Low sex drive causing issues - what to do?

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Myself [male] and my boyfriend have been going out over a year now, and we get on fantastically well, a really good match. I'm really happy. However, he has some self-confidence issues, and if we don't see each other for a while he gets really down.

The latest problem is that I've been sick the past two months, and my sex drive has dropped to almost nothing. We don't have sex very often these days because of that. I was hoping he wouldn't notice and we could climb back out of the rut once I get better, but he was in a bad mood yesterday, and I texted him to ask what was up, and he said that he can't help but take it personally that we don't have sex anymore.

Now, I'm as attracted to him as I've ever been, and I love him to bits. And I totally understand where he's coming from; I'd be the same. But I don't really know what to do here. We've talked about it, and I've told him all of the above, but it's a really difficult subject for me. I feel incredibly self-conscious even talking about it, and every time he goes to initiate sex I feel really **** and ashamed, even though I know I shouldn't.

The second problem is, I'm not sure how soon I'll be better [I have post-viral fatigue]. I'm thinking about breaking up with him, because if I'm not getting better [and thus, neither is our sex life], our relationship is just going to die anyway.

What the hell do I do?

Stheno

Sex aside, are you still a physically affectionate couple?

Also given that you have post viral fatigue (which I've had, and know how awful it can be) would things like being massaged help?

Everyone imo goes through phases where sex is less important or just downright unwanted for various reasons in their lives, but it's important to keep up physical contact none the less.

silverwater

He just wants to know he's still attractive to you.
Perhaps your sex drive is down, but show him in some way that you still find him attractive, even if it is just for him. Any one sign would help him get back on track.

Nervous Wreck

nouggatti wrote: »

Sex aside, are you still a physically affectionate couple?

Also given that you have post viral fatigue (which I've had, and know how awful it can be) would things like being massaged help?

Everyone imo goes through phases where sex is less important or just downright unwanted for various reasons in their lives, but it's important to keep up physical contact none the less.

Agreed.

OP, I've been on your BF's side of things with exes before and tbh, I would've felt an awful lot better with a nice affectionate hug....

Miss Fluff

I'm not being dismissive as I genuinely don't understand how post viral fatigue affects a person but surely you can still have sex on the proviso that it's not as vigorous as energetic as usual? If you fancy him like mad couldn't you merely say it to him that it may be a case of you not being as lively as usual but that you are still mad about him and still want to do it but he'll have to do most of the work until you are feeling 100% again?

By that I literally mean a long slow comfortable screw as it were:)

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I'm not being dismissive as I genuinely don't understand how post viral fatigue affects a person but surely you can still have sex on the proviso that it's not as vigorous as energetic as usual? If you fancy him like mad couldn't you merely say it to him that it may be a case of you not being as lively as usual but that you are still mad about him and still want to do it but he'll have to do most of the work until you are feeling 100% again?

By that I literally mean a long slow comfortable screw as it were:)

Having suffered from Post Viral Fatigue I completely understand the OPs situation.

Imagine waking up in the morning and just wanting to fall back asleep... you do and you wake up two hours later and you just want to keep sleeping...

You can barely hold conversations, concentrate enough to read and can do nothing physical..... your limbs are heavy and it tires you out just moving around.

The last thing you really want is someone f*cking you while you lie there passively.

OP, best of luck with getting over it... your body will recover - took me mine about 6-8 weeks to get through it.

Micky Dolenz

Very important to make time for sweet love. When my partner and I have a dip we make sure to make the effort. Sex is great like that, you may be slow to start but it's not long before ye both get into it.

Make time and the mojo will return.