"Sexting"

LegacyUser

I have a 18-yr-old daughter & 13-yr-old son. Their father and I are Legally Separated and I have custody of my son, but his father gets to have him two days a week for visits. He does not have rights over my daughter anymore ever since she turned 18.

My daughter is doing her Leaving Cert this year and she is now in the final weeks of studying. She is ambitious and wants to do Law at University so she is going for top points. My son is due to start Secondary School this autumn.

For Christmas my son's father bought him a new Dell Laptop with O2 Wireless Broadband. Before this I had a policy of No Internet in the House but I didn't want to deprive my son of his Christmas present that he was excited about. So I let him use it and it has been ok so far, just the usual stuff with BEBO and watching YOUTUBE videos.

Over the past few weeks he had been very secretive about keeping the Laptop up in his room so I knew something was up. I looked through it this morning and was sickened to find pictures of a girl in his class that she sent to him through a Web Cam. In some of them she is clothed or wearing Pyjamas. In others she is wearing a bra or holding her hands over her chest but and in some of them she is completely topless. I also looked through his Mobile and found more pictures of the same girl taking pictures of herself in her bedroom mirror. In some of these she is also topless and in one of them she is naked. She will be 13 next month and it left me completely sickened to see these. I am also very worried

I am only in my early 40s and I have seen a programme on TV and read magazine articles about teens and Sexting so I am not so clueless not to realise the kinds of things that go on today. But I am completely shocked and upset to find my son at it. He is not the kind of boy you would think would be doing this. I just don't know what to do. We are still going through Legal Proceedings in Court because their father wants increased access to my son and I am worried this will be used against me by his Solicitor if anybody finds out. I am worried about havign these images in the house because they are of an underaged girl and could be said to be Child Pornorgraphy but I am also worried about a huge row blowing up over this just when my daughter is just about to do her Leaving Cert.

To make things worse, the girl in question is the daughter of one of my husband's friends and I have not been speaking to him or his wife for several years because they took his side when we split up. They have ignored me when they see me at the shops. So it isn't like I can just phone up her mother and try to sort things out.

My head is all in a muddle and I would appreciate some good advice please. Thank you

Overheal

"We are still going through Legal Proceedings in Court because their father wants increased access to my son and I am worried this will be used against me by his Solicitor if anybody finds out. I am worried about havign these images in the house because they are of an underaged girl and could be said to be Child Pornorgraphy but I am also worried about a huge row blowing up over this just when my daughter is just about to do her Leaving Cert.

To make things worse, the girl in question is the daughter of one of my husband's friends and I have not been speaking to him or his wife for several years because they took his side when we split up. They have ignored me when they see me at the shops. So it isn't like I can just phone up her mother and try to sort things out."

Now hang on. How can this be used against you?

- His dad got him the laptop.
- The girl is associated with the father.
- Your child has no right to that kind of privacy

Next? Confiscate the laptop. Go to your solicitor. This will gravely work against your ex-husband's rights to custody. Far outweighs taking possession of a laptop that his dad gave him.

I don't see why this whould be used by either the OP or her husband in order to try and gain more/less access of their son. The dad bought his son a nice gift and to blame him for the subsequent actions of the son is wrong.

OP, you should sit down with your son and talk about the images. Tell him that what he is doing is wrong and that he has to stop. Oerhaos rather than confiscating the laptop put a rule in place where he can only use it in your presence and only for a set amount of time each day.

Jumpy

Talk to your son, tell him calmly that he should not be doing what he is doing. Explain the morality and illegality of it and confiscate the laptop temporarily as a punishment, but dont even think about using him as a legal weapon to get custody, that would make you a far more disgusting person than anything that is on his computer right now.

RedXIV

Overheal wrote: »

Now hang on. How can this be used against you?

- His dad got him the laptop.
- The girl is associated with the father.
- Your child has no right to that kind of privacy

Next? Confiscate the laptop. Go to your solicitor. This will gravely work against your ex-husband's rights to custody. Far outweighs taking possession of a laptop that his dad gave him.

If you think you can get away with that, you might want to scare him a bit too. tell him your internet goes through a "proxy" you have access to and anything flagged as mature content is brought to your attention. There's software like Net Nanny which will completely block mature content, the only problem being it can't control images sent via webcam.

But most of this will only work if he's not big into technology.

