it, i dont see how you could go back to work without anything being done!! Imagine trying to avoid him all the time, the feeling of always looking over your shoulder in work.. Horrible!

LegacyUser

Enemy Of Fate wrote: »

Jesus, thats not just sexual harassment, its borderline sexual assault!You should report him to your boss (and the police!!!) right away!

i cant..there would be statements to be made,court? god no.. its a small enough town, his wife and i know each other from a sports/kids thing..and he could deny it..either way i lose..sorry for all the typing errors in my prev post, i typed it fast and pressed submit, as if i had re read it i prob wouldnt have posted it!..i think i may be over reacting, maybe if i just go quiet and dont join in the chats or coffee breaks, and dont be alone with him it will prove a one off..
i always took pride in my looks, im considered good looking i suppose in a yummy mummy way:),and i thought work would help build my confidence up again, having to look smart etc.. as when my husband left us it took me a long time to get over the hurt and i suppose i just wanted to have pals and fit in again..maybe because im seperated i seem fair game? god i dunno..im not an 18 yr old school girl, but this has really thrown me off course guys..thanks for reading..

bronte

:eek: What the hell?
He was way out of line. Report him immediately.

Sleepy

OP, if you want revenge you've a few options:

1. Tell his brother that you want your salary doubled or your suing his business for sexual harrasment & constructive dismissal.

2. Tell his wife.

3. Tell the gardaí.

If you were someone close to me I'd suggest doing all three.

Alicat

Ugh, what an asshole to think he can behave like that and take advantage of you like that. You didn't do anything wrong (other than trust him!).

If you go into work tomorrow, do not pretend everything is alright. He needs to know that what he did is not acceptable and that he won't be getting away with it.

You should report him to the Gardaí anyway. It's up to you if you feel you can tell the brother but he is any sort of man he won't protect his scumbag of a brother and will stand by his moral and professional duties as your boss. You should not have to leave your job for what he did.

I'm sure a better informed poster here will know of some contacts/websites that might help you understand your rights in a situation like this.

Best of luck

Sleepy

Just saw your second post. At the very least speak to your boss about this. Yes, it will be embarrassing but if you don't do something about this, the asshole will take this as tacit permission to do it again or escalate things. Yes, brother's are close but as one, I'd definitely want to know if my brother was at **** like this that could bankrupt me and ruin someone else's life.

GrumPy

wtf, total weirdo. Report him to the police and find yourself a new job asap.

I don't understand though? Did you.... do anything to him? how did he just, cum in your hand? :pac:

Alicat

Unregistered wrote: »

i cant..there would be statements to be made,court? god no.. its a small enough town, his wife and i know each other from a sports/kids thing..and he could deny it..either way i lose..

Do you not think his wife deserves to know what kind of man he is? He deserves no sympathy and it's not your job to think of his wife/family. He obviously wasn't thinking of them when he sexually assaulted you, a colleague and a family friend.

Be brave.

marko91

ehhh ring the police that is sick of him......in no way are u dirty or anything u did nothing rong hes just a sick creep he cant do that ang get away with it

LegacyUser

Alicat wrote: »

Do you not think his wife deserves to know what kind of man he is? He deserves no sympathy and it's not your job to think of his wife/family. He obviously wasn't thinking of them when he sexually assaulted you, a colleague and a family friend.

Be brave.

hi, maybe thats it..im a coward..people always say i'm 'too nice,'i'm probably not.. its just that i hate making a scene or causing trouble, even when i should -like in this case, and i hate myself for it. i should have shouted or slapped or SOMETHING i didnt..
i just wrestled trying to pull my arm back, he was blocking the door way, as he pulled/held
me by the wrist and i just looked away when he did it. and said nothing when i left,it was surreal and i was shocked but thats no excuse..

i will try to be brave, but im not naturally that way.

antiskeptic

The facts as I see them?

Guys aren't girls. That said: a mans distorted viewpoint about women is as distorted as a womans distorted viewpoint regarding a man. A mans distorted viewpoint about a woman sees the woman as a piece of meat. You were viewed as a piece of meat that day - and all the laughs, mates, hugs, yummy-mummy playacting did but one thing: reinforce the meat viewpoint that mens thinking about woman can become.

You're not responsible for his distorted view - you're only responsible for not realising/ignoring the fact that such distorted views are pretty commonplace - something which demands that you act in accordance with that fact. Folk can bleat til the cows come home about the right of a mini-skirt clad woman's right to walk down a dark alleyway unmolested. The world just isn't made that way...

