Normal to like casual?

LegacyUser

I'm a 24 year old women and I was wondering if it's normal to enjoy casual sex on a no strings basis. I have had a few relationships but if I'm not in one, I have no problem just satisfying my urges. The only issue I have is STDs, so I'm pretty careful and get checked regularly. If STDs didn't exist, I'd probably have a LOT more partners, as the emotional side is all grand. If I'm out and meet a hot guy, I have no problem with taking him home, having sex and never seeing him again. Is this weird?

LegacyUser

Perfectly normal.

Your being careful and getting checked, no problem. As long as you are happy, respect yourself and are ok with the emotional side of things then then I say go for it.

LegacyUser

Nope, not a bit weird.

Just be descrete and dont be too honest with friends etc as there is a lot of people out there who see some sort of problem with it, but thats their problem.

But its best to keep your private life private with people, you may want to start a relationship with someone one day and you might not want them hearing stories that would put them off.

Keep it safe and dont be too open about your sex life to friends/aquantinces etc

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

Nope, not a bit weird.

Just be descrete and dont be too honest with friends etc as there is a lot of people out there who see some sort of problem with it, but thats their problem.

But its best to keep your private life private with people, you may want to start a relationship with someone one day and you might not want them hearing stories that would put them off.

Keep it safe and dont be too open about your sex life to friends/aquantinces etc

+1 discretion is everything especially if you're a woman. We can argue the whys and rail against the inequity of it, but it's there. Otherwise enjoy it. Not having enough sex is often a regret of people when they're older, so if you're happy with it and don't lead people on, then play ball.

Liam Byrne

The very fact that you have to ask emphasises the inequity that Wibbs refers to above....

If you don't lie or lead people on, then those guys are enjoying casual sex too....they're not on here asking strangers if it's OK, are they ?

Win-win, if you ask me.

Stay safe, be careful, and keep enjoying yourself....

LegacyUser

No your fine,

Im a 24 year old man who feels the same. Most people do i think, the majority would just be too afraid to admit it

As mentioned above descretion is important as when you do find someone etc the last thing you want is your mates/enimies/jealous ex's airing your linen in public

Soul Stretcher

Really the only permission you need is from yourself.

+1 about discretion tho - Irish Society can be harsh on girls who are publicly comfortable with one-night-stands. Its wrong but it's the way it is.

As a single man, I'm kinda of envious of the relative ease with which NSA will come a girl's way as opposed to a man's.

Enjoy and stay safe !

prinz

Wibbs wrote: »

+1 discretion is everything especially if you're a woman. We can argue the whys and rail against the inequity iniquity of it, but it's there. .

Sorry Wibbs, couldn't resist.

All well and good but could cause problems later on in a relationship if sexual history comes up. Also depends on your partners, are they looking for no strings sex - or are they just getting the leg over while cheating on their OH's.

People can say it's up to you go for it. But at the end of the day relying on getting your bit with no sort of emotional, or mental connection can have detrimental effects down the line, when you are in a relationship.

I know a fella like you, and he cannot keep a girlfriend anymore.. because he is unable to work on a relationship, no communication, no compromise etc., purely because he became so used to getting laid and not having to deal with any issues that on the rare occassions he is in a relationship the any sign of a problem and he walks away / cheats. Guess what he's single and bitter.

Go ahead with the casual thing, as long as you're both free and single, but I wouldn't recommend making a serious habit out of it, or you'll find yourself 'satisfying your urges' with casual sex even when you are in a relationship. Not good.

shellyboo

Prinz! I missed having someone to disagree with. Don't ever leave me again :pac:

prinz wrote: »

Go ahead with the casual thing, as long as you're both free and single, but I wouldn't recommend making a serious habit out of it, or you'll find yourself 'satisfying your urges' with casual sex even when you are in a relationship. Not good.

This is utterly silly, my friend. Being promiscuous does not make you less capable of being faithful.

