Cheated on my husband

LegacyUser

As it says I have just cheated on my husband. The problem is I am not sure why. I love him and we`re happy. I`ve never been faithful to anyone and feel compelled to push myself to cheat. I have a high sex drive but considering how unsatisfying it always isI don`t think thats the reason. I literally feel sick I can still smell this other man even after a shower.

Whats wrong with me?

Does anyone else have a problem like this?

Smyth

Sorry OP. It must be killing you.

There are some things you can forgive and forget. A drunken kiss, a mistaken grope...but to sleep with someone else signifies that the relationship for you is at an end.

What pushed you to him? Did you know him? Are you sexually fulfilled at home?

LegacyUser

there is nothing wrong with my relationship. my husband is the most wonderful guy in the world, thats why i married him. it certainly is not about the actual sexual act because its not satisfying. I don`t know why thats the problem!

Smyth

Some people just aren't made for commitment. It's not an excuse though. YOU need to take responsibility for your actions. There's no external force making you do this. YOU get into bed with other men out of choice.

What you're doing to your husband is terrible. If he's as great a guy as you make out, he deserves someone who'll be faithful to him and will treat him right.

Why did you take a vow to love him and only him for the rest of your life if you didn't mean it? It's the worst type of hypocrisy.

It'll only create hurt down the line.

If you want to change, fine. Tell him. Let him decide if he wants to stay married to someone who cheats. Go to couples therapy or something (if he leaves you, still go on your own).

If you aren't going to change and you don't have the balls to tell him, then I can't stress how unhealthy your relationship will become.

These things surface eventually and if it's as frequent as you say, it will create hurt down the line.

Stop making a fool out of him.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

there is nothing wrong with my relationship. my husband is the most wonderful guy in the world, thats why i married him. it certainly is not about the actual sexual act because its not satisfying. I don`t know why thats the problem!

What attracted you about this other man in the first place?

themadchef

I doubt if there is anyone one here who can post a reply telling you what's wrong with you OP.

Your first port of call should be the doctor imo. If your husband is kind, loving and supportive and there are no issues surrounding the relationship, then, what causes you to cheat is hard to say. You say it's not the sex, so there's no great sexual satisfaction. If it's a one night stand situation, then there's no emotional satisfaction. So, is it possible it's just the thrill of the chase / danger / doing some thing you shouldint?

Really OP, the beat advice i can give you is to go see a counsellor / doctor or therapist of some kind. What you're doing is not making you happy.

Apart from that, have you considered how your loving husband would react if he found out? If you cant do this for yourself, do it for him, your marriage, yur dignity and your own sanity.

cltt97

Could it be that you suffer from low self-esteem and seek to get some sense of being worth something by being desired by someone else?

empirix

and dont forget to tell your husband, you tramp

NickNolte

It's impossible to know why you did it without more information but you've just committed the ultimate betrayal. You can keep it a secret from your husband and try to live with yourself or you can (and probably should) tell him and try to work out whatever the underlying problem is. If he decides to stay with you that is.

CDfm

cltt97 wrote: »

Could it be that you suffer from low self-esteem and seek to get some sense of being worth something by being desired by someone else?

Thats psychobabble.

If you love and want to stay with your partner you dont go out and sleep with other people.

Its that simple.

Nevyn

empirix banned for a week for personal abuse.

benj

**** happens...put it behind you and move on with your life
were all human (well most of us)....

Hman09

break it off, he deserves someone who wouldn't cheat on him just cause they have a sex drive. You have no excuse, none what so ever!

chillimetro

As it says I have just cheated on my husband.is this the first time?
The problem is I am not sure why.if its not the first time then you know,if it is you need to tell him and ye both decide where to take the relationship
I love him and we`re happy.i dont question your love for him but are BOTH of you happy?
I`ve never been faithful to anyone and feel compelled to push myself to cheat.i think this answers the earlier question of if its the first time
I have a high sex drive but considering how unsatisfying it always isI don`t think thats the reason. I literally feel sick I can still smell this other man even after a shower.Whats wrong with me?i think you need professional guidance for yourself personally and both of you as a couple, i think you will find that emotionally,ye are NOT happy

Does anyone else have a problem like this? whether others have this problem or not YOU need to find yourself,no one can truly sort this but you

i wish you the very best with this

LegacyUser

OP if you're not enjoying the sex in your affairs perhaps it's the chase? perhaps you are sabotaging your happiness because you don't feel you deserve it? perhaps your relationship although it perfectly fulfills what you think or thought you want, there is really something missing and it's not as perfect as you make believe..