Also, i completely agree with Overheal on his points

LegacyUser

I think it's very important that you contact this girl's parents, despite any bad feeling. If God forbid she's sending these images of herself to anyone else on the internet she could be putting herself in huge risk. Both she and your son need to know the gravity of what they are doing at such a young age. Her parents, unless totally unreasonable, will appreciate knowing what their child is doing.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Taltos

I also think you have a duty to let her parents know.

You can also implement - "internet is fine in the house but only supervised" - ie in the kitchen with you. A mate in work has his home PC in the living room - kids being kids will get into everything if you let em
Years ago he was horrified when his 8yr old daughter came crying to him after doing a search for Boys Own - think you can imagine what she hit.

But maybe first seek the advice of your solicitor - use his guidance on how to raise this with the father - and also with the other parents. They will probably find a way to blame you as your son is older, but they do have a responsibility to their own daughter. If these images are found first in the school though it will get messy fast - so don't get caught out here. I am unsure but the school might be obligated to get the gardai involved.

When you have been advised on how to proceed a sit down chat with your son would be a good idea as well on respecting others. If you handle all of this correctly and carefullly there is no reason it should explode to impact your daughter.

the_syco

Confiscate the laptop, delete all the images, and then make new rule: laptop can only be used when you're there, and only in the kitchen.

Let him know that he'll get charged for statutory rape if he tries to get it on with his girlfriend. Also have a stern word with him.

LegacyUser

Don't worry about the ins or outs of this or how it wiil play out in the long run.. about who sided with who or anything..

Do what you are supposed to do.. and ring that mother and tell her her little girl is sending naked pictures out online.. like right now! go do it.. no disagreement should get in the way of protecting peoples children

Delete the images & deal with your son in whatever way you think best, talk to him & take away his internet access a while..

The reccomendation is that a kid is only allowed on in a room where you are present, and with the screen out towards the room, not tucked away in the corner / on the couch..

This won't affect your custody if you've got a clean history, sh!t happens with kids, it's how you deal with it that counts

Overheal

You might be on bad terms with your husband and this girl's parents but I think both of them have a right to know - your Husband is still a parent and while he is visiting him its his onus to keep an eye out for this kind of destructive behavior. Similarly her parents need to deal with her... exhibitionism.

@ Net Nannies: Nothing is foolproof. Theres always a security hole, and these kids will find it because theyre intelligent and if they want something bad enough they will find a way. +1 to Adult supervision of laptop time. Similarly if caught enough times, kids quickly learn how to cover their tracks by cleaning their Internet History/Temp Files/Cookies.

While the laptop is in your home (I'd suggest this to the husband too) you can lock access to areas of your choice with a Laptop Security Cable - Every PC vendor will carry these and any laptop bought in the last 2-3 years will support them, and they can be locked with a round-key which is harder to duplicate than a normal key (dont get a combo lock). You can tether the laptop to the kitchen/living room this way. The last place you want your son having a laptop is in a bedroom or a playroom or a bathroom where there is little or no supervision.

JuliusCaesar

Worried Mother wrote: »

I looked through it this morning and was sickened to find pictures of a girl in his class that she sent to him through a Web Cam.

Please consider going to the school about this. They can organise a teaching session around the topic without naming names.

You could also discuss it with NEPS - the national educational psychology service.

Taltos

Unregistered wrote: »

Do what you are supposed to do..

Really like this one...
Makes perfect sense to me, how better to prove you are a fit mother than being able to deal with a sensitive issue like this

Maybe also restrict his priviliges for a while as well - remember they are not rights but are priviliges - they have to be earned back. Go soft on him now and he will walk all over you - gawd knows what you will find next time.

dudara

Put the acrimony aside for a while and contact this girl's parents. They need to know what she is up to. Then you will need to deal with your son, as you see fit. It might be best if you and your ex-husband could present a unified front on this. That should impress upon him the seriousness of it all.

I wouldn't attribute any blame to his father. I doubt that he'll be happy to find this stuff going on. (we all expect young boys to look at porn, but naked photos between young teenagers indicates a disturbing awareness of sexuality).

aare

Ok...he is a 13 year old boy...it's his job to see as much of the girls he knows naked as possible...it means *he* is totally normal.

You are his mom, it's your job to flip out...that means *you* are normal.

This girl is a female train wreck postulant to be sending out pictures like that...

There is an option you might want mto think very carefully about, and even discuss with your solicitor - you could put the onus back on to his father.

