Really need others opinions on this...

LegacyUser

I don't even know where to start!

Been with a guy almost 4 months. I like him a lot but it's not easy. I live in Dublin, he lives in Kilkenny so really we just get weekends together. Anyway, despite this everything has been going fine.

I've only had one serious relationship before this guy. That was with my then best friend, we were friends for about 3 years, went out for 2 and a half years and it was a total nightmare, we are broken up 2 years and it's taken some time but in the last year or so we've started to become good friends again....i reckon that out of all my male friends this is the one my boyfriend needs to worry about least like!!!

Anyway, my new boyfriend has insisted from day 1 that it's weird for me to be mates with my ex, he said it makes him very jealous but that's his problem and he would never forbid me from talking to him etc. I've spoken to my ex a little about this and he kinda gave me the nod and we don't talk as much as we used to on account of this!

So! Here's the crap situation I'm in...

I started a new job, working nights 2 weeks ago and unfortunatley the area i work in is very run down, very rough part of the city and as of yet i haven't got a parking pass near the building i'm in, so because my boyfriend was in Dublin on my first night, he gave me a lift in for 8pm and collected me at 12.30am.....even walking back to his car was scarey and he said he was very unhappy for me to be walking around to get back to my car on the other nights when he's not around.

So, he went home the next day and i mentioned to my ex how dodgy and unsafe the area was, i also had booked my car in to be fixed by a friend of my ex's who lives near where i now work (but slightly off the beaten track) So! My ex suggested that he give me a lift in and collect me and then he could show me where the guy lived who would be fixing my car in the same trip!

I figured my boyfriend would get all jealous and insecure and be worried in Kilkenny so i told him my fatmate was gonna run me in and back....no worries. I know i shouldn't have lied, i'm not in the habit of lying and i genuinely did it to stop him being concerned.

So, my boyfriend was back up in Dublin for the weekend and he randomly started questioning me about my flatemate bringing me in to work and how weird that was when my flatemate starts work so early in the mornings....i knew for some reason he didn't believe me, i just tried to change the subject. Also, my flatmate and i have been friends for years and he would give me a lift anytime i wanted so it wasn't anything my boyfriend should have been suspicious about...

Then the next day my boyfriend dropped me to work again and came back to my apartment.....within an hour my flatmate was on the phone to tell me he'd been interrogated about giving me a lift to work and my boyfriend so didn't believe me

So, i get picked up from work and he tells me his head has been doing somoersaults over something my flatmate said so i intervened and said "Yeah, I know, i'll explain when we get back"

So, when we arrived back I figured it wouldn't be a HUGE issue. I explained what happened and why i lied. He totally understood and said he knows 100% there is nothing going on with me and my ex but he can now never trust me again, he was sobbing and kept saying he needed to throw up.

I was a bit shocked cuz I know i was wrong to lie but it just seemed a little dramatic....we haven't said we love eachother yet and i don't think anything he could do to me could make me feel sick....its too early.

So, i apologised so many times and i do feel bad, but he just kept talking about trust and i really do regret lying but i mean i took a lift off my ex and i lied so he wouldn't be worried about me. I felt like i'd just owned up to sleeping with his brother.

So eventually he said "I need to think about this, lets go to bed" I said i would follow him in, sure enough he was over the very far side of the bed, i got in the other side and he was sniffeling away. I said "sorry" again and he didn't respond. I wasn't gonna fall asleep anyway but then 20 mins later he started getting dressed and asked if i objected to him sleeping on the couch? Like hello!!! Once again - "I didn't sleep with his brother"

So i said i'd prefer if we talked about it and i was happy to talk about it till i was blue in the face if it made him feel better.

So we did, and he just kept crying and looking at me like i was a piece of dirt, I said i felt like i was waiting for him to break up with me and he said he didn't want to, he put his arms around me and we fell asleep. I figured that meant everything was ok???