I'll agree that there's a difference between casual sex and relationship sex, and there are aspect of casual sex that cannot be obtained from relationship sex... but just because you've had and enjoyed casual sex doesn't mean you'll always want that, not by a long shot.

I do feel for that fella you know, however - I'd say it's a lot harder for a guy to go from lots of casual sex to a relationship in this country than it is for a woman. To be honest, I wouldn't wish Irish women on men sometimes... we're awful demanding!!

prinz wrote: »

All well and good but could cause problems later on in a relationship if sexual history comes up. Also depends on your partners, are they looking for no strings sex - or are they just getting the leg over while cheating on their OH's.

People can say it's up to you go for it. But at the end of the day relying on getting your bit with no sort of emotional, or mental connection can have detrimental effects down the line, when you are in a relationship.

This is true though, OP - as Wibbs also said, there will always be people who'll think you're a slapper for having casual sex. Some of these people may be your friends, family or future boyfriends. Discretion is key. Stay classy!

LegacyUser

I know a fella like you, and he cannot keep a girlfriend anymore.. because he..

and the problem with heresay is.....it didn't actually happen to you...

Speaking for myself from experience, I had my fun and the only time I had problems was when I was too open about it.
I am glad I did enjoy these experiences and have no regrets. They were just simple enjoyable times of fun.

I have also had long term relationships and am in one at the moment. I dont find my past has any bearing on how I act in a committed, loving, exclusive relationship.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

Prinz! I missed having someone to disagree with. Don't ever leave me again :pac:

The one and only

shellyboo wrote: »

This is utterly silly, my friend. Being promiscuous does not make you less capable of being faithful.

I wasn't saying that it happens for everyone, everytime, just know that that's the logic my mate resorts to, the 'why bother working on making a reltionship work when I can go have NSA sex whenever I want', line. As well as the 'I could never commit to just one girl anymore' thing. It's all well and good when you're young and what not but we're getting to the stage when moving in with OH's, wedding bells, kids etc is starting to come up with our mutual friends, and I know this guy to have cried at home, drinking alone nights, because he's sick of having no one. It's a worse case scenario sure but it came about because he loved his casual sex so much he never learned the whole dating/relationship thing. The nearest he's had to a relationship was a couple of one-nighters with the same girl over a month or two, in about 5 years. Not healthy imo, and something the OP should keep in mind.

Oh The Humanity

prinz wrote: »

just know that that's the logic my mate resorts to, the 'why bother working on making a reltionship work when I can go have NSA sex whenever I want', line. As well as the 'I could never commit to just one girl anymore' thing.

Sounds like bravado really, sounds like he would love a girl of his own. Methinks he doth protest too much!

prinz wrote: »

I know this guy to have cried at home, drinking alone nights, because he's sick of having no one.

Aw

prinz wrote: »

... but it came about because he loved his casual sex so much he never learned the whole dating/relationship thing. The nearest he's had to a relationship was a couple of one-nighters with the same girl over a month or two, in about 5 years.

Hmm I think that perhaps it might be the other way around, I think the casual sex was a result of his difficulty forming relationships rather than the cause. He seems to crave a relationship but not yet be able to make it happen. He will learn though.

Wheras OP's situation is different, she has chosen this lifestyle which suits her at the moment. The lifestyle is an interchangeable choice in a healthy individual. I dont believe it is a causal factor in forming relationships.

Its entirely possible and usual to have the wild oats for a while and at other times be perfectly happy in a monogamous relationships.

I think your friends inability to form lasting relationships with women are part of a greater problem. He is using casual sex to try to fill a relationship shaped hole. Thats a specific problem of his and can not be ascribed to his lifestyle.

I think most people move happily from one to another without any problems.

Wibbs

Actually I would agree with prinz to some degree. I too know a fair few men(and two women) that won't bother with anything long term and leave at the first sign of trouble. These are men that have had the most sexual partners of the men I know and none of them are kids either. I would say a few men stay in a relationship because of the regular sex. Usually men who find it hard to get NSA sex.

