Brother won't talk to me because I'm pregnant.

LegacyUser

Hey all,
This problem is getting me down so much that I felt I had to come here for help/advice.
Ok my brother is avoiding me the last month since he found out I'm pregnant with my bf's child.Now the thing is my bf was in some trouble with the police before we met and since we've been together he's a changed person and hasn't been involved in anything but on the other hand my brother is a Garda and told me out right when I told my family that my bf had a bit of a criminal past that he would cut contact with me if I stayed with him which I thought was a joke or something but slowly he was having less and less contact with me which hurt and now I'm pregnant he's completely avoiding me and it's killing me I've tried sending him texts just things like "hi" or "hey how are you" but he either doesn't reply or replies with " haven't got time to talk and I've told you " its just got me so down that he's being like this with me .
Please,what can I do ? I'm lost.

bug

If the criminal history involves him being done for any assault against women I would say your brother is just being a brother.

If it involves anything else I'd say your brother is just being a guard, in which case if he's a young one... he'll learn how to balance family with career and his own sense of right and wrong.

In the latter case you need to have it out with him and see where his fears lie. That way, one way or another you'll know.
Be clear with him and understand he can be involved with you without being involved with your other half if he disagree's so strongly

TheInquisitor

bug wrote: »

If the criminal history involves him being done for any assault against women I would say your brother is just being a brother.

If it involves anything else I'd say your brother is just being a guard, in which case if he's a young one... he'll learn how to balance family with career and his own sense of right and wrong.

In the latter case you need to have it out with him and see where his fears lie. That way, one way or another you'll know.
Be clear with him and understand he can be involved with you without being involved with your other half if he disagree's so strongly

Criminal histroy....i could possibly leave my sister date someone that once got arrested for drunk and disorderly or something but if there's been anything to do with drugs, vicious attacks or anything very illegal then its no and thats final. He's only looking out for you especially since he's a guard

Lollipops23

it really depends on what type of history?was it harmless teenage stuff or something worse?i don't blame him for wanting to tyake care of you but you need him right now and he's acting like an ass.

LegacyUser

Hey OP here,

My bf was involved in stealing cars and sellin them on type stuff none of which I knew about until after we started goin out together.

It was a shock to hear at first but he's a great guy now and doesn't do that stuff anymore and has a good stable job but him and my brothe don't get on for obvious reasons.

My bf feels intimidated when we're around my brother and my bro does pretty much blank him.

He has warned him not to come near our mothers house and if rarely does cause of it which is terrible.

Me and my bro were always close even though theres a bit of an age gap I'm 26 he's 22.

This is why it hurts so much that he hasn't had any contact with me for a good while and I want him to be god father of my baby but I'm afraid to ask cause I know what he'll say as he told me when I told him I was pregnant that he won't be having anythin to do with it as it's 'his' child and that I know what he thinks of him.

My parents are aware of the situation between us but I'm not sure if they can help ?

It's such a mess and hurts me so much

bluecell99

You will have to stop letting it hurt you so much.Concentraste on your own life at the moment.In time maybe your brother might see how happy you are in a stable relationship and that your friend is making you happy and content.You can but hope that things will get easier but stop the pressure.It wont work.You cant change your brothers attitude at the minute.You are an adult and so is he.

You have obviously made decisions and gotten on with life.You have to respect his decisions also.Try and understand him a bit better and see where he is coming from.You say your friend is no longer involved in criminal activity.Great.

You dont need approval or permission so why the desperation?Just continue on and allow others to analyse things themselves and stop getting worked up about it.Its always nice to be close to family members but sometimes its just not possible.At least temporarily.