No! The next morning he was off with me again, I asked him how he felt about everything and he said he didn't know...he needed more time to think. He then said he couldn't eat any breakfast, on account of it all!! So, i had my own breakfast, awkwardly enough, then he asks me can he have a hug??? I'm so confused at this point. He confirmed again that he didn't wanna break up with me, we'd a nice kiss and hug and he went home.

He was texting me later and his messages were decidedly short and a bit snotty. I get why he's pissed off, but i'm so over it now. He didn't even text me to say he got home safe., then later i was chatting to him on facebook and he tells me he's cancelled his plans to see his friends because he feels down (he does that a lot) and it's only been made worse by everything i have done

So i ask is he not sure again, and he said he still needs time to think??

(sorry this is going on forever)

So i lost the plot a little and reminded him how hurt i was when he called me ex girlfriends name when we were having sex and how it went around my head for weeks but because he had said it meant nothing and he was sorry i had accepted his apology and after ten minutes never mentioned it again. He said he didn't know how he felt and i was entitled to my feelings and i just said i was confused and he said he was too...

So that's it, he texted me a bit this morning like normal, i am so confused, like imagine i actually did something bad (I know lying is bad but i mean like BAD)

Anyway, since his whole arguement is based on trust and how he feels he can't trust me now i just feel so crap because i'm about 95% sure the reason he copped i was lying in the first place is because he's been reading my text messages and going through my phone behind my back. I've noticed a few times when i've picked up my phone that the messages and emails that are open are a few days old, like someones been reading back through them, this had happpened a good bit when he's been staying.

There was a message in my phone where i told my friend that my ex gave me a lift to work and otherwise it makes no sense why he got suspicious to begin with. I think that reading my messages behind my back is deceitful too but if i even suggest it to him he's gonna deny it!

I like him but i'm a little scared/confused.

Help





I

catratbat

This is an alarm bell.... RUN!

So far he's been jealous of a male mate and asked you to see less of him...
alarm bell 1..

Interrogating the flatmate ... alarm bell 2...

Over-reacted to a scary degree...alarm ball 3...a piercing siren almost!

Checking your mails and texts...... Major clanging bastard of an alarm bell...

Calling ex-girlfriends name during sex :mad:... if it happened more than once...jesus..

Is he gonna react like this every time he's suspicious of you? What'll trigger his suspicion? He sounds very high maintenance but if he's reading your mails and texts .. he's the one breaching trust.

You've already felt you've had to lie to him in order to avoid a scene... do you really wanna follow this pattern for the foreseeable future?

Best of luck.

shellyboo

Whew! Long read. Right...


You shouldn't have lied. Big, HUGE mistake. Don't lie to your boyfriend, ever, about anything, no matter how trivial. It's not worth it, and it causes more problems than it solves.

That said, your bf is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overreacting. Like, ENORMOUSLY so. If it were me, I'd be questioning my relationship with the guy over this - huge histrionics over something absolutely insignificant. Yes, you lied, but you've learned your lesson. You didn't, as you say, actually DO anything on him.

My advice is to just leave him be. Let him have as much space as he wants, see if he'll calm down. Then when he does, you can have a proper chat about what happened and his reaction.

He basically sounds like more hassle than he's worth.

Beau x1

You shouldn't have lied; but at the same time - and I'm no doctor or anything but it sounds to me as if he's bipolar. He has his 'manic' moments where he goes on really big highs and interrogates your flatmate (fatmate, anyone see that lol?). Yeah so anyway - he also has exaggerrated downs, for example crying at the end of the bed and then getting up ready to leave. Then 20 minutes later he's up ready to go and sleep on his own. In the morning he asks for a hug. He's shifting crazilly here.

However, he does sound like a nice guy but you might want to look up some symptoms of bipolar disorder on Google because that's what it honestly sounds like to me.

Remember, it wasn't too big a deal in the first place and it sounds like he's blown it out of proportion a bit, mainly emotionally.

