No sex

LegacyUser

Hi Guys wanted some male opinions for this one.. been with my bf for a few years and well with our schedules we dont really see each other very often, therefore our sex life is not really the best.

Anyway the other day he was home and i had just arrived from work, when he said cmon lets " do the deed". I wasnt in the mood so i said no maybe later. He then proceeded to sulk- it has been eight days.

He is giving me the silent treatment, when he does talk hes very smart with me and just mean. After about 4 days , i had tried everything- being affectionate, trying to talk , was getting nothing. So i said look you have to tell me whats going on- and he says, well, i wont stop this until you say the words" i want to have s#x with you now".

I was a bit taken aback. I then said to him well, if your acting like a d#ckhead , how am i suppose to want it?? So it has been now eight days and we are going around in circles. he refuses to talk to me, and i refuse to say those words cause how am i supposed to get in the mood when he talks to me like a peice of crap? I left him a little note ( because we didnt see each other )yesterday to tell him this, and he hasnt responded .

Im at my wits end. The situation is unbearable. If hes home , when i arrive my heart just sinks- being trapped all evening with him there with a long face .

Sorry for the long post- so my question is, is this normal? Am i going about things the wrong way? and what should i do?

Thanks for reading this far and please please help!!!

king_of_inismac

The simple answer is just dump him!

At any stage has he considered your feelings, or what you want? And this has gone on for eight days!

You're much better off single. I don't know any guy who treats his g/f like that!
You deserve a hell of a lot better!

Ah for flips sake.
1.You've let this fester
2.Theres more to this that just turning down sex.
3.Not speaking or just being curt for a week? Thats childishness on his part and on yours for not nipping it in the bud with either an effort at understanding what his problem is and some compromise.
4.Can you not just take the bull by the horns and ask whats up honey? you should have done that 6 days ago
5.people who are in good relationships don't carry on like this.

Lastly why are you with this person?

Nervous Wreck

I was able to see his point up until:

Unregistered wrote: »

i had tried everything- being affectionate, trying to talk , was getting nothing.

I've sulked over not 'getting' sex with my exes before but, tbh, it wasn't about the sex, I just wanted a little affection (and some sex). Sulking for an hour after getting shot down is normal, I reckon. 8 days is ridiculous.


Also, SEX ain't a dirty word OP. There ain't no filter on it....

reprazant

I would say that there is more to this then just you not wanting to have sex with him that one time.

How often do you have sex?

If it has been a while, maybe he feels that you are no longer attracted to him and/or that you just don't want to have sex with him.

For a sulk like this, there has to be something else going on then just what has been said above. Or does he sulk often?



I also love that the first two responses were to dump him. These people have been going out for a number of years but forget that, just break up over one small arguement. Christ, some people must lead the perfect lives.

Joey the lips

Your just going through that patch! we all go through it. yes even about sex!

Sit him down and explain you just were not in the mood but your not going to be blackmailed. Just ask him how in the name of god your going to get excited by a sulking face!

I dont think he is being a [EMAIL="d@@khead"]d@@khead[/EMAIL] i just think he is being childish and tell him that.

But then acknowledge that its not happening often and your hopeing it will change but he is not helping!

I would not dump him yet! most decent relationships make it through these patches. Mine still goes through it. The first time i sulked now I just joke! its life!

LegacyUser

Hi guys, OP here and thanks for all the replies. I have tried speaking to him and telling him we're not getting anywhere as it is, but he just doesnt budge.

As i said in my post ive tried being affectionate, talking, telling him how i feel- telling him its impossible for me to have sex with him if he ignores me like that - everything really and he wont say anything back or talk about it!

I just dont know where to go from here cause he's not listening to anything im saying, and the longer it goes on the worse it gets.

I understand about bad patches, and thats all fair and well , we've all gone through them, but this is a bit more than a rough patch . I dont see how this is going to end if hes not willing to even talk about it.