KittyeeTrix

OP, tell him you are a big girl who can take of herself.
Say how nice it is that he wants to protect you and keep you safe but at the moment his actions are making you miserable.....
Tell him you don't need it and you could seriously do without the stress.....
You'd think he would know as a guard that the worst thing he could do is alienate you. It is known that this is the worst thing to do as it only results in you moving closer to the alleged criminal bf.....
Honestly, tell him to cut it out, you don't need it.
You come across in your post as a decent girl who would have nothing to do with criminal activities and would ditch the bf if he were to become involved in anything of the sort. Let your brother know this and also be very clear to your bf on the matter.

KittyeeTrix

Just wanted to agree with Bluecell99, if talking to him does not work, well then tell him to jog on and forget about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iguana

TheInquisitor wrote: »

Criminal histroy....i could possibly leave my sister date someone that once got arrested for drunk and disorderly or something but if there's been anything to do with drugs, vicious attacks or anything very illegal then its no and thats final. He's only looking out for you especially since he's a guard

Hi, welcome to 2009. You don't get a say on whoever your sister dates. You may have cause to be concerned and wish she wasn't dating a particular person, but it will never, ever be up to you. And if you approached her with the attitude you've displayed here the odds are you would push her further into his arms.

Your brother is being selfish. He is acting like a spoilt child. If it's that he is trying to protect you then he should be there for you now, not turning his back on because your boyfriend is not up to his standards. Does he expect you to bring up a child on your own??? Now I do understand why he would not have wanted you to go out with this guy, in fairness, it's his job to stop crime. But this isn't about work. This is about you, his sister, and if he can't be there for you then it will be his loss. If he has any bit of cop on he will soon see that he is not going to get his way on this one and he will have to give in.

You need to think about yourself and your baby now.

LegacyUser

Are you sure your happy in your own skin about this? Your biggest difficulty sees to be your looking for approval from your brother on this one. A 22 year old guard is just showing his natural concern for a sibling by applying his new found authority without applying mature reasoning. If your happy with your position, then show your confidence in your own judgement. Over time he will accept this respect you for your self confidence.

LegacyUser

bluecell99 wrote: »

You dont need approval or permission so why the desperation?Just continue on and allow others to analyse things themselves and stop getting worked up about it.Its always nice to be close to family members but sometimes its just not possible.At least temporarily.

I know I don't need his approval it's just the way he treats me now,like when I first got with my bf he became distant but now he completely avoids me.

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

OP, tell him you are a big girl who can take of herself.
Say how nice it is that he wants to protect you and keep you safe but at the moment his actions are making you miserable.....
Tell him you don't need it and you could seriously do without the stress.....
You'd think he would know as a guard that the worst thing he could do is alienate you. It is known that this is the worst thing to do as it only results in you moving closer to the alleged criminal bf.....
Honestly, tell him to cut it out, you don't need it.
You come across in your post as a decent girl who would have nothing to do with criminal activities and would ditch the bf if he were to become involved in anything of the sort. Let your brother know this and also be very clear to your bf on the matter.

If I tell him that then he'll just say "ok I'll leave you alone then as I have been" it's just hard from going from always being close to him to him pretty much disowning me and saying he wants nothing to do with his niece or nephew

LegacyUser

Perhaps your brother knows more about your BF's history - stuff that maybe he was not prosecuted for so as it's not in public knowledge your brother cannot tell you due to confidential issues. Also your boyfriend may not have told you this stuff - if there is other stuff - as he was possibly thinking he wasn't prosecuted so no need to say anything. How long ago has it been since your bf was in trouble and how old is he.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Perhaps your brother knows more about your BF's history - stuff that maybe he was not prosecuted for so as it's not in public knowledge your brother cannot tell you due to confidential issues. Also your boyfriend may not have told you this stuff - if there is other stuff - as he was possibly thinking he wasn't prosecuted so no need to say anything. How long ago has it been since your bf was in trouble and how old is he.

