Friends don't understand money!

taram

I am extremely close to 3 girls, would consider them sisters, absolutely love them to bits. However, none of them seem to know the value of money and it's driving me insane! We went out for food today, in a cheap enough place, and they decided to buy champagne, for breakfast! It was to celebrate a friend's engagment, but it was very expensive atop of the already pricy breakfasts they were getting (smoked salmon, extra toast, fresh juices etc) Then they were all 'oh, just divide the bill by 4' and I refused, they got cross at me and we ended up in a very embrassing public row. I've never ever rowed with them ever before and now I feel really isolated. Was I in the wrong or should I have just gone with it to keep the peace? How am I gonna fix this rift?

bnagrrl

If I were you I would just say "As I didn't have any champagne/extra toast/whatever, I'm not going to split that part of the bill with you."
If you think that wouldn't go down well you could just tell them "Sorry guys I only brought X amount with me to cover my own meal."

Maybe on another occassion when you are not out to eat you could broach the subject with them and tell them in future you'd prefer if everyone could just pay for their own meals as it's a bit unfair if someone doesn't have champagne to be expected to pay for a quarter of the drink that was bought.

merlie

I understand how you feel. They put you in a difficult position and it wasn't fair on you. They seemed to think that you would have had the money to cover the cost of the meal and drinks with you but what they failed to do was to ask everyone was it ok to order such extravagance at that hour of the day. I do not think you did wrong, it is just that you are more keyed in then they are. You can always talk to them about that you need to budget the money you have and that you would have understood if they had asked if you first before ordering, and more importantly, if they were true friends they would have understood and not made it into a big issue

star-pants

IF they'd said divide the bill by 3 (thus paying for the engaged friends part) I could understand somewhat. But if you didn't have champagne or extra stuff you shouldn't be made pay for it. I'd feel the same way, if I have the money I don't mind paying for someone else as a treat but if I don't then I can only afford what *I* order.

Just perhaps have a quiet word saying that you weren't trying to be awkward but that you're not exactly flush with cash and so couldn't afford to cover things you didn't order. And that you felt it was unfair and embarrassing that they expected you to.

Disease Ridden

They sound infuriating to be honest! But yeah, a few quick sums should have been enough to sort out a more fair distribution of payment.

How to fix the rift? Hmm.
Tell them to cop on and stop expecting that they can keep living the high life, the days of happiness for the majority are over.

TheInquisitor

Did you actually disagree with them ordering all this stuff? Did you have any of the champagne? I doubt u just sat there while the other 3 did cheers with the champagne.

jhegarty

Did you have champagne ?

Klingon Hamlet

taram wrote: »

Then they were all 'oh, just divide the bill by 4' and I refused, they got cross at me and we ended up in a very embrassing public row.

Champagne in the morning? yeah they were probably a little tipsy. That's the only explanation for them treating you like sh1t. No one should have to explain themselves for not wanting to pay for a drink they didn't have. They acted childish, spoilt and unreasonable. You were in the right. I'd anticipate a swift apology from them, or I'd consider just how good my friends really were, if I were you. I detest childish behaviour like that.

taram

Op here, I can't drink due to medical condition, which they know. The engaged girl didn't even drink any. I questioned them getting champagne, mostly because if we had it at a house it'd be like a 12 euro bottle of fizzy wine from marks and spencers, and this was a 45 euro bottle, was horrified. I ate one extra slice of toast and usually I'd have thrown in a euro extra or so for that.

I'll try talk to them, but last time I questioned a bill they laughed at me being ''petty''. Money ain't growing on trees!

Klingon Hamlet

You're not "petty". They are. And they're inconsiderate and mean and cold-heartd. It's your health and your money and they have no right to make you feel uncomfortable about either part of your life. Seriously, they've got to grow up.

dudara

It doesn't matter whether you have loads of money or are on a tight budget. If you didn't want the champagne, and didn't drink any of it, then don't pay for it.

I frequently don't drink on nights out with friends as I may have the car with me, and I have no hesitation in telling people that I won't pay for alcohol. I don't mind splitting the food bill, but I draw the line at wine etc.

Your friends were also very ignorant to argue in a public place. They owe you an apology.

Overheal

taram wrote: »

Op here, I can't drink due to medical condition, which they know. The engaged girl didn't even drink any. I questioned them getting champagne, mostly because if we had it at a house it'd be like a 12 euro bottle of fizzy wine from marks and spencers, and this was a 45 euro bottle, was horrified. I ate one extra slice of toast and usually I'd have thrown in a euro extra or so for that.

I'll try talk to them, but last time I questioned a bill they laughed at me being ''petty''. Money ain't growing on trees!

