Break up just when I thought everthing was fine

LegacyUser

I was going out with my now ex boyfriend for over a year and half. We're both in our early twenties. He broke up with me last week. I'm still trying to get to terms with it as he was talking about us moving in together. I thought that everything was great. The week before he had become a bit distant but insisted everything was fine. His best friend broke up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks before. Am I stupid in thinking our break up is in anyway linked??

Smyth

Guys at that age usually aren't ready for commitment. It's 100% plausable that he loves you, but he can't be with you. It's really hard when you meet that special someone so early on in life. Takes a big man and big leap to commit in your early 20's.

That_Guy

It's hard to assume if it's linked. I suggest that you cut all contact with him and move on. It might be difficult now but cutting all contact is the best thing for you.

legend365

breakup wrote: »

His best friend broke up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks before. Am I stupid in thinking our break up is in anyway linked??

If he was in love there would be no chance of this. It could be possible that hes been thinking of it for awhile.

**Caroline**

Hi breakup

Usually when a boyfriend becomes "distant" in any way (like you described) - something is definitely up! You're not stupid for thinking it's related to the friends break-up as it's very possible! But at the same time, don't jump to conclusions because it might not be that at all. It could be any number of reasons.

Given that you were together a year and a half, I think it was very selfish of him not to give you a reason for the break-up. You at least deserved that much - for closure if nothing else.

But anyway, what's done is done now. Bottom line is, he doesn't want to be in the relationship any longer. You may never know the true reason for the split (grr :mad:) and it will only wreck your head wondering why so you need to try your best to move on.

I know it's easier said than done but cutting contact is a good idea - it will speed up the "getting over him" process. Make a point of being around friends, go out, have a laugh, get your mind off him, concentrate on enjoying yourself and at some point down the line, you'll realise you're not even thinking about him any more.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If he liked you he wouldn't dump you because his mate did.

The only possible linkage is that he was thinking of splitting with you and seeing how his mate was decided he was best off doing the same.

Its a good thing really, would be worse if it took him another six months for something to give him the motivation to be honest with you

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I know exactly where you are coming from.

My BF broke it off last weekend and looking back I can see he was distant & clearly wanting to do it for a while. His best friend ended things with his girlfriend a few weeks earlier and my BF asked me at the time if we should take a break. But we stayed together and it finally ended last weekend. I don't think you'd be paranoid to think his best friend had a part in your split.

R.D. aka MR.D

I've recently discover that for a man in his early 20s making a commitment like moving in with some one is absolutly the hugest thing in the entire world and its scary as hell!

did you guys talk through it or did you just say fair enough?

with my oh ages ago he said i want to break up because i just feel like it. no real reason. we talked through it and i realised it was because we were supposed to be moving in together and i had started talking about getting some goldfish for the new place and he freaked out. he thought this meant we were getting married. i explained i have no interest in marrying him and my career is important to me (as in it will probaly mean diverging interests) but right now we're having fun so lets just do that till it stops being fun.
he calmed down!
it was just a mis communication!

G-Money

Regarding getting an explanation or a reason as to why he ended it, that's all well and good. But just be prepared to hear something you won't like.

I mean if the person doesn't want to be with the other person and they tell them that, isn't that enough? I don't know why some people refuse to take the hint and insist on some incredibly awkward conversation where the person ending it has to tell the other person everything, as unpleasant as it may be. Then the other person doesn't like what they hear and that just makes matters worse.

It's up to you. You can take what he said at face value and try to move on or you can have some big painful conversation where you might hear something you didn't want or need to know.