Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Wayward Son

  • 19-05-2009 11:16am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Regular user, going unregistered. Having terrible trouble with my 16 year old son. The short story is that he lives with me and my husband, and his two brothers (much younger than him). His father is the greatest trouble maker that ever walked, he's taken me to Court 12 times over the years looking for custody. Reported me maliciously to the Health Board and eventually was warned by them not to do it ever again. My son sees him regularly and I've no problem with that, but he lives with me. Anyway, he's in fifth year and not doing a tap. Was always good in school but has been rebelling. I'm not too concerned about that, but he's also developed a major attitude and has anger issues. Very rude to me at home, to the point of swearing at me. Won't do what he's told, basically an arse_hole most of the time. My husband is great, doesn't get too involved but does take him to task when he's abusive towards me. He gets the same grief I do afterwards. Son is a drama queen, obsessive about cleanliness and germs, always saying there's something wrong with him.

    Anyway, son was sick last week and to be honest, I didn't pay much heed. After much badgering, my husband took him out at 7pm last Wednesday trying to find a doctor, drove around for two hours, no joy. The following morning he went to his Dad's, went to doctor and had tonsilitis. Dad accused me of not giving a crap and was very abusive, nothing new there. When son was due to come home on Sunday, he rang and said he was staying with his Dad, basically moving in there. I argued with him and he wouldn't budge. Said I was the cause of all of his issues and attitude (I'd bet my house on the fact that this is coming from his dad - he's been brainwashing him all his life).

    Yesterday, I got a phonecall from son's school - he assaulted a boy at school, beat him to a pulp, broke his nose. Instant suspension, garda investigation, possible prosecution looming unless it can be sorted with the other boy's mother. Of course, son's father has taken over, rang the Gardai, and is ringing the child's mother. My husband says that he's seen this coming for a long time and son should be punished for his actions, so it won't happen again, and I tend to agree. But no, he's sitting in his Dad's house, watching tv, having his Dad and girlfriend fawn all over him, while I'm at home not knowing what the hell to do. I have custody of him and he's refusing to come home. His little brothers don't have a clue what's going on but are asking about him. I rang Social Services this morning and am waiting for them to come back to me. Incidentally, his Dad rang me last night and was so abusive to me that I've vowed never to speak to him again.

    My question is this - what the hell do I do? Do I leave him there, knowing that it's the worst possible thing for him? Or do I fight to get him back, only for him to tell Social Services and/or a Judge that he doesn't want to live with us and break my heart forever? If he lives there, he's heading down a very troubling road.

    Any advice greatly appreciated.


Comments

  • #2
    My name is URL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,070 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    Firstly, my own parents seperated when I was 8. It was tough to deal with at the time and up until I was 15-16 my parents were always badmouthing each other when I was with each of them.

    That (hateful) talk from one parent about another can be a damn lot to deal with for a teenager, and can leave you feeling like you don't know where you fit in and sometimes totally worthless.

    The most important and helpful thing you can do is to put the hate for his dad behind you, and try to negotiate terms with him that'll help your son feel more at home, whoever he's with.

    At the end of the day, you decided to have a child with that "abusive" man, and now that you've gotten yourself out of that situation you're left with the baggage, a wayward son.

    To be blunt, you need to deal with the problems you created in a mature, caring and understanding way. The same goes for the boy's dad

    Be open with each other about the prospect of your son going of the rails in a big way, and try to find a middle ground that'll allow you both to support him


Advertisement