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My Son found my contraceptive pill-so embarrased/worried.

  • 16-05-2009 07:57PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm both embarrassed and worried after the argument I had with my son yesterday when he found my pill packet on the kitchen table which I had stupidly forgot to pick up and put away.
    To give some background info me and my husband are both 50 (although I don't look it :P) I have 2 sons one 27 and the other 21 .
    This has happened with my youngest.

    He had seen the pill pack on the table and after some time of avoiding me yesterday he came down to me and started saying things to try and get a reaction out of me to tell him about why the pill pack was there.
    I didn't say anything but instead said to him was there something bothering him and he came right out and asked what the story was with the ill packet.

    Now at first I was going to give him some excuse but I decided why should I lie and said "now what do you think I have them for ?"
    He looked totally shocke (obviously he had no idea we were still having sex) and went on a huge rant on how it's sick/wrong/disgusting that I'm still doing it and that if we didn't stop he'd leave.
    I responded by saying "Ah just because I'm getting some and you aren't (he has recently split from his girlfriend) " He shouted at me calling me all sorts and packed his bags and left.
    We have no idea where he went he hasn't been in touch or anythin ! I'm so worried about him :(
    Thanks for reading,I really need some help on what to do.


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,266 ✭✭✭MysticalSoul


    Personally you should not have said that to your son, about him not getting some - that was insensitive. I would encourage you to sit down with him as an adult, and explain to him, that just because people are older, they still have needs etc.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,420 ✭✭✭Lollipops23


    haha i think you dealt with it superbly!!!
    he's an immature lil git to be so disgusted; fair enough it's not something we like to think about, but having a go at you is not on!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,420 ✭✭✭Lollipops23


    Personally you should not have said that to your son, about him not getting some - that was insensitive. I would encourage you to sit down with him as an adult, and explain to him, that just because people are older, they still have needs etc.

    he's not 14. and he should never have approached her about it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Tell the brat to fecking grow up and mind his own business and if he persists...just like he suggested tell him to leave....WHAT NERVE?????


  • Posts: 2,032 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Your son is 21 for crying out loud, i though you were talking about a child. Him finding your pills should be no problem in the 1st place your a grown women, and besides a contraceptive pills are used for a variety of medical issues for women who have extremely painful periods ect.

    Im only 20 and i know that.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 472 ✭✭Staph


    Hey,

    You have nothing to be worried about. So what you're on the pill! It's not a big deal and it's a bit childish for your son to be upset that you still have a sex life-you're 50, not dead! I'm just a few years older than your son and I can cope with that fact and so should he!!!
    So maybe your comment about his recent relationship was a bit out of line, but I assume you were a bit shocked with his comments too.
    And finally, his leaving in a huff is uncalled for and is nothing short of emotional blackmail-you've done nothing wrong!


  • Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭ Coraline Mammoth U-boat


    I can't believe what I just read!! How dare the cheeky brat even comment on seeing your pills (so what?), let alone tell you what to do. My mam would have shown me the door immediately!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 645 ✭✭✭StopNotWorking



    and went on a huge rant on how it's sick/wrong/disgusting that I'm still doing it and that if we didn't stop he'd leave.

    He shouted at me calling me all sorts and packed his bags and left.

    :confused::confused:

    No offense but who does he think he is! I'd get a clap about the ear if I told either of my parents what to do! I wouldn't worry about where he is, although it may not sound like it, I'm sure he's a big boy and can survive on his best mates couch for another night or two.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Ok a bit silly of him to get moody but he's probably annoyed about something else. Some 21 year olds only have maturity of teenagers.

    Your response was a lot worse there was no need for that. If that's your typical behaviour I'm not surprised at all that he moved out.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 88,968 ✭✭✭✭mike65


    Don't worry he got a shock about something that shouldn't have shocked him. He'll get over it quick enough, daft kid.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭passive


    He'll come back when he gets hungry, and needs to grow the f*ck up anyway...

    edit: maybe ask the 27 year old to speak to him? maybe something along the lines of "grow the f*ck up" would be perfect...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    As Mike said ,he'll get over it eventually .He wont be the first or last kid to stumble accidently onto something he would rather not have .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,225 ✭✭✭Ciaran500


    We have no idea where he went he hasn't been in touch or anythin ! I'm so worried about him :(
    You shouldn't he's a pampered 21 year old, he's not going to be walking the streets.
    Thanks for reading,I really need some help on what to do.
    Wait for him to come back and don't immediately go apologising to him, you did nothing wrong and the little brat needs to grow up.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,031 ✭✭✭petethebrick


    It seriously sounds like he has major mental issues. What a cheeky, immature little brat. I wouldn't be too quick about taking him back in when he does arrive back without a proper apology first!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,462 ✭✭✭bushy...