He bought the laptop (as a well intentioned "work around" of your wishes) and it is HIS friend's daughter who is sending out these pictures.

O'Coonassa

Jaysis, poor kids.

Overheal

aare wrote: »

Ok...he is a 13 year old boy...it's his job to see as much of the girls he knows naked as possible...it means *he* is totally normal.

You are his mom, it's your job to flip out...that means *you* are normal.

This girl is a female train wreck postulant to be sending out pictures like that...

There is an option you might want mto think very carefully about, and even discuss with your solicitor - you could put the onus back on to his father.

He bought the laptop (as a well intentioned "work around" of your wishes) and it is HIS friend's daughter who is sending out these pictures.

You can't dismiss blame on her boy though. That girl wouldnt just rip her clothes off on a webcam unless he put her up to it in some way.

Chucky the tree

Overheal wrote: »

Now hang on. How can this be used against you?

- His dad got him the laptop.
- The girl is associated with the father.
- Your child has no right to that kind of privacy

Next? Confiscate the laptop. Go to your solicitor. This will gravely work against your ex-husband's rights to custody. Far outweighs taking possession of a laptop that his dad gave him.

eh what? His got him the laptop but I'm sure he expected his mom to monitor what he was doing with it. Also, the fact the girls parents know the father is irrelevant, unless your suggesting the father put the 13 yr girl up to it.


Anyway OP, the fact that your main worry is about the father not finding out rather then the welling being of the two kids by telling the girls parents and your ex is pretty worrying. I dont blame the father looking for more access if that's the kind of mother you are.

star-pants

Chucky the tree wrote: »

eh what? His got him the laptop but I'm sure he expected his mom to monitor what he was doing with it.

The mother had implemented a 'no internet' zone in her house... and the father gives the 13 year old the one with internet access, not the 18 year old.
He went around the mothers wishes of no internet in the house. Unfair IMO.

The separate issue of the two 13 year olds undressing etc... I would have a word with her parents. Who knows if he's sent pictures back?
Then you and your ex need to sit down with your son and explain things to him.
Restricting/ removing his internet access is a start, but he has to understand what he's done.

The parents of this girl will be glad you told them, and they can reprimand/or whatever with their daughter.

aare

Overheal wrote: »

You can't dismiss blame on her boy though. That girl wouldnt just rip her clothes off on a webcam unless he put her up to it in some way.

Blame?

I'm not really talking about blame at all...

The boy is being a lecherous little toad well within the "normal" (NB. There is no thesaurus that cites "normal" as a synonym of "admirable") range...

But guys are going to be putting that girl "up to" just about anything they can think of, until she is way past menopause unless she cops herself on...

I think she may need some serious help asap, so that can't happen to her.

The boy needs grounding or something and a serious talking to, but not because there is anything wrong with him...he is outa line, in a normal, healthy, way, and he knows it, it wouldn't be good for him if no-one else remarked it...

Goes without saying that this is the right time to impose strict control on his internet access.

Overheal

Chucky the tree wrote: »

eh what? His got him the laptop but I'm sure he expected his mom to monitor what he was doing with it.

As a responsible mother she should. And did. But it was a tactic. Your mother says you cant have a laptop jimmy? Well Guess What.

"For Christmas my son's father bought him a new Dell Laptop with O2 Wireless Broadband. Before this I had a policy of No Internet in the House but I didn't want to deprive my son of his Christmas present that he was excited about."

Im assuming he didnt ask you if this was ok with you first, OP. I mean yeah it could have been honest (ah sure if I pay for it and pay for the internet she has no reason to say no) but at the same time its undermining your authority in your own home.

Its the kind of thing that can and/or should be brought up in a custody case.

Also, the fact the girls parents know the father is irrelevant, unless your suggesting the father put the 13 yr girl up to it.

No. Im suggesting that by spending more time with his father he has more access to this girl than he does with his mother.

LegacyUser

This is the original poster again here.

Thank you to everybody who made helpful comments. I'm very grateful. I don't have all that much to say to those people who have been commenting on my parenting ability except to say that there is a lot you don't know about my situation. I have my reasons for not wanting my son's father to have increased access, indeed he is very lucky to have access at all. And yes I am indeed very concerned about that girl, as I made clear in my post, it made me sick to see her showing herself off like that at the age of 12.