Practical advice, given that you appear to want the job more than you don't want the hassle involved with staying there.

1) Expect more trouble. It might not be now, or tomorrow..

2) Act to prevent more trouble and send out a warning that has both him and the mates he might brag to (who might take it upon themselves...) hold fire. You could have a quiet word with a suitable member of the Gardai who can unofficially mention a complaint via mobile/quiet visit. Or write a letter to his wife and send it to him first with the threat should he or anyone else. There is something about graphic truth - which would include detail about his manner, his way, that doesn't require a court of law to cause a shiver to rise in the spine

3) Do not be afraid. Weakness, in the face of this threat, will be your "death"

LegacyUser

GrumPy wrote: »

wtf, total weirdo. Report him to the police and find yourself a new job asap.

I don't understand though? Did you.... do anything to him? how did he just, cum in your hand? :pac:

it is possible if a man is bigger/stronger than you, and has your arm gripped.doesnt take that long.

Latchy

Sounds like something from a porn movie . he just came in your hand

But as described ,is it sexual harrassment ? Yup , 100% , A1 it is

shinny

I know you are saying that you will try to be brave, but I have a feeling that you won't follow this up. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I'm just going by your feedback so far.

I really wish you would, but I know nothing any of us say will convince you to do something you don't want to do.

So, will you write down (in detail) everything that happened and date it? At least this way, if anything (and I firmly believe it will now that he's done this) happens again and you decide to do something about it, you have a proper factual account of the previous incident.

Good luck.

Alicat

Unregistered wrote: »

hi, maybe thats it..im a coward..people always say i'm 'too nice,'i'm probably not.. its just that i hate making a scene or causing trouble, even when i should -like in this case, and i hate myself for it. i should have shouted or slapped or SOMETHING i didnt..
i just wrestled trying to pull my arm back, he was blocking the door way, as he pulled/held
me by the wrist and i just looked away when he did it. and said nothing when i left,it was surreal and i was shocked but thats no excuse..

i will try to be brave, but im not naturally that way.

This will be one of the times you're going to have to go against your "nature".

What if he does this to someone else? This doesn't just end here. What if he tries it again with you? You can't continue in work like that, it's not healthy and not safe either. This will plague you for years to come unless you do something about it.

Whether you decide to report it to the Gardaí, his brother or his wife, or even just a friend/family member that you trust, you need to tell someone.

sim2

considering he thinks he is the powerful one, I would go into work tomorrow and would ask to speak to him!

Take a deep breath and think of your kid/s. Just tell him in a straightforward and calm manner (and I know it will be difficult) that you have sought legal advice but, on this occasion, have decided not to report him to the Gardaí but if he ever behaves like that again towards you, you will have no hesitation in going to the Gardaí. Then you just turn on your heels and walk straight out the door of the office! If you prefer to do it just before you finish work, that way you can just walk out the door and go home. But just be careful if you are driving home as the adrenaline will be flowing!! Good luck...you can do it!

LegacyUser

Latchy wrote: »

Sounds like something from a porn movie . he just came in your hand

But as described ,is it sexual harrassment ? Yup , 100% , A1 it is

this is why i'm nervous of reporting..the explanations i would have to give which i understand are vital.. the complete scene-he initially tried to get a BJ-asked straight out, as i was sitting at the desk sorting letters..he was level with me and standing..this is horrible and graphic but two posters have already queried how exactly can that happen? it can.
i said no, im not doing that, get away..that kind if thing..and tried brushing the suggestion off avoided eye contact ,stood up and headed for the door, he blocked the door and said you dont have to do anything-i will do it so you arent guilty of anything and grabbed my wrist. you know the rest..
goodnight.have to worry about tomorrow now.

spurious

Don't speak to him on your own. Make sure you have a witness to what you say and to his responses.

Duckjob

I would even bother making a complaint within the company about it. Go straight to the gardai and make a full report. Only then inform the owner of the situation. That way you can't be sweet-talked out of it.

As others have posted, this isn't "having a laugh" and it's not sexual harassment - It's a full scale sexual assault. The guy is clearly a sexually stunted idiot. I don't even know you and I want to punch his lights out.

For your own sake, and for other women who will come into contact (no pun intended) with this idiot, get yourself straight to the gardai, please.

Pat Mustard

Overheal wrote: »

No, that is sexual assault.

Yes, it is.