My advice is to tell your OH and to promise to jump through any hoops of counselling or whatever to get past it.. and hope against hope he will accept it and work with you to get through it.. accepting that things can never go back but maybe they can move on

You must not keep it secret, you will cheat again.. he will feel betrayed no matter what now, but the longer you keep secrets from him the more betrayed he will feel. imagine if he found out from someone else down the road!! and besides even if he were never to find out the secret between you would stop it from ever being a true relationship IMO&E

CDfm

OP - you are coming up with excuses and not taking responsibility for either your actions or the consequences of them.

What would your husbands reaction be if he found out?

LegacyUser

Op here - Thx everyone for the advice. I`m not going to tell my very happy husband that would be very selfish, he wouldn`t want to know. I will however go to counselling. One poster mentioned me sabotaging things and actually that would probably be quite accurate, I do tend to sabotage things alot in my life and I run for the hills from strong emotions tending to favour a level of detachedness. I might also be addicted to sex, not for satisfaction but for the relief of bordom.

And to the poster who called me a tramp - what is a tramp exactly because i`m sure our two definitions are completely different?

NickNolte

Unregistered wrote: »

I`m not going to tell my very happy husband that would be very selfish, he wouldn`t want to know.

That's a very cowardly way of looking at it. It's a lot easier for you not to tell him and, to be honest, he has every right to know. You're probably right, he wouldn't want to know. Who would? But he trusts, has married and invested his life in someone who has had sex with another person and I think it's important that you tell him what has happened.

Can I ask you - did you use protection when you slept with this other person?

Unregistered wrote: »

I will however go to counselling.

As Homer Simpsons tells his wife - "Councelling's too expensive. Just don't do it anymore". Seriously though - just don't do it anymore. Councelling? We're talking about sex here. More importantly, screwing other men behind your husbands back. If you need concelling to ensure you don't do it again, then you need to rethink your marriage completely. If you think you may do it again, your husband deserves to know what he's involved in.

Unregistered wrote: »

One poster mentioned me sabotaging things and actually that would probably be quite accurate, I do tend to sabotage things alot in my life and I run for the hills from strong emotions tending to favour a level of detachedness. I might also be addicted to sex, not for satisfaction but for the relief of bordom.

Well in this case then yeah, you probably do need councelling. You do sound like you have some pretty serious problems there but none of them will ever come close to excusing you from having sex with someone behind your husbands back.

Unregistered wrote: »

And to the poster who called me a tramp - what is a tramp exactly because i`m sure our two definitions are completely different?

I think he was trying to say that he/she has zero respect for you for committing the ultimate betrayal on your husband. I wouldn't call you a tramp but I certainly have zero respect for you. If there are problems in the relationship (lack of intimacy, bad treatment of one partner by the other, etc) then cheating can be explained at least. From what I gather though, you've just blatantly gone and had sex with someone else behind your loving husbands back. I don't think you realise the severity of what you've done.

CDfm

OP - I cant understand you but if its compulsive try to get it sorted and try not to hurt anyone in the process as the problem is yours and not his.

Profiler

Unregistered wrote: »

One poster mentioned me sabotaging things and actually that would probably be quite accurate, I do tend to sabotage things alot in my life

Unregistered wrote: »

I might also be addicted to sex, not for satisfaction but for the relief of bordom.

Based on those two statements there, suggests to me that there are issues of self esteem, specifically a lack of self esteem.

What ever you do, you need to confront the underlying cause or causes, counseling is the first step.

CDfm

Profiler wrote: »

Based on those two statements there, suggests to me that there are issues of self esteem, specifically a lack of self esteem.

What ever you do, you need to confront the underlying cause or causes, counseling is the first step.

The OP has free will and while she might have issues she has responsibility for her actions. She owns her own behaviour and while counseling may help her come to terms with her past - the here and now is hers alone and her responsibility.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

Op here - Thx everyone for the advice. I`m not going to tell my very happy husband that would be very selfish, he wouldn`t want to know.