I have bitten the bullet this evening and phoned the girl's mother. She was a bit frosty with me at the start when she realised who it was but was shocked by what I had to say. She is going to sit her daughter down and have a good talk to her about all this and is going to take the Web Cam off her computer too. We have decided that we are just going to delete all the pictures off their computers and phones and not bring the solicitors or guards into it. It is something that we feel can be sorted out without dragging the law into it.

It might be true that I could have been keeping a closer eye on my son but as I say, he is a good quiet boy and doesn't normally get into trouble. All I have ever seen him doing on the Laptop before was BEBO and YOUTUBE and it has never been an issue until the last few weeks when he disappeared upstairs more and more with it.

BoB_BoT

glad to hear it's mostly sorted. Parents need to be more involved with what their kids do on computers and with their lives in general. As pointed out the laptop should be in a public part of the house, set passwords on the accounts so you can only log them in etc...
Here's some free (www.k9webprotection.com) filtering software you can use on the computer to prevent him accessing certain material. Can be set to notify you if he does etc.. But again, the best filter is for you to be there in the same room monitoring what he's at.

Salome

Well done OP, the girl's mum did need to know and it's good that she listened to what you had to say. I think you both did the sensible thing.

Miss Fluff

Absolutely 100% the right course of action OP, fair play for putting aside your dislike for the girl's parents.

The girl is only a child, if she is willing to strip off like that and send pictures online then she is leaving herself wide open to all types of abuse.

In future I'd make sure all use of the laptop is supervised, don't let him keep it in his room.

sexmag

What i find interesting is nobody has even mentioned the invasion of her sons privacy,sure hes only 13 but this is the age where kids start to notice alot of things about each other and privacy is essential for them and their devolpment..i had a similar situation when i was 15,me and my gf at the time where considering having sex and where discosing it through texts and one day my baby sister"suposadly had my phone and prop it and it opened up on a very privat msg"my mother said she picked it up and just read it by accident and then decided to send me a message saying she taut i was to young to have sex,so i seriously pissed and had it out with here,refused to talk to her for ages and she eventually apologised and realised that it was a very bad invasion of my privacy and said she would have felt the same way if i was her postion and would never do it it again...so what im saying is that maybe the mother shouldnt have been there in the first place and dont say she may have stoped a teenage pregnancy because come they where just doing it through the internet

tony1kenobi

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Given that the lad is 13 he shouldn't be recieving explicit images of women over 18 either.

Salome

Sexmag, the boy is 13, the girl is 12 - I think a mother is entitled to be concerned and take appropriate action - it's not snooping or invading their privacy, it's called being a sensible parent.

LegacyUser

welcome to the 21st century. like it or lump it, this kind of thing just has to be accepted.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

randylonghorn

Worried Mother wrote: »

I have bitten the bullet this evening and phoned the girl's mother. She was a bit frosty with me at the start when she realised who it was but was shocked by what I had to say. She is going to sit her daughter down and have a good talk to her about all this and is going to take the Web Cam off her computer too. We have decided that we are just going to delete all the pictures off their computers and phones and not bring the solicitors or guards into it. It is something that we feel can be sorted out without dragging the law into it.

Well done.

Tbh, guards and solicitors have no place in this ... this is just two kids being kids, being curious, and exploring. It of course needs to be dealt with appropriately, however, and you have made a good start.

The reality is that young kids have been playing 'Doctors and Nurses' in one format or another long before the internet or even computers were invented.

I would very much agree, however, that the advent of new technologies opens up worrying possibilities, and both you and the girl's parents need to address these issues, and the general issues of respect for oneself and for others, calmly and constructively with both children.

But don't let this blow up into something bigger than it is, either in your own heads and especially not with the children.

Your son is still a good lad, just one who is getting older and getting curious. You need to sit down with him and talk with him. It's time to do the general sex ed. stuff over the next while, if you haven't already. But especially it's time to tease out with him the stuff about his attitudes to girls, and about respect and appropriate behaviour. Try to help him to come to see for himself what is and what is not appropriate, and why ... the message will sink in much deeper that way than if you simply lay down a list of rules.

Also, try to totally separate this in your mind from the issues about your husband and whether it was or was not appropriate for him to give your son a laptop as a present. It's a totally separate issue, and there is a real danger that emotions caught up in the problems with your husband will spill over into this situation if you let them. Don't let them. This is about your son, and his need for love and guidance and support from you, and it's obvious from your posts that is what you have been giving him and will continue to give him ... but in this case that really means keeping the different issues separate and apart.

sexmag

Salome wrote: »

Sexmag, the boy is 13, the girl is 12 - I think a mother is entitled to be concerned and take appropriate action - it's not snooping or invading their privacy, it's called being a sensible parent.

