Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Management Course

  • 09-05-2009 12:31pm
    #1
    tryu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭


    FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
    >
    > Lesson 1:
    > A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
    her
    > shower, when the doorbell rings.
    > The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
    > When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
    > Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
    towel.'
    > After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
    naked in
    > front of Bob.
    > After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
    > The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
    > When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
    > 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
    > 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he
    owes me?'
    >
    >
    > Moral of the story:
    > If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
    with your
    > shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
    > exposure.
    > Lesson 2:
    > A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
    forcing her
    > gown to reveal a leg.
    > The priest nearly had an accident.
    > After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
    > The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his
    hand.
    > But after changing gears he let his hand slide up her leg again.
    > The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
    > The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
    > Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
    way.
    > On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
    129.
    > It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.'
    > Moral of the story:
    > If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
    > opportunity.
    >
    > Lesson 3:
    > A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
    to lunch
    > when they find an antique oil lamp.
    > They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each
    of you
    > just one wish.'
    > 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the
    Bahamas ,
    > driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
    > Puff! She's gone.
    > 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
    relaxing
    > on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
    Coladas
    > and the love of my life.
    > 'Puff! He's gone.
    > 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
    > The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
    lunch.'9
    >
    > Moral of the story:
    > Always let your boss have the first say.
    > Lesson 4
    > An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
    > A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like
    you and do
    > nothing?'
    > The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not. 'So, the rabbit sat on the
    ground below
    > the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
    the rabbit
    > and ate it.
    > Moral of the story:
    > To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
    high up.
    >
    > Lesson 5
    > A turkey was chatting with a bull.
    > 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed
    the turkey,
    > 'but I haven't got the energy.'
    > 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
    bull.
    > '6They're packed with nutrients.'
    > The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
    him enough
    > strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
    after eating
    > some more dung, he reached the second branch.
    > Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
    the top of
    > the tree.
    > He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
    >
    > Moral of the story:
    > Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
    >
    > Lesson 6
    > A little bird was flying south for the winter.
    > It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large
    field.
    > While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on
    him.
    > As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
    realize
    > how warm he was.
    > The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
    happy, and
    > soon began to sing for joy.
    > A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
    > Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
    cow
    > dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
    >
    > Morals of the story:
    > (1) Not everyone who s*** on you is your enemy.
    > (2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend.
    > (3) And when you're in deep s***, it's best to keep your mouth
    shut!
    > THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.


Advertisement