As far as faithfulness goes it really is down to the person, though I have to be honest, in my personal experience at least the women(and men) who were more likely to be unfaithful, particularly after the initial relationship buzz wore off were the more promiscuous in their past. Now whether that's down to their personality in the first place that liked the risk of NSA sex or the NSA sex itself, or because they knew they had options so didn't stay around and work on the relationships, I don't know. Chicken and egg thing.

That said it (again IME) it's a stage in life thing. You may want to sow wild oats when you're younger, but don't want that when you're say 30. So depending on when you meet someone that may have a bearing. To somewhat back that up non scientifically, I do know a woman who had very few partners in her 20's. Broke up with a guy after a long termer at 29, got fit dressed up etc. She went wild for a few years, as if she needed to get that out of her system. Now she's happily with a guy now for a long time.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

I wasn't saying that it happens for everyone, everytime, just know that that's the logic my mate resorts to, the 'why bother working on making a reltionship work when I can go have NSA sex whenever I want', line.

Ooo, he sounds very bitter. Poor dude.

prinz wrote: »

It's a worse case scenario sure but it came about because he loved his casual sex so much he never learned the whole dating/relationship thing. The nearest he's had to a relationship was a couple of one-nighters with the same girl over a month or two, in about 5 years. Not healthy imo, and something the OP should keep in mind.

Yeah, the experience thing I can understand - but someone who's a virgin and has ever been on a date would be in the same situation, it's not restricted to those who are promiscuous.

Wibbs wrote: »

Now whether that's down to their personality in the first place that liked the risk of NSA sex or the NSA sex itself, or because they knew they had options so didn't stay around and work on the relationships, I don't know. Chicken and egg thing.

Yeah, it's a tricky one. I'd actually say as well that they know themselves a bit better, what they'll put up with and what they won't. Whether those expectations are realistic or not is a different matter.

Liam Byrne

I've never been one for completely NSA or one-night-stands (hard to enjoy it when you have to keep discovering what someone likes, etc, and half the fun is getting a reaction from pleasing someone else), but I have to say that once or twice over the years I ended up in something that was almost definitely going nowhere beyond what it was....nothing in common WHATSOEVER.....but it was fun for a few weeks....

But I find OTH is on the ball with that post; people in relationships occasionally feel "tied down" and crave the adventure (and sometimes go mad indulging that aspect when the relationship is over) while people who have meaningless casual encounters tend to crave at least some of the other types of "doing things together" (meals/pub/cinema/walks etc) - or even the relative security of knowing where they stand - at some stage or other.

So yes - people swing over and back between what they want relatively easily. One need can take over from / suppress the other for a while, but I'd say that 50% of people fall into that category.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a 24 year old women and I was wondering if it's normal to enjoy casual sex on a no strings basis. I have had a few relationships but if I'm not in one, I have no problem just satisfying my urges. The only issue I have is STDs, so I'm pretty careful and get checked regularly. If STDs didn't exist, I'd probably have a LOT more partners, as the emotional side is all grand. If I'm out and meet a hot guy, I have no problem with taking him home, having sex and never seeing him again. Is this weird?

Once you are using protection and once everyone is on the same page. ie. you aren't leading people on to satisfy those urges of yours, then it's asolutely grand.

LegacyUser

theres absolutely nothing wrong with one-nite stands so long as you play it safe! its a pity more women in ireland aren't more like the OP!!....it will eventually happen though. if you wore a skirt above your knee in the 50's you would have been called a whore.....now look how people dress! it's completely natural to have sex regularly...i just wish a was getting some! i wouldn't go bragging about it though....it's a serious turn-off for men if you want to get into a serious relationship with one in the future.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

and the problem with heresay is.....it didn't actually happen to you...

And the problem with you is your definition of heresay.

dudara

prinz Stay on topic please

dudara