    Ok a bit silly of him to get moody but he's probably annoyed about something else. Some 21 year olds only have maturity of teenagers.

    And a nice harmless wakeup call like this is just what's needed.
    Your response was a lot worse there was no need for that. If that's your typical behaviour I'm not surprised at all that he moved out.

    Having a fit,packing up and leaving amount to emotional blackmail , no excuse for it.

    Just leave him off , he is 21 and he left of his own free will


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    You probably shouldn't have made the smart comment to him, but I can understand that you were surprised at his behaviour.

    You should not be embarassed/worried about this. He is the one with the problems here. He's probably going to realise how he behaved and will feel quite embarassed about it.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,551 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    He is 21, he is NOT a child. Time he stopped acting like one. Would you be "worried" if he found tampons too?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,079 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    Out of interest, is your husband, his father?

    He sounds like a big baby, he should crawl back on his belly and beg your forgiveness for being so. Nice one about him not getting any.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 170 ✭✭Cleopatra12


    My god, thats desperate behaviour.... Get your older son to have a word with him!

    In all fairness in the grand scheme of things its not the worst thing he could have seen. What would have been worse was catching you both at 'it' (which i did when i was 19). My parents response when i mentioned it... well you should have knocked!

    Its your house and if you choose to leave your stuff lying around then its your business.... Let him move out if he has a problem! Paying his own bills might make him grow up!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ok to all that have slagged him off sayin he's immuature and so on this is why I'm so shocked cause he's always been so mature he's always being commented on how wise beyond his years he is and this is why I can't get over the whole thing.
    And yes my husband is his dad.
    God I feel awful about what I said :( I think that's what made him flip.
    The look he gave me was something else, it's maiking me think he's gone for a good while.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33 Noelleieos


    He had no right to talk to you like that. Maybe he doesn't want to know about it but he cannot demand you stop. It's purely selfish and rude of him. You should not be embarrassed or worried, he will come crawling back one he realizes how good he had it at home, if not, at least you and your husband will have the house to yourselves. Fair play on the not getting any remark, he deserved that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    There is another reason why I'm so worried,it's because he's a diabetic and he hasn't taken his medication for it with him.
    I don't know if he has a back up supply and has that with him and just left the other one's behind but as much as everyone says "he'll be back when he's calm" or "let him go f.eck off" it's not that easy to do that I'm his mother :( his dad's goin out of his mind with worry too once he found he left his medication at home,he's been driving round all day looking for him,he's not at his mates houses (or so they say).


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Worriedmum your son need to grow and learn to see you as an adult
    and you have to do the same with him.

    He was well out of order to react the way he did, I have no idea why he had that notion that you were not or should not be sexually active, it must be something that you never spoke to him about as part of his sexual education that just because a person is a parent or of a certain age that they are not susposed to have a sex life.

    If he chooses to move out of that issue then tbh that is his choice he is an adult.

    He is also an adult and has to be responsible for his health and managing it
    which means if he doesn't take his med and he ends up in a diabetic coma then it is his responsiblity and his fault, totally on his head.

    He knows you worry and is using his health issues as part emotional blackmail,
    he is 21 if he is more then old enough to be responsible to be driving and on the road then you should not be monitoring his daily meds.

    He should not be throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old to get you to live your life in a manner that he thinks you should be. Yes you are his mother and will all ways worry about him but you need to let go to an extent and you both need to transition into treating each other more like adults.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thaedydal wrote: »

    He is also an adult and has to be responsible for his health and managing it
    which means if he doesn't take his med and he ends up in a diabetic coma then it is his responsiblity and his fault, totally on his head.

    He knows you worry and is using his health issues as part emotional blackmail,
    he is 21 if he is more then old enough to be responsible to be driving and on the road then you should not be monitoring his daily meds.