Nightsky

I think he is not just asking for s*x but is asking you for confirmation of the feelings you first had for him.He wants to know you are still attracted to him and is obviously not too good about communicating his feelings.Either are you I suspect.The more this drags on it will destroy your relatonship.If its always him asking can you imagine how low he feels???

Pyr0

He's acting like a child who can't have ice cream after dinner.

Sure we've all had a little huff if you've been shot down while you're gagging for it but that only lasts for an hour or less. Sit him down and tell him how you feel about the whole situation. If he still insists on you having sex with him or he won't talk to you, dump him. He doesn't sound worth the hassle.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi guys, OP here and thanks for all the replies. I have tried speaking to him and telling him we're not getting anywhere as it is, but he just doesnt budge.

As i said in my post ive tried being affectionate, talking, telling him how i feel- telling him its impossible for me to have sex with him if he ignores me like that - everything really and he wont say anything back or talk about it!

I just dont know where to go from here cause he's not listening to anything im saying, and the longer it goes on the worse it gets.

I understand about bad patches, and thats all fair and well , we've all gone through them, but this is a bit more than a rough patch . I dont see how this is going to end if hes not willing to even talk about it.

Well in that case...

You're not married?
You don't have kids?
Everything as described above should be unacceptable?



Why are you with this person?

Obviously theres 3 sides to every story and thats in this case,yours,his and then the third which is the truth.

The truth is whats seen from the outside in ie a judgement on his side of the story and yours.
We can't do that as he has a side to this too and it could be as valid as yours it's just that you haven't heard it for some reason and obviously we haven't because you cant talk to one another it seems [thats not a relationship at all anymore that you have there by the way when it comes to that...] which leads me back to the question...

Why are you with this person?

bicardi19

Just shag him. problem solved!!
One of you has to give in at some stage.
Are you willing to break up over it.
Sometimes we just over analyze things!!

LegacyUser

OP here- Yes i wanted to go away for the weekend but concluded i would return sunday morning to find him with the long face again, and have to spend the whole day like that again - so what would that solve?

As for the previous poster's comment- " just shag him"- well, if he doesnt even want to talk to me, i dont know how that would work... especially if hes being so smart with me and mean with me

irishgrover

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

...... I just wanted a little affection (and some sex)....

my absolute favorite quote of the year so far

LegacyUser

I think one of the posters earlier hit the nail on the head...he's simply seeking confirmation that you still feel the way you did about him at the outset..he is however going about it all the wrong way...

You need to hint that if he doesnt change his mood you may dump him...this way he should hopefully see that if he doesnt buck up he will loose you...lay it on the line...

The words 'we're not making each other happy any more' should spur him into action (they did me recently :-( ) if not...he's not worth it ..

Best of luck

Joey the lips

Well then op if you have tried to talk you have done all you can. Just start going about your business like he is not there. Give it a while he should back down. When he does tell him thats fine you willing to forget but if you think he is going to treat you like this when he wants he can get lost.

But even then say your not going forward without talking.

If this does not work start looking for a house buyer! I am sorry but if this does not work he seems like a thick ****!

LegacyUser

have a huge fight.. then have make up sex

sometimes when the air is full of pressure you need a thunderstorm before the sun comes back..

it's obvious you have a few things to say to each other, haven't been connecting for a while 'cos of other commitments, work etc & neglecting attention on each other..

Blow it all up, say what you have to say but be careful not to punch below the belt.. it takes a while to recover from that!

Dardania

To carry on from Black Briars point about 2 other sides here - what's going on in his life at the moment? Is he going through a rough patch with friends or in work for example? I know that in my case, this can in manifest in me having a bad attitude towards my gf (since I realised this I try to cycle it out of me rather than drag her down)

If I might observe - you're looking at this solely from your perspective (and I beleive you do have major cause to be angry / pissed off here) but maybe there are other factors at work here causing him to behave like a dick?

O'Coonassa

Dardania wrote: »

maybe there are other factors at work here causing him to behave like a dick?

