Second Date? What should I do - Help!!!

nicegirl

I met this really nice lad two weeks ago. He got my number and asked me if I'd like to have a drink with him sometime, to which I said I would. I was on my way home that night, and had a missed call on my phone. I called back to see who it was, it was him! He had my number but I didn't have his. He said he would talk to me during the week.
The following day he text me, and we were texting for about 2 hours. I was getting to know a bit about him and he seemed really nice. I text him Tuesday evening just to see how he was and again we were talking for a while. The Wednesday evening he emailed me. We had a good laugh, and then he asked me out that Saturday night, and I said I would meet him. I asked him to give me a call between Wednesday and Saturday to organise a time and place to meet on Saturday night.
Thursday, Friday, went by and it was 6pm on the Saturday, and I hadn't heard from him (He told me later he was very busy at work all week, and travelling around the country) I sent him a message and asked him if he was still on for a few drinks. He said ya and we met up later that evening.
Ireally liked him because he seemed really nice. I was soooooo nervous meeting him though, really nervous, only because I liked him so much, and was hoping to make a good impression. Because I was so nervous I was talking and talking for the evening. I did ask him things about himself as well, but my nerves definately got to me. In spite of it all, we did have a good laugh. He was a complete gentleman, paid for all the drinks, (I insisted on paying for a round!) opened doors etc.
He got me a taxi home at the end of the night, kissed me on the cheek, I said I'd see him soon, he said ya and squeezed my hand??? The following day I sent him a casual message saying I had a nice time, and was appreciative for him buying all the drinks, and said I'd see him soon, and not to work too hard. I never got a reply, and he has not been in contact with me since.
I feel like I have blown any apportunity I might have had with this lad because I was so nervous on the first date. I know it is bad when he hasn't been in contact, and most of me is saying to forget about him, and he is just not interested in me, but I have considered sending an email outlining how I was very nervous meeting him, and it would be nice to see him again, but not some kind of a desperate email!
Should I forget about him, or try to put together a casual sort of email outlining how nervous I was? It's just we were getting on well up till the first date, he was texting me and calling me, and after the first date, I have had no contact from him.
I would really really appreciate some advice on this as to what I should do. I do really like him, and would like to see him again, what is the best way I could do this (without seeming desperate)? I would really appreciate some lad's advice on this as your opinions would really help me, but ladies too!!

Thanks a million

RedXIV

you went out Saturday night and are worried about lack of contact in 24 hours? just making sure?

Ok well for starters, don't send an email saying you were nervous and you are sorry. Take it easy and initiate contact. it only takes a message or a call. But don't start with apologies!

nicegirl

I went out with him on Saturday the 3rd of May, last weekend, the May Bank Holiday weekend, over a week ago

RedXIV

*scratches head*
ah my bad. ok, i'm renowned as an optimist so what i'd do is contact him. give him a chance to explain the absence of contact. If he doesn't seem to interested or doesn't take the time out to reply to a text, email or answer a call, write it off. sorry for the pessimistic outlook but i'd stand by the thought of not apologising.

Webmonkey

He sounds like an idiot to let someone like you go because you clearly sound like a nice girl, not judging by your name or anything

I'd agree with RedXIV, - don't apologise, you've nothing to apologise for.

nicegirl

He sounds like an idiot to let someone like you go because you clearly sound like a nice girl, not judging by your name or anything

Thanks for that!:)
I won't apologise or anything like that, because I was just nervous, but more nervous than I have ever been!! I'm just not sure if I should call him, email him, text him, and I'm not sure what to say to him without sounding like a desperate twit!!

nicegirl

I tried to move the entry email and reply into personal issues but couldn't. I appreciate your responses, I don't mean to offend ye by moving the thread, it was suppose to go into personal issues in the first place!

