My sister's unpleasant situation

popecatapetal

My little sister is almost sixteen, and has been going out with a boy she met at a summer camp two years ago for about a year and a half. She lives at home with my parents in Limerick, and he lives up in Achill island. She's seen him twice in the whole time they've been going out, once at the same summer camp the next year, and once when his brother had to come to Limerick to do a test.

My sister's really upset at the moment, cos his parents have forbidden him to go to the same summer course this year. They say it's 'too expensive', but they went over to America at easter, first class, and they'll pay for him to go to any other summer camp. When they told him this, he started doing gigs in their local pub and sending short stories in to competitions, and he raised enough money to pay for the course himself, but they still won't let him go. They say he has to save the money for college.

They also won't let him come down for my sister's birthday party - my mum's arranging a sleep over for a load of my sister's friends, boys and girls. She and my dad and myself are going to chaperone it quite closely, and we've told the boyfriend's mum this, but she still won't let him come down.

My mum has asked his mother if there's any weekend this summer that they'll be free, so that she could bring my sister up to see him for a few days, but his mother says they're busy every weekend. She said the same thing last year, but the boyfriend says they actually weren't doing anything most weekends...

Apologies for the length, but I just really want to help my sister. She's been pretty sad lately, cos his parents keep confiscating his mobile phone and not allowing him to talk to her, and now it seems like she won't get to see him at all this summer, which she was really counting on...

maxwell smart

Looks to me like they don't want your sister to see their son. Maybe they think he should "knuckle down" and get ready for the leaving or some such?

coadyj

Well clearly the boys mother has a problem with the relationship between this boy and your sister, unfortunately that's life, the person that need to be reasoned with it the boys mother, and it can be very difficult to reason with someone like that, its a shame that pure ignorance can rarely be resolved


maybe the boys mother should watch this film

Oh The Humanity

I'd tell her to give this up as a lost cause. She's still 15 and maybe his parents are terrified he might 'get her into trouble' or something. Not sure but for some reason they are dead against it.

I'd say he is forbidden to see her and he just hasn't had the heart to admit it to her. The poor thing pining away, can you gently explain the situation to her.

She is so young she is probably just living excuse to excuse and may not be able to see the pattern.

star-pants

Aye,
I'm afraid it sounds like they're telling him he can't see her. If they're going to this length to brush her/your family off, changing where is course is, confiscating his mobile phone, I doubt they're going to change their mind anytime soon. I feel sorry for your sister but there's nothing you can really do. You could try and gently explain to her the situation maybe see if she can understand somewhat.

Is this boy much older than her? You say he's doing gigs etc. Maybe it is a case that the parents/mother feels she's too young for him / afraid something might happen.

coadyj

I have a cunning plan.......

why doesn't the boy get the mother to book him into whatever summer school / Irish college she wants to, then get the boy to tell your sister which one he is going to, then get your sister to go there

problem solved...

(oh but do it on the sly)

popecatapetal

No, he's only a couple of months older than her. He is just finishing fifth year, so it could be that his parents want him to concentrate on his studies, but he's pretty smart - the course they met in is <snip>. Hopefully once he's off at university, they won't be able to control him so much, and she'll get to see him more. There isn't really much we can do to discourage her at this stage, cos the way his mother's been acting, it's just driving them closer together.

Nothingcompares

his parents sound a bit mental, they do live on an island. i find this all very depressing, time for some trips undercover..

popecatapetal

coadyj wrote: »

why doesn't the boy get the mother to book him into whatever summer school / Irish college she wants to, then get the boy to tell your sister which one he is going to, then get your sister to go there (oh but do it on the sly)

I've suggested things like that to my mum, but she says we can't go against what his mother is saying too much, or we'll just piss her off even more and make her more antagonistic about the situation.

coadyj

popecatapetal wrote: »

I've suggested things like that to my mum, but she says we can't go against what his mother is saying too much, or we'll just piss her off even more and make her more antagonistic about the situation.

As i said, do it on the sly. it sounds to me like the mother is a lunatic, who wouldn't want their son to be in a nice young relationship, especially a long distance one.

Zeeta

I think you are giving way too many details about the situation on this public forum making either of these people very easy to identify....

coadyj

Zeeta wrote: »

I think you are giving way too many details about the situation on this public forum making either of these people very easy to identify....

Are you serious???

dudara

Actually, he has a point. There can't be many people living on Achill Island who have a son who went to that course.

I'll edit out the name of the course, to provide some privacy.

dudara

Gyalist

Surely I can't be the only one puzzled as to the close involvement of you and your mother in a teenage romance. What gives?

smileykey

God, you'd think it would be every parent's dream - their teenager being in a long distant relationship. They'll be less physical contact than if it were a girl in the same school and therefore less chance of "a mistake". Also it shows that they have feelings for each other and it isn't only a means to test out their new and changing bodies. Some people eh?