StormWarrior

He sounds like he's trying to control you through guilt trips.... first he gets you to stop seeing your ex.... soon he'll stop you seeing friends he doesn't like... then all your friends... then your family.... until you're isolated with only him in your life.... RUN!

And even if this isn't the case, he's being very insulting to you by not trusting you and trying to tell you who you can and can't see. Not to mention trying to spy on your phone.... he says he can't trust you, well ever heard the expression that the world we see is a reflection of ourselves? HE is obviously not to be trusted! If you let him get away with this it'll just get worse.

LegacyUser

Thanks all.

Yup, I have wondered if he suffers from some sort of bi-polar thing. He has serious mood swings. One minute he's crazy hyper, the next he's barely talking. I can't really ask him if he suffers from it can i?

I was thinking myself if this was some sort of warning sign. Besides all i've mentioned i've picking up on a real sense of "We're so glad he has a girlfriend" from his family.

Anyway, he just called me there - seems to be acting totally normal like nothings happened. I think i will let the dust settle and see if things improve

PS - I know it was a long read, so thanks to those who stuck through it

LegacyUser

HUGE over reaction. Early stages of the relationship, he's being a mnajor drama queen - trying to emotionally control you. Some of men are like that - thankfully not most of us but it happens. Tell him you're done, that's if he can't control himself or his reactions better that this and is going to be so immature then you want nothing more to do with him. Won't make a blind bit of difference, in his little world you will for ever be the bitch who he couldn't trust, but c'est la vie.

AngryBadger

Your bf is a pillock. Get rid of him.

You've been an absolute saint to put up with as much of this BS as you have. If he is bi-polar or has some other disorder there's nothing you can do for him. He needs to seek professional help, if you stick around in that situation all he's going to o is drag you down with him.

But again, fair dews on being to patient with him.

Beau x1

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks all.

Yup, I have wondered if he suffers from some sort of bi-polar thing. He has serious mood swings. One minute he's crazy hyper, the next he's barely talking. I can't really ask him if he suffers from it can i?

I was thinking myself if this was some sort of warning sign. Besides all i've mentioned i've picking up on a real sense of "We're so glad he has a girlfriend" from his family.

Anyway, he just called me there - seems to be acting totally normal like nothings happened. I think i will let the dust settle and see if things improve

PS - I know it was a long read, so thanks to those who stuck through it

Don't end it over something so trivial, seriously..this is a pretty minor problem in comparison to what most relationships go through. A lot of people on here will always tell you to be wary of the red light and break up with him as soon as possible, but really - if it's not the insecure boyfriend dictated by mood swings then it's the over possessive dickhead, or the cheating piece of scum. You can confront him about it, maybe his parents/grandparents were bipolar. It's genetic. It's not as rare as you think either, 3/100 Americans are bipolar.

What I will say to you though is make sure he at least gets tested for it..because this sort of thing can really destroy relationships at late stages when you're married, kids, etc. Realising it is a pretty big step, and his attitude will only get worse as he gets over.

Make sure to cut off the majority of association with your ex though, it's not fair for both of you to have a ruined relationship because of ex boyfriends/girlfriends. What you should do is confront him about it when you're cuddled together on the bed or something, give him a light kiss and talk about what happened casually, tell him you want nothing more to do with your ex and *then* ask him if he's ever considered if he's bipolar or if he had a rough past relationship that made him have such mood swings.

Good luck with this OP, just remember no relationship is easy from start to finish.

Gyalist

Beau x1 wrote: »

Don't end it over something so trivial, seriously..this is a pretty minor problem in comparison to what most relationships go through. A lot of people on here will always tell you to be wary of the red light and break up with him as soon as possible, but really - if it's not the insecure boyfriend dictated by mood swings then it's the over possessive dickhead, or the cheating piece of scum. You can confront him about it, maybe his parents/grandparents were bipolar. It's genetic. It's not as rare as you think either, 3/100 Americans are bipolar.