I believe my bf when he told me there was nothing else and I told him that if he didn't tell me there and then everything he'd done/been involved in and that if it came out later on that'd I would leave him and he swore to me he wasn't.
All this went on in his early 20's he's 29 now.
Also been thinking maybe it's also the fact I'm pregnant that he has turned on me like this .
I'm going over to my mothers later on and I know my bro will be there or arrive when I'm there,it'll be tense I'll be trying to make conversation with him and he'll just give one reply answers "yea" "no" " don't know" :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Has your brother ever actually had a conversation with your BF? Maybe if he got to know him a bit it would blow over. Was there a reason your BF used to be a scumbag?

**Caroline**

Hey OP

I think your brother is acting like a spoilt child. He tried to turn you off something and you didn't listen to his advice - now he's gone off in a huff:rolleyes: I reckon it will blow over with him. Might not happen until the baby is born but sometimes the birth of a child can bring families closer together!;) And if not, it's his loss!! You haven't done anything wrong and don't deserve to be treated like this!:(

Don't put yourself under any extra stress during your pregnancy. Your hormones will be all over the place as it is, so you can do without any unnecessary upset!;) See if your mam or dad can talk a bit of sense into him. If not, I'm sure over time he'll realise that you are his sister and no matter who you are seeing, it doesn't (and SHOULD'NT) change things between the two of you!!

On a separate note, your boyfriends past actions were not exactly the worst crimes in the world! Not saying I condone what he done but if it had involved harming or abusing another person in some way, I could understand where your brother is coming from.
From what you described, he seems to have made a few mistakes, learned from them and then got his life together. If you are happy together, don't let your brother come between you based on something that happened years ago. You have everything to look forward to now

Best of luck with the pregnancy and for the future!

Noelleieos

that is fair slack. Your brother is acting very childish. He should be happy for you that you're having a baby, he's shooting himself in the foot by saying he wants nothing to do with you or the baby. If he doesn't like your boyfriend that's bad but man at least be civil for your sake. You should sit him down and tell him how you feel about the situation. He's not going to get his own way by not talking to you, and he's 22, not 12, about time he grew up and dealt with the situation. He might not like the circumstances but that's life.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't exactly like someone who is a convicted car thief coming to my house. You sound like you come from a respectible family and you were brought up with some values, for example your brother becoming a Garda. In meeting your boyfriend you've cast aside the advice and feelings of your family and have given your boyfriend a chance to remove that stain from his life by having a respectible girlfriend like you, but in doing so you've isolated your brother and possible other family members who are putting on a good act. You can't expect your brother to just change everything he's been brought up to believe in from childhood through career training in order to facilitate the car thief! You've made a choice, don't expect everyone to smile and agree with that choice, you brother has his own value system and who your boyfriend happens to be is totally unacceptable to him. I'm sure he loves you but since you have become two (sorry three...congratulations!) he's making it clear he doesn't want a relationship with the ex con. I agree with him.
Society has become sickenly conformist to try and not offend, but being honest here, if I was in a group of friends and a new person was introduced and informed me he'd done time for car theft I'm unashamed to say that I'd wish him good luck in going straight but declare that I didn't want to be in his company! Stealing a car is not like tripping on the pavement, there's a lot of planning, preparation and the knowledge reagardless of how uneducated you are that it is morally wrong and a crime!
I say good for your brother and I wish him the best of luck having to face the likes of your boyfriend every night he goes to work!!

herya

Could your bf do the manly thing and approach your brother to talk to him? I know he's being blanked but if he's persistent? Maybe he can assure your brother himself - that he is now in the clear, working hard for you and the baby, that you are hurt and feel alienated in this challenging time?

Maybe if your brother has no contact with your bf and it's only you talking to him he has the impression that you're making things up to defend "your scumbag" or that you are naive. Pehaps if you can get your bf or other family members to make it clear to your brother that you are suffering it will help? I feel that what you need is united family front to show your brother that your bf is generally accepted.

herya

Unregistered wrote: »

Society has become sickenly conformist to try and not offend, but being honest here, if I was in a group of friends and a new person was introduced and informed me he'd done time for car theft I'm unashamed to say that I'd wish him good luck in going straight but declare that I didn't want to be in his company!

