I need a way out...

LegacyUser

I got with my Ex some time ago and pretty early in the relationship I learned she suffered from quite severe depression. This put an enormous strain on the relationship, as she also had anger issues and her mood fluctuated constantly. She does not like Doctors (finds them obnoxious for some reason), and so won't get checked out since she moved out of her family home, although she will use the college councilling service. Unfortunately, that service is only offered for a limited time and she can't afford to keep it going. Eventually, these pressures lead to an amicable breakup.

Since we are members of the same organization, we remained friends. We met up on a semi-regular basis, but I would still end getting the brunt of her outbursts. She has also taken to describing in detail every sexual encounter she has between visits, which as her ex isn't something I want to hear about. She opens up to me sometimes but she should really be opening up to a GP, which I am not. Every time I see her I end up felling like crap, but she is so trapped in her own little world that she doesn't notice or let-up. She can be nice sometimes, but she is a lot of work. Moreover, she can be brash, abusive and selfish, and being honest about it I don't particularly enjoy her company but am kind of stuck in the mindset of responsibility leftover from when we were going out. Every close friend she has ever had has eventually thrown in the towel with her.

I eventually decided to call a halt, and used the excuse of my upcoming exams to stop contact with her. After 2 weeks she must have copped something was wrong as she started sending text messages that were abusive in tone but mostly hurt and confused, demanding to know why I have been avoiding her and whether she had done anything to hurt or anger me lately. Reading them, I felt absolutely terrible, like I was abandoning her. The hardest part is that she hasn't done any one thing that I could point to, I just can't deal with her. I folded and just said that it's nothing personal and i'd see her after my exams, which she accepted.

I just don't know what to do here. I know I must sound like a selfish b*stard, but I have my own life and problems, without adding hers to the mix. The scope of her problems are too bug for me to deal with, and moreover her way of dealing with me is not acceptable. On the other hand I don't want to abandon her. I want to break contact but I want to do it without being a complete b*stard about it...

My name is URL

She sounds like a bitch, regardless of her depression tbh.

Tell her how you feel for a change, and that you're not interested in her sexual escapades.

But also offer her assistance should she be willing to grow up and accept it

Overheal

You didnt call a halt, you buried your head in the sand tbh. She is being - well, you know what she is being. She's being a self centered little <blank for as many colorful phrases as you can think of - I have 14. Troclodyte being my favorite>. And instead of showing her that you've chosen to slink away and leave her guessing.

I wouldnt want to sit there and listen to it either. I'm with URL. You need to tell her how you feel for a change. She needs to understand the world is bigger than her and that the only one that can be responsible for her well being is her. Its Her responsibility to get help. Instead she's dumping all of her sh!t on everyone else and not taking anyone else into account. A total lack of moral empathy.

And then you'll have this fight, tell her what you think of her being a bitch, and she'll get huffed and storm off. Later she'll come back apologetically and/or try and pretend and didn't happen but you need to put the foot down and let her know you are through with her and that she needs to go get help. I mean in the end you don't want her sorrys you want her to help herself.

/totally been down this road before.

The most important thing to note is that you are not at any fault. She entered your relationship on a basis of emotional dependancy and she's been this way since before you knew her and will continue to be that way for a while. If you had never come along it would be some other guy X in the position you are in. You frankly, are not responsible for her wellbeing.

workaccount

Your a good person. Be open and honest about how others perceive her and maybe she will have a wake up call.

Don't say too much about her though that she might not be able to do anything about. It's very difficult if possible at all to pull yourself together and change things when your depressed.

So just try and do enough to make her go and seek professional help.