IMO it's his dick that is doing that all on it's own. OP you should give him some pr0n and a tissue and tell him to get it out of his system. If he's sexually frustrated there's no way he's going to climb down off his high horse.

bicardi19

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here- Yes i wanted to go away for the weekend but concluded i would return sunday morning to find him with the long face again, and have to spend the whole day like that again - so what would that solve?

As for the previous poster's comment- " just shag him"- well, if he doesnt even want to talk to me, i dont know how that would work... especially if hes being so smart with me and mean with me

I don't want to sound like I'm being harsh here but what do you want??
You don't want to have sex with him and you dont want to leave for a few days !! This is festerering away and its not going to fix itself. One of you has to be the bigger person and sort it out once and for all.
I'm not saying he is completley innocent in all this. I know youve said youve tried talking to him!! Men dont respond to talking like women do they'd much prefer to just do the deed!!
I heard on the radio this morning that a woman needs sex 200 times a year for a longer healthier life. So do it for your health.
I suppose it's all down to do you reallly want to stay with him and fix a relatively minor problem or just walk away.
(By the way i think it's only minor if there is not more underlying issues.)

Swashbuckler

I feel for you...firstly you have obviously have made a huge effort here and he's not responding. It seems though you are being the more mature one in the situation. You should know you were fully justified not sleeping with him. Just because you were not in the mood doesn't give him an excuse to sulk about it. That being said I would have some compassion for him. He's obviously very insecure and feels rejected. I would recommend talking to him but you've tried that without success..I guess you have to ask yourself why are you with this guy, do you see yourself with him in the long run and do his positives outweigh the negatives. The likelihood is he's not going to change so is this behaviour something you can put up with in the long run?

milod

The two key points here are:

Unregistered wrote: »

... been with my bf for a few years and well with our schedules we dont really see each other very often, therefore our sex life is not really the best.

...

...well, i wont stop this until you say the words" i want to have s#x with you now". I was a bit taken aback. I then said to him well, if your acting like a d#ckhead, how am i suppose to want it?? ...

So taking each point:

1. How did your sex life become "not the best"? You mention schedules, but in my experience a guy will find time to make love with his partner no matter how busy he is. So, perhaps he feels you priorities other activities above and beyond your love life? For example who usually refuses? has he been rebuffed more than a few times over the past while?

You asked for advice, so here it is, be honest with yourself and ask yourself why a lot of other stuff is allowed to get in the way of your love life?

2. On the other hand, he is dealing with this issue like a child. A frustrated child perhaps, but unless you can make him understand how completely off-putting his ultimatum is, there's no hope for your relationship. He doesn't seem to understand that a threat is not an enticing pre-requisite to making love. He doesn't seem to understand that most females approach lovemaking from a different angle - one that usually involves feeling comfortable, relaxed and loved. You need to think about whether this guy is actually worth explaining these concept to...

Madame Razz

^^^^ Milod ask an interesting question.

OP, do you turn him down often??

LegacyUser

OP here, lets just say with his work and mine we dont see each other during the week, maybe two or three weekends per month. Yes i do refuse him sometimes - he generally wants it when it suits him ie. when he gets home at 4 in the morning and i have to be up for 6 .

For example if he's home and im off to bed he wont follow me preferring to stay watching tv . But when he decides to come to bed really late , then he will want it- so whenever it suits him really.

I dont think he understands that sex isnt about clicking your fingers and saying "ok, now" ...

LegacyUser

It sounds like perhaps he puts a higher value on the sexual aspect of your relationship than you do, perhaps he had a more 'active' sexual aspect of previous relationships and wishes this one was more like that, but cares for how you feel and doesnt actually want to tell you this?

Having been a huffy bloke in the past, 8 days is a bit too much for a guy who has got the horn. P0rn would have kicked in long before now.

In my experience, i dont think dumping the guy is the way forward, its all well and good for people to say it but i'd imagine that you wouldnt be posting on here if it didnt mean much to you?