I'd say it depends on whether this person has really and truly left it all behind them, took the blame and emerged on the other side.

I wouldn't like to have anything in common with an active car thief, or with somebody who's done it with the past and is happy with this fact. But if have a good reason to believe that the person accepted the punishment and has ditched it for good - cutting all the ties like thieving pals etc - I would accept them.

bug

herya wrote: »

I'd say it depends on whether this person has really and truly left it all behind them, took the blame and emerged on the other side.

I wouldn't like to have anything in common with an active car thief, or with somebody who's done it with the past and is happy with this fact. But if have a good reason to believe that the person accepted the punishment and has ditched it for good - cutting all the ties like thieving pals etc - I would accept them.

Well, moral high ground aside, the OP is concerned about her brother's behaviour towards her. Realistically life is never so cut and dry.

The brother doesn't have to agree with he choice of partner that his sister has chosen, and subsequently got pregnant by.

it's the relationship with her, if he has good ground and voices his concerns or says " sis,I dont agree with you being with X, but we can meet up ourselves but I won't socialise with him, due to X,Y,Z," then fine.

Cutting your sister off isn't a brotherly response to a situation like this.

SarahSassy

I personally would not be happy if my bro was bringing an ex con into my parents house or someone with a criminal record having a kid with my sister to be honest.

Was he in jail? We all make choices in life and as another poster said, this society has gone too PC and accepting of wrongdoers. He committed serious and premediated crimes and personally I would not be happy to have him as the father to my niece or nephew.

In saying that, your brothers issue should be with him and not you. I would suggest you go to his house and face him and talk to him.

Its also very likely your brother does know more than he can tell you.

wylo

OP everyone makes choices in life and when they do they have to deal with them.

Your bf made a choice to steal cars in the past, thats something that can affect people alot more than you think. Just because he didnt physically hurt someone he hurt them in other ways. Steeling cars is a bit more than just a petty crime.

You made a choice to stay with him despite knowing your brother is a young fresh guard and knowing that it probably sickened him to see such a contradiction in his life opening up.

However he also made a choice to be a guard , and having a friend who is a guard I can see how it changes people, and unfortunately it wasnt pretty for me to see.

My point is , if you clearly love this man, and the fact that you are now pregnant with his child, you are going to have to deal with that choice and tell your brother he can either like it or lump it.

The situation has changed now, theres a child involved, your brother has no right to make you feel miserable while pregnant ,he probably thinks he does because hes got the 'moral high ground'.
I think you should tell him that when he deals with it he can come to you because you'd had enough, it probably wont take him long , as soon as it hits home hes gonna be an uncle he'll quickly change because he'll realise what hes gonna miss.

I just hope your bf is genuinely past that, if he is then he deserves a second chance.

Euro_Kraut

I can't believe some people are defending the actions of the brother here. He is about to become an uncle and needs to grow up. He is refusing to speak to his sister because she is pregnant. That is reprehensible. Is also going to refuse to speak to the child?

Its one thing be displeased with a sister choice of boyfriend - its a whole other thing to refuse to speak to her. I wonder if his 'moral outrage' really a cover from him being worried that this family connection could hurt his promotion opportunities?

I feel very sorry for you OP. You brother is acting in a very selfish manner. Congratulations on the pregnancy.

LegacyUser

We were both over at our mothers house yesterday and when I walked in just said hi and didn't say anything else to me.
Me and my ma were just talking in general and as soon as I started talking about the pregnancy and my bf my brother just got and said "right I'm off" and left the room .

And to answer questions on my bf having contact with those he was involved in in the past,no he doesn't he actually has very few friends outside his job so that's how I know he's made a clean fresh break,he spends most of his free time with me so that's also how I know he's left that way of life behind him.

And to the poster that said that his/her friend is a guard and saw how they changed the thing is my brother hasn't he's still the same great guy to everyone that he always was before he joined this is why it also hurts that he's isolated me out like this .