Pretty crappy wife aren't you? You probably do care about him but really, aren't going to tell him because you don't want the hassle for yourself. So ironically you are being selfish.

I will however go to counselling.

Good idea.

One poster mentioned me sabotaging things and actually that would probably be quite accurate, I do tend to sabotage things alot in my life and I run for the hills from strong emotions tending to favour a level of detachedness.

You're doing the same from not telling him. Normally id say that guilt will get you down in the future and you should tell him now, but if what you say is true you'll have no problem never telling him.

I might also be addicted to sex, not for satisfaction but for the relief of bordom.

You'll have to explain this one. Does your husband have a lower sex drive than you or is it the thrill of someone new?

And to the poster who called me a tramp - what is a tramp exactly because i`m sure our two definitions are completely different?

Tramp is someone who sleeps around and cheats on people. You said it yourself you've done this before but not with your husband which is more serious.

LegacyUser

I dont post on boards.ie but I had to reply to this one! OP, I've been married three years and was under the impression it was a 'happy' marriage. I found out about a month ago however that while I was visiting my family at christmas (overseas) my 'happy husband' went on a few dates with another woman AND slept with her. he told her we were separated. after the sex he didn't see her again (so he says) and when i came back int he new year things went on as is. i wouldn't say i didn't have the feeling something was up but when i asked him if anything had happened over xmas...'anything at all?' he said no. To put it clearly to you: He LIED. Just as you are doing now.

It just so happened that in my case an acquaintance had seen the two of them out while i was away and asked me who the woman with him had been. next came the accusation and a very difficult confession but to be honest i'm glad i found out as it saved me the humiliation that would have ensued by my being kept in the dark and others knowing. unfortunately she is the owner of a gym in town so her face is recognisable to a few people i know, so it would have come out eventually! He was obviously sick over it - as you could understand i am sure! - and he said it was a result of heavy drinking for three weeks and an assortment of personal issues ...whether or not to believe that is the question!

i cannot tell you how much pain you will cause your husband by a) LYING to him for however long you choose to be a selfish, cowardly brat - let alone sleeping next to him every night, or b) having him find out the way i did - through another source. You need to stop thinking about yourself and give your husband some dignity. Tell him what happened, say what you need to say, then BACK OFF as you have given up ANY power you have in the relationship. What you have done is unforgivable - however if he decides to forgive you and let you back into his life then you will be a lucky lady! No one else knows your relationship better than you two and ultimately what happens from here on is only between the two of you.

For the record, yes I did forgive my guy. Forgiveness is one thing though, trusting is another. We are completely broken up for the time being until he sorts himself out - i.e. stops drinking and keeps on with his counselling. I understand that there's a lot more to it than just having sex with someone else which is why you need to be an ADULT and sort your head out.

Time to grow up madam.

Good luck to you - you will need it. I can almost guarantee you will cause more damage (more than you are prepared for!) by keeping this from your husband.

anon.

themadchef

Unregistered wrote: »

Op here - Thx everyone for the advice. I`m not going to tell my very happy husband that would be very selfish, he wouldn`t want to know.

You say your husband loves you, but in truth, your husband doesn't really know you.

Christ, i could go on for paragraphs about the vows you took and the frankly it would turn into a lecture. I'm not here to lecture you. BUT you are married, part of a team, a partnership.

Counselling, great. I'm glad you're going to do that. You also need to look into your soul and ask yourself how you sit opposite this man (who worships the ground you walk on) every morning at breakfast, this man that you climb into bed beside, this man that puts you before everything in his life...possibly himself. Ask yourself how yourself how would life be without this man in it.

He certainly has a right to know who he is married to. If the wheels were turned and this were a man on this thread in the same situation you are in, I would be devestated for that poor woman he was married to. I feel no different for your hususband.

No one can tell you the outcome of telling him. Face yourself in the mirror, say it out loud. See what it sounds like. Picture the agony on his face when you're telling him. Picture his reaction. If this doesnt stop you doing it again. Leave him to find love with someone else. Live your own life, where the consaquenses of your actions don't impact on someone elses happiness.

