Help!! Am I in the wrong??

LegacyUser

I have been having issues recently with my ex. He lives with his girlfriend F. 70km away and relies on her for transport as he has never learned to drive a car and as far as I know has had his motorbike licence suspended so he can't come here under his own steam to see the boy. Up until now I have been bringing our son to my work once a week and they come collect him from there (work is about halfway between our houses) He stays the night there and they bring him back to my work the next evening. I do want for him to have a relationship with his dad. But four times since Christmas, I have gotten a text to tell me to drive our son all the way down to their house the night before work, meaning he is away from home for two nights because of F's work (the last time was two weeks ago and I refused) Never would it be suggested that they come collect DS in my house.

So last week I was out sick from work for a week so I text the ex early in the week to say I wouldnt be in work to drop DS to them. The following day he text back to tell me to drop DS to a town an hour away at 1pm and collect him the following day at 1pm. When I said I couldnt, I asked could he not come here to collectmy son, he flat out said no. Yesterday I brought my son to work as normal and ex collected him without saying a word to me. When I finished work this evening ex was waiting to talk about last week, He told me that I had no choice but to bring DS half way whenever they told me. I said back that at times like me being sick, on holidays etc that they would have to come to my house to collect DS. His response to me was "F wants to tear strips off you" and he went to get her. All this time she was holding my son in her car, I wasn't too anxious to have strips torn off me so I went and physically took him, with ex trying to block me and F threatening lawyers and court and saying that a judge will make me drive DS half way for his dad to see him. It looks like they are going to get lawyers involved now.

Thanks if you are still reading but I really need advice, this animosity is totally new territory. I don't know what I am doing............help!!!!!!

Nervous Wreck

My sister has similar issues with her ex and son. She's been to court over a few things so far. Trust me, you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

His response to me was "F wants to tear strips off you" and he went to get her. All this time she was holding my son in her car, I wasn't too anxious to have strips torn off me so I went and physically took him, with ex trying to block me and F threatening lawyers and court and saying that a judge will make me drive DS half way for his dad to see him. It looks like they are going to get lawyers involved now.

lol
A grown man sounding like a child. If he wishes to see his child, let him get off his arse and sort himself out. You have bent over backwards long enough for him.
Get yourself a good family law solicitor asap.
Start take notes too.

LegacyUser

Your ex sounds completely unreasonable. As for his girlfriend, while I can imagine she doesn't like having to be his chauffeur, it seems the problem she has is with him, not you.
NO, I do not believe you are in the wrong.

Taltos

Sounds more like you are being bullied.
Just keep a record of all that has been going on, carry it with you - you do not want your kid to find it.

And just maybe seek professional advice, better to be safe I guess. At least this way if the silly git does try to get custody you will be ready for him, but from the little above it does not seem like you have much to worry about unless there is more we don't know about.

kittenkiller

Seek professional advise.

If things don't go to court and tempers dissolve, agree on a plan for getting your son to his dad regularly and discuss what should be done if you're ill/not in work and likewise if your ex is unable to collect him at the agreed time and place due to similar circumstances.

You should speak to your ex on an one on one basis as his gf doesn't seem to know her place in your relationship (ie. she has no place!).

Best of luck.

adagio

Hi Op,
I think the guys have said it all:

• Keep notes (as detailed as possible)
• Do not allow yourself to be bullied.
• Go get legal advice (this will ease your anxiety as you have nothing to be anxious about).
• The gf should have no input what-so-ever.
• If this spineless behavior persists take the appropriate legal steps.

This guy sounds spineless and should be treated as such.

Best of luck.

merlie

Hi there,

Well my advice to you is not to antagonise or get physically aggressive as this will go in a bad light for you.

Parenting is about your child, his new gf should not be involved in this as it has nothing to do with her. The fact that you are making the effort of letting him see his son without any legal entanglements is a merit to yourself, a lot of people won't without it.

You can avoid the strains of any legalities, by asking him is he willing to talk with you, so you can both avoid any legal expenses and extra burdens on both yourselves financially.
You need to talk with him about this, neither in the company of your son or your ex's new gf. This is about you and him sorting out what is best all round.

He surely can make the effort of coming up to you to collect his son. If he cannot be bothered and leave it all up to you to drop your child down to work and collect him from there is just an excuse.

You really do need to talk this over as I am sure that neither you nor he wants to go to court over this as a lot of pain, hurt, time and money go into this. The most important person in all of this is the child.