Reading OH's text messages

david

Is it ever ok to have a sly look through your OH's inbox/sent items?

waraf

david wrote: »

Is it ever ok to have a sly look through your OH's inbox/sent items?

No. Never.

david

Poll added

Chucky the tree

Where's the "sad, insecure, loser" opition?

star-pants

Is this something you're thinking of doing yourself or that your gf is doing it?

david

star-pants wrote: »

Is this something you're thinking of doing yourself or that your gf is doing it?

Hm well seeing as I'm openly posting this I don't want to incriminate myself/ex-gf too much. Let's just say I voted "No, invasion of privacy".

Saruman

Its perfectly ok for a woman to check a mans phone but its not ok for a man to check a womans phone. Way of the world it seems.

Same with post. Fine for a woman to open your post but If I open my Wifes post she would have something to say, well she used to but is used to it now. I only open obvious bills and bank statements etc so I can file them and get rid of the rubbish they always send. Not personal stuff.

Point is, I do not care if my wife looks at my texts or opens my post (as long as she does not lose it).

LegacyUser

saruman has it right - its just a complete open trust thing.
i think it only poses an issue if there is something to hide or a lack of trust present, and if thats the case, whats the point in being together in the first place?

star-pants

david wrote: »

Hm well seeing as I'm openly posting this I don't want to incriminate myself/ex-gf too much. Let's just say I voted "No, invasion of privacy".

I was just wondering on the exact personal issue, or if you were just generally enquiring to people's thoughts. AFAIK polls and generalised questions aren't really put in PI.

I too would feel it was an invasion of privacy. I've never had anything to hide so I would have no issue letting an OH go through my phone. But I have never and would never pick up an OHs phone & go through it. It's none of my business.

amybabes

i dont really care if my bf looks at my phone, coz i honestly have nothing to hide! i sometimes read his texts outta boredom. often find out things that he'd forget to tell me like....so an so's girlfriend is expecting/had a baby, we were invited to a christening, his brother bought a new house etc etc. im pretty sure if he had anything to hide it wouldnt be left in inbox for me or anyone else to see! (he often leaves his phone on the bar when he goes to the toilet/out for a smoke etc.)

however, when it becomes an obsessive thing and its obvious that the other person is looking for evidence of wrong doing then it says alot about the relationship....if u are looking through your OH's phone trying to find evidence of an affair etc then what are u doing with that person?! it should never come to that!

but myself and the bf are very laid back about our phones......id be of the opinion of course, there should be nothing to hide! it would only not be ok if they had a motive for trawling through your inbox/sent items/last dialled!!

i once knew of a girl who had her bf's meteor pin and used to log onto the meteor site and look at the call and text log to see who he was texting and ringing/what times etc.....it became obsessive like, she was logging on 5 times a day! in the end she did catch him cheating, and knew who it was with thanks to her errr "surveilance" but a bit extreme if u ask me!!!:rolleyes::rolleyes:

LegacyUser

I note you say ex... does this mean that you dumped her because she read you texts? bit OTT, no? ok, maybe she was insecure, but couldn't you reassure her that she could trust you?

I think it is OK if you have suspicions/doubts, already asked your OH and got an obvious BS answer. I caught my ex cheating this way.

jackiebrown

Never. Ever.

KittyeeTrix

I would look through my husband's texts maybe once a month but not because I would be looking for any dodgy texts.
I would be checking for texts from friends or his kayak club to find out any upcoming events or plans I should be aware of, it's easier than going thru the million questions routine to get this info. Usually, he would forget to tell me about things and then be positive that he had mentioned them...
He would know though that I am checking.
It wouldn't be a secretive thing

Nervous Wreck

star-pants wrote: »

I too would feel it was an invasion of privacy. I've never had anything to hide so I would have no issue letting an OH go through my phone. But I have never and would never pick up an OHs phone & go through it. It's none of my business.

Agreed. I'd never have anything to hide so it wouldn't bother me in that sense but it's not okay to go snooping....

Beruthiel

Not a PI.

Manners and a respect for another individuals privacy would suggest what to you?