What I will say to you though is make sure he at least gets tested for it..because this sort of thing can really destroy relationships at late stages when you're married, kids, etc. Realising it is a pretty big step, and his attitude will only get worse as he gets over.

Make sure to cut off the majority of association with your ex though, it's not fair for both of you to have a ruined relationship because of ex boyfriends/girlfriends. What you should do is confront him about it when you're cuddled together on the bed or something, give him a light kiss and talk about what happened casually, tell him you want nothing more to do with your ex and *then* ask him if he's ever considered if he's bipolar or if he had a rough past relationship that made him have such mood swings.

Good luck with this OP, just remember no relationship is easy from start to finish.

I'm sure that you mean well but I hope that the OP doesn't take your advice seriously. That behaviour is far from trivial. If, as you acknowledge, this sort of behaviour can destroy relationships, surely it makes sense to end the relationship before she becomes more emotionally invested in it.

OP, his problems are not yours to solve.

IMO, you've got to end it. If he is behaving like this so early in the relationship it is unlikely get any better. To me, being single is infinitely preferable to being on such an emotional rollercoaster.

sam34

catratbat wrote: »

This is an alarm bell.... RUN!

So far he's been jealous of a male mate and asked you to see less of him...
alarm bell 1..

Interrogating the flatmate ... alarm bell 2...

Over-reacted to a scary degree...alarm ball 3...a piercing siren almost!

Checking your mails and texts...... Major clanging bastard of an alarm bell...

You've already felt you've had to lie to him in order to avoid a scene...QUOTE]

these are typical signs of a man who is jealous, possessive and controlling.

i've been in a relationship like that, and i only wish i had seen the signs earlier and gotten out earlier.

if you allow this behaviour of his to continue, you will soon fing yourself isolated and alone, and scared of him. not a good place to be.

i would go, and go quickly, if i were you.

sam34

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks all.

Yup, I have wondered if he suffers from some sort of bi-polar thing. He has serious mood swings. One minute he's crazy hyper, the next he's barely talking. I can't really ask him if he suffers from it can i?

AngryBadger wrote: »

If he is bi-polar or has some other disorder there's nothing you can do for him. He needs to seek professional helpQUOTE

]

Beau x1 wrote: »

You can confront him about it, maybe his parents/grandparents were bipolar. It's genetic. It's not as rare as you think either, 3/100 Americans are bipolar.
QUOTE]

to be perfectly honest, most people with bipolar disorder do not have mood-swings that change from minute to minute or hour to hour or even day to day.
the typical pattern of bipolar disorder is that the highs and lows are much more prolonged than that, and have periods of normal mood inbetween.

the changes in him, such as cuddling at night and then being cold and distant in teh morning are much more likely to be indicative of his underlying personality traits than any mental illness.

LegacyUser

sam34 wrote: »

]



to be perfectly honest, most people with bipolar disorder do not have mood-swings that change from minute to minute or hour to hour or even day to day.
the typical pattern of bipolar disorder is that the highs and lows are much more prolonged than that, and have periods of normal mood inbetween.

the changes in him, such as cuddling at night and then being cold and distant in teh morning are much more likely to be indicative of his underlying personality traits than any mental illness.

Agreed - bi-polar isn't some quick up and down mood swing.... it's either up (as in high as a kite for days/weeks) or low, very low and depressed.

Anyway, I lie if I think that it will make my life easier... maybe most people don't but sometimes it's the thing to do.

He sounds terribly insecure and if he's reading your text messages then he has issues.....

Catbatrat is right

LegacyUser

I'd agree with the point made that if he's acting like this so early in the relationship, what will he be like in the future? His behaviour and reactions are not normal, and sounds like he is insecure, jealous and possesive. These traits do not lead to successful relationships I'm afraid. IMO u have 2 options; stick it out a bit longer and hope he'll change but emotionally drain yourself in the process, or, end it before either of u get too involved and hope that he'll learn from losing u that his behavior is not going to work for him. I know its hard but sometimes a little not of pain in the short term is worth it in the long run. Good luck.