Sorry if it turned into a leturre OP, i just feel so bad for that man. Yes, i have sympathy for you, but you are in charge of your own actions. Do something about it before you destroy him.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

I`m not going to tell my very happy husband that would be very selfish, he wouldn`t want to know.

OP I think you need to rephrase this a bit.

You dont want to tell your husband because you dont want him to know as it would probably cause not very nice consequences for you.

What do you think these consequences would be??? Do you know.

I dont agree with those who say fess up BTW but maybe you should go thru the motions with a priest even if you are not a believer because by saying it outloud it might be real.

Do you work because you cited boredom. Get a job or do charity work if you are bored.

Maybe I havent read closely but -do you intend to stop this behavior or by counseling do you just mean talk about it but continue as you are. Whats the objective of the counseling???

I will bet that loads of drama would come into your life to relieve the boredom and tedium if he does find out.

LegacyUser

Look he`s my husband, I know him - when I say he doesn`t want to know its because he has said he does not want to know! I`m not selfish or cowarly, in my opinion its easier to tell and unburden yourself. Most of the reason someone tells is because secretly they want an out, because they are not 100% in the relationship.I cheated before we married and told him immediately he said he didn`t want to know if it ever happened again, he subscribes to the ignorance is bliss thing on everything.

I`m actually suprised at the responces because with such a huge amount of infidelity in this country.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

IIMII

Unregistered wrote: »

I`m not going to tell my very happy husband that would be very selfish, he wouldn`t want to know.

If ignorance is bliss, he's happy. Unless he starts getting itches and warts, or things like that

G-Money

I'm surprised he took you back after the first time. If a girl ever cheated on me, she'd never hear from me or see me again.

BTW: I really hope the people in this country aren't as adulterous as you suggest.

themadchef

Unregistered wrote: »

As it says I have just cheated on my husband. The problem is I am not sure why.?

Your first statement was that you're not sure why. Well i think you are sure why. You dont love your husband. Let me explain why. He may well be kind and gentle etc. But my pet dog is all those things and i'm not in love with him. If you loved him in any way, you wouldint cheat. This is not a once off, it's a pattern. You may love the security of the relationship and enjoy his company but love, true love... Jesus, nope, no way you can say you love him when you're letting another man ..... :eek:

Unregistered wrote: »

there is nothing wrong with my relationship.

You use ther term "my relationship" there's two of you in it. Remember that

Unregistered wrote: »

Most of the reason someone tells is because secretly they want an out.

Rubbish. You want your cake, and you want to eat it too. If you want the single life there's nothing stopping you grabbing your coat and a clean pair of knickers and heading out that door right this very second. It's damn hard to stay and fight. He deserves to know. But you may have to face who you really are.

Dont go down the road of saying "well half the country is cheating" what you do behind your door is all that matters. Stop comparing yourself to others. This is not Eastenders, this is real life. His life as well. He may well choose to stick his head in the sand, but you can choose to stop cheating.

iheartny

Hi OP. I think its good you are going to seek help with the issues you face over commitment - i think that will help you determine why you've never been faithful in a relationship and help you live a happier life in future relationships.
If your husband does live by the rule 'ignorance is bliss' i think you should be the bigger person and leave the relationship and let him find someone that is going to make him happy that he wont have to turn a 'blind eye' to. Your husband doesnt want to know because it would break his heart - not because he isn't bothered. I think you are misunderstanding the 'ignorance is bliss' term.
Maybe spend the next 'x' amount of months/years getting to know and understand yourself, then in the future you may be able to be in an honest and loving relationship and you will get so much more from it. I think you have yet to completely fall for someone, maybe??

If you do not see it in your heart to end the relationship, I hope he finds the sense to do so - for the benefit of you both. It's just not a healthy relationship, it wont go anywhere and you seem to be wasting his time.

Unregistered wrote: »

I`m actually suprised at the responces because with such a huge amount of infidelity in this country.