Well she had no idea what he was doing...he could have been making something special for her,like a family video are anything nice like that for a birthday or or geting her gift and like she was saying she usually has no reason not to trust him so id call it being a nosey parent.

sexmag

sexmag wrote: »

Well she had no idea what he was doing...he could have been making something special for her,like a family video are anything nice like that for a birthday or or geting her gift and like she was saying she usually has no reason not to trust him so id call it being a nosey parent.

What has any of that to do with the OP's problem. It is her job as a parent to safe guard her son and ensure that he is not doing anything inappropriate wby himself or with anyone else. Also you do realise that use of the full stop is appreciated here.

Overheal

Worried Mother wrote: »

We have decided that we are just going to delete all the pictures off their computers and phones and not bring the solicitors or guards into it. It is something that we feel can be sorted out without dragging the law into it.

Might be for the best. If you still want to bring it up in the court though if you feel the laptop was a ploy or something just say your boy was looking up blue collar porn. Agreed, bringing up the details of this incident would damage them both in the long run surely.

Youre a good parent. Most wouldn't care that much or know to look out for the warning signs. All the best.

sexmag wrote: »

What i find interesting is nobody has even mentioned the invasion of her sons privacy,sure hes only 13 but ....

Yeah though. He is only 13. You don't get that level of privacy at 13. Not with phones and internets anyway. A diary sure - that sort of thing is another story. But how irresponsible would it be to leave your kid to his/her own devices "for the sake of privacy"?

Cant say I agree with your philosophy mate. And by your own admittance you were getting ready to commit to underage sex. They did you a favor whether you feel that way about it or not. Who wants to be a 15 year old daddy anyway? I very much doubt you'll feel the same way when its your kids.

Slutmonkey57b

Worried Mother wrote: »

We have decided that we are just going to delete all the pictures off their computers and phones and not bring the solicitors or guards into it. It is something that we feel can be sorted out without dragging the law into it.

D'ye think? Sure you don't want to call in the FBI, or set him up on "to catch a predator"? Maybe you could attempt to have the father set up for soliciting underage prostitution?

I've never seen a more hysterical overreaction. *shocker* Boy and girl going through puberty show each other their bits! Blame the internet! It never happened before this bebo thing, never!

It might be true that I could have been keeping a closer eye on my son but as I say, he is a good quiet boy and doesn't normally get into trouble. All I have ever seen him doing on the Laptop before was BEBO and YOUTUBE and it has never been an issue until the last few weeks when he disappeared upstairs more and more with it.

He's going to get worse as he gets older. It's called "being a teenager". Get used to it.

Leprachaun

Overheal wrote: »

You can't dismiss blame on her boy though. That girl wouldnt just rip her clothes off on a webcam unless he put her up to it in some way.

Perhaps the son and the girl are together? Just tell you're son you've seen the pics and take the laptop for a month or something as punishment. It really isn't a huge deal,I mean they're basically the same age and she could be his girlfriend. Obviously a girl of that age shouldn't be taking nude pics but it's not like she's sending them to some 50 year old man with sweaty palms she's never met. She could be going out with your son.

aare

Worried Mother wrote: »

I have bitten the bullet this evening and phoned the girl's mother. She was a bit frosty with me at the start when she realised who it was but was shocked by what I had to say. She is going to sit her daughter down and have a good talk to her about all this and is going to take the Web Cam off her computer too. We have decided that we are just going to delete all the pictures off their computers and phones and not bring the solicitors or guards into it. It is something that we feel can be sorted out without dragging the law into it.

That really does seem to have turned out well...and, TBH the less official recognition this gets the better for both kids...which is the most important aspect, after all.

It's not the end of the world, nor even a big deal now it all seems to be under control...

But anyone who doesn't understand how finding something like that, for the first time, would send you into stratospheric orbit for a while, simply hasn't been a parent.

...and OF COURSE a responsible parent gives the 13 year old's laptop a quick check every so often...for HIS safety.

Don't get let the little toad away with this scot free will you? Getting caught, and catching hell, is part of growing up.

Toots

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

I've never seen a more hysterical overreaction. *shocker* Boy and girl going through puberty show each other their bits! Blame the internet! It never happened before this bebo thing, never!