This guy sounds dangerous. You will need to be careful.

MissHoneyBun

Look OP you need to report this man to the Gardai. Yes times are hard and people need to keep their jobs but not ones in which they are sexually assaulted.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but what that man did is not acceptable and you know it so stop making excuses and make your way to the Garda station.

You could be saving, not only another unfortunate woman, but possibly yourself from further abuse from this nutcase.

Final Approach

sim2 wrote: »

considering he thinks he is the powerful one, I would go into work tomorrow and would ask to speak to him!

Take a deep breath and think of your kid/s. Just tell him in a straightforward and calm manner (and I know it will be difficult) that you have sought legal advice but, on this occasion, have decided not to report him to the Gardaí but if he ever behaves like that again towards you, you will have no hesitation in going to the Gardaí. Then you just turn on your heels and walk straight out the door of the office! If you prefer to do it just before you finish work, that way you can just walk out the door and go home. But just be careful if you are driving home as the adrenaline will be flowing!! Good luck...you can do it!

On the basis that you really don't seem to want to cause 'Friction' or draw any attention to yourself, I would agree with the above poster. Of course this is sexual harassment, and really you should be reporting him, but as you said, you have your own reasons for not wanting to go down that road and thats fair enough.

Having said that, I think that doing nothing is not an option for you either. Why? Because if you do nothing, you will send a very clear signal that this was OK with you, and what will it be next? I don't know what went on between you too, but you hint that it might be possible that you lead him to believe that you were attracted to him? Even if, his behavior was unacceptable, but my point is that if this is the case, as the above poster has said, a stern conversation explaining that this was unacceptable and upsetting to you might get you an apology and a guarantee that nothing like this will happen again.

You need to make things very clear to him with regard to how you feel about him, and how you feel about what he did to you. And then go from there. Keep a written record of what happened including the date and time and remember if you dont do anything about this, the chances are there will be a next time and it will be worse. Stand up for yourself!

bronte

Op...I'm a nice girl too like yourself, and I don't like to cause a fuss but this is serious stuff.
Please make a case..this is horrible and was not your fault.
He should NEVER have done that.
Don't accept this.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

jasus he really cornered you thats awful, he must have been grooming you for weeks and then just took his moment, sorry to say this but its like he molested you like someone would a child, if he did it to a child would you think it serious enough?

I was abused op and if you do not respect yourself here you will have major consequences for yourself, your anxiety will grow and it will fester inside, he cannot control you further,

First off get safe! get away from him, leave the job and go on the dole if you can, this is an emergency, get out of there.

Tell someone you know and try and get some support, i know you live in a small town but he will ruin your life more if you do not get it out of your system you feel dirty because you have taken the problem on now and blamed yourself, he is the abuser you are the victim, people will understand!

So so sorry this person has come in and ruined your life like this, you are stronger than you think, do what your gut tells you!

LegacyUser

OP i have no doubt about this: - if you keep quiet he is going to further abuse you, he will put pressure on you, try convince you that you were asking for it, blackmail you into more.. i'm sure of it!

He probably senses that you are 'too nice', that you are alone, that you are trapped in your position, and see's you as a vulnerable person he can pull this sh!t on (he's also playing on his position of power in the fact it's his brothers place).. if you feel like you can't take it all on alone can you at least talk to someone about it? - a trusted girlfriend? If you don't have anyone don't be hesitant to call one of the helplines just to talk it over - it doesn't have to happen in a dark alley for it to be wrong and for you to be entitled to avail of these helpful phone/counselling services. Most rapes are by people that know their attacker, are you sure he's not going to keep going further??

Bottle_of_Smoke

Op, you really don't seem to be taking this seriously. If you ignore it he'll start bullying you.

What's even worse is he could be testing the water. He held your wrist tightly as you tried to pull it away - Are you going to be able to defend yourself if he tries this again, or tries something worse?

Straight to management. It's true he will deny but he'll know there'd be suspicion of him and he's unlikely to try it again.

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

this is why i'm nervous of reporting..the explanations i would have to give which i understand are vital.. the complete scene-he initially tried to get a BJ-asked straight out, as i was sitting at the desk sorting letters..he was level with me and standing..this is horrible and graphic but two posters have already queried how exactly can that happen? it can.
i said no, im not doing that, get away..that kind if thing..and tried brushing the suggestion off avoided eye contact ,stood up and headed for the door, he blocked the door and said you dont have to do anything-i will do it so you arent guilty of anything and grabbed my wrist. you know the rest..
goodnight.have to worry about tomorrow now.