My g/f used to get in my face and kiss me lots until we stopped huffing, same the other way round, mabye force some affection onto him to break the ice and see how that goes?

good luck

Taltos

milod wrote: »

The two key points here are:



So taking each point:

1. How did your sex life become "not the best"? You mention schedules, but in my experience a guy will find time to make love with his partner no matter how busy he is. So, perhaps he feels you priorities other activities above and beyond your love life? For example who usually refuses? has he been rebuffed more than a few times over the past while?

You asked for advice, so here it is, be honest with yourself and ask yourself why a lot of other stuff is allowed to get in the way of your love life?

2. On the other hand, he is dealing with this issue like a child. A frustrated child perhaps, but unless you can make him understand how completely off-putting his ultimatum is, there's no hope for your relationship. He doesn't seem to understand that a threat is not an enticing pre-requisite to making love. He doesn't seem to understand that most females approach lovemaking from a different angle - one that usually involves feeling comfortable, relaxed and loved. You need to think about whether this guy is actually worth explaining these concept to...

+1
At the end of the day only you can know if this relationship is worth saving.
So for what it's worth - forget about spouting the crap he asked - just hop him later when he is least expecting it.

BUT - when you are done you both need to sit down and figure out what is going wrong here. Either your session will end up being the last of a dead relationship or it will be the start of a more open one. Be clear with him though - if he wants to act like a spoilt child go home to his mother...
Clearly there is something more going on here that either he is telling you or you are telling us - keep in mind maybe he has spoken to you about this - but you are not hearing him, failing that your telepathy must be failing...

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice guys, i think i have no choice but to take the last posters advice and jump on him when hes not expecting it and see how that goes! cause talking isnt working . I'm still p'eed off about his attitude so once hes more ..ahem..relaxed ;-) ill try to get down to the bottom of this, and let him know that kind of sulking is not on....i dont think i can put up with another session of that!

Swashbuckler

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks for all the advice guys, i think i have no choice but to take the last posters advice and jump on him when hes not expecting it and see how that goes! cause talking isnt working . I'm still p'eed off about his attitude so once hes more ..ahem..relaxed ;-) ill try to get down to the bottom of this, and let him know that kind of sulking is not on....i dont think i can put up with another session of that!

best of luck!!

SheRa

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks for all the advice guys, i think i have no choice but to take the last posters advice and jump on him when hes not expecting it and see how that goes! cause talking isnt working . I'm still p'eed off about his attitude so once hes more ..ahem..relaxed ;-) ill try to get down to the bottom of this, and let him know that kind of sulking is not on....i dont think i can put up with another session of that!

You know whats best OP, but if you jump on him are you not just rewarding his childish behaviour?

Dardania

SheRa wrote: »

You know whats best OP, but if you jump on him are you not just rewarding his childish behaviour?

not totally - she's being the mature one by ending a standoff, calling the shots, and if she's smart - she's attaching conditions beforehand/during (ie if you want this ever again we're having serious talk about your childlike sulk)

Salome

SheRa wrote: »

You know whats best OP, but if you jump on him are you not just rewarding his childish behaviour?

+1

I can kinda see your bf's point in a way though - men don't like getting turned down too often. It's all about compromise though - would it kill you to have a quickie at 4am sometimes?

zoey

Taltos wrote: »

just hop him later when he is least expecting it.

BUT - when you are done you both need to sit down and figure out what is going wrong here.

oh my god are you guys for real?

OP you should not let a man blackmail you into having sex with him!
Why would you allow someone to treat you like sh1t for over a week, someone who is supposed to love you and then reward him for it!
I think the talk should come before the sex, how can ypu have a seven year relationship without communication?!

LegacyUser

Guys, its either that or continue on as it is!! i dont see another solution!

Jumpy

To the militant women posting on this thread.