Beau x1

There's some good advice that contradicts mine in this thread, but to be honest I wish people would try and help the OP than just point out everything negative about the relationship. She likes the guy.

And also, while you're right about bipolar disorders being cyclical in the longterm; you can also have mixed episode of depression and hypomania:

I'll quote:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm wrote:

# Bipolar II Disorder (hypomania and depression) – In Bipolar II disorder, the person doesn’t experience full-blown manic episodes. Instead, the illness involves episodes of hypomania and severe depression.
# Cyclothymia (hypomania and mild depression) – Cyclothymia is a milder form of bipolar disorder. It consists of cyclical mood swings. However, the symptoms are less severe than full-blown mania or depression.

Being bipolar isn't just as black and white as you guys make it out to seem. IMO, a medical reason that can be easily cured with a visit to some professionals isn't really a reason something to throw a relationship away with if she wishes to stay in one.

Just my opinion. I hope you do take my advice seriously OP, I wouldn't want you to dump this guy just because people here are telling you to. And in fairness, he does have a valid reason to be a bit upset. At least he isn't being abusive and screaming at her at home; he's depressed right now.

Gyalist

Beau x1 wrote: »

At least he isn't being abusive and screaming at her at home; he's depressed right now.

Abuse and emotional manipulation come in many forms. Doing it quietly is more insidious and damaging than screaming as there aren't any witnesses or anyone to intervene.

sam34

Beau x1 wrote: »

There's some good advice that contradicts mine in this thread, but to be honest I wish people would try and help the OP than just point out everything negative about the relationship. She likes the guy.

And also, while you're right about bipolar disorders being cyclical in the longterm; you can also have mixed episode of depression and hypomania:

I'll quote:


Being bipolar isn't just as black and white as you guys make it out to seem. IMO, a medical reason that can be easily cured with a visit to some professionals isn't really a reason something to throw a relationship away with if she wishes to stay in one.

Just my opinion. I hope you do take my advice seriously OP, I wouldn't want you to dump this guy just because people here are telling you to. And in fairness, he does have a valid reason to be a bit upset. At least he isn't being abusive and screaming at her at home; he's depressed right now.

the quote you've included makes reference to cylcothymia, but again this is not a minute to minute mood change, which is what the op is describing.

also, bipolar disorder is unfortunately not something that can "be easily cured" by a visit to a GP. far from it,in fact.

lastly, you claim that he is depressed - there is nothing to suggest that. sure, he cried, but they are going thru a rough patch. and he's quiet, but tbh that sounds more like hes giving her teh silent treatment, as he is so selective about when he does it.

i reiterate my advice taht he sounds like a manipulative, immature, controlling man, and i would get rid of him ASAP.

Silverfish

Can we ease up on the diagnosing and keep it to advice to the OP?

Thanks,

S

Beau x1

Yeah I know, you guys have solid advice but its not REALLY minute to minute. One night he's prepared to sleep on the couch and the next day he wants a hug. There is a significant enough timeline in it to suggest he might be bipolar. Then the next day he's texting her in the morning as if nothing happened. I have bipolar relations so I do have an education opinion nor would I consider myself ignorant of how diagnosed bipolar individuals function.

Oh well, I'm done with this thread - and that's not because of the disagreement, I just think we've given this girl all the advice we can really give. It's up to her to decide for herself now tbh what she wants to do.

Follow your gut instinct OP!

sam34

Beau x1 wrote: »

Yeah I know, you guys have solid advice but its not REALLY minute to minute. One night he's prepared to sleep on the couch and the next day he wants a hug. There is a significant enough timeline in it to suggest he might be bipolar. Then the next day he's texting her in the morning as if nothing happened. I have bipolar relations so I do have an education opinion nor would I consider myself ignorant of how diagnosed bipolar individuals function.

i still dont agree with this. bipolar people simply dont fluctuate from elation to depression with this sort of frequency.

now, if they were in the midst of a manic or hypomanic episode, they can be unoredictable and distractible, but thats again generally different to what teh OP describes.

like you, i have a relative with bipolar disorder, i know what it's like to live with someone who is unwell.



anyway, we prob wont agree on this issue :pac:

my advice to the OP is unchanged.

and if she has concerns re his mood she should discuss them with him, his family, GP or all 3.