Morning Nice Girl,
If i were you i'd leave it until he made contact, if he does. You don't want to seem too keen and you dont want to set a precedent where you do the running about.
He may be incredibly busy but it never takes that long to write a text. It IS strange as it sounded like you had a good time and he enjoyed it too. I wouldn't worry too much about your nerves. I'm sure he was too and tbh, we like to see you're nervous...means you like us! :-p

Maybe he just didn't feel the spark, maybe he is attached or getting over a break up. There are loads of possible reasons but the contact should really not have slowed so quickly. Dont stop yourself from meeting someone else who wont mess with your head. He'll realise its his loss in the longrun! :-)

shellyboo

Deleted User wrote: »

You don't want to seem too keen and you dont want to set a precedent where you do the running about.

He's probably thinking the *exact* same thing.

Text him, OP. Don't apologise for anything, just say something casual and chatty. If you get a reply, go from there and try to organise a second date. If you don't get a reply... you'll know he's not interested.

Taltos

Have to agree with above - cannot see anything you did wrong here
Everyone (well alot of folk) are nervous on a first date so no biggie there.

So don't apologise but maybe drop him one more text - who knows maybe last week was even busier than the week before - I too am an optomist and like to see the best in people.

EDIT >> But if you have already been texting him a bit maybe write it off - you do not want to appear a stalker. But one more should not hurt...

Nervous Wreck

Deleted User wrote: »

Morning Nice Girl,
If i were you i'd leave it until he made contact, if he does. You don't want to seem too keen and you dont want to set a precedent where you do the running about.

Tbh, I don't think that's great advice at this stage.... I'd maybe agree with it for a few days but it's been over a week and if you don't text him, you may not hear from him again. One last ditch effort at a casual opening text is well worth the shot IMO. Could be that he's really busy and one simple text from you will reopen the doors. Give'm a text there and let us know how you get on!

I don't think he can use the 'too busy' excuse. I mean it takes seconds to write a text. He could do while taking a dump, at traffic lights...anywhere! He could have lost her number but why no email then? To me, there are very few excuses here. Playing itcool is fine...for a few days but not a week.

He seems very unreliable. Surely this will show up in other areas of his life too!!

nicegirl

I don't think he can use the 'too busy' excuse. I mean it takes seconds to write a text. He could do while taking a dump, at traffic lights...anywhere!

Thats really funny! Thank you all so much for you advice and comments, I really appreciate it, because I feel lost and don't know what to do, and he is so cute, and nice (Apart from not getting back to me!)
I'll think about getting in contact with him alright, I feel like I have nothing to loose. So whats the best form of communication?? He is on my facebook page, should I send him a private message through facebook, or is a text message better? Any idea's what I should say, so that I could sound casual, and not to degrade or make myself seem desperate!
I'm crap at things like this, especially when it comes to a lad I really like!
Everyone's advice has been great, so any advice with this one? I really really appreciate it

Taltos

How about something not too commital - like a text simply - heading to XYZ pub this Thurs night, fancy meeting up for a bite beforehand?

If you do not get a response to this then either he doesn't know how to text or he is not worth spending time with.

At least over dinner just the two of you will get a chance to chat - and then later all going well or not you can catch up with your mates

Best of luck and let us know how you get on.

LegacyUser

Take control of this situation, text to ask how he is.
If he doesn't reply, theres your answer. good luck

LegacyUser

I have a couple of mates that have gone on dates with girls and because the girl is so nervous she just talks and talks and may come across as a little bit of a scatter brain! Not saying this happend but if you were extremly nervous and just saying anything that came into your head so as not to let the conversation die then maybe he got this feeling and lost interest. Scatter brains arent keepers!! Then again he may just be like many people out there and seem like a nice guy but is really just a dick!

My advice is to leave it, if a guy is genuinly interested he will make an effort! I can be the shyist of guys when it comes to women but when really interested in someone I find the courage from somewhere. I hate to say it but I think you lucked out on this one. Dont get too downhearted about it though cause you sound lovely and you know what they say...something about fish and a sea and all that!!!

zxcvbnm1

To be honest i don't think he is interested.