He is not a dog. So this "dont reward him for being bad" crud is not exactly appropriate.
Relationships dont work on "who wins".
Also dont be daft, he is doing this for 8 days, there is a bit more of a problem here than him being simply childish.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Guys, its either that or continue on as it is!! i dont see another solution!

I do - tell him to f* off and you leave the place to stay in your friends'/parents' for a few nights to get some perspective away from the situation. Do NOT let a man blackmail you into having sex.

bicardi19

To all the women that are making it out to be a blackmail thing and immediatley say leave him leave him.... Have you ever being in a long term relationship and I mean long term as in living with a person for over 5 years. Issues like this come up and you don't just go running out the door you deal with it. Yes her o/h has probably dealt with this the wrong way but she has admitted she has turned him down a few times in the past. How would a woman feel if she was constantly getting turned down for sex. There is only so much rejection he can take.
sex is a fundamental part of a relationship!! Leaving is not always the answer hes huffing cause he wants sex, is that really so bad?. Its not like hes beating her around the place. And to the OP if it makes you feel any better if my husband doesnt get it he has a big long face on him til he does get it. And I know for a fact its not just my O/H cause all my friends say it about their partners to!!
No offence to the male species but getting laid is way up there on their list of priorities!!

bicardi19

zoey wrote: »

oh my god are you guys for real?

OP you should not let a man blackmail you into having sex with him!
Why would you allow someone to treat you like sh1t for over a week, someone who is supposed to love you and then reward him for it!
I think the talk should come before the sex, how can ypu have a seven year relationship without communication?!

They obviously do generally have good enough communication to last 7 years. This is a blip o the radar every couple goes through it at some stage!!
It generally goes like this
Him: I need more sex
Her: oh I'm tired not tonight
Him: Your never in the mood
Its actually the thought of sex when your tired thats the worst when you actually get down to it you wonder god we should do this more often!!;)

Miss Fluff

I think you're both at fault.

You've refused him on a number of occasions (people can get horny at different times, so you have to compromise) so he was trying to catch you at what he was hoping may be a "good" time for you and youb said "maybe later". Would the later have actually materialised if he hadn't had such a huff?

I think he is handling this apallingly and being very childish about it (I don't think I'd be feeling particularly amorous if a lover was behaving like a petulant child!) but he is obviously at the end of his tether. I don't think "hopping" on him will solve anything either, this will only happen again. You need to sit down, reassure each other that you do still fancy the pants off one another (that's if you actually do - time for some thinking) and agree that you BOTH are going to set aside time for some bedroom antics.

Oh The Humanity

I think there is fault on both sides as well.

The attitude that one person in the relaionship is in charge of when sex is had is at the core of this.

You were irritated when he wanted to dictate when it happened (in the middle of the night after he had watched telly and missed the more convenient window earlier in the evening)

And he is beyond irritated that you are the one who he believes holds all the cards as to when sex occurs. As in, he approaches/initiates.....you reject or accept.....

I think he may have snapped somehow here, rejection IS hard. And it makes you resent the other person and feel powerless and reluctant to make any kind of effort to communicate with them.

So to re-balance the power back in his favour he has now rejected you. Its tit for tat, not right but just giving you and insight. He is hurt and he wants to punish you.

You would like him to be more considerate with his timing of sex and also to be a better listener.

Maybe he would like you to be more spontaneous and straightforward. Whats the harm in responding to him at 4am the odd time, it will give you a lot more credibility if you want to negotiate doing it your way or at other times.

You wont see his way because he wont see your way....its a vicious circle. He wont listen to you to punish you because he might feel its the only weapon he has.

In relationships you will have to meet your partner halfway. If there is a disparity in libido or style then you have to do it his way half the time and he has to do it your way half the time.

Have you been withholding sex to punish him for coming to bed late or not approaching you in quite the exact right way?

Be honest now?

If so, then this is a habit and attitude that needs to be broken, and also you need to aknowledge this to him. That might break the deadlock here.

Of course maybe he is just pigheaded and silly and childish, but maybe not.