Regardless, you need to write down all of the details of the incident now.

Think of people who have been sexually abused for a minute and how hard it is for them to speak out about it - I mean, this is the line. If you don't say anything now, what about when he forces you onto his desk or worse? You're already battling with yourself to come forward, what about when you get completely violated?

Ignoring it will not prevent worse things from happening.

Write down the incident. Every detail. Everything leading up to it. And then once thats done, and you read back over what you've written, you decide if it doesn't need to stop. If he is capable of what he's already done, he is already capable of rape. He's probably already thought about it. Correction: he has thought of it. He might even be seriously planning it. You simply don't know. And its not really a risk I feel you should be taking.

he must have been grooming you for weeks

Thats a really chilling comment but one you need to be familiar with.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=active&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hs=IyI&q=sexual+grooming+&btnG=Search

I don't see what you have to be ashamed of OP. Perhaps you would like to clarify that in your own words?

LegacyUser

OP this guy is a danger to all women out there. He has zero respect for you or any woman.

Seek legal advice straight away.

Talk to a therapist that you trust about your feelings around this as you seem to unaware of how serious this is, this man sexually assaulted you and god knows what he intends to do next. For your safety and for the rights of women everywhere you need to report this.


Once you actually speak to some professionals about this you will feel much better and may see how badly he has behaved. Take care of yourself.

Taltos

Just so you know - I'm a guy

You have been sexually assaulted here.
You defo need to report this as this scum will get away with it otherwise.
What he has done is absolutely wrong and you are absolutely NOT at fault here.

Report this asap - either gardai, his boss or his wife - or ALL of them.
The longer you leave it the harder it will be.

What are you going to do next time? Or what if he starts spreading rumours about you instead??? - Which he might do to protect himself.
Don't kid yourself - he has tried this once - he will try again or worse, stop him now!

Go to his brother and report it, also inform the gardai. And do this ASAP.

RossFixxxed

Bloody hell. There's a huge gap between having a laugh (silly comments to a friend who knows the score) and this. That is 100% sexual assault. Grabbing you, not letting go etc... This really seems like a situation that will escalate. I'm with the other posters here... Confront him, gardai etc. WHATEVER it takes.

These guys will prey on the weak, if you are too meek and won't stand up he will get worse.

purcela

I don't understand why you wouldn't report this. You won't lose your job over it. They will already be in enough legal trouble with a sexual assault case, if they fired you for reporting him then they would face an unfair dismissals case. From your original post it seems like you came on here looking for advice as to whether you should act upon this, everyone has said that you should but now you dont want to, what was the point of posting here? You knew before posting that he had done wrong and should be reported for it. If he did that to any other person you know you would more than likely tell that person to report it, so there is no reason you shouldnt report it. How many people like you will he have to assault before somebody finally has the guts to report him and put a stop to this guy!

iMax

Hi OP,

First of all, please be strong. This is sexual assault & could easily have been rape if he'd pushed it a little further. As someone else said, this could easily have been a child he did this to & he must be stopped before he goes further.

Don't go to work, write a letter to your employer (the brother) then call him directly & request that he meet you on neutral territory such as a cafe. Then hand him the letter containing all the details including time, & descriptive elements such as clothing, weather, filing you had etc. All this will back up your accusation. Also mention previous events & situations (sexually explicit talk etc.)

Although this man is his brother, he has a legal responsibility to protect his staff & if you were to sue for sexual harassment it would be him you would be suing.

Tell him that you will not be returning to the workplace until such time as the accused is removed from his position pending a full investigation & that you expect to be paid in full for this time.

Ultimately & I'm sorry to have to say this, but unless this jerk has "previous form" or his brother knows about other events, your days are numbered in the place so use the time to look for another position.

They cannot fire you for making this accusation (that would be even worse for them). They have an obligation to find out the facts & to come to the correct resolution (that doesn't always happen). If they suspend you or withdraw pay or fire you, they are digging themselves a far worse hole.

Your next step would be to file a copy of the letter with a solicitor & also to send registered copies to both the accused & the brother (even though you've handed him one). This will ensure that there's a record of them receiving a copy of the accusation.

You have no argument with the man's wife/partner so don't involve her (she has enough to put up with. Keep the facts straight & honest.

Please take professional advice from the Gardai/rape crises center (it is a rape of sorts)/solicitor.