I think the issue here is that the kids were sending each other pics over the internet. Ok, the intent might have been innocent enough 'doctors and nurses' with a slightly more technical twist than in 'the old days', but the reality is that what they were doing is potentially very dangerous. I highly doubt any 13 year old is tech savvy enough to have a totally unhackable email address. And if the son had pics on his phone too, if he lost it the pics could get into the wrong hands which could have absolutely disasterous consequences.

At the end of the day, at 12 and 13 they're still children, the parents are doing the right thing here by not making a huge fuss and dealing with it in a mature manner with the children. I'd also second what another poster said about discreetly asking the school to do some sort of special class on 'staying safe online'.

O'Coonassa

Worried Mother wrote: »

it made me sick to see her showing herself off like that at the age of 12.

She wan't showing herself to you. Only reason you got to see her was by totally betraying your son's trust.

Thomas_S_Hunterson

lol@"sexting"

n00bs

Overheal

I dont think garda wouldve beat down the door and gone after your son. Or that she is doing live webcams for strangers. But you still needed to protect the pair of them from doing something stupid, like having sex.

Oh yes, we all wanted to do it at that age, but then you look around at all the pregnant 14/15/16 year olds and begin thinking "wow maybe that CAN happen to me..." Its natural for them to explore and try new things like sex and drugs. It doesnt mean they Should though.

Slutmonkey57b

Toots85 wrote: »

I think the issue here is that the kids were sending each other pics over the internet. Ok, the intent might have been innocent enough 'doctors and nurses' with a slightly more technical twist than in 'the old days', but the reality is that what they were doing is potentially very dangerous.

Eh?
More dangerous than doing it face to face where the bits in question can interact? Give me a break.

I'd also second what another poster said about discreetly asking the school to do some sort of special class on 'staying safe online'.

Clearly the other kids in the class would have no idea who just got caught by their parents doing it and wouldn't increase the embarrassment factor at all.
Parents: It's not actually the school's job to raise your children, believe it or not.

Toots

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Eh?
More dangerous than doing it face to face where the bits in question can interact? Give me a break.

Eh...yeah, putting naked pictures of herself up on the net where there's potential for paedophiles etc to access them? I'd consider that a good bit more dangerous!!

Clearly the other kids in the class would have no idea who just got caught by their parents doing it and wouldn't increase the embarrassment factor at all.
Parents: It's not actually the school's job to raise your children, believe it or not.

It goes without saying that this matter would have to be raised tactfully, and obviously not do the session in the next few weeks. We had one of these sessions in school when I was about 14, and it was really informative. In fact adding to the embarrassment factor might be no bad thing anyway, you could be damn sure they'd never do it again. No, it's not the school's job to raise the children, but being a school and all, they're responsible for educating them.

randylonghorn

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Eh?
More dangerous than doing it face to face where the bits in question can interact? Give me a break.

She means dangerous in that the next "Johnny, 13, Dublin" who encourages her to show all could easily be Johnny, 43, Dublin and a very unsavoury character.

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Eh?
Clearly the other kids in the class would have no idea who just got caught by their parents doing it and wouldn't increase the embarrassment factor at all.

Actually, there's no reason why they should, unless the teachers handle it very badly or the kids 'fess up themselves. In fact, there is no reason at all why the exact circumstances should be mentioned, indeed there's no reason to mention that there were circumstances at alll ...

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Eh?
Parents: It's not actually the school's job to raise your children, believe it or not.

Absolutely agree 100%, but there are times when it can be appropriate for schools to work in tandem with parents to back up certain messages.

As far as I'm concerned, a session on safe internet usage should be a standard part of the curriculum for children and young teens, perhaps as part of something like CSPE / SPHE.

thebullkf

sexmag wrote: »

What i find interesting is nobody has even mentioned the invasion of her sons privacy,sure hes only 13 but this is the age where kids start to notice alot of things about each other and privacy is essential for them and their devolpment..i had a similar situation when i was 15,me and my gf at the time where considering having sex and where discosing it through texts and one day my baby sister"suposadly had my phone and prop it and it opened up on a very privat msg"my mother said she picked it up and just read it by accident and then decided to send me a message saying she taut i was to young to have sex,so i seriously pissed and had it out with here,refused to talk to her for ages and she eventually apologised and realised that it was a very bad invasion of my privacy and said she would have felt the same way if i was her postion and would never do it it again...so what im saying is that maybe the mother shouldnt have been there in the first place and dont say she may have stoped a teenage pregnancy because come they where just doing it through the internet

christ....... i've seen/read it all now.... how many are you???:mad::mad:

how about this "scenario"...lets say the young fella's with his dad... no credit,borrows the old mans phone...she sends him a revealing picture,he Doesnt delete it and next week in work someone borrows his phone and sees the pic???
or if its a pda type phone and the pic is saved in a presentation folder and the old man blasts it on a whiteboard?

doesnt bear thinking about.


