Bullying What do i do ??

johnholohan16

Hey ! im in transition year in secondary school and im having a problem with my friends what do i do ??
see i hang around with paul and gary usualy and we might sometimes be in a group of about 10 lads of the other lads i talk to simon the most.......
See paul is a bite of a comedian and is always making jokes.... back last year he started calling me stinky which if we were all in a conversation he would randomly say stinky and everyone would have a great laugh.... but that name is so untrue i am in fact a very clean person.... and its getting worse this year sometimes when i go to say something he will just go john your stink !! and everyone laughs... i think gary and simon are afraid of being joked about so they just join in ........ :mad:
simon lately anytime i try and start a conversation with him in school he answers me really crossly as if to say what do you want now!!!
but if he dosent like me why does he always text me like twice a week to talk about sport and soccer matches and i never text him first he always texts me.... So why is he different in school????:( and its not that i am not a nice person or a geak because i am realy good friends with this popular girl at an sports training thing outside of school..... and as well none of my classmates from primary school are in my secondary school..... but i am still really good friends with my 3 best friends from then and there not unpopular people like me theyre actualy have tons of friends. weresuch good friends we go away on trips in summer and on school holidays and everything..
its not that i dint like paul cause i really do like him but this stinky thing is starting to make everyone else not like me as much and im afraid whats going to happen next please help me

RoxyHart

It's quite obvious that this guy Paul, who's the comedian, like to make jokes at other people's expense, alot of times this is due to insecurity on their part and also to deflect any negative attention away from themselves. He realised when he started calling you this, people found it humerous and so he's carried on with it and revelling in the attention and laughs this gets him. Next time he says it, say "wow have you really not changed the record yet, jes that one's a bit stale now"....in a jokey way, this will show him and the others that it really is pathetic and that you're no longer bothered by it. The other guy Simon, is afraid to be seen to be nice or pally with you, fear that he may become ridiculed, in other words he's not strong enough to say "hey he's my friend, and he's cool" this is also insecurity. You know he likes you, he wouldn't be friendly with you outside of school otherwise. You need to talk to him and ask him why he's being so moody with you in school, try to get his point of view and tell him that if he doesn't have time for you in school, you won't be there for him outside it. Bascially, peer pressure and the desire to fit in can sometimes override a person's good sense and make them become something they are not, i've been there, seen alot of it myself and my school was all girls, which was worse at times

You just need to be a bit more assertive, don't worry yourself too much about pleasing these guys or trying to fit in, there's always situations where you'll feel like the odd lemon but once you value yourself and know you're important and a good friend...people will see you in a new light. Keep the head up!!

Beruthiel

Personally, I think you should go out of your way to get Paul on his own.
Look him straight in the eye and just come straight out with it and ask him why he does it.
Ask him if he thinks you find it amusing.
Ask him if he thinks that is the way to treat a friend.
Put him on the spot.

partyatmygaff

Beruthiel wrote: »

Personally, I think you should go out of your way to get Paul on his own.
Look him straight in the eye and just come straight out with it and ask him why he does it.
Ask him if he thinks you find it amusing.
Ask him if he thinks that is the way to treat a friend.
Put him on the spot.

tbh, everyone will just laugh at him, those type of serious "why?" conversations just dont happen in secondary school.

The best way is to get him back your own way, (Dont start a war between yourselves just something lighthearted ala stinky[A bit childish for 16, no?])

You could draw a few "interesting" comics of Paul and pass it around without him noticing.
I think you get what I mean by interesting, yeah?

knotabotha

im not sure what you should my cousin was in a same position

My name is URL

If it's simple name calling, you could try to just ignore it. Laugh at it yourself and the novelty will wear off for him.

I personally wouldn't call this bullying, it sounds more like general pisstaking. Take the piss of him in return, and just try to let it slide.

wylo

Whats after happening here is Paul realised he came up with something that gets everyone to laugh, so hes re-using it as its good 'material'. Nothing wrong with that hes only kidding around, but you gotta play him at his own game, next time he says he says it say something like 'jesus do you fancy me or something ,your getting a bit obsessed with my bad smell there Paul'. Make sure everyone can hear it.

As for simon, hes just a lick arse trying to be cool in school, id ease off from being in contact from the likes of him, hes probably just jealous of you as well,as in the popular girl etc.

cork1

well personally id probably get fed up and hit him but dont do that. tell him to give it a rest if that doesnt work tell the group you would care if valued their opinion on your hygiene ut you dont so your off to talk to someone who actually matters. then go chat up that attractive girl.

knotabotha

im not sure touchy subject

DiddyBiddy

this joker probably is just looking for cheap laughs and trying to look cool so maybe come up with a few yourself. have a few comebacks prepared but nothing too harsh or aggresive. dont lower yourself to his level. as for your other so called mate who is fine away from school, you should feel sorry for him as he doesnt seem to have much confidence or self esteem. if you start learning how to stand up for yourself now life will be much easier in the long run. i hate to say it but there is always gonna be a comedian/bully/two face. its how you see yourself that is important. this might sound a bit Dr. Phil and not really helpful in the harsh day to day school jungle but it feels pretty good to look down a little bit on these saddos and wonder how pathetic their own lives might be.

