Sexual feelings for a friend

LegacyUser

Well as the title suggests but it's bit more complicated:

Basically I am a bisexual male in my mid-20's and I have developed these feelings for one of my good mates who is also male.

We have been mates since primary school and about 2 years ago he started to flirt with me over a number of months saying suggestive things to me. As a result I begain develop feelings and to this day they havent gone away. It's seriously wrecking my head now and I'm beginning to resent him for putting me in this position. The obvious thing to do is break contact with him but I cant for two reasons:

1. Like any of my good friendships I value them and he is a great pal (our friendship goes back 20 odd years)
2. There is a group of us that hang out and he is part of that group.

My feelings got the better of me and I confronted him asking if he was bi or gay and he said no. I told him I was bisexual and he didnt seem surprised and said it's cool and that he wont tell anybody else what I said. He has stopped all the flirting but still occassionally he might say something that indicates he has feelings for me too.

That was a while ago now and I'm just in limbo. We were out last weekend and he scored a girl in a club we were in and my heart just sank. I hate feeling this. It's a line I've crossed and it's never a line I would cross with any of my other male or female friends...I simply would never look on them as anything other than mates. We even apartment shared together before and as a result of all this I had to move out because any time he brought a random girl back at night I was silently going crazy with jealousy etc.

I just can't get rid of these feelings.

Thanks for any advice.

crotalus667

errrrr well he said no , so that really is that , unless you want to ask him what he is up to in a playful way next time you think he is flirting with you. other wise your just going to have to try and get over it , sorry some times life kick's you in the nut's and you just have to pick yourself up and get on with it

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

but still occassionally he might say something that indicates he has feelings for me too.

No thats just you trying to interpret the things he says in ways that are favorable to your belief that you have any sort of chance with him. You don't.

Snowie

when people are lonely we tend to latch onto some one that where attracted to i think its some what of a defence mechanism...

most people have been there a one point or another.

what i would say is take a step back maybe try meeting some people out side your circle of friends etc and maybe you might find something your looking for besides how do you think your friend would feel if you told him your feelings betrayed, insulted, and bsides you've built this all up in your head bye the sounds of things....

bluecell99

The best thing for you would be if you could meet someone yourself - be it a guy or a gal.This will reduce your feelings for your mate and in time you will see things clearer.

He may have been flirty in the past becuse he possibly picked up on your attraction for him.He may be bi sexual himself.But he is seeing women and you cant change his behaviour or force him to go further with you - if indeed he is bi.

It seems that more and more people are cool with bi's and this is a good thing.No more of the terrible attitude society had in the past(and still does to an extent here in Ireland).But people are more open and happier to live andl et live.

Just open your mind to new possibilities and meeting people.There are plenty out there.Many bi guys your age dont do the traditional scene and just go to the regular bars and nightclubs.You will meet someone and you will know the feelings are mutual.They are not with your mate so no point in flogging a dead horse.

Just chalk it down and move on.

My name is URL

Unregistered wrote: »

I just can't get rid of these feelings.

Try harder then

or you'll lose your friend

LegacyUser

It sounds to me like you've got a very understanding friend, but unfortunately for you he'll just be a friend because he said no. I'm a little surprised he didn't avoid you afterwards which tends to happen if a girl and guy are friends and one asks the other out it tends to blow the friendship out of the water when 'no' is said.
Value him as a friend and don't pester him about it, if you like him so much isn't it great that you've got him around you for company anyway and remember there's plenty more fish in the sea!

LegacyUser

IME the only way to get over somebody is to find someone new.. you need to get over him, youve made your play and he's told you clearly he's not into it.. go looking for somebody new!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies people.

Bluecell you do speak sense, just to clarify where I am coming from here...I don't want these feelings towards my friend, I do not want romantic/sexual involvement with him because he is a mate but yet im in love with him and its just really kicking me.

He pretty much knows my feelings now and still will occasionally drop a hint or even grab my ass or crotch on the sly when we are out on the piss..that's the kind of flirting im on about, it's not in my head and im really not naive enough to think it is. I have asked him to stop this. I can see the wood from the trees so to speak.

It just all getting to me thinking about him a lot and the feelings are so strong.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for the replies people.

Bluecell you do speak sense, just to clarify where I am coming from here...I don't want these feelings towards my friend, I do not want romantic/sexual involvement with him because he is a mate but yet im in love with him and its just really kicking me.

In an ideal world,you do and don't deny it.
This will happen and continue to happen untill you find someone of your own.
I suspect your feelings for him are so strong as to stop you getting with someone of your own.
Look a it this way,he's doing it.You arent going to change that so why not find someone for yourself?
Bebo ironically has a big young gay community if you want to explore that side of your life

He pretty much knows my feelings now and still will occasionally drop a hint or even grab my ass or crotch on the sly when we are out on the piss..that's the kind of flirting im on about, it's not in my head and im really not naive enough to think it is. I have asked him to stop this. I can see the wood from the trees so to speak.

What does he do when you grab his ass back? I presume you do?
Look:
He is flattered at the very least by your feelings for him.
He also likes your friendship and obviously cares about you and likes having you around.
That says 2 things.
1.That he's a sound guy and 2.That you are nice and good company etc.
Thats all good because you need to have a chat with him and explain the pain you are feeling and take a break from him if thats what you have to do.

It just all getting to me thinking about him a lot and the feelings are so strong.

Please be strong yourself and if I may be so crude masturbate a bit more.
Reef yourself out of this Rut and find someone that will reciprocate your feelings.
Please explain this to your friend because by the sounds of things he will support you.
Take care.