This was funny....there are a lot of thieves, murderers, rapists, bullies, liars too....what would the world be like if we all followed suit and shared their common thought? :rolleyes:

NickNolte

Unregistered wrote: »

Look he`s my husband, I know him - when I say he doesn`t want to know its because he has said he does not want to know! I`m not selfish or cowarly, in my opinion its easier to tell and unburden yourself. Most of the reason someone tells is because secretly they want an out, because they are not 100% in the relationship.I cheated before we married and told him immediately he said he didn`t want to know if it ever happened again, he subscribes to the ignorance is bliss thing on everything.

I`m actually suprised at the responces because with such a huge amount of infidelity in this country.

I can't believe I just read that.

You need to explain what you did to your husband. If you failed to wear protection with this other person, you definitely need to tell your husband so he can get an STI and HIV test. I suspect you need to get out of the marriage you're in completely. Mostly for the sake of your husband's long-term happiness but also because you don't belong in a relationship.

Get help... but not before you act like a gracious human being and tell your husband what you've done.

Mr. Incognito

I`m actually suprised at the responces because with such a huge amount of infidelity in this country.

Oh.

My.

God.

You know what love. ANY sympathy I had for you is gone out the window.

You don't have sex because you're bored. You have sex because you are selfish. You are making excuses for your selfish behaviour.

There is a pattern of cheating in your relationships you say. It's not that your husband is treating you unfairly, it's that it's not enough for selfish you who has a track record of doing what you want first and damn everyone else.

Seek professional help. You have a serious problem. Not even the cheating but the fact you come on here and expect us to sympathise with you. Grow up.

dudara

I`m actually suprised at the responces because with such a huge amount of infidelity in this country.

And if all the lemmings jump off the cliff, do you go too?

Seriously, resorting to the above quotation reeks of immaturity on your part. I don't know if this is actually true or not, but it is how it comes across.

I've learned the hard way about trust and communication in a relationship. You honestly should not be married to that man unless you know the value of trust and honesty.

CDfm

OP -he doesnt know and you dont want him to know- thats all and its no more complicated than that.

Unregistered wrote: »

Look he`s my husband, I know him - when I say he doesn`t want to know its because he has said he does not want to know!

You are speculating here. You know the risk is that he will want out thats all.

Its a risk you are not willing to take.

I`m not selfish or cowarly, in my opinion its easier to tell and unburden yourself

.

Thats a matter of opinion. If being selfish is looking out for your own self interest. MMMMM

Most of the reason someone tells is because secretly they want an out, because they are not 100% in the relationship

Really - but it could be because of the fear of getting caught.

I cheated before we married and told him immediately he said he didn`t want to know if it ever happened again, he subscribes to the ignorance is bliss thing on everything.

Or is it you who subscribe to his ignorance being bliss.

I`m actually suprised at the responces because with such a huge amount of infidelity in this country.

But thats others.

You posted that you loved your husband and had cheated. I think you have surprised others by seeking to justify it in such a casual way.The posters seem to question your sincerity.

Anyway -most statistical reports on infidelity are dubious as its one of those areas that you cant accurately survey (another being drink and drug use in teenagers).

LegacyUser

I meant with all the experience people have of infidelity I was expecting a somewhat more enlightened response the omg you scarlet woman! I want to hear from genuine people who have/had a similar problem. By the way apparently 70% of men cheat on their wives, how many people here abusing me have been the victim of a cheating spouse? for the 1 or 2 on here that know there is probably 10 that don`t, so get real will you.

And although I did not correct you, I never said I had actual sexual intercourse which (not that that makes much difference to the substance) I did not because neither of us had a condom.

LegacyUser

Maybe I missed this in the earlier posts but I hadn't realised you've cheated on him TWICE. Did you not feel sickened at yourself enough the first time? obviously you didn't to go back and do it again. If you were sober enough to have the good (?) sense not to have sex without a condom something tells me you were sober enough to know that what you were doing was repulsive and wrong.

Someone mentioned a pet dog a few posts back - I agree with this analogy. He's a soft fluffy thing you go home to whilst fulfilling your own selfish wants. If you lost him you would be devastated right? Tough beans. You should have thought of that before heading home with your one night man. And no, the fact that you did not have 'sex' with him does not change anything. You lied. Period.