If this is driving them closer together then I'd watch out and make sure your sister doesn't elope. They seem pretty determined to stay together and if his parent's don't cop on they might see this as their only option.

popecatapetal

Sorry about the over-sharing of details, I didn't mean to compromise anyone's privacy. I just want my sister to be happy, and at the moment, she's a bit upset that she hasn't seen him for almost a year. I was in a long distance relationship a few years ago, and it was hard, but at least we got to see each other occasionally. I just want to help her be happy...

Reflector

popecatapetal wrote: »

When they told him this, he started doing gigs in their local pub and sending short stories in to competitions, and he raised enough money to pay for the course himself, but they still won't let him go. They say he has to save the money for college.

Is this a plot to a disney movie out next fall

Lucy Lu

Please refrain from unhelpfull and off topic comments.

Lucy.

chrisp2281

She's only 16. She shouldn't be tioed down to a long distance relationship anyway that can be dictated by his parents. Let's face it, the chances of this working out are pretty slim. They should call it a day and she should enjoy being a teenager. I was in a longterm relation ship when I was her age and I wished I could ahve just done what all my firends were doing.

On the other hand, he could just be a coward and using his parents as an excuse to blow her off

Nevyn

No you tube links please.

00112984

Unfortunately, a 16 year old is still a minor and what the boy's parents say goes. If he and your sister have made a go of it this long, maybe in another year or so, they'll be in a better position to decide what to do themselves in terms of driving up and down to see eachother etc.

It's an unusual situation- if it was the other way around with a mother being overly protective of her daughter, that'd be more common.

Lollipops23

his parents sound like complete dipshíts tbh. if they were against their son getting in a r/ship so young then they never should have let it develop. now it's going to be so much harder for them to let go.

However, i have to wonder if a teenybopper romance is worth all the hassle?may sound harsh but really how many people meet the love of their life at 14/15?(bar the odd lucky few) even if they manage to keep the r/ship going somehow,his parents have taken against your lil sis in a bad way so it'll make it even more difficult to continue.

Perhaps your sis should let go and learn a crappy life lesson?it's a pity she'd have to so young though. Really, a sweet teen romance is quite cute and harmless and it's foolish of any parent to "forbid" it.

Kipperhell

I have had friends who had long term relationships from their youth and only one lasted at present. Parents tend to be looking at the long term view and long distance relationships will literally stifle a young persons growth. It allows a magical and mythical path of love which is truly not the case as relationships are much more than love and require hard work.

The break up of a long term relationship from youth is absolutely devastating and has much longer term effects. You need time to make mistakes and learn. If you never learn in your youth you may have great difficulty later on.

It sounds like the parents were trying to put obstacles up to let the relationship die out on its own rather than get involved but they now are in outright conflict. Ultimately they are looking out for their son and your sister whether you believe it or not. It is also their choice

It think you should read this thread to understand how long term relationships can really effect somebody. I would say being equipped to deal with a break up from her youth would help a lot

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055556988

chrisp2281

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Perhaps your sis should let go and learn a crappy life lesson?it's a pity she'd have to so young though. Really, a sweet teen romance is quite cute and harmless and it's foolish of any parent to "forbid" it.

Let's remember that for the most part, these teenage relationships are not cute and innocent and maybe it is a case of his parents not wanting him involved in a relationship that will lead to sex at a young age. We've all been there and the pressure can be immense

Communicator

Has nobody else picked up on the first comments of the OP which are that his sister has seen this fella TWICE in a year and a half?

It's hardly a relationship??? Seriously, they are 15/16 and have seen each other twice?

Unless of course things have changed dramatically since I was that age!

Lollipops23

chrisp2281 wrote: »

Let's remember that for the most part, these teenage relationships are not cute and innocent and maybe it is a case of his parents not wanting him involved in a relationship that will lead to sex at a young age. We've all been there and the pressure can be immense

then surely it's better they're in a long distance r/ship and rarely seeing eachother than a r/ship where they could have tons of chances to get it on!

Nichololas

Communicator wrote: »

Unless of course things have changed dramatically since I was that age!

You mean, like the internet?

Communicator

Well, with all due respect to the wonders of the internet, surely it's not a relationship having met twice in 18 months and being the age they are? Or am I missing something...??

popecatapetal

They talk to each other almost constantly - free meteor texts are a godsend to long distance relationships! Because of this, though, they're not in a place where they'll even think of breaking up. I'm also quite sympathetic to their situation, cos I've been going out with my fella for nearly five years, since I was only a little older than they were when they met, and we had to do the long distance thing too, so I'm hoping that it'll work out for them too! (at first my mum blamed me for setting a bad example:o)