WORSE STILL- girls dad whos a family friend finds pics of his pride and joy in all her glory!!:eek::eek:


this lady needs constuctive help..personally i feel she dealt with it fine..maybe she has a brother(boys uncle) who can mentor him a bit..??

male influence might help him a bit more , esp. with sex ed stuff..

education and temperance is the key

good luck in the future.

sexmag

Cant say I agree with your philosophy mate. And by your own admittance you were getting ready to commit to underage sex. They did you a favor whether you feel that way about it or not. Who wants to be a 15 year old daddy anyway? I very much doubt you'll feel the same way when its your kids.[/quote]

Whos to say we would have got pregnant,we did it anyway and we where fine,kids arnt as stupid as you think and protection was our main focus and its not like we where two drunk kids at a party,we planned it out and where careful about it,the only 15 year old parents you see are people from disadvantaged areas,youd never see a D4 girls pushing a pram and in regards to my kids aslong as they where using protection and i felt i had educated them properly and not the school,id be fine with it

Wibbs

Sean_K Take a week off to read the charter of this forum.

RedXIV

sexmag wrote: »

Whos to say we would have got pregnant,we did it anyway and we where fine,kids arnt as stupid as you think and protection was our main focus and its not like we where two drunk kids at a party,we planned it out and where careful about it,the only 15 year old parents you see are people from disadvantaged areas,youd never see a D4 girls pushing a pram and in regards to my kids aslong as they where using protection and i felt i had educated them properly and not the school,id be fine with it

Yeah i remember thinking along the same lines when i was in school. Everyone thinks they are gonna be the cool parents and they won't have any rules. When you're a parent, you get to judge

B00MSTICK

Slutmonkey57B wrote:

D'ye think? Sure you don't want to call in the FBI, or set him up on "to catch a predator"? Maybe you could attempt to have the father set up for soliciting underage prostitution?

I've never seen a more hysterical overreaction. *shocker* Boy and girl going through puberty show each other their bits! Blame the internet! It never happened before this bebo thing, never!

Im with Slutmonkey on this, If you let a 13 year old have a laptop in his room what do you think he's going to do?

If some girl I liked was sending me naked pictures either via webcam/phone when I was 13 you're damn right I would've looked at and saved them, nothing abnormal about that. (Not clever from the girls perspective obviously but I fail to see how that's your son/his fathers fault)

You said your son is at it (sexting that is). He seems to just be on the receiving end which is perfectly fine IMO maybe a bad idea to keep them saved though.

You didn't have to deny your son the present just limit access. Make sure he only uses it in the kitchen/sitting room or maybe you could have even have talked/sent a letter to the father explaining your concerns and possibly get a wireless router instead and just lock that away when you're not there?

Anyway if he was getting pictures to his phone what difference does it make that they were on his laptop? Maybe you should take is phone off him too? Of maybe screen it everyday? What happens if his friend grabs his phone and looks through the pics? (Happens all the time, far more likely than a PC being hacked) How does this have anything to do with the laptop? But seriously how many of ye have had their computer hacked?

My heart goes out to the girl, very silly thing to do. She'll probably be so embarassed she'll never dream of doing it again though.

And for the people saying to use this in a custody battle... I sincerely doubt the father was trying to be malicious.
Sickened by most of it tbh.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Amazotheamazing

Overheal wrote: »

Now hang on. How can this be used against you?

- His dad got him the laptop.
- The girl is associated with the father.
- Your child has no right to that kind of privacy

Next? Confiscate the laptop. Go to your solicitor. This will gravely work against your ex-husband's rights to custody. Far outweighs taking possession of a laptop that his dad gave him.

This is probably the worst advice I have ever seen on boards.

People should not run to their solicitors simply because a teenage boy is acting like a teenage boy (and a teenage girl is acting like a teenage girl). Luckily the OP discounted your advice and resolved it like an adult by speaking to the other parents.