Well of course he says to you he'd rather not know! Duh. As humans we naturally want to put our hands over our ears *to a certain extent* to prevent painful experiences. However, in this case the pain hasn't been prevented just because he doesn't know about it yet. For all you know he could be thinking something is up but not going any further with that gut feeling. Stop playing your games with him, sort your head out, and, as mentioned before, give the guy (YOUR HUSBAND) some dignity.

There will be no hand-patting in store for you on this forum missy!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I meant with all the experience people have of infidelity I was expecting a somewhat more enlightened response the omg you scarlet woman! I want to hear from genuine people who have/had a similar problem. By the way apparently 70% of men cheat on their wives, how many people here abusing me have been the victim of a cheating spouse? for the 1 or 2 on here that know there is probably 10 that don`t, so get real will you.

And although I did not correct you, I never said I had actual sexual intercourse which (not that that makes much difference to the substance) I did not because neither of us had a condom.

70%
You got something to back that up?

LegacyUser

I`ve actually never seen so many assumption that are critically incorrect in one post. You couldn`t have less idea what you are talkin about. Don`t put words in my mouth or assume any circumstances because you`ve actually got pretty much every single element wrong. And the last time I cheated was years ago and we were only casually dating. Anyway you are not in any kind of similar situation clearly so what was the point of posting apart from to say "you dirty scarlet tramp" type thing?

Not helpful and I do want help I feel quite sure there are a lot of other people who understand what I mean and would have VALUABLE input.

themadchef

Unregistered wrote: »

I meant with all the experience people have of infidelity I was expecting a somewhat more enlightened response the omg you scarlet woman! I want to hear from genuine people who have/had a similar problem.

First of all how can you define it as a "problem"? It's a behaviour, not a problem. A problem is a stain in your carpet you can't shift, or a weed that keeps coming back on your footpath. You are acting a certain way, the "problem" as you put it, is your own behaviour.

Until you realise that, things won't change. Sure, blame the men who take advantage of you. You are possibly offering a free service some men are willing to pay for. You are the one in the committed relationship, if you know they are committed to someone else too, that only compounds the wrong that is being done.

You say you can still smell the other man on you, yet you didint have sex... strong after shave?

Why do you think you do it? You must have some idea. What drives you? If the sex / no sex is so bad then it isint that. How do you look your husband in the eye every day, and sweet Jesus, how do you see yourself. Because half the country (in your opinion) are cheating do you feel it gives you a reason?

LegacyUser

No, i don`t think just because a lot of other people are doing it thats makes it ok.

I can`t really explain - its like a dare I have with myself or something, keeps nagging at me till I take the leap. Its making myself do something I don`t really want to or think I can. Anybody?

O'Coonassa

Unregistered wrote: »

Whats wrong with me?

Female primates choose beta males to supply them and their children with resources but will often cheat on them with alpha males to get better genetic material AFAIK

NickNolte

Unregistered wrote: »

I`ve actually never seen so many assumption that are critically incorrect in one post. You couldn`t have less idea what you are talkin about. Don`t put words in my mouth or assume any circumstances because you`ve actually got pretty much every single element wrong.

You had sex with a man. You're married. The guy you had sex with wasn't your husband. What is there to get wrong?

You're only interested in people telling you what you want to hear. You're a lost cause. I feel incredibly sorry for your husband. Be a decent human being and tell him what you've done and give him the opportunity to make his own decision as to whether he wants to stay with you or not. Show him some respect. You married him FFS. Ugh.

LegacyUser

Eh ... nick i take it you didn`t actually read my posts then- i didn`t have sex witb the guy!

themadchef

IMO You need a psych evaluation. You probably know that yourself. Your getting your back up because all the "cheaters" are not posting advice to you, and the people who are posting are saying things you don't want to hear.

There is no easy way out, there is no magic wand, miracle post. There is behavioural analysis though, there is support out there for you. The support you will get will have you face some very hard truths, truths you dont seem to want to hear.

Affairs are not always the end of the relationship. Who can say telling him / not telling him is the right way to go. BUT to continue in a relationship with this man you need to sort your head out, for both your sakes. He may be blindly in love with you, that does not give you carte blance to go off with other men. If you can't stop by yourself..... get professional help. It seems straight forward to me.

silverwater

Unregistered wrote: »

I feel quite sure there are a lot of other people who understand what I mean and would have VALUABLE input.