He went out on a date with you - you texted him the next day to say you had a good time and he never replied. And that was over a week ago !!

I don't think there is any reason to believe he is interested.

On top of that you had to chase him to get the first date properly nailed down.

If someone is interested they don't behave like that.

Granted he did ask you out originally. To be honest that's the only bit that seems out of place in thsi whole story.

I think he is giving you the polite flick.

Saying that there's no harm on giving him one more go just in case.
Be prepared for teh rejection though.

I think a facebook message is the way forward.
A text is fine too i suppose.

Either or really.

Miss Fluff

A lot of people don't log on to Facebook much, I think my little brother's has been inactive for about six months now! If you send him a message through FB he mightn't pick it up for weeks so at least a text is instant. I don't know how keen he is seeing as he never replied to your text after the date but one more will do no harm. Don't make any reference to how nervous you were on your date - never complain, never explain;) Just a casual - Hey there, Phewww thank goodness Monday is over. How are you? Nice weekend? or something equally easy breezy beautiful:) If he doesn't reply, leave it at that and don't text him again.

MIN2511

Ring him?

And ask him if he got your text, and then ask him on a second date

LegacyUser

MIN2511 wrote: »

Ring him?

And ask him if he got your text, and then ask him on a second date

that's a bit stalker-ish!

MIN2511

Unregistered wrote: »

that's a bit stalker-ish!

What is stalkerish about that?

1. She rings him-he doesn't take her call=leave voice mail
2. She rings him-he's been too busy. They make plans
3. She rings him-he tells her he isn't interested=she moves on!

There is nothing stalkerish there

nicegirl

God I need courage for something like this. I have a feeling though that he is just not interested, cos he never replied to my message, and I never heard from him last week at all.
If I was to get in contact with him, Im thinking a private facebook email might be the best, or maybe a text message..
I have been let down by lads before and am afraid of getting rejected.

Ok, here is a tough question for everyone...What could I say to him that could possibly get him back interested in me, cos he was really interested in me when I first met him. I know lads like to pursue a girl, and he DEFINATELY was at the start, so what could I say to him that lets him know I like him, and to allow him to chase me, and not let me sound desperate all at the same time....now there's a quastion...!!! :eek:

LegacyUser

MIN2511 wrote: »

What is stalkerish about that?

1. She rings him-he doesn't take her call=leave voice mail
2. She rings him-he's been too busy. They make plans
3. She rings him-he tells her he isn't interested=she moves on!

There is nothing stalkerish there

he's already ignoring her texts! he's sending her a clear message. he's not interested!
it's stalkerish because he is ignoring her texts.

MIN2511

Unregistered wrote: »

he's already ignoring her texts! he's sending her a clear message. he's not interested!
it's stalkerish because he is ignoring her texts.

correct me if i am wrong-she's only sent him one text?

How is it stalkerish if she rings him?

This is the problem i have with men, if you are not interested just say it... No point beating about the bush!

nicegirl

I sent one text message the day after I was out with him, and that was Sunday of last week. I have not been in contact with him in over a week!

I like him, but I'm not silly

MIN2511

nicegirl wrote: »

Ok, here is a tough question for everyone...What could I say to him that could possibly get him back interested in me, cos he was really interested in me when I first met him. I know lads like to pursue a girl, and he DEFINATELY was at the start, so what could I say to him that lets him know I like him, and to allow him to chase me, and not let me sound desperate all at the same time....now there's a quastion...!!! :eek:

No one likes rejection

It's either he's into you or he isn't, you cannot make him like you

If you get to speak to him when you ring him, just ask about work, life-general chit chat. And ask him if he had any plans for a day you'd be free. Suggest drinks or coffee not dinner as might be too formal. If he says he can't make it and doesn't suggest an alternative day then you know he's not into you