    So if he does fall into a coma then I should just write it off as " ah well not my problem he chose to leave,if he dies it's his own doing" .
    I don't monitor then I went into his room to see what he took and found his medication in his drawer that the only way I know he has left them behind.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,420 ✭✭✭Lollipops23


    OP i am the same age as your son,also have a medical condition which i need to carry meds for at all times. it's MY responsibility to bring them with me, if i though i needed them i'd go home straight away. seriously,stop treating him like he's 5 and may start acting like it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 472 ✭✭Metacortex



    He looked totally shocke (obviously he had no idea we were still having sex) and went on a huge rant on how it's sick/wrong/disgusting that I'm still doing it and that if we didn't stop he'd leave.


    Thats disgraceful tbh, I cannot believe he said that to you.

    I would never talk to my mother like that.

    When he does come home (and he will), I would apologise for what I said back to him but nothing else. You have nothing else to be sorry for.

    I was expecting you to say he was 14 when I read the thread title, but 21! He needs to cop himself on and do a bit of growing up, I honestly don't know what else to say as I think his behaviour is disgusting.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12 kafukled


    I'm both embarrassed and worried after the argument I had with my son yesterday when he found my pill packet on the kitchen table which I had stupidly forgot to pick up and put away.
    To give some background info me and my husband are both 50 (although I don't look it :P) I have 2 sons one 27 and the other 21 .
    This has happened with my youngest.

    He had seen the pill pack on the table and after some time of avoiding me yesterday he came down to me and started saying things to try and get a reaction out of me to tell him about why the pill pack was there.
    I didn't say anything but instead said to him was there something bothering him and he came right out and asked what the story was with the ill packet.

    Now at first I was going to give him some excuse but I decided why should I lie and said "now what do you think I have them for ?"
    He looked totally shocke (obviously he had no idea we were still having sex) and went on a huge rant on how it's sick/wrong/disgusting that I'm still doing it and that if we didn't stop he'd leave.
    I responded by saying "Ah just because I'm getting some and you aren't (he has recently split from his girlfriend) " He shouted at me calling me all sorts and packed his bags and left.
    We have no idea where he went he hasn't been in touch or anythin ! I'm so worried about him :(
    Thanks for reading,I really need some help on what to do.

    **** me, I'm the same age as him and if my mother said that to me I'd twist a nut to:eek:


    He is awfully immature about the matter though, I know my two are still at it(in fact I found condoms!:eek:)
    But Im cool with that.
    You should just ask him
    "Will you stop having sex when your 50?" That'll (hopefully) let him see it from your perspective


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9 Discovery


    I'm both embarrassed and worried after the argument I had with my son yesterday when he found my pill packet on the kitchen table which I had stupidly forgot to pick up and put away.
    To give some background info me and my husband are both 50 (although I don't look it :P) I have 2 sons one 27 and the other 21 .
    This has happened with my youngest.

    He had seen the pill pack on the table and after some time of avoiding me yesterday he came down to me and started saying things to try and get a reaction out of me to tell him about why the pill pack was there.
    I didn't say anything but instead said to him was there something bothering him and he came right out and asked what the story was with the ill packet.

    Now at first I was going to give him some excuse but I decided why should I lie and said "now what do you think I have them for ?"
    He looked totally shocke (obviously he had no idea we were still having sex) and went on a huge rant on how it's sick/wrong/disgusting that I'm still doing it and that if we didn't stop he'd leave.
    I responded by saying "Ah just because I'm getting some and you aren't (he has recently split from his girlfriend) " He shouted at me calling me all sorts and packed his bags and left.
    We have no idea where he went he hasn't been in touch or anythin ! I'm so worried about him :(
    Thanks for reading,I really need some help on what to do.

    LoL

    Thats brilliant. I honestly think that you handled the situation admirably and your son is just being an immature child. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. He seems to be the one with the issues.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well I think is diabetes is a reason for the outburst as it can have a large impact on mood, up until you posted that I was laughing my ass off thinking what sort of a son at that age would confront his Mum about her sex life.
    Anyway, just for a laugh, you should tell him you've some news for him, that you took his advice and decided never to use the pill again.......however, that he's going to have a little brother or sister!

    Anyway, you've opened my eyes a little, I always thought it was safe to sleep with a woman who's 50 without ever worrying about the pill !!!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    What your son said to you was totally disgraceful, how dare he say that to you that it is sick / wrong / disgusting ... I mean wtf, how does he think he came into this world, like by a stork or something? He's 21, he needs to grow up and cop onto himself. It is none of his business if you are having sex or not.

    Also, you shouldn't have made that smart comment to him about him not getting any, but I guess in the heat of the moment you just lashed out.

    He's not a child now, he needs to get over himself.


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