Beau x1

Yeah fair enough, there's obviously some psychological issue though. Normal people don't act like this, unless the OP isn't telling us something else she's done in the past to provoke further action.

The Sweeper

Beau x1 wrote: »

Don't end it over something so trivial, seriously..this is a pretty minor problem in comparison to what most relationships go through. A lot of people on here will always tell you to be wary of the red light and break up with him as soon as possible, but really - if it's not the insecure boyfriend dictated by mood swings then it's the over possessive dickhead, or the cheating piece of scum. You can confront him about it, maybe his parents/grandparents were bipolar. It's genetic. It's not as rare as you think either, 3/100 Americans are bipolar.

What I will say to you though is make sure he at least gets tested for it..because this sort of thing can really destroy relationships at late stages when you're married, kids, etc. Realising it is a pretty big step, and his attitude will only get worse as he gets over.

Make sure to cut off the majority of association with your ex though, it's not fair for both of you to have a ruined relationship because of ex boyfriends/girlfriends. What you should do is confront him about it when you're cuddled together on the bed or something, give him a light kiss and talk about what happened casually, tell him you want nothing more to do with your ex and *then* ask him if he's ever considered if he's bipolar or if he had a rough past relationship that made him have such mood swings.

Good luck with this OP, just remember no relationship is easy from start to finish.

Sorry, but no relationship NEEDS to be difficult from start to finish.

If you communicate properly and openly, share mutual respect, and have a good sense of yourself and are therefore not plagued by self doubt and insecurities that you take out on your partner, you can have a strong, enjoyable relationship. Yes, things can be difficult, but if you have the personal equipment to work through issues you will succeed.

What the OP is going through isn't "difficult".

It's ludicrous.

Beau x1

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Sorry, but no relationship NEEDS to be difficult from start to finish.

Relationships generally are difficult though - due to different wants and mental perceptions in regards to the relationship on behalf of both parties. I claimed no relationships are easy from start to finish. I don't see why that's not a fair comment.

LegacyUser

Despite people saying that this is a long message truth be told there's a lot more to the whole issue than what you have said to us. Knowing this guy for four months gives you a much better vantage view than the few minutes of reading we've had.

First off I wouldn't put it down to cyclothemia, dysthemia etc. Unless you study medicine/psychiatry and have had a few sessions with the guy then it's tough to say what the story is.

It sounds as though he likes you, which is credit to you, and if you do feel that there was an over-reaction on his part that there's the possibility that there are some things going on in his life that are bothering him. Maybe it was a culmination of a few things that led to this, maybe not.

It sounds as though the trust in the relationship has been damaged by the series of events, and on both sides. It's not an easy thing to repair, no matter how much a person may want to, which might explain why his attitude changed the next morning. Then again maybe not, It's your call I guess. It takes longer or shorter depending on the person.

But ultimately the impression I get from you is that you both feel you've done wrong in some way, to a varying degree, and that you both don't fully trust one another at the moment. Have you considered sitting him down and gently letting him know your feelings on the issue(s)? If it's done constructively enough your relationship could come back stronger for it, that is of course if you decide what you want from the relationship.

Hope it works out for you

vandermeyde

he sounds like an emotionally immature, manipulative, controlling head-a-ball to be honest, and if he's like this after 4 months god knows what he'll be like in 12 months time.

Dictating who your friends are?
Interrogating flatmates?
Reading texts?
Sulking?

After 4 months??

This is just mind boggling stuff to me.

It's up to you Op but I'd be running for the hills. I can hear the siren's from here.