CDfm

Dont be so hard on the brother.

Im sure there are some rules about Guards associating with people who are criminals etc and that kind of stuff affects a guy professionally.So the brother may very well have a duty to report the relationship as part of his work.

So if there was a file still open or if b/f was associated with others who were involved in more serious crime he may have to take the matter more seriously.

So I would ask how far has your b/f gone to distance himself from his past and what type of work employment history does he have now.

LegacyUser

How am I going to get things right again ?
I don't see him as just a guard,he's my lil brother who I got on so great with,yea it was great when he became a guard cause he was an even bigger hero to me and it was even more comforting knowing he'd protect me but I feel all that's gone now

Darthhoob

the fact her BF is an EX criminal shouldn't matter to his chance of promotion. it's usually only immediate family that can cause concern (my brother is a prison officer and it's the same for him). plus if he doenst partake in criminal activities now i dont see what his problem is....afterall i thought the whole idea of law and order and prison was to punish criminals and reform them into law abiding citizens..isn't that the whole idea of prison? otherwise they wouldn't ever let anyone out lol.

your brother is being quite childish imo OP. sure he doesn't have to like your BF, he doesnt need to either. but why should he cut you and baby off just for his dislike in your fella? people here have been saying that he's being protective...where the hell is the protection in those actions?? if he was protective he would do the opposite, not just 'leave her to it'. i dont know what to suggest to help OP but he sounds very stubborn so perhaps it's just a matter of leaving him to stew. he may come round, he would if he knew what was good for him. he's going to be an uncle....what's he going to do? avoid seeing your mum when your round there with baby and shut himself out from the rest of the family?

try not to worry so much about him, i know it hurts (i went through similar things with my dad...who is self righteous...and my BF...who was a rebel in his youth) but if your relationship is half as strong as it sounds you'll be ok

CDfm

It maybe so.

It may be that he has some types of sensitivities but you get on with your life as best you can.

You cant please everyone but do what is right and have your baby etc.

LegacyUser

OP Did you ever hear the saying lie down with the dogs and you'll get flees,
or a leopard doesnt change its spots.

I agree with your brother blanking this guy and not wanting anything to do with you either.

The poor auld bf all he did was stole cars and sell them on - such a minor offence, he is still a scumbag in my book I'd be the same as your brother and blank the pair of you.

havana

I was with a guy for 8 years who had a shady past to put it mildly. In alot of peoples minds a hell of alot worse than stealing cars. But is now one of the most law abiding, up standing members of society one could hope to meet, has completly moved on from his past and has a very successful career in the social care field. People who say a leopard can not change their spots have obviously not had the pleasure of seeing the difference someone who Ihas moved on from such a past can have in the lives of others.

OP, you obviously care alot for your brother so stick in there, slow and steady and hopefully he will realise that your bf is a good guy- its amazing what a new baby does for a family.

good luck with your new family:-)

honey79

it's sounds to me that he's jus doing what most brother's do look out for there sister i have 3 so i know he just want's the best for you when we are in love sometimes we just can't see what other people can

but believe me when he see's his niece or nephew for the first time he will melt if he is the kind of person you say he won't be able to walk away
kids can melt the hardest hearts

good luck & congratulations

CDfm

havana wrote: »

I was with a guy for 8 years who had a shady past to put it mildly. In alot of peoples minds a hell of alot worse than stealing cars. But is now one of the most law abiding, up standing members of society one could hope to meet

OP, you obviously care alot for your brother so stick in there, slow and steady and hopefully he will realise that your bf is a good guy- its amazing what a new baby does for a family.

good luck with your new family:-)

Havana this is pure sense - b/f has a bit of a mountain to climb in your brothers eyes so rather than whinging about it we should be hearing what he has done to turn his life around.

You love him -but does he do any charity or community work for instance above all no his potential brother in law is a cop while he cannot change thre past he should stay a million miles away from former associates.