You have the power now. Use it.

philologos

There is no way, by any definition that could be considered having a laugh. That is utterly sickening OP and you should use the full extent of the authorities to set a precadent and you should talk with his brother about it. This is clearly out of line.

LegacyUser

Sounds very, very like how a child abuser would groom a child. Starting by talking to them about inappropriate matter to a point where it is almost "normal" conversation then pounce and no doubt make their victim feel they had some part in leading him on. Chances are he has done it before and chances are he will do it again-and who do you think would be the easiest person for him to target now? I'll tell you who it would be the person he abused before and said nothing, reported nothing.

Never mind his wife and kids etc for all we know they all could have been victims of his abuse too and glad someone came forward to report him. Never mind the brother being his boss god only knows how thaty creep treated him in the past or what kind of hold he has over your boss. I would think go straight to the guards now and let them deal with the matter. No job is worth that. Stop making excuses for the man which you are doing now and in doing so blaming yourself. Stop giving the man time to work on his side of the story.

dudara

The simple fact of the matter is that you have to take action now. If you let this slide, he will see it as tacit agreement from you and will continue, perhaps escalating to something more serious.

You have to stop it now.

Dublin_Gunner

Before you go to the Gardai, confront him about it.

Ensure to record the conversation, either by your mobile phone calling your mailbox at home, a friends phone who can record the conversation, or a Dictaphone in your pocket.

Then, if you do decide to go to the Gardai, you have evidence to substantiate your accusation - and I certainly think you should report this incident.

This guy needs to be put in his place.

This will probably get me a warning, but if that happened to my girlfriend / sister / friend or whatever, he'd be getting a visit from a few guys with balaclavas and baseball bats. Seriously. I absolutely find that sort of thiing the lowest type of abuse any human can cause another. He raped you. Sure, there was no intercourse, but in my view its still rape.

luckat

Sexual assault. Go to the Rape Crisis Centre, they'll advise you.

iMax

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Before you go to the Gardai, confront him about it.

Ensure to record the conversation, either by your mobile phone calling your mailbox at home, a friends phone who can record the conversation, or a Dictaphone in your pocket.

Then, if you do decide to go to the Gardai, you have evidence to substantiate your accusation - and I certainly think you should report this incident.

Inadmissible in court. Covert recording would be struck out but could be used with a solicitor to strengthen any case.

LegacyUser

OP I sense that you may be completely daunted by the struggle you forsee ahead if you were to tackle him on this so 2 things:

1) i think you will have a bigger struggle if you don't as he will persist and to challenge it in the future will feel even more daunting than it seems now

2) don't think of it as you having to go through all of this fight against him.. just take one little step.. dial the number of the rape crisis centre.. if even just to have a little chat with someone with experience so you can sort things in your head! - 1800 778 888

Good luck

Dublin_Gunner

iMax wrote: »

Inadmissible in court. Covert recording would be struck out but could be used with a solicitor to strengthen any case.

Not in Ireland.

You can record any conversation you are a party to, and it IS admissable in court.

It is illegal to record a conversation as a third party.

iMax

I stand corrected

LegacyUser

Tell you what you do.

Go straight to the Brother and tell him what happened and that you still have the tissue he gave you to wipe the semen off your hand, and that you are going to the Gardai.

If this guy thinks he can deny it when he THINKS you have a tissue with his cum on it then he is clearly a plank!

Tell the Brother you have proof.

You could also force a 100% pay rise out of them if you felt in the mood for blackmail.

Dublin_Gunner

Unregistered wrote: »

You could also force a 100% pay rise out of them if you felt in the mood for blackmail.

With the risk of getting sued for blackmail, degradation of character (as there's no proof), slander etc etc and ultimately getting sacked.

NOT a good idea, unless you have something to back up what you're saying.

Fol20

i hate the way some people say "he took advantage of you"..by your post you seem like a independent women that can take care of yourself.Anyway yea that is definitely sexual assualt. I would let your boss know what happened to you.I wouldnt do it in a aggressive way but in a calm way.This way instead of him or you being laid off,maybe both of ye could work at different times.I would also talk to the guy that did this to you that you have no intentions of going out with him.Finally and i mean this in the most serious way possible but it might have been an accident.You say it was after you collected the post,well you know men are most aroused in the morning and night so when both of ye rubbed against each other,it caused a quick spurt.Its only a guess but youd never know.The one part i dont understand is how his pants came down...did he pull them down or just fall down?