He might just be upset, rejected, frustrated and unable to articulate all this properly. His emotions could be like a maelstrom inside him at present. A little compromise from you could help him begin to communicate properly again.

I dont like this talk that he is just a sulking animal who should be punished or rewarded for being a good or bad boy. That attitude in my opinion only exacerbates the situation.

October_Phoenix

Too be honest it sounds to me like he is looking for a way out of your your relationship! He sounds like he really doesnt have the backbone to break up with you and is basically waiting for you to do it for him. The more he carries on acting like a bastard the more you will get fed up and just leave him. So he doesnt have do the dirty work. Thats pretty much how me and my girl split. Except it was her acting like a bastard for no reason at all. Except I loved her so much that no matter how mean she got I still didnt break it off with her until she was resigned to doin it herself in the end! All I can say pet is that it sounds like the beginning of the end for you guys. Hate to be harsh about it but thats life!

Hman09

In my personal experience, being in the same situation as he, I find that when I open myself up and then get shot down, its hard to open up again.

I honestly think he feels unloved. He may be a guy but we need to feel the love too. Many a times i've gone on in a huff, a day at most, 8days is a bit OTT. Is he a stubborn person? We stubborn blokes need a bit more care then most guys, takes alot longer to open up.

But really, they way he was saying he wants sex is not on, no girl should have to do it just cause the guy says so. If your tired, your tired. With me with my ex if I was tired id do it anyway to keep her happy. But if he went a different way about it like messing around for a while, tiredness shouldnt stop you. Getting excited and having sex releases chemicals to make you run a mile no matter how tired you are. You may feel tired before hand, but during you would be thinking differently.

I do believe its all about compromise between two partners at the end of the day.

I think you should sit him down and talk about it, before its too late...

LegacyUser

Hi guys i just want to set the record straight, im not refusing him constantly that he feels rejected, i think if that was the case i wouldve figured it out... - for the amount of time we are actually together we do take advantage of that often- and i have made the effort at 4 in the morning etc..so thats why its confusing really...

zoey

bicardi19 wrote: »

To all the women that are making it out to be a blackmail thing and immediatley say leave him leave him.... Have you ever being in a long term relationship and I mean long term as in living with a person for over 5 years. Issues like this come up and you don't just go running out the door you deal with it. Yes her o/h has probably dealt with this the wrong way but she has admitted she has turned him down a few times in the past.

The OP was trying to "deal with it" through talking. As you said yourself he is dealing with this the wrong way- like a spoilt brat, his way or no way!

bicardi19 wrote: »

Leaving is not always the answer hes huffing cause he wants sex, is that really so bad?.

I agree leaving is not always the answer but there is not a chance I would stay with someone who cannot communicate like a grown man!

bicardi19 wrote: »

Its not like hes beating her around the place.

Ignoring someone, being mean to them and leaving them feeling that they have no option for reconsiliation other than having sex- I view that as emotional abuse! No woman or man should put up with abuse- physical or emotional.

pdaly92

trying to save a relationship is the hardest thing sometimes, i find myself in a similar situation, and now question whether I still infact feel the same way about this girl. (partners dont make it easy at times do they!)Things im considering are a)does she still make me as happy as she used to, b) are things ever going to changeI cant believe that he's being so child like about it, and in some ways pushing the blame onto you! Exactly right with how are you supposed to want him if he's being an idiot! Cant tell you that pressuring you into saying a pre-determined line is going to make you feel sexy is it! I can certainly tell you that "lets do the deed" wouldnt exactly put me in the mood either!!mmm! Toughy! good luck with it though!

gabbygirlgavin

O/P
Repeat after me.
"I want to have sex with you."
Now say it to your b/f.
Sex is how guys show that they love you. its instinct. Say it, show it, get some and then get over it huni! boys are wierd, but my ex was the same. sex was the ultimate act of love to him, he said it himself. sayin it is one thing, showin it means so much more.