Overheal

You could always try the Grow Up approach. Stinky should be beneath you. Its an 8 year old's insult. Your friend is having a laugh calling you stinky. He's what, 15? 16? Shouldn't you all be off flirting with girls instead of slinging poo at eachother?

O'Coonassa

Have a dump in a plastic bag and smear it in the feckers face and hair when there's a big crowd around. He won't ever call you stinky again...

Rebelheart

johnholohan16 wrote: »

Hey ! im in transition year in secondary school and im having a problem with my friends what do i do ??
see i hang around with paul and gary usualy and we might sometimes be in a group of about 10 lads of the other lads i talk to simon the most.......
See paul is a bite of a comedian and is always making jokes.... back last year he started calling me stinky which if we were all in a conversation he would randomly say stinky and everyone would have a great laugh.... but that name is so untrue i am in fact a very clean person.... and its getting worse this year sometimes when i go to say something he will just go john your stink !! and everyone laughs... i think gary and simon are afraid of being joked about so they just join in ........ :mad:
simon lately anytime i try and start a conversation with him in school he answers me really crossly as if to say what do you want now!!!
but if he dosent like me why does he always text me like twice a week to talk about sport and soccer matches and i never text him first he always texts me.... So why is he different in school????:( and its not that i am not a nice person or a geak because i am realy good friends with this popular girl at an sports training thing outside of school..... and as well none of my classmates from primary school are in my secondary school..... but i am still really good friends with my 3 best friends from then and there not unpopular people like me theyre actualy have tons of friends. weresuch good friends we go away on trips in summer and on school holidays and everything..
its not that i dint like paul cause i really do like him but this stinky thing is starting to make everyone else not like me as much and im afraid whats going to happen next please help me

I can only think of what Peig Sayers might advise you in this case. This might give you some ideas :

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Dear Peig,
I am small for my age (14) and I am being bullied in school by the bigger boys. They take my lunch every day and then beat me up, just for the craic. Who should I turn to? Should I tell the headmaster?[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Peig: Are you mental? As every decent Irish person knows, an informer is the lowest form of human life. You have plenty of other options: Why not sneak around to their houses at night with some petrol and torch them? Or get yourself a vicious dog and train him to attack. If they keep taking your lunch, why not poison your food, then shed crocodile tears as they are carted off to the hospital. But remember, whatever you say, say nothing - especially to the teachers, your parents, the gardai, and the judge. When you appear in the dock, simply give a clenched fist salute and say: "I refuse to recognise the authority of this court." [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Peig Sayers [/FONT]

From the unsurpassable Peig Sayers problem page which was doing the rounds in 2001, and is now preserved here: http://www.lifeisajoke.com/irish11_html.htm


PS: Between me and you, I'd say you will feel better, stronger, and more confident as soon as you separate yourself from that Paul guy. There was a similar group of shallow, bullying types when I was in school. Nobody really liked them, and the girls were not impressed when they tried to humiliate people as this guy is doing to you. I felt better when I separated myself from them. I just focused on my work and spent my time with people who reinforce me (that's really the key, and why you should avoid this Paul character).

yurmothrintites

I've seen this problem many times in school as a student and a teacher. What you do to combat it really depends on the person he is and what you feel comfortable doing.

He obviously sees himself as 'the leader' of the group and wants to get all the group members looking up to him but the only way he can do that is by belittling others to make himself look like a big man. I think ignoring this problem won't solve it, you need to confront it head on.

The next time the guy says that to you again, don't stay quiet. Make it seem like it's not okay. You could try (if suitable for the situation)
'Would you ever f*ck off and grow up! Taking the piss out of other people doesn't make you a big man'
or the other option when he says stinky
'Ya that's what your mam said last night' (You get the picture)

I hope this helps and obviously these suggestions might not be at all appropriate. From my own experience with people like this, I hope you get it solved.

Skyhawk1990

right i've been in a similar situuation to yourself. I have a friend that would constantly bring up a girl that i asked out over a year ago and got shot down on. Basically he's a guy that gets laughs out of other peoples pain so to say. He would bring it up at every oppourtunity as your friend would. Basically he is trying to get in with a certain group as far as i can tell. it's a pain yes:mad: i fcuking hated it. anyway it came to a head when he entered me in a school show singing a song about that certain girl. Now i tried every possible way of stopping it laughing it off, joking about it myself etc. I always try to avoid fighting as much as i can. Anyway i conforted him strongly right up to his face. the problem went away fairly quickly after that. now he thinks twice about what he says. no i dodn't hit him or anything it just took a few strong words in a fairly strong manner.

Now i'm not advocating viloence or that he fight him but basically there are jerks out there that only understand something when someone confronts them in that way. Now what I did was the final and i mean final plan. Try joking about it, slagging him back and do ANYTHING else that you can think about to BEFORE you confront him like that because he my back off if you give some back to him because when some people get what they dish out they think about it and stop.