Split up, moving on

LegacyUser

My gf recently left me for a 'good friend' of mine, after 9yrs. She'd cheated on me with him before but I got over it and we got back together,
having little contact with him. I don't have many friends, lost contact etc, but 2 friends who never did any wrong on me told me I was mad
to get back with her. I thought 'No, this is different...'. Anyways, I've been through this split up before but this time it's permanent. Last time,
i found myself completely lost and drinking a lot, going out alone. Having invested so much in one person meant that I'd made a lot of sacrifices
in many areas. Now i'm hurt but the biggest shock is of being free. I often looked at being with her as a justification of how I lived my life because
I know I'd get an earful for being irresponsible etc. As above, last time I just went drinking but this time I know it's not because there's anything
wrong with me and I'm having trouble deciding with what to do. I may move back to my parents for a short while for financial and personal
reasons but after that... I'm a genuinely nice person (to a fault) but don't have great social skills (a few beers help). I plan on joining a
gym when I get a few quid and maybe join a 5 aside league or something. I'd like to meet someone new, isnt it time I should have met 'the one',
but I know it can't be forced and if it's going to happen it'll probably a friend of a friend.
Any thoughts?

mid20's m

lilirish

Thats rubbish, sounds like your better off out.

Aside from that you sound like your 100% on the right track to moving on with your life. Your attitude towards getting out there and getting on with your life is exactly right. Day at a time eh?

Your obviously aware also that the way you went about handling the break up the first time round i.e the drinking./going out alone etc was the wrong thing to do so keep focused on not doing this again.

You sound like a nice guy and deserve better than what you've had. Chin up, things will be alright for you.

mid20s m

Thanks lilirish. I may have mislead you in the OP, liberally using the word 'recent'. In the last 2days may have been better.
Also, she didn't leave me, I found out she was cheating on me and overheard her talking to it and we havn't spoken properly since.
Things don't seem as rosy after separating all my stuff out. These are the only 2 people I regularly speak to in the town.
I know I didn't deserve this and although I can chat away at work, I've had little practice in almost a decade at 'talking' to women,
so unless you count 15yo's!! All plans for houses, hol, kids down the line, all up in smoke (well they won't involve me anyway).
I know I said I wouldn't go on the beer in the OP but I had already started while writing the OP.

bluecell99

Sorry to hear about your trouble but there are worse things in life and going on the beer will solve precisely nothing.Do you think you have a drink problem?You can only be chatty with drink inside you?You sound so dependent - on one person and then drink is your other friend.Lifes about much more than that.

Why not get out there and start talking to people.Dont get caught up on a relationship.Try to operate on your own steam.Being joined at the hip and then losing someone in this way cant be nice.But you are not alone.Many ,many people out there are completely unsuited to relationships.They just cant resist shagging others.I am baffled as to why so many get into relationships thinking this is it and never shall anyone else come between them!Lifes not like that.The world revolves around sex and many people cant and wont resist.

Just be kind to yourself ,take your time,mingle and for pitys sake be very,very careful about the drink.remember also others could be put off if they suspect you are too fond of it or can only talk with drink inside you.In much the same way some will not even look at a smoker.

mid20s m

I'm very impressed bluecell, strong but true words. I do realise that hitting the bottle won't solve anything and it is, of course, a turn-off to many. My faith
in humanity has been shattered. You really do find out who your real friends are in times like these. The only being able to talk with a few pints is probably
my biggest problem. I'm well educated, moderately opinionated and have lots to say but often shy away (possibly) for fear of ridicule. It's a shrink or something I need.