The Sweeper

Beau x1 wrote: »

Relationships generally are difficult though - due to different wants and mental perceptions in regards to the relationship on behalf of both parties. I claimed no relationships are easy from start to finish. I don't see why that's not a fair comment.

Because what should make a relationship difficult is outside factors. Your working situation, whether the two of you ever have enough money, having kids, planning a wedding, whether or not you can afford a car, where you want to live and how much pressure your respective families are putting on that front, what house should you build/buy/rent and whether you can afford it, whether you spend too much or too little time at work.

Curve balls like unemployment, sudden death in the family or among friends, an accident or serious illness - these major external factors all place huge stress and strain on a relationship. These are the times where it should be, and it is, difficult, and where you have to learn to communicate and pull together to get through the relationship.

The difficulty that faces your relationship shouldn't come exclusively from within, from one manipulative and over-dramatic partner sabotaging the relationship on a weekly basis in an effort to exercise control over it.

Life is hard, and subsequently relationships are difficult.

But that difficulty isn't supposed to come from one person wilfully making it so.

emigrant36

oh my gawd... RUN OP RUN!!

Definitely some bizarre personality traits....
I repeat.. RUN!!

LegacyUser

Hey all, OP here...

Thanks to everyone for your help! Well, here's an update. Before all the drama the original plan was for me to travel down to him this weekend but i just wasn't motivated, i felt really like i needed some space to work out what i want so i was going to suggest we take a weekend off until he said he thought he should travel up here to Dublin.

I suggested a weekend off to think but he said all he has done is think all week and he wants us to sit down and have a chat...

So, do u think he is going to break up with me? I mean, once again how weird to break up with me over something so teeny but, after all he's put me through I wouldn't be suprised.

Actually, I kinda hope he does, I really really just wanted a weekend to myself and i think right now, if he doesn't come up to break up with me, i'll be disappointed.

Another one bites the dust eh?

Gyalist

How about you saving him his time and petrol by calling him and breaking up with him. It doesn't make you a bad person. Tell him the truth of why you're breaking up with him and hopefully he'll take it on board and try to change his future behaviour.

LegacyUser

Gyalist wrote: »

How about you saving him his time and petrol by calling him and breaking up with him. It doesn't make you a bad person. Tell him the truth of why you're breaking up with him and hopefully he'll take it on board and try to change his future behaviour.

OP Here...

You know what?! That was my first instinct but a few weeks ago one of his best friends dumped a girl by phone and he's gone on and on and on about how awful that was and how breaking up with someone over the phone is totally disrespectful, so! I guess we better do it his way.

Whatevers meant to be will be, i should know soon enough anyway

Karen_*

Why are you doing things his way?


Run like the wind OP he's a control freak and a manipulator and this is going is going to bring you nothing but misery. Its ok though for him to call other girls names oput during sex. You see the red flags, we all see the red flags so don't be on here absolutely destroyed by this person in two years time. Get out now.

LegacyUser

Well he arrived over and i was a little off with him. He started talking about the long distance thing and the weekends being great but the weeks getting harder and harder.

I listened for a while and then asked him poltely to not tell me what he figured i wwanted to hear and really tell me why last weeks events were turning in to a break-up.

He reiterated last weeks rant on trust etc. I told him i KNEW he'd been going through my phone and he admitted it, he said he looked at it everytime i turned my back and the messsage where he saw my ex brought me to work was the only thing he had ever seen...

He didn't seem to understand that that was just as distrustful as my white lie....anyway, he's gone now. I was a bit teary giving him a hug but now i'm all dolled up and gonna have a fun night. I don't think he was for me.

Thanks to everyone for giving me advice throughout

Lou
x

Gyalist

Unregistered wrote: »

I was a bit teary giving him a hug but now i'm all dolled up and gonna have a fun night. I don't think he was for me.

Go out and enjoy yourself with your friends. In a few days you'll have a different perspective on the whole situation.

At least he was man enough to give you the news to your face.