TheGreenGiant

Hey, well personally I would never leave a girl hanging after a date whether I was into her or not. I would always reply back regardless. I mean its just common sense and courtesy to tell the person how you feel about the situation. Haven't had a date in almost a year now as I just haven't met the right girl and I suppose I am nervous of getting rejected and shy. But this guy that you were seeing should definitely have text/rang you back. I mean no response for over a week To me thats just ignorance on his part towards a lovely person. I just don't see the logic in it.

nicegirl

Thank You Green Giant for your kind comment
I just don't get it one minute he was chasing me, then I went out on a date with him, I was really nervous cos I liked him so much. I send him a message the next day to say thanks, and never hear from him again.
He was so nice to me when he took me out, bought drinks for the entire night, opening doors etc, but then does not have the courtesy to reply to my message or even send me an email. I like him, but a part of me is quite angry with that though.
I appreciate everyone's comments, I just don't know that if I get in touch with him, for fear of rejection, or if he never responds.
Men.......

castle

I think you may have wrong end of stick, he might have taken your nervousness's as a signal that you did not like him. You live once so just ask him straight out if you have his mobile number,text email whatever.Just say would you like to go for a drink if so great if not then no harm done.If you ask him by facebook,email,text then ask him to reply either way.
You sound quite young so this is part of the learning curve.But you do need to follow your heart sometimes better to have loved and all that,If you don't ask you dont get.
Many years ago I had something similar I really liked this girl but this not have the courage to ask her out,years later I met her out and got talking and she confided to me that she had always liked me but thought I had no interest in her.She could not believe that I was afraid to ask her out I just could not read the signal's at the time.Guess what I asked her out that night and we went out for a couple of years,not with each other anymore but remain good friends.
MY advice is always ask someone out if you like them that is something I did from that day on.

LegacyUser

nicegirl wrote: »

Thank You Green Giant for your kind comment
I just don't get it one minute he was chasing me, then I went out on a date with him, I was really nervous cos I liked him so much. I send him a message the next day to say thanks, and never hear from him again.
He was so nice to me when he took me out, bought drinks for the entire night, opening doors etc, but then does not have the courtesy to reply to my message or even send me an email. I like him, but a part of me is quite angry with that though.
I appreciate everyone's comments, I just don't know that if I get in touch with him, for fear of rejection, or if he never responds.
Men.......

I think you should text him,saying casually( Hi How are you?how has work been hope not to busy).I think when you text him the Sunday saying hope work isn't busy,he could possibly took as you wont be hearing for me again.Instead of asking him what he was going to do on the Sunday. Men take things written in the weirdest context.
And then wait if he doesn't reply then delete the number and forget.
I had someone ring me after been out of the country for 6 years and he never even finished with me and then expected to go out again. Bizarre lol
I hope you hear something back if you dont just know it has nothing to do with you

nicegirl

I sent him a message on the Sunday of the May Bank Holiday weekend, and said thanks for last night..had a nice time and I said thanks for all the drinks he bought. I said then, see you soon, and don't work too hard!

That was the message! No word since. Everyone is so great to offer their advice on this, and it is helping me out alot

Oh and for "Castle", Im in my mid twenties, and am a professional, and if I say anymore about myself someone might cop who I am!!

ellie1

Nice girl,

I dont think you should call or text this guy. You did text him and more or less indicated you were interested. The ball is in his court. If he dont contact you in the next week, forget him.

Good luck

silverwater

Taltos wrote: »

How about something not too commital - like a text simply - heading to XYZ pub this Thurs night, fancy meeting up for a bite beforehand?

If you do not get a response to this then either he doesn't know how to text or he is not worth spending time with.

I agree with this. With the week passed and not much contact, one more text would let you know either way. Keep it casual, act like you're not bothered either way, with something similar to Taltos' suggestion in mind. That way if you get nothing back it won't be like you're confessed your love for him and you can retain your dignity.

