My life is in the toilet

LegacyUser

I'm not sure why I am posting here. Maybe I just need to say it, maybe I need advice, maybe I just need a kick in the arse.

I am a male in my 30's, and I cant see anything good in my life. I have no close friends, never been in any form of serious relationship, I hate my job, I have no social activities at all. I spend most of my time behind a computer, both in work and outside of it.

Thing is I haven't got the energy or willpower to change anything. It's the same every day, get up, go to work, come home, sit on the computer, go to bed. Any people that know me see me as a happy person...I joke, I laugh...if only they knew. If only they knew that I have a miserable and lonely existence, that my life is so pathetic.

I'm wondering now how long I can keep going like this. Keeping up this facade, getting up in the morning and doing the same crap, day after day after day.

bluecell99

Only you can change it.Boring and predictable response from me?Well sorry, thats it.If you have your good health and I hope you have then introduce change immediately.Break your routine.Why are you going home after work?get rid of the goddam pc - you are addicted to it.Talk to real peope.Get into a bar,join a gym/swimming pool;go see a film;get out in the fresh air and do hill walking at the weekends.Do some voluntary work ;people are always needed.Maybe you just need the proverbial kick up the a***e.You would get great satisfaction after helping less well off folk.What about kids who have sight problems?cn you drive them once a week on a day out ?Can you help people in wheelchairs get into the van and stay with them for a few hours on a day out somewhere?Find out.Stop the self pity.Please .

Everyone hates their job sometimes.I despise mine.It pays the bills .End of.But it 7 or 8 hour a day.What are you going to do for the other 16?

You can change.Do you really want to?

workaccount

It may not be your fault at all. You may have mental illness which is stopping you from enjoying and doing all those things that seem simple for other people such as socializing and having close friends etc. ie. depression.

Have you ever considered getting an opinion from a professional?

Wibbs

DSB take a week off for a seriously unhelpful post(that has been deleted).

Richard

I think you need a proverbial kick up the arse. I've been there, and there are several things you can to to make your life better.

People often say that you should join a club or something. This would be a good idea, but something you can do right now is get up and go out for a walk. Believe me that it will make you feel better. Shut down your computer and do it now.

I'm currently sitting here wasting time on my iPod touch, but Im going out for a walk myself. I really suggest strongly that you do the same.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

No kicks up the ass, no more negative words, the way out of this is to learn to love yourself as corney as it sounds,

I was in a bad way years ago and my life was down the toilet too, i did some therapy and learned never to dis myself and to respect every stage i was at in my life, sometimes its not a bad thing to be down, it re focuses you to where you do want to go, try and be really kind to yourself and start to answer the questions, what is it you really want to do, and how do you really want to be, you dont have to actually do anything but maybe you need to embrace this down time in your life and relax for a while.

I have this new saying in my life, Where would you have me go, what woiuld you have me do, what would you have me say and to whom? say this every morning and listen for the guidance.....

Also i love the book " a new earth" by eckhart tolle, if you can live in the present moment you dont care about your mind and what it telling you.

LegacyUser

Get your self out, its without a doubt in your hands. i found myself going down that road you just need to snap out of it, personally i started running, put my favourite music on my phone and when im finished work i go for a run on the beach, gives me time to think to me its a form of meditation. plus i feel my energy levels have gone up and ive better sleep and to be honest i feel these help so much to get your head in gear.

Ive started to focus on what i want to do and achieve, this will bring you into contact with other like minded people and your sure to make some real friends.

Its not easy but its worth it, im not saying exactly what ive done is for you but its worth a try. just promise yourself that you will do something dont let your life waste away, and start NOW.

Just my 2cents

Let us know how you get on.

D-Boy

if it's that bad and yourin

Dublin send me a pm I'm in the same boat don't let tv fool you into expecting too much from life

smk89

aah the fake wall of happiness again. I do the same I must say. I'm unhappy with my life too and every time I try to improve it things stand in my way (most of these things are me).
You have to try. Don't give up. This wont be fixed over night its a long term commitment and you have to have willpower.

cashback

OP, If i was you I'd seriously consider taking a major step and maybe go travelling for a year. You'll definitely meet lots of people, see some amazing places and maybe you will see things differently when it's all over. I know it might not seem too wise giving up your job right now but if you really hate it, it might not be a great loss.
Don't worry about travelling alone, you will meet lots of people in the same boat.
You just might need to do something drastic like this to get out of that rut.

doubtfir3

All I can really say to you is that, life others said.. its up to you to change this..

I was in a similar situation myself after moving to a small town a number of years ago, knew nobody, have no (real) interest in GAA, had nobody to go for a pint with - and so my social outlets were pretty much non-existent. Everyone thought I was happy, outgoing and enjoying life, but in reality I was miserable, unsettled and was destroying myself.

There are a few things around the place - SVP, a drama group, musical society, youth clubs, a camera club, but I chose to ignore them and decided that I wouldn't be interested.

I spent a year drinking HARD - alone, at home.. spent about another year knowing that this wasn't the right thing for me but not quite knowing how to change it, and finally after two years of "wallowing" at home, I finally got up off my arse, and as was said above just went out.. went for a walk, a run, to the cinema etc.. I joined a gym and I'm not even there for huge weights training or anything.. just now I jog a little on a treadmill, use a cross-trainer and splash about in the pool, ending up in the sauna for 20-30mins every once in a while..

And you know something.. it wasn't actually that hard.. it was just a matter of taking the decision to do something small and working from there..

Best of luck.. if you want feel free to send me a PM and I'll chat some more about it.

sunnyside

If you do what you've always done you get what you've always got.

doubtfir3 wrote: »

I spent a year drinking HARD - alone, at home.. spent about another year knowing that this wasn't the right thing for me but not quite knowing how to change it, and finally after two years of "wallowing" at home, I finally got up off my arse, and as was said above just went out.. went for a walk, a run, to the cinema etc.. I joined a gym and I'm not even there for huge weights training or anything.. just now I jog a little on a treadmill, use a cross-trainer and splash about in the pool, ending up in the sauna for 20-30mins every once in a while..

And you know something.. it wasn't actually that hard.. it was just a matter of taking the decision to do something small and working from there..

Do what he did.Change your actions, don't go home and sit in front of the computer, do something different.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the replies and suggestions. To answer a few, I do go walking, about 2-3 miles a day. Travelling is out of the question atm, 10 years ago maybe.

These feelings are getting worse though, and I think I might need to see a professional. Can anybody recommend someone? I live near Dun Laoghaire, cant really travel that far though.

LegacyUser

your GP is definitely the best place to go if you want to see a professional. they know the best local professionals in the area.