LegacyUser

Hey,OP here,
Well things aren't really any different it was my birthday yesterday and we had a party at my house but my brother didn't come said he was busy which I don't think he was but anyway then today I was over at my mothers house showing her a scan photo I got from the hospital of the baby and my brother was there too so I said in a very cheerful tone did he want to have a look hoping he would and he looked at me and said " do I want to see a picture of "paul's" child ? no it's ok,thanks anyway" and continued on watching the tv.
Now at the time I pretended I was grand with it and like it didn't bother me at all as I quickly started talking about something else but when he left I broke down crying at his rejection of me now .

wylo

time for a decision op, who do you care more about, your brother or your future baby, leave him go, you need to grow up too and take a harder line on it if all that you are saying is true.

Darthhoob

Sad sister wrote: »

Hey,OP here,
Well things aren't really any different it was my birthday yesterday and we had a party at my house but my brother didn't come said he was busy which I don't think he was but anyway then today I was over at my mothers house showing her a scan photo I got from the hospital of the baby and my brother was there too so I said in a very cheerful tone did he want to have a look hoping he would and he looked at me and said " do I want to see a picture of "paul's" child ? no it's ok,thanks anyway" and continued on watching the tv.
Now at the time I pretended I was grand with it and like it didn't bother me at all as I quickly started talking about something else but when he left I broke down crying at his rejection of me now .

you should have said "well how about a look at MY child" but i understand why you reacted the way you did hun. just leave him to it, he obviously needs to cop on. what does your mother say/think of all this? as she was there at the time

seamus

Not going to defend your brother's actions here, but you do need to see it from his point of view.

He's a young guy just starting out his career and is looking to impress his superiors and his colleagues. You say that your boyfriend was in trouble in his early twenties and is 29 now. That's not a long time ago, no more than 6/7 years?
So his colleagues are the people who had to deal with your boyfriend. They've told your brother the stories about the time your boyfriend f'ed and blinded and spat in a Garda's face while his mates tried to run them down with a stolen car. As well as the rest.
It's only been a few years - in their eyes (and therefore your brother's eyes), your boyfriend is still that same little scumbag and he would be treated with contempt in any current dealings with them.

The Gardai don't know that he's "moved on" and quite frankly they'd be right to be skeptical because it's rare that people do fully move on. I'm not making any conclusions here - it sounds like your guy has moved on - but to the Gardai he's not special or different.

So for your brother to be all pally and friendly with your boyfriend is asking him to betray his colleagues (whom he has a lot of trust in and respect for) who've been attacked and abused by your boyfriend, as well as potentially putting his career prospects at risk. Your brother feels that it's in his interests to disassociate himself from your boyfriend and let his colleagues know that he too thinks your boyfriend is nothing but a scumbag.

Only time will solve this. Don't push it. There will come a point where your brother will have matured. He'll see your boyfriend as a older man who's good to his couple of kids, holds down a good job and looks after you, and he'll realise that sometimes people do change.

Although to you it seems like a million years ago, to the rest of the world your boyfriend is not yet far enough removed from his past to be considered "fixed" and he will put up with this stigmatism for a good few years yet. That's the price he has to pay for his past and you'll need to accept that and not try to force people to like him.

CDfm

OP - I totally agree with Seamas .

Your brother needs to look after his own interests too.

It took your OH a couple of years to acquire his reputation and it will take time (a few years) to loose it.The only thing you can do is show empathy for your brothers position if the question arises.

I fully agree that you should not push anything and while its not nice doing what you are doing is the only way forward.

seamus

I would suggest that you let your brother at it and simply leave the door open for him. Just something along the lines of, "I know what you think of <name> and I accept that you can't ignore what he did in his past and I can't convince you that he's a good man. So when you realise it for yourself, I'll be here. Until then, I'm not going to force you to talk to him or me." Or something like that.