I wouldn't send the private message via twitter though. Stuff like those always seem a bit overly personal for a budding relationship, more a couple/lover thing, I would think.

MIN2511

silverwater wrote: »

I agree with this. With the week passed and not much contact, one more text would let you know either way. Keep it casual, act like you're not bothered either way, with something similar to Taltos' suggestion in mind. That way if you get nothing back it won't be like you're confessed your love for him and you can retain your dignity.

I wouldn't send the private message via twitter though. Stuff like those always seem a bit overly personal for a budding relationship, more a couple/lover thing, I would think.

And when he doesn't reply what does she do?

I hate text messages these days as they don't always play what the way you want them to. A quick call, if he doesn't pick then VM at least you won't debate if the message was delivered or not

LegacyUser

Hey OP, text him and say something 'Hey how are you? Long time no chat mister, hope i didnt scare ya off the last night... I was just getting started!:P' Doesnt have to be that just something confident, flirty and fun. If he still doesnt reply, hes not interested, simple as. Good luck!:D

tbh

nicegirl wrote: »

I sent him a message on the Sunday of the May Bank Holiday weekend, and said thanks for last night..had a nice time and I said thanks for all the drinks he bought. I said then, see you soon, and don't work too hard!

That was the message! No word since. Everyone is so great to offer their advice on this, and it is helping me out alot

Oh and for "Castle", Im in my mid twenties, and am a professional, and if I say anymore about myself someone might cop who I am!!

you sound like a really lovely girl. I can't say that without it sounding patronising, sorry, but you really do.

Listen, there are a couple of things that could have happened here.

Number 1 is that he lost your number and wants to get in contact but can't. I think we can rule this out because you've sent him a text, he's got your email address and your facebook details and he hasn't used them - yet.

Number 2 is that he's playing games by making you wait. If he is, he doesn't sound like the type of guy you need in your life, no matter how nice he seemed.

Number 3 is that he didn't feel a spark between ye and doesn't think there's any point in meeting up again. This happens sometimes, and it's nobodys fault. I've also been on both sides of the coin in this situation and, while it's difficult, it's common decency to let the other person know how you feel so you don't leaving them hanging, like you're doing now. What this guy is showing you (assuming this is the case) is that he'll only do the decent thing if he has no other choice - in a situation like this, where there's no comebacks on him, he suits himself. Like the type of person who'll bang into a car by accident, realise nobody saw anything and then drive off without leaving their details.

To be honest, you don't sound like the type of person who would do something like that. So, don't let it be done to you. Hopefully it was a big misunderstanding and you'll hear from him soon, but if you don't, forget about him. It makes me sad when you write things like "how can I make him like me". Don't go changing so soon! The person you are now seems genuinely nice, so hang on to that.

nicegirl

Thanks to everyone for their kind comments and advice, I made a descision and went with it, and also got the courage from somewhere!

I can't really say what happened as of yet, cos I have included alot of details about my night out with him, and if I say anymore, someone, possibly might cop who I am.

All I can say is things turned out ok

MIN2511

nicegirl wrote: »

Thanks to everyone for their kind comments and advice, I made a descision and went with it, and also got the courage from somewhere!

I can't really say what happened as of yet, cos I have included alot of details about my night out with him, and if I say anymore, someone, possibly might cop who I am.

All I can say is things turned out ok

Did u ring him?

nicegirl

No, text message, definately the best idea in a situation like this!!

zxcvbnm1

you mean you think he is interested again?

nicegirl

I sent a text message and everything was sorted out between me and him!

MIN2511

So now we don't get the full story eh

Ah well as long as you are sorted

Enjoy!

nicegirl

I won't say how it ended, cos I swear someone will know who I am!

What I will say to girls in general is, if you go out on a date with a lad, and you don't hear from him for a while, I say send a message or call whatever you think yourself, and be casual. If the lad is anyways half descent he won't be a git