Office romance - how to avoid it?

buttercup21

Ok this sounds stupid but its really getting to me. I’m engaged to a wonderful man whom I love with all my heart. Things are going well between us, we have had ups and downs and recently I’ve just been made redundant. Its added on pressure and we tend to go through bad patches.

This guy at work basically told me that he likes me, and sent me some strange emails like “lucky guy” ect. Ever since he’s done this everything has become weird, I’m awkward around him and we were friends but now I cant say anything, I basically feel guilty when I haven’t done anything wrong. Worst thing is that I see him every day, he sits almost next to me and every now and then has a cheeky grin. I don’t even want to be at work but have to finish my term. I cant avoid him as I have to work on certain things – how do I deal with this? Last night I could barely sleep, I’m stressed out.

LegacyUser

Approach or email him and explain that you are flattered but you would prefer it he stopped. If you need a reason (other than you are not interested) tell him he's interfering with your work.

Kimia

Why don't you email back and say 'I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend and I'm not interested but thanks'?

Just tell the guy straight out that you're not up for a work romance. Also tell your boyfriend - maybe ask his 'advice' on how to handle it? That should put out any fire before it starts.

Why is it such an issue?

LegacyUser

Save the emails and keep a diary of any comment that would be considered out of place in an office. Who knows it may even help you keep your job

buttercup21

Thanks for the advice, so far its escalated. I replied and said thanks, I'm sure he knows - trying to brush work dude off nicely - and the reply wasn't quite what I had in mind, as he replied via email "yup, you know what I mean...." so my reply was a lil different to the last one "not sure what to say but thanks". I've left it at that and now I get the glare, the strange smiles and its super awkward - he asked what I'm doing tonight - I said going home to my fiance, then he asked about lunch - which I'm working through. Arrrrr its like serious tension now. Even my boss has asked me about it, I have no idea what to do.

People are talking in the office, one of my mates even told me that he's been obsessed for a while - since he met me in December. I've even tried putting him off but its still an issue. Do I play it cool and just ask him why there is tension or what his problem is?

My fiance has serious trust issues (from previous relationships) and telling him will freak him out big time. I'm not interested in the work dude. I just want to finish up my contract & go but its so much harder now. I am trying everything to keep my distance.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

shellyboo

This thread is in the RI forum as well... super confusing

OP, seems like a total non-event to me. You're playing right into his hands by giving a crap what he says or does. Ignore him.

Nervous Wreck

If your boss has noticed, mention it to him again and tell him it's making you feel uncomfortable. The guy obviously isn't getting the hint and is being really inappropriate.

LegacyUser

If you've just been made redundant then isn't this is a very temporary thing?
I'm a bit confused

Taltos

Be clear with him - preferably in front of witnesses - or at least one person you trust - but you do need someone to witness this.

Tell him you are not interested and he needs to stop this behaviour immediately. Make it clear you are not interested in his unwelcome advances and if he persists you will have no option but to raise the issue with his manager and HR.

You could also have a quiet word with your boss as well - though they might be obligated to act on this information.

In this day and age no one should have to go through this.
A few yrs ago I was physically harassed by someone like this in work - in full view of their co-workers I threw a wobbly and declared they had to stop immediately or come with me to HR that minute.... (Kept calm though so I would not come across as a crazy person) - in my case I was so shocked that I reacted immediately though.
This worked for me - they never ever repeated that inappropriate behaviour again & apologied profusely. As I said - worked a treat.

Zaph

shellyboo wrote: »

This thread is in the RI forum as well... super confusing

I've merged the two threads and deleted a couple of posts that were duplicated.

OP, please don't start the same thread in more than one forum again, and leave the text formatting alone, the default font is fine as it is.

wylo

sounds like one of two things:

1: He's a bit a freaky strange type character that seems to borderline stalking you in work despite you sending a clear signal your not interested. Something that you should take a bit more seriously.

or

2: Your not telling us the whole story and he genuinely has reason to believe that its ok to act like that,e.g. your flirty with him, your smiling back at him, your replying to his emails in a nice inviting way.

LittleEve

I actually thought from the thread title that you were attracted to someone at work and were afraid of the repercussions (sp?)
As others have mentioned here, let him know that his behaviour is making u uncomfortable, especially as you only have a short period of time left there!

CDfm

Kimia wrote: »

Why don't you email back and say 'I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend and I'm not interested but thanks'?

You have done nothing wrong and should not be stressed at all.

I would tend to ignore them on unless they are explicit or OTT. You could be diplomatic and just email saying -you mistakenly emailed this to me and know it cant be for you because you are in a lovely relationship. That allows the guy to save face and a bit if dignity.

LegacyUser

Actually even the title of your post suggests that you feel obliged to respond to any attention that you receive from a man. You seem to think that knocking him back is not even an option. You are engaged, it is normal for you to reject any other advances. What is the worst that can happen - he will hate you or things will feel awkward? Come on OP! Things are already awkward, and you will be out of there in a matter of weeks presumably? Just act cold and non-responsive until he lets it go. You don't have to be nice to everyone in the world and you don't have to be liked by everyone you'll ever meet.

LegacyUser

Think your title should be creepy colleague, not asking how to avoid an office romance. If you had no interest in him, 'office romance' wouldn't even enter your head.

I have had a creepy stalky colleague before and it was horrendous, I hated being near him, I most certainly didn't encourage him in any way, I had to work for him, I couldn't avoid him but I very rarely made eye contact unless I really had to liaise with him.

Just tell him he is freaking you out and there is no chance you will ever see him as anything more than someone you see at work. My feeling is you are encouraging him, things are awkward anyway, I would sooner it be awkward because I have told him where to go rather than it being awkward because he is stalking a taken woman.

wexford202

If he is creepy I probably would tell your bf and say that you will sned all the emails to his email address so he can be secure in knowing that you have no interest and the next time the creep emails just send a reply of not interest and cc it to your own fella.

He sounds a bit weird so watch yourself.

sachamama

Unregistered wrote: »

Think your title should be creepy colleague, not asking how to avoid an office romance. If you had no interest in him, 'office romance' wouldn't even enter your head.

That's the question i want answered before anything else gets discussed.