While you're trying to force the issue, you're simply transferring the power to your brother - he has the upper hand because you're the one trying to prove your case. If you drop it then it shows that you're confident enough that the case doesn't need to proven (i.e. time will prove it for you) and he should be much more open to discussing it in a few years' time.

username123

seamus wrote: »

I would suggest that you let your brother at it and simply leave the door open for him. Just something along the lines of, "I know what you think of <name> and I accept that you can't ignore what he did in his past and I can't convince you that he's a good man. So when you realise it for yourself, I'll be here. Until then, I'm not going to force you to talk to him or me." Or something like that.

While you're trying to force the issue, you're simply transferring the power to your brother - he has the upper hand because you're the one trying to prove your case. If you drop it then it shows that you're confident enough that the case doesn't need to proven (i.e. time will prove it for you) and he should be much more open to discussing it in a few years' time.

Thats excellent advice.

I can see the brothers pov, but refusing to engage with you and showing no interest in your pregnancy etc is not a mature way to go about dealing with his feelings. The pregnancy probably made him realise that this is not just a fling and that this person will be in yourself and your childs life forever. I mean he is entitled to think whatever he likes about your choice of mate - if he doesnt like him thats fine, but he is not entitled to try and control your choices by treating you badly unless you do what he wants. I would take away his control by dropping the issue completely. You cannot make him like your choice of mate, you cannot make him behave well towards you, but you CAN stop enabling his bad behaviour by just leaving him to it.

iguana

seamus wrote: »

I would suggest that you let your brother at it and simply leave the door open for him. Just something along the lines of, "I know what you think of <name> and I accept that you can't ignore what he did in his past and I can't convince you that he's a good man. So when you realise it for yourself, I'll be here. Until then, I'm not going to force you to talk to him or me."

That's all mostly good advice, but perhaps leave out the "or me" at the end. His reactions to the OP's bf are understandable. But being nasty to her isn't acceptable.

seamus

iguana wrote: »

That's all mostly good advice, but perhaps leave out the "or me" at the end. His reactions to the OP's bf are understandable. But being nasty to her isn't acceptable.

I can see why the brother would feel like his sister is betraying him - sort of like going out with a member of a rival gang as it were - but it's still no excuse to simply ignore her. If he just told her why it's upsetting him so much they could at least arrange some form of common terms on which they can speak.

CDfm

seamus wrote: »

I can see why the brother would feel like his sister is betraying him - sort of like going out with a member of a rival gang as it were - but it's still no excuse to simply ignore her. If he just told her why it's upsetting him so much they could at least arrange some form of common terms on which they can speak.

I imagine that the pregnancy has upped the ante a bit and has put pressure on everyone.

Being nasty is not acceptable but neither is escalating something.

If you put someone under pressure you cant expect a positive outcome or rational reaction and by pushing you are more likely to get a negative reaction because that is his current frame of mind. Leave him settle.

Softly softly catch a monkey.

LouOB

Your brother will come around in time
He is only young and is prob missing you also

All your brother cares about it you even though he has a sh*tty way of showing it. He is showing it in the only way he knows how.
You are embarking on a new wonderful and scary episode of your life, your brother might feel he cannot share this with you. Dont underestimate the amount of stuff work has beaten into his head or the amount of crap he has had to deal with while working.

Once your bro matures and sees the type of man your BF really his, he will change his tune. Its not going to be overnight or this year though. Chin up and good luck in the next few months

Nevyn

Sometime young men have an issue when a woman they know is about to become a mother. They think it will change who you are at some sort of basic level and change your priorities so much that they can't or won't be able to relate to you any more or else they see you being pregnant as reflecting badly on you if it' wasn't planned or that you are throwing away opportunities to do other things with your life.

All of the above is complex enough never mind that he doesn't approve of the father of your child to be. I think he's being selfish and not being supportive of you and I hope he will cop on and start talking to you again before he damages the relationship between you irrevocably.