At that point why bother with them (on the matter)? They don't have a leg to stand on and unless they're deranged they know it.

kelle

Your "friends" are parasites. They knew you couldn't drink, and that your engaged friend would not drink any, yet they went ahead and got this champagne expecting to only pay a quarter of the price yet devouring half a bottle each.

You were absolutely right not to pay, and good on you for sticking to your guns.

Hopefully they'll think twice before doing something so selfish again.

Latchy

No OP you wern't being petty and you were quite right to be cross. Reminds me a bit of the rounds system, were one guy will somehow manage to scam drinks for the night with out buying his rounds, or the person who jumps taxis without throwing in a few euros to cover fare .I hate mean people .

unreggd

OP, sounds like your mates are pricks tbh

Seems like they were tryin to pull a fast one on yes, and got angry from embarassment you copped it

StopNotWorking

If I was you I would send them a link to this thread. That should shut them up. You should do nothing about this OP. If they don't realise they are at fault for this then you should do yourself a favour and spend less time with them.

They caused the rift, you can tell them it's not fair that you should have to play catch up with their spending habbits. Especially if you are in any sort of money trouble. Let them live in their fantasy land for as long as they want, god only knows how long it would take for reality to hit them..

merlie

taram wrote: »

Op here, I can't drink due to medical condition, which they know. The engaged girl didn't even drink any. I questioned them getting champagne, mostly because if we had it at a house it'd be like a 12 euro bottle of fizzy wine from marks and spencers, and this was a 45 euro bottle, was horrified. I ate one extra slice of toast and usually I'd have thrown in a euro extra or so for that.

I'll try talk to them, but last time I questioned a bill they laughed at me being ''petty''. Money ain't growing on trees!

They are wrong to expect you to pay for alcohol you did not consume. I do not drink either and all my friends know this and they would never do to me what your 'friends' did to you. It really sounds selfish of them to expect you to cough up for this.

They honestly do not sound like how friends should behave. You really need to talk to them about this or it will keep going on and on and getting to you each time. Worse is in public, so ask them when at either their home or yours about how things are and be direct and honest with them and if they cannot see how you feel in all of this, then I would really wonder at their friendship.

You are not being petty you are just being sensible. Buying expensive doesn't always generate a good time out

Reesy

Hi OP,

In my humble opinion, it's fairest if you tell them before they order it - something like 'if you want to get champagne between you, do, but leave me out of it'. That way they know up front. It's never nice to find out after the event that somebody's not sharing the cost of something.

Having said all that, I think you're in the right.

Your friends probably don't know any better in terms of what is the proper thing to do in splitting bills.
They will find it harder to get "cheap booze" like that in future.

Remember in the long run we are all dead so money isn't everything.You have it sometime,you don't others.
The important thing is to live life.

mikemac

As I see it, you and your two friends should have paid for your and the engaged girls breakfast. She shouldn't be paying.

And for the champagne, the two girls should have paid that, not you.

45 euro for a bottle ain't cheap :eek:

silvervixen84

It can be very akward getting caught up in a situation like that, especially when the point of the occasion was to celebrate a friend's engagement. The OP was dead right to refuse to pay for something that she, nor the engaged girl consumed. Her friends sound greedy, presumtuous and bossy and in future i would advise that she makes a point of stating at the beginning of the occasion that if they are doing rounds/splitting bill etc, that it is within reason, and if they start to take the mick, she won't be paying for their expensive taste.

And don't feel bad about doing this, they obviously were saucy enough to ask you to cough up for their champagne AND publicly cause a scene.

chocgirl

OP your best bet in future is to say you won't be paying for alcohol before you eat/order. That way your intentions are clear from the start, you shouldn't have to justify yourself doing this either, it's up to you to spend or not spend your money as you wish.
Am a little surprised that the bill wasn't splilt 3 ways though (excluding the champagne), if you are such good friends/sister.

taram

OP again. We had brought her gifts for her engagment, and she refused to leave us pay for her food prior to us arguing. I've since been in contact with her, she sincerely apologised for her behaviour (she at least has the excuse of exams and such) and we're meeting up for coffee this week. Haven't heard a word from the other two, still mortified at half the resturant staring at us

chocgirl

taram wrote: »

OP again. We had brought her gifts for her engagment, and she refused to leave us pay for her food prior to us arguing. I've since been in contact with her, she sincerely apologised for her behaviour (she at least has the excuse of exams and such) and we're meeting up for coffee this week. Haven't heard a word from the other two, still mortified at half the resturant staring at us

Ok makes more sense. Don't worry about other people, they'll have loved the entertainment with their breakfast:)