Relationship end, feel so lost

LegacyUser

I really need to just get this out of my head.
My partner called an end to our relationship yesterday, he said we should take a break.(what does a break mean??)
I haven't stopped crying and can't see any good that has come out of it today. I loved him so much but clearly he didn't feel the same anymore.
I feel like I want to give up. It was like a massive kick in the teeth.
We lived together for years but he is staying in the house. I moved in to my parents with all my stuff last night (didn't think I owned so much stuff!).
I'm so so grateful for my parents but moving back home has made it all feel worse to me, I feel like a big baby, especially when everyone knows we lived together for years and that most people said we were one step away from getting engaged.
All I feel like doing is getting out of town. I don't want to face him or his family or anyone we knew.
I really want my own space but having been made unemployed, money is tight and not having any close friends in town, I feel like I've no choice at the minute. I have applied to colleges but won't hear from them for a while so can't really decide what to do or where to go.
I've broken up with people before but I never lived with anyone before or been going out with someone for so long.
Everything is out of control. I feel like I want to disappear

LegacyUser

SF, thank for that positive advice.

It really is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel like I've given up so much for him and it has all come to nothing. Years when I could've moved away or done so much and I've lost touch with my social circle that I had before him.

Oh and he's staying in the house because he plans on buying it.

Someone told me last week that I was getting "over the hill" because I'm in my late 20's. That has made me think what a mess things are. Late 20's, no job, no money, no boyfriend, living at home, most people I know are in a relationship, having kids or getting married.

LegacyUser

I know exactly what you are going through. You situation at the moment is scarily like mine! Am early 30s, broke up with bf of a few years and now living at home. Ill tell you it takes some adjustment. Parents live in the sticks too so hard to get out. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet. Feel lost and lonely. I dunno, I hope all these feeling go away.

Incidentally, relationship-wise it is never too late. Late 20s, 30s is not over the hill, not biological-wise either (please god all going well). There was a woman I work with there and she had a baby at 36. Another one had a baby at 42!!! And another at 37!

So, what I am thinking, why not use time to sort out what we want? Ok, the exs havent exactly left us in a good way at the moment, but one thing I do know is that you never ever, be it good or bad, know what the next day will bring. Tomorrow could be bad. The next day there could be a good half hour. Next week could be terrible, the following something positive could happen.

LegacyUser

Thanks for that. I know I'm not alone, these things happen someone every day it's just the shock of how you wake up and things are fine and by tea time it's all a total mess.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for that. I know I'm not alone, these things happen someone every day it's just the shock of how you wake up and things are fine and by tea time it's all a total mess.

OP.....If he wanted a break, he probably wanted it for a good while. It's not that he just woke up and decided that it was over.

I know it sucks to hear, it certainly sucked for me to hear when it happened to me but time is the best healer. Give yourself one month for every year you went out to be sad. In that time, try to contact him as little as possible, if even at all. After this point, you will regain your sanity and can properly evaluate things. I was a complete mess for the first month after we broke up (we went out for 5 years). It's now been 4 months and I'm already feeling much better. I've stopped thinking that we were 'the perfect couple' or that we were destined to be together forever.

Things will never work out exactly as you had planned in life. There's just too much unpredictability in the world for it to be that way.

I feel so bad for you right now cos I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. Just try to surround yourself with people that love you, try to contact your ex as little as possible and keep busy. The busier you keep yourself, the faster time will go by. He made a decision so if you try to sway it, it'll only drive you further apart. If you give him space, he may change his mind by himself, he may not. But really, if you push for a reconciliation after he made the decision, it'll be the nail in the coffin.

togster

OP i'm going to go against the grain a little bit here.

Of course you are sad. But you need to focus on yourself now and not let your circumstances accentuate the sad feeling you have.

You can control how you come out of this.

LegacyUser

I have been there - don that!

Split up, felt bad for ages but it dose get better with time but only if get new intrests - thats important.

Look at it as a time in life to change your life - look at the things you used to like to do but dont or always wanted to do and put your energy into that. I would move out of the parents house if you can - even a house share with 1 other, dont be ashamed to tell others or new people your past, we have all been there.

Before long you will meet others and maybe a new man, but dont be in any hurry, go on dates but above all do what you want to do, new friends are great for this, family are still part of the past, want to help but are slow to change and only remind you the past!

I met my wife (in a hotel bar) 6 months after my split, we were great friends for 6 months before me found we enjoyed each others company more and it just worked. I did date and that was great - nothing better to help you get over somebody - realy just the meeting new people going different places, but start with the intrests.

Above all dont be ashamed and the best of luck, there realy is a huge world out there.

LegacyUser

To the last poster: why do you say to move out of the parents house if possible?

I'm not arguing against you, it's what I would ideally like to do if money allowed me. Do you think that would make things easier?
Thanks