People here DO understand.
And their input is more valuable than you can understand.
People are trying to help you see that this is a much larger deal than you seem to be treating it.

I would advise you to seek help immediately.
Being on this site is making you get defensive over something you should not be defensive about.
Maybe a professional will be able to get the severity of the situation through to you better than comments here...

Best of luck

LegacyUser

dont tell your husband. You know better than anynody on this board if he wants to know or not. If I was him I wouldnt want to know either, it would destroy me.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

I`ve actually never seen so many assumption that are critically incorrect in one post. You couldn`t have less idea what you are talkin about. Don`t put words in my mouth or assume any circumstances because you`ve actually got pretty much every single element wrong. And the last time I cheated was years ago and we were only casually dating. Anyway you are not in any kind of similar situation clearly so what was the point of posting apart from to say "you dirty scarlet tramp" type thing?

Not helpful and I do want help I feel quite sure there are a lot of other people who understand what I mean and would have VALUABLE input.

OP - maybe these people do understand the dilemma and faced it.

Events are pretty generic -its only personalised to the extent that its you and your hubby.

This isnt cosmo so you wont get a lifestyle response.

The percieved value for you is based on what agrees with your feelings and people didnt.

Maybe you defined your dilemma in a way that made it seem exciting

Do you flirt etc and does this upset hubby though he may not say or affect his confidence

Is hubby insecure with you and could this affect his libido

Could you do anything to fix this - what pills etc are available for him

I think the value to you has been that what you thought as being so commonplace isnt and it may have brought you more face to face with consequences and with his real feelings on the subject are than you like to admit. You posts do lack empathy for someone you claim to love BTW.

So its up to you to react to what info you want to get.

I wonder if you would post any differently now or how you would define the problem now.

how many people here abusing me have been the victim of a cheating spouse?

i found it OTT that you use the words abusing me for when people disagree with you. Its a bit dramatic.

Are you unhappy with having an ordinary and reading between the lines -nice life?

Enemy Of Fate

Unregistered wrote: »

dont tell your husband. You know better than anynody on this board if he wants to know or not. If I was him I wouldnt want to know either, it would destroy me.

So instead you'd prefer to stay in a realationship where your other half obviously has no value or respect for you whatsoever, and will most likely go on cheating on you behind your back?Right....cause thats so much better.

Oh and to the OP I don't know what you really expected coming on here, hoping that someone would magically post something that would fix everything, because thats ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as your constant ``but he wouldn't want to know'' bull**** that you're throwing around.You should tell your husband right away, and if he has any sense at all he'll tell you to **** off and never darken his doorstop with your trampish ways again.And if he doesn't then you should do the right thing and end it anyways because you don't deserve him and if you had any sense of deceny at all you'd know that and it would eat away at you.

*On a side note, I know i'm more than likely going to get banned for this post, but I think its a bit ridiculous in a clear cut case like this that people are getting banned for calling her things like tramp (which she is).Its obvious she is, theres no grey area here, its all in black and white (i.e she cheated on her husband for no reason and is now looking for someone to tell her its ok not to tell him so she can go on lieing to herself that its the right thing) so why do we have to dance around it?Its a bit mad really.

dudara

OP, with regard to your comment for VALUABLE comments...

You do not know the background of people who respond to your post. It's quite possible that lots of them have experienced infidelity in their relationships, but simply don't want to spill the details in a public forum. Instead they may offer you advice rather than experience.

Do not dismiss any responses here without consideration and application to your own situation.

dudara

Enemy Of Fate wrote: »

*On a side note, I know i'm more than likely going to get banned for this post, but I think its a bit ridiculous in a clear cut case like this that people are getting banned for calling her things like tramp (which she is).Its obvious she is, theres no grey area here, its all in black and white (i.e she cheated on her husband for no reason and is now looking for someone to tell her its ok not to tell him so she can go on lieing to herself that its the right thing) so why do we have to dance around it?Its a bit mad really.

Enemy of Fate Until you are a moderator of Personal Issues, please leave moderating issues to the mods. If you feel that an incorrect decision has been made, please PM the mod(s) in question, or open a thread in the Feedback forum.

Whatever the OP is, we will not tolerate abuse in this forum.