loismustdie

regardless to any of your sexual histories or ANYTHING ELSE, who is right or who is wrong, what he is odin now is bullying and blackmail even though he may not want to be, you give in now and you are rewarding his behavour. the issue is not with the sex anymore.tell him you will not negotiate with terrorists and until he is willing to show you some respect he can sulk all he wants. fill your life with things you'v been meanin to get around to like research, books, holidays, catching up with friends. this has gone on so long now you cannot let him win, i normally wouldnt be thinkin like this but he's prolonged it so long you'v no choice or he will consider this the thing to do that works

LegacyUser

So his basic plan is to bully you into sex? And if you do give in, as someone suggested, what would that go like? would he happily work away with you desperately unhappy about it? How long has it been? I would consider a week or two reasonable at this stage in a relationship, anymore and I would see it as a problem. If you in fact have very different sex drives there is a serious issue here that you need to address.

Personally a man that would have sex happily with any obviously unwilling participant is not someone that bodes well for my future you need to think about this man. What will he do if he can`t get his needs met at home?

Broad

Hmm. Presume from your original post that no-one is ill or injured, nor that you have recently had a baby. If this is how they react to you not feeling like being woken up in the middle of the night to have sex when everything else is otherwise fine than really they need a wake up call. If this is how they react to you not feeling like having sex now how will they react in the case of pregnancy and new baby or sickness? It sounds like they are desperately immature and are just led around by their sex drive. Sex is really really important in a relationship, but not to the point where it over-rides everything else. Loyalty, fidelity, companionship, patience and kindness are all equally important and all of these come into play particularly when a relationship's sexlife is in a quiet spot as every relationship's will be from time to time. Nothing is more off-putting than a sulking, petulant and non-communicative partner of whichever gender. The last person you want to have sex with.
Any decent person won't want to have sex with someone who is "making an effort" or "compromising" to the degree where they are not actually interested but doing it anyway.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that sex doesn't matter, it matters hugely. And you may have to get your head back into having sex with them IF YOU KNOW THE RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH IT. But not until you want to, and until they understand that you don't have to have sex with them til you feel like it and they accept this. Maybe you need to be treated decently and with respect before you will feel like having sex again.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

From a man's view. Married 15 years. I initiate sex 99% of the time. I probably get the brush off 50% of the time. Deeply frustrating. A couple of months ago I thought H*** this and now I don't initiate anything because I was fed up of being rejected. Now no sex at all. I know this will not solve the situation but I at least feel this way that if I am unhappy at least I am somewhat in control.

loismustdie

gabbygirlgavin wrote: »

O/P
Repeat after me.
"I want to have sex with you."
Now say it to your b/f.
Sex is how guys show that they love you. its instinct. Say it, show it, get some and then get over it huni! boys are wierd, but my ex was the same. sex was the ultimate act of love to him, he said it himself. sayin it is one thing, showin it means so much more.

i dont think i can really say what im thinkin here without gettin banned and no offence to gabby girl, but sex is not the way to show you love someone makin it more meaningful, respect and decency is, please ignore this advice and any like it op. what would your mother tell you to do here? what would you advise someone to do?

LegacyUser

It is simple really.

This guy wants out of your relationship and he is going to use this "no sex /fight" as a break up exit.

Never let anyone blackmail you.They do it once they will do it again.

Turn the tables on him and suggest you break up..?

Dave147

I think he's gone a bit OTT, I've sulked with my GF over her refusal to have sex, it's ego bruising to say the least, but it never even lasted an hour, I love her to bits and while sex is important it's not the most important thing, although I do need it - not everyday. Also I can't emphasise enough how important and great it is when women initiate sex, last time I had sex she initiated it, I had been ignoring my animal instincts for 2 days because she refused me sex, so I played around with her last weekend when she wanted it but obviously gave in after awhile. It's all about sacrifice! :P

You really need to rethink this relationship - 8 days is ridiculous and if you're in a serious relationship it's dangerous. Good luck hopefully he'll come around, apologise and your sex life gets better